A Train Of Thought ▽ɞ

[Okido]

salutations

I'm also here to hope you've kicked your flu by now and that it hasn't overstayed its welcome. Personally when I get sick it sticks around for waaay too long, so hopefully you're not the same lmfao

Whenever you're next feeling up to it, I was thinking we should play some BTD6 again someday soon! It was a lot of fun playing co-op with you last time, and I've been practicing hardcore lately so I should know all the good strategies now. I think. Maybe I'm finally up to your level? (I also recently persuaded @Hawthorn to pick it up so if you wanted to we could even get some 3P co-op going )

okay byeee feel betterrr

 

[lisianthus]

何回前言ったんだけど、会いたい。。
ねえちゃんといっぱいいっぱい色々なことしてたい、。。(_ _;)
頑張ってくださいね。あたしは最近一体何かあったか分からないんだけど。。。ずっと応援して、待っている。これだけができるね。。

(できれば)すぐ戻ってきてね。。。♡

 

[Blanc]

╔══▲═════════════╗
Every day I've got a smile
where my frown goes
A couple bodies in the garden
where the grass grows

ᴵ ᵃᵐ ᶰᵒᵗ ᵃ ʷᵒᵐᵃᶰ˒ ᴵ'ᵐ ᵃ ᵍᵒᵈ ᵇʸ ᴴᵃˡˢᵉʸ
╚════════════▽═══╝

Tonight is the night I catch up on stuff for real!! That I meant to a bit ago!! Warning for incoming wall!! WAHOO!

I'M HERE FOR IT I HOPE IT'S BEEN SO FUN, KEEP BEING SAFE AND HAVE EVEN MORE FUN NEESAN!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE SO AMAZING

NO!!! YOU'RE MORE AMAZING!!! The trip was VERY fun!! Now I'm finally... FINALLY back home in Florida... RESUMING TYPICAL ACTIVITIES SHORTLY... That GIF YOU MADE IS SO CUTE!!! CAN I KEEP IT??

Hello there!

I don’t know if you’re still fighting the flu or not, but I hope you’re doing well regardless. I’m afraid I still don’t have any magic of my own to heal you with, haha, but I do have Nadine. She’s a bit cold, but warm inside, as she’s been through some stuff. She hates seeing people in pain, so you can pretend that she’s sending healing magic your way!

Please don’t rush on our behalf, but still, we all hope to see your train coming into the station again soon!

Baku!
I'm well now... but it took me TWO WEEKS to recover... I even did a COVID test! But nope, it was definitely the flu due to overexertion and the cold of England. Thank you, Nadine! It was because of you I got to recover warmly!

Hehe, I was on a lot of trains! And at a lot of stations (really!) Sorry it took so long, I'm slow starting up but I'm back, I promise. One more busy week and then I'm left to my own devices till the end of April! It's good to be back and see you again!!! I missed you!!

salutations

I'm also here to hope you've kicked your flu by now and that it hasn't overstayed its welcome. Personally when I get sick it sticks around for waaay too long, so hopefully you're not the same lmfao

Whenever you're next feeling up to it, I was thinking we should play some BTD6 again someday soon! It was a lot of fun playing co-op with you last time, and I've been practicing hardcore lately so I should know all the good strategies now. I think. Maybe I'm finally up to your level? (I also recently persuaded @Hawthorn to pick it up so if you wanted to we could even get some 3P co-op going )

okay byeee feel betterrr

OKI!!!
Yes, omg I have... it sureee took it's time though (see above). LOL... Ingo got sick too, so, we were in the same boat. We both had the flu LMAOO... Yes!! I'd love to play bloons with you and Hawthorn omg!! YOU MIGHT KNOW EVEN MORE STRATEGIES THAN ME... (I do not know many). Grab me the next time you're on discord and I'll hop right on! I made the gift you made me my phone wallpaper btw!! I love it so so muchhh. I hope you've been alright too, Oki!! I MISSED YOU AND OUR ANTICS!!

