So this is it. I decided to rewrite my fanfic to see if it improved. This time, there will be numerous changes, even in the plot, so I'm expecting it to do better. Here goes the rewritten prologue:
The Pokémon moved slowly, despite its enormous power that made it appear as if it could kill anyone if it dared to come its way. It could do it indeed, but not in that moment. Its weakened state only led the enormous beast to drop a tear because of the humiliation it had just suffered. A simple creature from Arceus, no more powerful than it, had left them just as it was now. And it would come for more. The Sea Basin Pokemon glimpsed around it to check if the not-gonna-surrender-till-I-catch-Kyogre human appeared. No sign. It was glad, but it knew to perfection that if he appeared again, he definitely would catch it without mercy. Even with its most powerful attacks, it was a complete waste of time to keep fighting; there was no end to that human’s will at all. It tried to rest on the ground, but it started shaking suddenly. It was its partner in creating the Earth. A roar from its counterpart was enough to make it shudder. Its claims were natural: in ancient times, they had vowed not to enter to the other’s territory. But it was an emergency.
The injured Pokémon tried to explain itself, but, all of sudden, the sea got split into two, as a grey, formless airship rose slowly from Kyogre’s domains. The human, dressed in a black suit, made the creature tremble as it tried to escape. The human’s bright and disorganized hair was opposite to its eyes, that, despite the fact a light blue encompassed most of the pupils, showed the darkness of our character. Groudon stared at him, wondering what had he done to make his nemesis that scared. The human looked at him uneasy, remembering he had to catch both. He took out some balls with a golden M in their top, and a purple background on the same part. The bottom was a normal one, plain white like every single ball in the world. A button in center connected both parts, but it enlarged the ball from a portable, small and cute sphere, to the formal but not so big ball that it really was. He threw them both towards the Legendary Pokemon with the maneuvers that characterized him. The ball touched both of the creatures, but Kyogre got touched first. Although in disorder, both devices opened themselves and fell. Both Pokemon wondered what would happen next, but the human knew it to perfection and smiled, pleased that his work had succeeded.
It all came too quickly. A huge red energy surrounded the Pokemon and, slowly, reduced them to the size of the ball. Kyogre had expected this and didn’t struggle (this last part was due to his weakened state as well), reason for which the ball didn’t shake a bit: a blue lightning quickly surrounded it, but it condensed into a massive light of white sparks that lit the whole scenery. With Groudon, however, the affair was quite different on its first stage. The ball did shake in the first place, but the golden M shone, and the ball stopped moving after three attempts of the Continent Pokemon to get out of its new prison.
After the man opened his eyes, he realized that the sparkles that could damage his eyes were already gone, and that his prediction had been correct. Rushed by the thought of the money he would receive, he threw himself from the small part of the airship he was boarding, and, even though it appeared he would fall into the land and hurt himself, he somehow managed to fall on the water. There wasn’t any time for drying himself, or even going to land: he dived to catch Kyogre’s drowning ball just in time. He gulped water a few times before getting the spherical device, in order to replace his lack of air. Once on land, he caught the second ball and looked at them in disbelief. He could rule the world if we wanted, yet he just wanted money. Just money.
He lifted his head and made a sign to the pilot of his airship, ordering him to pick him up. He did as told, and, after a few seconds, the Pokemon Hunter was inside his vehicle. Even though he was wet, and, as such, very funny to his aircrew, the group of people laughed for another reason: they were actually celebrating that they will get their pay soon enough. H entered his room without even looking to his employees, but drying himself in the way. He threw the towel across the hallway once he entered the room, and closed the door shut so nobody could enter.
He started his tele-computer, and inputted a number in the screen, so that, few seconds later, an old, gray-haired man appeared in front of his eyes.
“I’ve got them,” began our character.
“Give them to me” followed the old man. “I’ve already sent the money.”
H wanted to curse him: this guy thought he could fool him quite easily and that really disturbed him.
“I won’t send anything unless I receive my money,” countered the young man. In that precise moment, the poacher heard a lock opening, and his personal assistant entered his room, handing him a small note which read:
Boss:
After everything we tried, this five years looking for J in Lake Valor have proved futile. In the end, we found her airship but there weren’t people inside there. Not even dead. As such, we have stopped looking.
G-Squad Leader.
H smacked a fist into the table with anger. The assistant gave him a small package with another note that read: “Moss’ money for the G and K job”
The Pokémon hunter put both Pokéballs in a small space near his tele-computer, and the balls disappeared within his and his assistant’s eyes. He didn’t say a single word, he plainly turned off the computer, grabbed a little paper and wrote something.
“Come with me,” he ordered to his employee. The man followed orders, and went with his boss to the front door of the ship. They hadn’t left the terrain yet. H slowly opened the door and ordered the man to read the note.
“I’m…… fired?” shouted the man, its voice trembling in fear. His ex-boss just nodded, put a hand in his back as if to comfort him, but he really pushed the man into the vast sea. The poor guy fell right into the sea, crying because of his fate as he watched the airship he had worked in for twenty years slowly disappear into the sunset.
