I've taken the lyrics the "A More Humane Mikado", from the Gilbert and Sullivan opera The Mikado, and modified them, as is sometimes done in professional productions. The original discusses various crimes (such as being a bad singer) and their punishments. I've made all the crimes and punishments Pokémon-related and ensured that the new lyrics fit the song's meter. The first two verses and the chorus are unmodified. Enjoy!
A More Humane Mikado, Pokémon Style
By Vulpes bicaudata
With Apologies to W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan
A more humane Mikado never
Did in Japan exist,
To nobody second,
I'm certainly reckoned
A true philanthropist.
It is my very humane endeavour
To make, to some extent,
Each evil liver
A running river
Of harmless merriment.
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
The PokeSpe fan who treats all other
Manga as not worth love,
Is made to turn pages
In a way that enrages:
While wearing some thick gloves.
The annoying trader, whose posted exchanges
Never will be bought,
Shall be inundated
With Pokémon fated
For him to have already got.
The liar who fabricates complex methods
To catch the real rare Mew,
Will get many offers,
To fill up his coffers
That turn out to be untrue.
The idiot who decided that making
Stealth Rock would be ideal,
From now on he can
Only use Ledian
Just so he can see how it feels.
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
(His object all sublime
He will achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!)
The wi-fi battler who quits as soon
As he begins to lose,
His hands, as his bad luck
To the game shall be stuck
By a wide variety of glues.
The fanfiction writer whose works are a bore
With a million Mary-Sues
Shall for her next fan work
Make the star a real jerk,
The character that she rues.
The cheater who uses hacked Pokémon,
His doom's extremely hard —
He cannot choose —
No, he has to use
A Shedinja without Wonder Guard.
And when he battles the weather’s the same
Every time it hails!
And he’ll be confused
By every move used
And every attack of his fails!
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
(His object all sublime
He will achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!)
A More Humane Mikado, Pokémon Style
By Vulpes bicaudata
With Apologies to W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan
A more humane Mikado never
Did in Japan exist,
To nobody second,
I'm certainly reckoned
A true philanthropist.
It is my very humane endeavour
To make, to some extent,
Each evil liver
A running river
Of harmless merriment.
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
The PokeSpe fan who treats all other
Manga as not worth love,
Is made to turn pages
In a way that enrages:
While wearing some thick gloves.
The annoying trader, whose posted exchanges
Never will be bought,
Shall be inundated
With Pokémon fated
For him to have already got.
The liar who fabricates complex methods
To catch the real rare Mew,
Will get many offers,
To fill up his coffers
That turn out to be untrue.
The idiot who decided that making
Stealth Rock would be ideal,
From now on he can
Only use Ledian
Just so he can see how it feels.
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
(His object all sublime
He will achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!)
The wi-fi battler who quits as soon
As he begins to lose,
His hands, as his bad luck
To the game shall be stuck
By a wide variety of glues.
The fanfiction writer whose works are a bore
With a million Mary-Sues
Shall for her next fan work
Make the star a real jerk,
The character that she rues.
The cheater who uses hacked Pokémon,
His doom's extremely hard —
He cannot choose —
No, he has to use
A Shedinja without Wonder Guard.
And when he battles the weather’s the same
Every time it hails!
And he’ll be confused
By every move used
And every attack of his fails!
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
(His object all sublime
He will achieve in time —
To let the punishment fit the crime —
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!)
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