何回前言ったんだけど、会いたい。。
ねえちゃんといっぱいいっぱい色々なことしてたい、。。(_ _
頑張ってくださいね。あたしは最近一体何かあったか分からないんだけど。。。ずっと応援して、待っている。これだけができるね。。

(できれば)すぐ戻ってきてね。。。♡

リシアちゃん。。。。。。ずいぶん待たされましたね、本当に申し訳ないです ! あなたは強い魔法少女です ! I'm sorry I had to take an extended break! After I got back I got really sick, and then I had to pack to go home, and then deal with my grandma's funeral... It turned out to be a busy time! Thank you so so much for your sweet presents on steam... After I go to the bank I will return your sweetness ten-fold!!! MUWAH

The trip was a blast! There are some funny stories that don't really translate well in text, and one long one I'll get into in the next entry that involves me getting a new headset... LOL. But! I have a wireless headset now and I love it! Going wireless was absolutely the best decision I ever made, and the audio quality is super niiiice... Took a bit to get the mic to sound good though. That aside! I had a very very busy two weeks in England. When I got off the plane, Ingo called me right away and raced to where I was waiting LOL. It was probably the most excited I've ever heard her! We took a looooooong train ride up to York. We stayed at an airbnb with some friends in York, did lots of shopping and cool sights! I seriously have way too many photos to share... But I'll put my favorites at the end! York was definitely the most lovely place... we celebrated my friend's birthday there by doing a pub crawl... LOL, and of course, stopping at a really nice dessert place. England has a lot of commodity shops we don't really have in the US, so it's cozy to wander the streets, even at night-- well, I mean I wouldn't do so in a city like London, but the memories of heading back to the airbnb every night singing songs like Answers and Dragonsong without a care who heard us. Just four idiots singing FFXIV songs really loud into the night air... LOL. It was freezing! We went to a sweets shop and I had the GREATEST waffle glazed with white chocolate and raspberry, definitely worth the hefty price. Went on a spontaneous "ghost tour", saw some more sights and watched stupid tv shows laughing together... And then we headed back to my friend's house where our other two friends saw us off! Ingo's cats slept on my bed and they were sooo cute. Ough, two little black cats. My heart.

When her mom caught them alone, she told them "It's so weird... it's like there's two of them." LMAOO... It definitely speaks volumes about the way the two of us interacted. We chilled and then did some more exploring the town, got our nails done (yay!) and then went for some high tea. Then we went hiking up a mountain?! After that we visited Eyam, the Plague Village and Chatsworth. And the best part of it all was going to Sheffield to visit the coveted Church, a pub owned by Bring Me The Horizon's lead singer Oliver Sykes, and I wore my GOTHEST things I could bring of course! The decor was insane. From there we visited Ingo's grandma and pretended to be normal for a bit for her (lol) and then headed to London where we stayed and did some ventures into Chinatown and Camden until I had to go home... (There's a pub in Camden called World's End?! That's such a badass name... and a J-fashion shop that's sooo cool.)
It was very very hard to go home, I cried the moment the plane took off. Despite the few hiccups in our trip I'll get to in another post, it was the least stressed I have ever been. I had planned on drawing while I was there, and even checking in here! But... we did so much, literally EVERYDAY (it's how we both got sick after all). I literally passed out on her bed every night while she was raiding. And there's so many doodles I want to draw to express everything that happened that we would be here all day...

Next time I go I definitely want to plan for a far more extended visit, maybe then I won't run myself sick and be able to pop in here too... LOL. But! She's visiting me next! So it'll be my turn to be the tour guide. Sometimes I feel like I left a piece of my heart back on british soil... That said! I really want to share some pictures!!

Under the cut! (files too big for bulba sorryyy...) ᴰʳᵉʷ ᴱᵐᵐᵉᵗ ᶤᶰ ᵒᶰᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᶤʳˡ ᵒᵘᵗᶠᶤᵗˢˑˑˑ

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Spoiler: Of COURSE we had to...

Spoiler: and again!

Spoiler: High tea sweets!

Spoiler: Even more sweets...

Spoiler: The gang goes to Church

Spoiler: What a view!

Spoiler: We look like an RPG opening LOL. (me on the cliff edge)

Spoiler: Idiots in the distance

Spoiler: surprise merch arrival bonus

The full photo dump will be available as a google drive link later!

---

I still have a busy week coming up starting tomorrow... but after that it's back to my usual antics and working hard! That said... Did you know the new game in the Lobotomy Corporation universe came out known as Limbus Company?! Go try it! Right now! I've been playing it like crazy and the story is so good! You don't need any prior knowledge of Project Moon's universe to enjoy it... but it definitely helps!

