A Glitch in The Ghost (GSC)

[Holy Houndoom]

So, this will be a project I'll be working on. Instead of chapters I'll be doing "Episodes".
Each episode will be at least 4 paragraphs. Rated TEEN for Language and dialogue. Also to note my characters have nothing in common with the game/manga characters and my characters names will be based on the names I chose for my Crystal run, and my SoulSilver run.

For Example the main character
Quartz=Gold

Sometimes chapters will be uploaded as part of the story arc. Chapter are usually city episodes such as a Gym Battle.

So let's get started!

 

[Holy Houndoom]

PROLOGUE

In Goldenrod, a young boy around 13 and an older man around 38 were standing side by side in a dark alleyway. The young boy saw a curious movement in the shadows. Then out of the shadows came a Sneasal. The boy was delighted to see the Sneasal and started playing with it.

“Come on Prism.” the older man called as he walked away. He wore a fedora and a trench coat with the letter “R” on one of the trench coats pockets. He hid his face in the darkness not wanting to attract unwanted attention.

“Wait for me, Dad!” The young boy ran and caught up to the older man. The young boy’s name was Prism. He had red hair that parted to the side. His eyes were blue and full of hope. he was also wearing a trench coat that had the same design of the older man’s but was missing the red “R” on the pocket.

They walked down the shaded street only to stop to talk to some of people living there. Prism noticed a pattern with these people, they all had an association with crime wether it be a robber or a drug dealer. They respected Prism’s father. They finally arrived at their location, on the broken plate where the address was usually put there was a series of numbers, possibly the address.

“Listen well, son” the older man started saying, “There are bad people in this world, and unfortunately, I’m one of them.”

“What do you mean, Dad?” Prism asked, hoping that the talk they’re having isn’t what he thinks it is.

“You will see due time.”

The older man knocked on the door, knocking 3 times. The door opened and the clean cut face of a man around 21 appeared. “Who is i-“ The young man was shocked to see the older man and Prism at his door.

“S-s-sir!” The young man stood at attention.

“Rocko!” the older man yelled, but in a subtle way. “There is no need for that!”

“S-s-sorry sir! I was just shocked to see you again! Especially after two years”

“Rocko, I need for you to do one last mission.”

It hit Prism as fast as a bullet train at maximum speed.

“I need you to take care of my son.”

Prism started to sniff. The older man kneeled down to his son. His son hugged his father tight, breaking out in tears. The older man shed a single tear. “Why do you leave me, Father?!” Prism cried. “Now, now, now, your to old for crying.” the older man said trying to hold back the tears. “Prism, I will explain to you when you are older. Until then I must leave you with my most trusted associate.” And without another word the older man disappeared into the darkness. Prism’s Sneasal tried cheering him up. “Come inside,” Rocko said “you don’t want to catch a cold.”

Later that night, Rocko let his Prism play with his Raticate. As Prism played with Raticate and Sneasal, Rocko made a bed for Prism. As we was preparing a guest room we thought to himself “Why’d Giovanni want me to take care of his kid?”


*THREE MONTHS LATER*


Prism was walking with Sneasal, which he named Snow, when he heard sirens. He quickly ran home. As he arrived police cars were everywhere. Prism saw Rocko, the only person he knew left, being escorted to a police car. “What’s going on?” Prism asked one of the officers. “We are arresting this man for having connections to Team Rocket.” The officer responded. But before Rocko was put in the car Rocko said to Prism, “Remember to take care of the cans in the fridge.” A code that was repeated to Prism in case of emergency. Prism nodded and went into the building. He went to his room and started packing things. Then he headed down to the kitchen and started pulling out the cans and putting them into the bag he was carrying even Snow was helping.

Later that night after Prism and Snow left they came up to a poster stating:
Come to New Bark to start your Pokémon Journey!
“Hey, Snow, I know where we’re going!”

 

[Beth Pavell]

Ok, so. A first review for a first story.

First thing I want to talk about is length. As a prologue, this isn't necessarily a bad length, however, I would warn against writing episodes of less than at least 1,000 words. Really short chapters can work in story - Dean Koontz gets away with it in Odd Thomas - but it does create all kinds of pacing problems, with so many more beginning and endings to sort out. To my mind, a journeyfic really needs more space to breathe, for you to set the scene and really draw people in.

I have to say, I've never really been a fan of the straight game re-write, and less so of the character names used for the canon protagonists. This is a matter of preference, it's true (I don't think many people in the fandom have a problem with the idea of someone literally named "Blue", for example). In any case, the best game re-writes really take the game plot as a skeleton and find something different to do with it.

Moving on to style and accuracy. You still need to tighten up on your spellings, and other small points of accuracy. I noticed a missed capital letter in there, a "your" rather than "you're", that type of thing. Stylistically it is inelegant - your description is very staccato, almost like you're listing points. I always maintain that the best way to improve style is by reading. In your case it wouldn't hurt to look at some how-to guides (There are some in The Written Word, pinned as the Writing Academy). Reading fanfic is fine for this, though for preference reading published works is better.

