EVERYONE: - Complete A Real Story, not a plot used over and over again

[.Red]

The Sun shines over the town of Poliac. A few pidgeys fly around gracefully as a man with a camera took pictures off them. Perched on the man's shoulder was a Tailow. A few Zigzacoons and rattatas rush over to the man who was offering some food. next to the man was a tan colored house with a forest green roof a few rings of smoked puffed out of the chimney top. the door opens and a boy with a jet black shirt, messy black hair and a pair of black shorts with a fire pattern on it. He was wearing white jogging shoes and kneeled down to feed the other pokemon along with his dad. He was no newbie at pokemon training, he was experinced, on his 4th birthday he had a charmander, on his 12th birthday Charmander evolved into Charmeleon and now he's the champ. A little yellow rabbit like pokemon walked out of the door following it's owner. "Plusle!" is yelled in a gentle voice. He gave a little electric shock on the electric wires and then all the buzzers in everyone's house went off. The town of Poliac has always been a quite peaceful town, but after the departure of that boy, called Neo it had been pretty noisy, the whole town watched his 8 amazing gym battles, 4 elite four members to make him officialy have a title all of his triumphs over the qualifying rounds in the Pokemon League. Now he's 19.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Is that...a fanfic? Or an excerpt?

 

[Murgatroyd]

Red, I have some advice for you.

Read this thread. Think about it. With what you've read in mind, rewrite this. From that, it might be possible to develop this into a story I'd actually want to read.

 

[.Red]

Originally posted by Blackjack Gabbiani
Is that...a fanfic? Or an excerpt?

Thats was a lil introduction

 

[.Red]

Originally posted by Murgatroyd
Red, I have some advice for you.

Read this thread. Think about it. With what you've read in mind, rewrite this. From that, it might be possible to develop this into a story I'd actually want to read.

Sorry for the double post but look,

I know what I'm doing, i know i do, i don't need your help, who cares if you don't read this, fic, I know, making the character a champ isn't cool, i know that, it's a n00b like plot, but hey, it's only the beginning, not the middle of teh chapter, i don't need all this advice, why would i need, it? Fan fiction is from your own creativity, not from guides that are annoying. jeez, I don't care if you find that offensive, because i find what you've said offensive too.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

He's trying to help.

If you write entirely for yourself, that's one thing. But when you display your work for everyone to read, you have to be made of tougher stuff than that. You have to be able to take basic critizism. If not, you haven't the stomach of a writer.

 

[Flare-Espeon]

Well, in the thread you could at least have read we appriciate your start to be a little bit longer, like an introduction and a first chapter. Yes fan-fiction comes out of creativity, but with creativety alone you're not a good writer. To develop you own style, it's good to listen to advice. And why would advice be offensive?? Because you can't take critsm?? I'm sorry, but iin that case you shouldn't maybe post your stories anymore, because posting them is asking form comments, and comments aren't always the kind of "this is the best fanfic I've ever read"

 

[Rocky Cliffs]

If you didn't look at the thread Murgatroyd suggested, I'll point out some major flaws:

1. Spelling: One or two typos here and there is acceptable. Heck, everyone makes a slip-up now and then. I counted 8 typos in that one chunk of text. That's too many. Run a spell check.

2. Punctuation: Your story was so confusing and the sentences were so weird I couldn't count how many times you should've ended a sentence instead of continuing or used a comma instead of a period or vice-versa.

3. Grammar: This is the most important of the three, and this is where you failed most miserably. For starters, make sure you capitalize the word Pokémon and any Pokémon species' names. Also, capitalize the first letter of the starting word of a sentence. Paragraphs would be nice too. You should have a new paragraph every time someone speaks, Pokémon or human. Try to connect sentences together, making the story line more fluid. You would go from thought to thought about as fast as you could. But maybe that has more to do with...

4. Story Line: Absolutely horrid. Let me sum it up for you. 'A man takes pictures of Pokémon. A man feeds Pokémon. There was a house nearby. A boy stepped out. He was the champ. A Plusle came out, screamed "Plusle!" and shocked a wire, somehow making all the buzzers go off in everyone's house. The town was quiet, but after the boy left (I don't know if Neo was referring to the town or the boy), the town was busy, and it watched him become a Pokémon Master. The boy is now 19.'