Moreover, I got addicted to playing Pokemon Go again while in England! And I need more friends on it! If any of my beloved friends play here, please add me! LOL! Even if you know someone who does that works too! I have to get up early to pick up another friend of mine who is staying over for the week after tomorrow, and I have some errands so I can clean my room... So I'll cut this short. It's good to be back! @lisianthus REMEMBER TO SPEND SOME OF THAT MONEY ON YOURSELF OKAY?! AND HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT WHEN I RUN THOSE ERRANDS AND GET THE FUNDS I WILL GIVE YOU!!! AN EXPLOSION!!! I do not deserve you!! SENDS U A LOVE BEAM!!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

That Iron Leaves raid was hard, huh guys?!

Wahoo

Till next time.

 

[InfiniteBakuphoon]

It’s funny, I had so much in my head that I know I wanted to say, but now that I’m here, I’ve become lost for things to actually type, haha. That’s what I get for not typing at the moment, but I had a lot on my plate over the last few days so I’ve only just gotten around to answering this; nonetheless…

…I’m glad that your trip went well and that you had lovely company with you! You make me want to go somewhere too, haha. And God, was I smiling so hard while I looked through your pictures! Besides the obvious things that make me happy (you and Ingo being silly; all of the food and drink including that freaking raspberry-glazed waffle that makes me want to cook one now), as a photographer, I can appreciate some of the more striking pictures that you and your buddies took, particularly in the outdoors. My favorite was that epic wide shot that does indeed look like something out of an RPG opening (or an anime opening, even); I can already imagine the logo popping up, haha. The photo before that one was also a really nice one with that lens flare there! Those are usually annoying, but they can be used artfully and beautifully if you know what you’re doing. Which it looks like you most certainly do! I’ll be looking forward to the full Google Drive folder…

Thank you, Nadine! It was because of you I got to recover warmly!

Nadine looks up from what she’s doing, smiling ever-so-slightly before looking back down again.
(That’s her way of saying “you’re welcome!”)

Hehe, I was on a lot of trains! And at a lot of stations (really!) Sorry it took so long, I'm slow starting up but I'm back, I promise. One more busy week and then I'm left to my own devices till the end of April! It's good to be back and see you again!!! I missed you!!

I missed you too! I think we all did, really. I sometimes get worried when you don’t show up for a while, as there are many people here at Bulbagarden that I care about who I haven’t heard from in a while, and might not ever again… but don’t mind me, haha. Again, please never push yourself on our behalf, but nonetheless, I’m happy to see you back knowing that you’re in a decent place right now, and that you seem optimistic about the near future.

おかえり、友達！

 

[lisianthus]

あたしの光ってる月明かりが戻ってきた！！

嬉しい。。

I was looking at the pictures last night, and honestly... I guess, my main thought was like... I'm really, really glad that you had fun. Seriously! In a way, knowing that it was all worth it for you like... I don't know, it makes me really happy! I don't know if I can explain it really... but it makes me so, so happy that you had a great time. I'm excited to hang out and hear more too once you're less busy, but of course I'll be as patient as I can be until then!

NO!!! YOU'RE MORE AMAZING!!! The trip was VERY fun!! Now I'm finally... FINALLY back home in Florida... RESUMING TYPICAL ACTIVITIES SHORTLY... That GIF YOU MADE IS SO CUTE!!! CAN I KEEP IT??

ABSOLUTELY!! It's for you after all!! I'm happy that you're able to see little bit again too, I know you missed her A LOT too lol..

リシアちゃん。。。。。。ずいぶん待たされましたね、本当に申し訳ないです ! あなたは強い魔法少女です ! I'm sorry I had to take an extended break! After I got back I got really sick, and then I had to pack to go home, and then deal with my grandma's funeral... It turned out to be a busy time! Thank you so so much for your sweet presents on steam... After I go to the bank I will return your sweetness ten-fold!!! MUWAH

あの長い間の時、I'd be lying if I said I was 全然平気、but I get it, honestly. I really do, I hope...
あたしより、大事なことがあった。それはあなたのせいじゃないね。。待ってるのが超辛かっても。。。できたね。
I'm just really, really, really (really really really really really) glad that... you're still alive. 時々こんな心配をしてた。本当に超怖かった。。。最低だった。。姉さんを全然全然亡くしたくない。そうあったら (god forbid)、あたしも。。。。。。。


But well... I'm happy to do anything, anything for you. Anything I'm able to do for you!! That includes getting neesan things!!
In a way, they're kind of like... I guess you could kind of say, memories kind of? Things to remember me by, basically! そのゲームをしたら、あたしのことを覚えてね！！AND THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING MY GIFTS TOO...!! It makes me happy :)

I still have a busy week coming up starting tomorrow... but after that it's back to my usual antics and working hard!