The Pokémon moved slowly, despite its enormous power that made it appear as if it could kill anyone if it dared to come its way. It could do it indeed, but not in that moment. Its weakened state only led the enormous beast to drop a tear because of the humiliation it had just suffered. A simple creature from Arceus, no more powerful than it, had left them just as it was now. And it would come for more. The Sea Basin Pokemon glimpsed around it to check if the not-gonna-surrender-till-I-catch-Kyogre human appeared. No sign. It was glad, but it knew to perfection that if he appeared again, he definitely would catch it without mercy. Even with its most powerful attacks, it was a complete waste of time to keep fighting; there was no end to that human’s will at all. It tried to rest on the ground, but it started shaking suddenly. It was its partner in creating the Earth. A roar from its counterpart was enough to make it shudder. Its claims were natural: in ancient times, they had vowed not to enter to the other’s territory. But it was an emergency.
The injured Pokémon tried to explain itself, but, all of sudden, the sea got split into two, as a grey, formless airship rose slowly from Kyogre’s domains. The human, dressed in a black suit, made the creature tremble as it tried to escape. The human’s bright and disorganized hair was opposite to its eyes, that, despite the fact a light blue encompassed most of the pupils, showed the darkness of our character. Groudon stared at him, wondering what had he done to make his nemesis that scared. The human looked at him uneasy, remembering he had to catch both. He took out some balls with a golden M in their top, and a purple background on the same part. The bottom was a normal one, plain white like every single ball in the world. A button in center connected both parts, but it enlarged the ball from a portable, small and cute sphere, to the formal but not so big ball that it really was. He threw them both towards the Legendary Pokemon with the maneuvers that characterized him. The ball touched both of the creatures, but Kyogre got touched first. Although in disorder, both devices opened themselves and fell. Both Pokemon wondered what would happen next, but the human knew it to perfection and smiled, pleased that his work had succeeded.
It all came too quickly. A huge red energy surrounded the Pokemon and, slowly, reduced them to the size of the ball. Kyogre had expected this and didn’t struggle (this last part was due to his weakened state as well), reason for which the ball didn’t shake a bit: a blue lightning quickly surrounded it, but it condensed into a massive light of white sparks that lit the whole scenery. With Groudon, however, the affair was quite different on its first stage. The ball did shake in the first place, but the golden M shone, and the ball stopped moving after three attempts of the Continent Pokemon to get out of its new prison.
After the man opened his eyes, he realized that the sparkles that could damage his eyes were already gone, and that his prediction had been correct. Rushed by the thought of the money he would receive, he threw himself from the small part of the airship he was boarding, and, even though it appeared he would fall into the land and hurt himself, he somehow managed to fall on the water. There wasn’t any time for drying himself, or even going to land: he dived to catch Kyogre’s drowning ball just in time. He gulped water a few times before getting the spherical device, in order to replace his lack of air. Once on land, he caught the second ball and looked at them in disbelief. He could rule the world if we wanted, yet he just wanted money. Just money.
He lifted his head and made a sign to the pilot of his airship, ordering him to pick him up. He did as told, and, after a few seconds, the Pokemon Hunter was inside his vehicle. Even though he was wet, and, as such, very funny to his aircrew, the group of people laughed for another reason: they were actually celebrating that they will get their pay soon enough. H entered his room without even looking to his employees, but drying himself in the way. He threw the towel across the hallway once he entered the room, and closed the door shut so nobody could enter.
He started his tele-computer, and inputted a number in the screen, so that, few seconds later, an old, gray-haired man appeared in front of his eyes.
“I’ve got them,” began our character.
“Give them to me” followed the old man. “I’ve already sent the money.”
H wanted to curse him: this guy thought he could fool him quite easily and that really disturbed him.
“I won’t send anything unless I receive my money,” countered the young man. In that precise moment, the poacher heard a lock opening, and his personal assistant entered his room, handing him a small note which read:
Boss:
After everything we tried, this five years looking for J in Lake Valor have proved futile. In the end, we found her airship but there weren’t people inside there. Not even dead. As such, we have stopped looking.
G-Squad Leader.
H smacked a fist into the table with anger. The assistant gave him a small package with another note that read: “Moss’ money for the G and K job”
The Pokémon hunter put both Pokéballs in a small space near his tele-computer, and the balls disappeared within his and his assistant’s eyes. He didn’t say a single word, he plainly turned off the computer, grabbed a little paper and wrote something.
“Come with me,” he ordered to his employee. The man followed orders, and went with his boss to the front door of the ship. They hadn’t left the terrain yet. H slowly opened the door and ordered the man to read the note.
“I’m…… fired?” shouted the man, its voice trembling in fear. His ex-boss just nodded, put a hand in his back as if to comfort him, but he really pushed the man into the vast sea. The poor guy fell right into the sea, crying because of his fate as he watched the airship he had worked in for twenty years slowly disappear into the sunset.
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