TEEN: A Journey Begins

[Continent Turtle]

I had this idea for a fanfic, it goes about the beginning of a journey in Unova.
The sixteen year old Robert receives his first Pokémon, together with his best friend Thomas.

I hope you like it, and that you can tell me if there's anything that needs to be improved, if the story's alright, etc.

Chapter 1: Picking a Pokémon

Spoiler

“Robert! Wake up! You should have left for professor Juniper’s lab half an hour ago!”

Robert is a sixteen year old boy living in Nuvema town since he was eight years old. He moved from Hoenn, so he had to adjust from the tropical climate of Hoenn, to the much cooler climate of Unova. His parents are great, though Robert considers them sometimes as overprotective, but they are well meaning. They believe Robert will learn responsibility from travelling with Pokémon, so they encourage him to go travelling when professor Juniper gets the new starter Pokémon. Normal starter Pokémon are hard to come by, because they are hard to breed, and take a long time to hatch.

While living there, Robert made a few friends. His best friend is Thomas, a hyperactive boy of also sixteen, who can’t wait to get his first Pokémon. He’s jealous of Robert, because he has lived in Hoenn, so he has seen many Pokémon that you simply cannot encounter in Unova. He only has a father, as his mother died in a car crash. She had been drinking too much, but she still drove by herself. Because she couldn’t react as quickly as normal, she hit the brakes too late, and she rode into a Sawsbuck. The Sawsbuck survived, but her mother died during the crash. His father allows him to go travelling with Robert, as Robert and Thomas get their first Pokémon on the same day.
Robert woke up immediately. Thomas already left of course, he thought. He wouldn’t be too late. His biological clock wouldn’t allow that. He jumped out of his bed, put on the next clothes he could find, and ran for the stairs. In his hastiness he slipped and fell down the stairway.

“What’s that noise, son?” Robert’s dad said. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, I just tripped. Bye!”

“Robert, wait! Have you already decided which Pokémon you’ll get?”

“Yeah, but if I don’t go now, I’ll have to wait another month. And I can’t do that to Thomas, you know that!”

“Well, then you should hurry.” Robert’s mom said. “But don’t forget your MooMoo Milk! You need the proteins!”

“BYE!”

Robert actually would go walking to Juniper’s lab, but he only had 15 minutes until he was too late. So he decided to get there on his dad’s bicycle. He rode as fast as he could. In the meantime his belly begun to rumble. I should have drank the MooMoo Milk, Robert thought. I’m hungry as hell.
Professor Juniper and Thomas were already waiting outside the professor’s lab.

“Where were you! I was waiting for you! You didn’t show up in time, so I already left!” Thomas said.

“I overslept. I’m sorry. Really something for me. I always oversleep at the most important dates. I know you’ve waited so long for this. But now we’re both here, we can pick a Pokémon right?”

“You’re right. If you follow me, I will lead you to the introduction room.” Professor Juniper said.

Juniper headed for the front door. Thomas and Robert followed the professor into a big hallway. It was the most amazing place they had ever seen. There were rooms full of computers, analyzing Pokéballs, there were rooms where lab assistants were researching Pokémon both Robert and Thomas had never seen before, there were rooms full of Pokéballs (probably for storage, Robert thought), and at the end of the hallway, they entered through a door leading into a hall that was bigger than the living rooms of both Robert and Thomas combined. The walls were actually large windows, and the roof was held high by huge pillars.
In the middle of the room stood professor Juniper, with three Pokémon on a table.

“Meet Snivy, Tepig, and Oshawott, a grass, a fire, and a water type specifically. These are your choices. Choose well, for this is your first Pokémon, and as such, they will remain at your side all the time. ”

“I already know which one I want!” Thomas said. “I’ll take Snivy! I think she is really cool, and from what I’ve seen, grass types are really powerful.” Snivy smiled happily, and stood there rather arrogant. She clearly enjoyed being called powerful and cool. “You didn’t want to take this one, did you, Robert?”

“Nah, Snivy was my second choice anyways. I take Oshawott.” Oshawott seemed rather surprised, with Robert saying that. “I like water types, and Oshawott and his evolutions are really cool, and FAAAAAR more powerful than Snivy.” That seemed to make Oshawott really happy, but it bumped with Snivy’s ego. She clearly didn’t like that. Tepig was sitting down there, being sad, for not getting picked.

“If you think so.” Thomas said. “But I know my Snivy can beat your Oshawott any moment. Professor Juniper, can we battle behind your laboratory?”

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Interesting start, though I felt it went by too fast. You should space every paragraph and every line of dialogue, as that makes it easier to read, and usually, people tend to be repelled by large chunks of text.

I think you've quite mastered the character of Robert; between over sleeping, being ignorant to the type match-ups, and his parents being overprotective, you really conveyed that he is irresponsible, which is, as you mentioned, the reason his parents allowed him to go on this journey. I do think you need to dwell more on the dialogue; try to make the emotions of the speaker clearer by describing their physical activity, or facial expressions.

But overall, quite an interesting start in terms of characters. Good job!