I WILL WAIT MY HARDEST UNTIL THEN......!!!

That said... Did you know the new game in the Lobotomy Corporation universe came out known as Limbus Company?! Go try it! Right now! I've been playing it like crazy and the story is so good! You don't need any prior knowledge of Project Moon's universe to enjoy it... but it definitely helps!

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO PLAY IT UNTIL YOU GET BACK... well I want to play lobcorp (and like fifty other games LOL) there with you as well! BUT it's downloaded and ready!! Until then!!

Moreover, I got addicted to playing Pokemon Go again while in England! And I need more friends on it! If any of my beloved friends play here, please add me! LOL!

あたしのフレンドコードをメッセージで送るよ！

It's good to be back! @lisianthus REMEMBER TO SPEND SOME OF THAT MONEY ON YOURSELF OKAY?!

in a way spending it on neesan is spending it on me LOL... if it makes you happy, it's worth it to me, right? 色々なようにあたしの感謝も愛を言いたいから！

AND HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!

THANK YOU... let's celebrate it sometime when you're back, okay?? I was super super sad that you weren't able to be there for it, but it'll be fine once we're able to hang out!! Really!! I'm VERY VERY excited.....!!

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT WHEN I RUN THOSE ERRANDS AND GET THE FUNDS I WILL GIVE YOU!!! AN EXPLOSION!!! I do not deserve you!! SENDS U A LOVE BEAM!!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

UWAUWA.... this made me smile very much LOL. 姉さん優しいね。。姉ちゃんのことが愛してる理由がいっぱいいっぱいあるだけど、大きいのは姉ちゃんの優しさだ！

Don't feel like you have to get me anything, okay? Anything works if you do want to get me something also!! (you know me, I REALLY really love heartfelt really cheesy messages LOL, they're my love language after all!!) I will accept and cherish ANYTHING and probably cry when I get it from you LMAO.... uwauwauwuwa....... I LOVE YOU.... SO SO SO MUCH.. sends you EVEN MORE LOVE BEAM!!!! THANK YOU......

Oh, and also! We can talk about this later, but there's a certain super special amazing person who is also my favorite person (and big sister) ever (it's you!!!) I want to look into commissioning, too!

Your existence alone has changed my life, and that's really the best gift I could ever ever receive, honestly. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you!! ずっと！！永遠に！！姉ちゃんのことが！！愛してる♡


I'm so so so happy that you're back again! I know you'll help me to get back to actually start shining brightly again, so let's shine together, okay?? I will ALWAYS do whatever I can to raise you as high as I possibly can!! あなたはあたしだけの大切な姉さんから！！！

では！

本当にね。。ありがとう。 :)

 

[lisianthus]

Happy Bulbaversery, neechan!♡♡

...It's a little strange to think that it's been a year since you first said hello here. It feels like I've known you for waaaaaay longer!! But, well... that just means you've made your mark here, right? I'd like to think you've met a few people here, and made a few friends! (and one little sister!!! she thinks the world of you♡)

I'm incredibly incredibly happy that I was able to meet you!! Whether it was by chance or fate, what matters is that you're here, and that's a very precious thing—you've changed my life! Throughout the time you've been here, you've accomplished a lot and gotten even stronger. (even if it doesn't feel like it, i promise you that i've seen it!) 姉ちゃんが強くて超明るい光なの！

春は始まりの季節で、あなただけのおかげであたしの命はその日に、始めたね。

---

I hope that through the coming years, you'll be able to celebrate many more Bulbaverseries here. I know for a fact that you've changed my life and touched upon the lives of many others here, and it's... such a wonderful thing.

Thank you for being you!! You're so so so amazing... (i could say much more but i am holding myself back LMAO)

And... really, thank you for sticking around here. I appreciate it so so much, and I know that a lot of other people here appreciate it as well.