And all that was stated replete with spelling mistakes, punctuation errors and grammar goof-ups. And, to top it all off, it took less than a full page of text to write! With your strategic use of a comma I didn't know which (town or boy) was Neo, and what was that Plusle for? What buzzers went off? Why did it do it? It was confusing, and poorly written at that, which made it worse.

5. Taking Criticism: Take criticism or don't post here at all. It's as simple as that. We all get critiqued and criticized. It's part of being a writer. So let's see what you said:

Blackjack Gabbiani: "Is that...a fanfic? Or an excerpt?"

Red: "Thats was a lil introduction"

Hmm....your subject line didn't say "Introduction to Story" or anything like that. It only said, "A Real Story, not a plot used over and over again", which really isn't a name.

Murgatroyd: Red, I have some advice for you.

Read this thread [hyperlinked]. Think about it. With what you've read in mind, rewrite this. From that, it might be possible to develop this into a story I'd actually want to read.

Red: Sorry for the double post but look,

I know what I'm doing, i know i do, i don't need your help, who cares if you don't read this, fic, I know, making the character a champ isn't cool, i know that, it's a n00b like plot, but hey, it's only the beginning, not the middle of teh chapter, i don't need all this advice, why would i need, it? Fan fiction is from your own creativity, not from guides that are annoying. jeez, I don't care if you find that offensive, because i find what you've said offensive too.


See? You yourself called the plot "n00b." Let's see, what else?

"who cares if you don't read this, fic" Hopefully, you should. Why post here otherwise?

"i don't need all this advice, why would i need, it?" For the reasons I listed above, not to mention others.

"Fan fiction is from your own creativity, not from guides that are annoying." I will reply with a quote of my own. "Fan fiction is from your own creativity. Good fan fiction is from your own creativity, but improved by the advice and suggestions of others."


In short, read Murgatroyd's selected thread. I can guarantee that Kurai's and Murgatroyd's basic walkthroughs will help you a lot.


~Rocky :016: Cliffs

 

[Murgatroyd]

Originally posted by Red
Sorry for the double post but look,

I know what I'm doing, i know i do, i don't need your help, who cares if you don't read this, fic, I know, making the character a champ isn't cool, i know that, it's a n00b like plot, but hey, it's only the beginning, not the middle of teh chapter, i don't need all this advice, why would i need, it? Fan fiction is from your own creativity, not from guides that are annoying. jeez, I don't care if you find that offensive, because i find what you've said offensive too.

The points you've mentioned aren't what I'm concerned about. I know quite well that almost any plotline or story element can be worthwhile if handled properly. I'm concerned more with the technical elements. Typos, spelling errors, tense inconsistencies (is this narrating something happening in the past or the present?), no attempt at paragraphing... this looks like you composed it in the box where you made your post. (If that's what you actually did, don't. Compose it in an actual word processor (even a Notepad-type program will do), then copy/paste it to the post box.)

I'm not doing this to insult you, or to annoy you. I've given this sort of advice to countless people before you, some of them with far less apparent potential. I'm not trying to force you into anything, but I will say that generally those who are willing to accept criticism become far better writers than those who are not.

 

[.Red]

>=(

Jeez the story hasn't even started yet, how can you judge a fic from the introduction! I'm still editing my rancid chapter One, it's llike 2 pages long on word... evil...

 

[Murgatroyd]

How can I judge a fic from the introduction? Quite easily. There's a very good reason why people often say that first impressions are important. A primary purpose of the introduction is to draw readers in, to convince them that it won't be a waste of their time to read the story. If you obviously haven't put much effort into the introduction, readers will assume that the same will be true of the story. While it is possible to overcome a bad first impression, it's much easier on everyone if it's done well in the first place.

 

[.Red]

Look, yes I can't take critiscm(sp?) but i can take tips. Ok, I only take tips, I don't like critiscm, it's like a meaner version of tips. But I take Tips, ok? So if you want me to fix something or do something, I'll do it, not say Your blah blah isn't good, blah blah blah. Ok, so i take TIPS! ok, TIPS!

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

And that is precicely what we're doing. You are on warning--do not flame other members.