 

[Continent Turtle]

Interesting start, though I felt it went by too fast. You should space every paragraph and every line of dialogue, as that makes it easier to read, and usually, people tend to be repelled by large chunks of text.

I think you've quite mastered the character of Robert; between over sleeping, being ignorant to the type match-ups, and his parents being overprotective, you really conveyed that he is irresponsible, which is, as you mentioned, the reason his parents allowed him to go on this journey. I do think you need to dwell more on the dialogue; try to make the emotions of the speaker clearer by describing their physical activity, or facial expressions.

But overall, quite an interesting start in terms of characters. Good job!

Thanks. This is my first fanfic, so I was kinda worrying what you would think. Thanks for pointing out my mistakes, then I can work on that in the next chapters.

 

[Continent Turtle]

Here's chapter 2, if there's anything that I can still improve on, just say it.

Chapter 2: The Battle

Spoiler

“Robert and Thomas, these are the Pokéballs of your new Pokémon. I will now lead you to the backyard.” Juniper smiled happily. “You know, I haven’t seen a Pokémon battle in a while. Normally the new trainers leave directly after getting their Pokémon. I’m actually really excited. Whenever I see a Pokémon battle, it reminds me of the time I travelled across the regions.” She looked like she thought of a time of forgotten glory.

“Well, this is the battlefield. I always have it here, in case of situations like this. Are you guys sure you know the moves of your Pokémon?”

“Of course.” Thomas said. “Tackle, Leer, and Vine Whip, right?”

“Indeed.” Juniper said. “And Robert, do you remember which moves Oshawott is capable of?”

“Uhm…” Robert looked quite ashamed. He hadn’t really thought about which moves Oshawott can do. “Uhm, actually I didn’t really think about that. Which moves can he do.?”

“Well…” Juniper was interrupted by Thomas.

“Oh my Arceus! You are really a lazy ass aren’t you? How stupid can you be? I thought you actually would’ve done some research.” Thomas looked really disappointed. It was like Robert didn’t care about Pokémon, according to him. And he couldn’t accept that. “Well, then I will tell you. Because we got our Pokémon while they’re still so young, the moves Oshawott can do are Tackle, Tail Whip, and Water Gun.”

“Okay, I think I’ve got it. But there’s no referee. How can we battle without a referee?” Robert said.

“I will be your referee for now. Well, get on your positions, and then the battle shall begin.” Professor Juniper said. Her excitement seemed to reach its highest point.
Robert and Thomas walked to their positions. They grinned, both with upper confidence.

“Let the battle begin!” Juniper yelled.
“Oshawott, go!”

“Snivy, I choose you!”

“Okay, Oshawott, we will win from them! You’re the most powerful Pokémon there is.” Robert said. Oshawott was waving happily.

“Yeah, dream on Robert.” Thomas said. “But there’s one thing you seem to forget. My Snivy has an advantage over your Oshawott.”

“What do you mean? How has Snivy an advantage over Oshawott?”

Juniper reacted before Thomas could. “Well if you had done your research you would have known about type matchups. But as you didn’t… For now you need to know that water types are weak against grass types.”

“Really? I'll have to watch our moves then. But we will still win! Oshawott, use Water Gun!”

Juniper couldn't do anything but smile seeing Robert's confidence. She remembered she felt the same confidence in her first battle.

“Snivy, dodge and use Tackle!”

Snivy dodged and used Tackle. Oshawott was hit hard, but he managed to get up again.

“Nice move Thomas, but you have not seen what Oshawott can do. Oshawott, use Tail Whip!”

Oshawott began to waggle his tail, and doing so, Snivy couldn’t attack him. She began to adore his cuteness, and as such she lowered her defense.

“Snivy, what the hell are you doing! You have to attack him, not adore him!”

“Good job Oshawott, and now use Tackle!”

Oshawott hit Snivy in her stomach. Snivy fell down but she got up again. She now had a look on her face that Pokémon and human both could identify as: “Shit just got real.”

“Nice tactic Robert, you figured that out fast, faster than I expected. But Snivy has more tricks. Snivy, use Vine Whip!”

Shit, Robert thought, that one is super effective against Oshawott, what should I do?

Once Thomas told Snivy to do Vine Whip, vines shot out of the leaves around Snivy’s neck. They began to lift Oshawott up in the sky and smacked him down a couple of times. Robert wanted to stop the match, because he didn’t want Oshawott to suffer. Then he came up with an idea.

“Oshawott, use your Water Gun on the ground!”

Both Thomas and Oshawott were looking at Robert like a Confuse Ray hit him in the back. Oshawott fired his Water Gun to the ground, and doing so, he launched both Snivy and Oshawott into the sky. Snivy immediately loosened her grip of Oshawott. This is not what you would expect, especially not from your first Pokémon battle. Both Snivy and Oshawott began to fall to the ground. Thomas was in shock. He didn’t expect this as well.

“Oshawott, use your Water Gun again to soften your fall!” Robert said.

