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TEEN: - Ongoing A new Pokemon War! ( Rated E-10 )

Ino-Chan

Sig By Blue Dragon
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( Rated PG-13 for violence, cussing, and Bad humor. )


Prologue: Past
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A girl, about 14, dressed in black clothes, sat down on an edge of Mt. Coronet. Her name was... Tony Lance.

Why did I come here? Should I join the war? I don't know. If only my brother was here.Tony thought. She started to think about her past, swinging her legs as she thought.

10 years ago...

Tony was sitting in a red car humming as her parents were driving and talking about things she coud not understand. Then, as suddenly as an attack from a Pidgot, the car was hit from a truck. " Waah! yelled Tony as thetruck hit them. Her parents were bleeding from thier heads and were not moving.
"Waaaaaaah" Tony yelled ouder as she finally came out of the car, helped by a policeman.
A crowd of people stood, watching policemen pull the lifeless bodies of Tony's parents out of the car.

One of the crowd's people was Tony's brother, Jeff. Jeff took Tony from the policeman's arms and started to cry. Tony kept wailing also. It was a night they would not forget.


Present day...

Tony finally got up and started to cry again. She remembered something else from her dreaded past...

4 years ago...

Tony was sitting on a blue couch in her brother's home. The doorbell started to ring. As Tony got up, a feeling of dread came over her, as she saw the same policeman who rescued her, though older, standing at the door.

She fought back tears as she opened the wooden door. The policeman had tears coming out of his eyes as he sad sadly," I'm sorry I have to tel you this, but... your brother is missing. We suspect kidnapping. I'm sorry."

Tony satarting crying like she did when she was four. She lost her parents, and now she lost her last tie to her family, her brother.

"This is all that was found where he was last sighted."
The policeman held up a red and white pokeball with a crack down the middle. A pokemon cme out with a red glow.

The pokemon was on all fours, had a tail that looked like it was on fire. it was dog-shaped, and and had brown fur.
"Flare." it said.
I remembered the pokemon. It was my brother's prized pokemon, Flareon.
"This is yours now." The policeman said, giving me Flareon's ball....

Present day...


Tony stopped crying. She found her way back home....

End of Prologue.
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How did you like it?
 
Last edited:
It's good. A lot of crying and flashbacks, lol.

You also have a ton of spelling and gramatical errors. If you have Microsoft Word, it will help you plenty.

If not, go to SpellCheck.net for spelling errors.
 
I agree with what HiroKazuma says, and I want the chapters to be a little longer next time. Good job!
 
I enjoyed it,but it was sad though how she lost her family and all she has to remember her bro by is his Flareon.
 
its okay, but you have a lot of grammar issues and switched from third to first person for a paragraph. fix that, and it should be fine.
 
It was beautifuly emotional, I literally felt my eyes start tearing up. PLZ write more. I especially like when the policeman sadded sadly. It really delivered the message directly to my soul.
 
Please note: The thread is from 18 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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