後何年ものブルババーセリーが来るように！

あなたになってありがとうございます！本当に存在してくれてありがとうございます！

(会いたい！あたしはいつもあなたを応援してる！！そして姉ちゃんのことを気にかけています！それは全然変わらない！あなたは永遠にあたしだけの大切な姉ちゃんだ！i know こんなこと seems to be あたしの言うことの全部 these days, でもちゃんとreinforceしたいね。because... well, you deserve to know, right? 姉ちゃんのことを嬉しいにしたいから。because that's what you've done for me!! rambling again GOMEN, but, 本当にあたしの気持ちを伝えたい。i really want you to understand them!! LOL.. i care you very very much!! it will never stop ever!!! i promise!)

---

So... happy Bulbaversery, neechan. I hope with all my heart that you'll be able to celebrate many, many more here, and that I'll be able to join in as well.

Thank you so much.

 

[Blanc]

I am the world's SICKEST woman. sorry no song recommendation for this entry I am so, so so unbelievably tired. Just imagine I put one ok. (Listen to the collab between Ed sheeran and bmth, it bangs.)

To make things super short! I am OK (physically). I was finishing up some busy things that kept me at the end of april-ish, but got surprise clocked by some unexpected doctor appointments. My health has been a bit on the frail side, and I had to do a few blood tests because my vitamins were a bit low (laughs in forgetting to eat properly). In short I’ve been paying for some pretty bad living choices— taking care of myself is not a strong suit LOL… and the doctor sent me home this time with a paper on my proper medications so I wouldn’t forget and be a dumbass and take stuff the wrong way. My medications also have been changed, so I will need to get used to those.I don’t mean to open this immediately with telling you guys how much of a hot mess I am, but that’s really the only way to describe it. LOL. It feels like my body isn’t keeping up with me. That’s the best way I can put it. Even now I’m typing this from my phone, in bed, melting into the sheets. Please bear with me.

But, despite it all, don't worry, I'm trying to take it easy. This week's biggest hurdle is finding a new therapist, and I'm already doing my best taking a lot of vitamins, trying to eat better and just be healthy. I am a LITTLE (read: a lot) bummed that I haven't had the energy to do any more than lay in bed, and it's hard not to get frustrated with myself because there is so much I want to do, and people I want to spend time with here that I am stalled on doing because I am so Burdened By The Flesh tm. I wish I could've put a doodle on this entry too... But my hands haven't been feeling the greatest either. It's hard to sit up. I'll try and keep this short so I'm not constantly bombarding you guys with walls of text LOL... I'm alive, just having to take it easy against my will. Even my chest kinda hurts right now because of exhaustion uhhgghh. When I can properly sit up, I'll talk about something more fun.

HOWEVER... I do want to mention my bulbaversary!

Can you believe it's been a year since I ruined your lives joined this place? I sure can't. I wanted to do something special, but it seems my body won't allow it this time... So I hope this entry will suffice.

A whole year... it really doesn't feel like it. I don't think I achieved as much as I'd liked... but 2022 was kinda a 'sleeper' year for me, and this is hopefully going to be my 'pushing myself' year (it's still May! I have hope.) My descent into bulbaforums also marks the date I jumped back into Pokemon, which was pretty much after I played PLA... says a lot, LOL. It's such a cozy place, if I'm being honest, I joined this forum expecting to lurk and be a cryptid more than actually make friends, but well, everyone here is so nice living like that just wasn't possible! I was pulled out of my shell and I don't mind at all! It makes me happy to talk with everyone about well, just about everything! And to show everyone my art, even if I enjoy drawing menhera stuff.

Something about Pokemon being what binds people together brings me a lot of joy.

Thank you everyone who commented on my profile and congratulated me on it too! I was surprised, but it made me smile even though I was going through medical hell. I wish I had something more inspiring and not cheesy to say but, well, I guess I'm just that way.

I'm glad I got to join this forum as I am now. I am not happy with myself as a person, in fact, I've been going through a pretty hefty self-loathing arc lately. And if I'm being super honest, 9 times out of 10 when people are sweet to me, I don't think I deserve it. I feel like I can never reciprocate the happiness I am given properly.

I feel that a lot.

Actually, the reason I made my title "part-time" has some hidden meaning for me, I'll spare you a little secret here. It's a challenge to myself, to become strong enough, to become closer to the person I want to be to be a "full-time" Subway Master. It's a reminder to myself that I'm not there yet... but one day, maybe, just maybe, I can finally be at peace with who I am. I am sorry I struggle a lot.