Thomas reacted too late, and so Snivy smacked down to the ground. Oshawott landed softer than Snivy, but not entirely without damage. He got up and smiled, confident that he had won. Thomas finally reacted.

“Wow, that’s clever. I didn’t expect this, that's true. But you haven’t won yet. Look at Snivy.”

Snivy got up again, and looked tired, but was less damaged than Oshawott. Oshawott’s smile faded.

What the heck, how did she manage that? Robert thought. That Vine Whip must have done more damage than I thought.

“Snivy, finish it off with Tackle.”

Oshawott was too tired and too damaged to dodge it, and so Snivy hit him. Oshawott did not get up again. Robert ran to Oshawott.

“And the winner is Thomas Black from Nuvema Town. Maybe a bit unneeded, but I wanted to keep it sort of official.” Professor Juniper said.

“You did great Oshawott. You can rest now. Next time, we’re going to beat them!” Robert returned Oshawott to his Pokéball.
“Guys, that was a great battle. I’ve never seen a first battle that intense. You guys could be Pokémon masters when you’re grown up. You’ve got a lot of potential. Especially you, Robert.” Robert grinned. “For someone who’s not done his research, you did surprisingly well. Are you sure you have not read the Unovapedia?”

“Well, I’m not really the guy that reads. I’ve watched the Unova league a couple of times, and they’re quite creative there. I thought, let’s be creative as well.” Robert said. “We’re gonna battle soon again, right Thomas?”

“Sure.” Thomas said. “But maybe we should get our first gym badge before that. I’m sure we will have more Pokémon then. Then we can see who’s a better trainer.” He smiled happily at Snivy. Snivy looked proud.

“Hey Thomas.” Robert said. “Before we go we should show our Pokémon to our parents. Maybe we can sleep here one more night. I LOVE my mother’s spaghetti.” He almost drooled by the thought of it.

“Fine, as long as you don’t oversleep tomorrow.” He started to get sad, as he always did whenever he didn’t get what he wanted. He wanted to leave right now, but he realized that after sixteen years he could wait just another day.


“Mom, I’m home!”

“Hi, Robert. How was professor Juniper’s lab?” Robert’s mom said. She was cooking already.

“It was amazing! There were huge research rooms, where they were researching Pokémon, and there was a room full of Pokéballs. I think that room was for storage. And there was a huge hall where the professor had her starter Pokémon.” Robert said. The lab clearly amazed him in every way.

“Oh, now you mention it, which starter did you pick?”

“Well, you’ll see soon enough. You haven’t started boiling the spaghetti yet, have you?”

“No, not yet. Why?”

“Because I picked Oshawott.” Robert had this strange look in his eyes that only a few would notice as pure excitement. “Oshawott, you could help us here now.” He said as he released Oshawott from his Pokéball. “Mom, meet Oshawott. We battled against Thomas and his new Snivy today and we almost won!”

“I doubt that. Especially when they are young starter Pokémon, the most likely to win is the one with the type advantage. Haven’t you learned that at that trainer’s school you went on last year?”

“Well…” Robert attended the trainer school for young Pokémon Trainers last year, but he got bored when they reached the topic of statuses. He didn’t think it would be that big deal later. So at almost every lesson they got, he fell asleep at some point. The only one that did not have that was Thomas of course. “You know mom, it’s been almost a year now, and I can’t remember everything, can I?”

“Hmm, I didn’t forget that when I was about to go on a journey. But we all know you’re not the brightest in the family, do we not?”

“I guess so… But you were about to boil spaghetti. Well, I heard from Thomas on our way back that Oshawott’s Water Gun produces very clean water. Oshawott, fire a Water Gun on that pan!”

“NOOO!” Robert’s mom yelled, but it was already too late. Oshawott’s Water Gun was too powerful so it send the pan flying through the kitchen, and so the whole kitchen became wet. “Robert, you are so irresponsible! Think before you act, maybe then you can defeat that Snivy of Thomas. And now you’re going to clean the kitchen together with that Oshawott of yours, until everything is as dry as it was before.” Robert tried to protest, together with an embarrassed Oshawott, but he was interrupted by his mom. “And no buts!”

Later that evening, when Oshawott and Robert went to bed.

“You know, Oshawott, I had a great day, except for that tiny thing in the kitchen. I’m happy I chose you.”

Oshawott smiled a bit.

“You know, I think you’re really powerful. We’ll defeat every trainer in Unova from now on!”

Oshawott got sad and turned his head away from Robert, like he didn’t think about that the same.

“Oshawott, you don’t need to be sad, you did great today. Our techniques and our attacks need to be polished, but you still did great against Snivy, especially since you were at a disadvantage.” Oshawott turned his head to Robert, so he could watch Robert’s face, to try if he could see if Robert was meaning it, or just trying to make Oshawott feel better. When he saw Robert was meaning it, he smiled faintly and after a while he fell asleep.

Tomorrow we will finally get away from here. I’ve been here for far too long. I want to see the world and everything that’s in it. Robert thought. But first, let’s get to Striaton City. Thomas said the first gym will be there. Tomorrow, our journey begins! And then Robert fell asleep.