Finally, on to the journeyfic subgenre. You might say this is my forté, since The Long Walk is a journeyfic as well. Anyway, one of the main draws of these fics is the appeal of bringing the pokémon world to life. The journey lets you visit a huge range of locations not possible with other plots. Bring it to life, give it colour, texture, life. As I hinted above, you won't be able to do that with really short chapters. For an example of this done well, I would highly recommend reading Lucky Egg, posted on this forum.

 

[Holy Houndoom]

Thank you for the review. I am not the best at spelling or grammar. Also I might not do Episodes. Next chapter will be out sometime. At the very least it will come out next week

 

[Holy Houndoom]

--------------After ten years, I manage to crap out some more of the story. Sorry it took so long. I suck as an author.XP.--------------
Chapter 1.
*THREE YEARS AGO*

*New Bark*

In a small town southeast of Goldenrod, a pidgey landed on a tree. The tree was not a large tree but it was large enough to provide shade for a young boy and girl. They lay in the shadow of the tree. The young boy had a PokeGear blasting out music. The young boy, referred to as Quartz, asked the girl, “When are we going to get our own Pokémon and start a journey?” The young girl laughed. “Quartz do you really think that they’d let a kid that got kicked out of Trainer’s School have a Pokemon?”


“Come on, Fiorite!” Quartz moaned, “You know I don’t focus well in school!”


Fiorite just looked at him. “You also know that I won’t leave New Bark until you do! We’ve been best friends since we were five!”


Quartz sighed. “I’m sorry I brought it up.” Fiorite grunted and lied up against the tree and started to nod off to sleep. Quartz watched her as he knew his best friend had trouble sleeping.


“BREAKING NEWS!”


“Huh?” Quartz focused his gaze upon his Poke gear. Fiorite snapped right up.


“A NEW LAW HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR ALL OF JOTHO AND KANTO! THIS NEW LAW STATES THAT THE LEGAL AGE FOR OWNING POKEMON AND OWNING A TRAINER’S LICENSE IS NOW THIRTEEN YEARS OF AGE! THAT IS ALL FOR THIS BREAKING NEWS!”


“Fiorite, did you here that!” Quartz exclaimed, “I can still be a trainer! I just need to pass Trainer School!” Quartz ran laps around the tree. Fiorite smiled, “Yeah. I did hear that.” she barely got the answer out. Why she barely got the answer out? Due to the law her trainer card got revoked, meaning she will have to retake Trainer School. But she still smiled because now at least her friend will be there too.


*THREE YEARS LATER*

*New Bark*

A strong rain was coming down as hard as hail. Out of the doors of Trainer’s School burst Quartz happily dancing, “I can’t believe that I just got my license!” Quartz shouted in a happy tone. Fiorite followed Quartz out of the building.


“I can’t believe that I had to retake my test.” Fiorite muttered.


“I can’t want till tomorrow.” Quartz said.


“Why?”


“Because, we get our own Pokemon tomorrow!”


Quartz and Fiorite walked down the path that lead to the central area of New Bark. As they walked past the Pokemon lab, a man wearing a lab coat with brown hair yelled to them, “Oi! Quart, Fio, come over ‘ere.” Quartz and Fiorite walked over to the brown haired man.


“I heard you two got your Trainer License’s today! Congrats!”


“Thanks, Professor Elm!” Quartz replied.


“Hey, I need an errand ran. Could you two please take care of it for me?” Elm asked.


“Sure, I’d love to!” Quartz replied.


Elm directed his attention on Fiorite, “How about you, Fio?”


Fiorite, a little annoyed, said, “Only if you stop calling me Fio, and you give us starters, a Jotho for Quartz and a Kanto for me.”


Elm cringed at the thought of giving up one of his rare starters, especially a Kanto starter that Prof. Oak gave him, “Fine. But you might want to go home, get some rest, and tell your parents where you will be going.”


“Got it!” Quartz grabbed Fiorite’s hand and pulled her to her house. “Byeseeyouinthemorning!” Quartz hurriedly said and left. Fiorite smiled as her friend ran home. Fiorite turned to the door and noticed a note on the door. She squinted at the note because the handwriting was small. On the note it read:


Fiorite, your dad and me are working late tonight, there is some food on the counter, also don’t forget to feed Nuemue.

-Love, Mom

P.S. Your Pokegear came back from the shop.


Fiorite saddened, she opened the door and walked in. Then a delcatty ran up to Fiorite and meowed. “Hey Nuemue,” Fiorite started, “This may be the last time that I’ll see you.”


Meanwhile…


Quartz burst through the front door. “Mom! Guess what!” Quartz looked around. “Mom?” Quartz wandered around the house. He ran up the stairs to check if his mom was in her bedroom. Than he heard a loud knock at the door. He flew down the stairs, and ran up to the door. Quartz opened the door, revealing a boy around his age with red hair. right next to the red-haired boy was a sneasal. Quartz analyzed the red-haired boy and noticed a small bag that he was carrying. “What do you want?” Quartz asked. “Excuse me,” the red-haired boy started, “but I need a place to sleep.”

-----Hmm.... professor Elm having an accent, terrible grammar and spelling, and a character using a non-native starter? this has bad fanfic written all over it. XP