But even so, you all are still so very patient with me, letting me roll along the rails at my own pace. I am far from a perfect human being, and I try to make up for a lot of my flaws by just doing my best to make people laugh. I really like that. I think it's my own personal way of showing care and love by making joyful memories in other people's lives in the silliest ways I can. I'm sorry I haven't been able to achieve that lately... But I hope I can again very soon!

But, enough about my troubles. I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for such a warm and welcoming community that's so very patient. It makes me happy to have my life touched, and to touch other lives. This is a very comfortable little hole for me to dwell in, and I have no plans of leaving it any time soon, even when I get super sick! I hope you all plan to stay on the train too, and we can keep moving forward together. It feels like whenever I'm down and crawl around here, I feel a little happier bit by bit...

Thank you.

But well... I'm happy to do anything, anything for you. Anything I'm able to do for you!! That includes getting neesan things!!
In a way, they're kind of like... I guess you could kind of say, memories kind of? Things to remember me by, basically! そのゲームをしたら、あたしのことを覚えてね！！AND THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING MY GIFTS TOO...!! It makes me happy

リシアちゃん, あなたは、この世で一番優しい人です。 そんな虚弱体質の妹をお持ちで、お気の毒です。。。あなたのことが心配でならない日はない。できる限りの愛情を手渡してあげたい。あなたは喜びの光です、いつも！

in a way spending it on neesan is spending it on me LOL... if it makes you happy, it's worth it to me, right? 色々なようにあたしの感謝も愛を言いたいから！

I'LL SPEND IT ON YOU NONETHELESS!!! I LOV U...!!!!

Happy Bulbaversery, neechan!♡♡

Thank you, Lisia!! I hope what I wrote above reaches you-- since you are very much a factor to those feelings! Meeting you has been a wonderful gift. I fear a lot of the time that I am not the greatest older sister because I have all of these issues and messes... but I always want to at least give you things to smile about. I hope you've been growing stronger each day! Thank you for being the light that has made me more comfortable to well, be myself! Otherwise I think I'd still be the shy little creature I usually am... Thank you for accepting all of me. Lov u ♡


私の人生にも存在してくれてありがとうございます ♡♡

…I’m glad that your trip went well and that you had lovely company with you! You make me want to go somewhere too, haha.

I'M LATE BUT I SAW YOU DID!!! I GOTTA LOOK AT YOUR POST TOMORROW!!

all of the food and drink including that freaking raspberry-glazed waffle that makes me want to cook one now

IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE BUT SOOOOOO GOOD.... please show me if you do!!

My favorite was that epic wide shot that does indeed look like something out of an RPG opening (or an anime opening, even); I can already imagine the logo popping up, haha.

LMAOOO Ingo's mom took that one actually! The lens-flare one was me! She also took one of us holding hands to not lose balance on the mountain, it was very cute... I really do miss England.

I’m happy to see you back knowing that you’re in a decent place right now, and that you seem optimistic about the near future.

I will keep fighting!!!! Something something with you guys by my side anything is possible!! LMAO!


Taking care of myself is so hard, but I've got to keep trying!

 

[Blanc]

I am like a melted stick of butter .

 

[lisianthus]

(in lieu of a music recommendation from you, i sent some for you! please check them out sometime, okay?)

I am like a melted stick of butter .

freezes you to use for later

thank you very very much for the above... i cried a lot (happy/grateful crying) when i read it ahaha..., your words certainly reached me. i'm sure i'll read them again and again for the next while, too.

i'm really glad that things aren't super horrible, and although things are tough right now! i have full faith that things will end up being okay. you're working hard, and i'm really proud of you—you're a wonderful example (and an even better older sister, i promise). keep on going okay? take things at your own pace, please!

こんな会えない日が大嫌いけど。。できるだけで我慢して強くなれるようにするね。多分変な言うことけど。。あたしのことを心配して、本当にありがとうね。you know how much i do it with you as well lol, but in a way it makes me very very happy that you do it too. LOL. i'm trying my best for you even though things are sad sometimes! i never ever forget you i promise!!

i could say much, much more but... you'll hear it from me soon enough, i'm sure. 姉ちゃんだけがあたしの一番生き続けたい理由なの。あたしの感謝をちゃんと伝えたいね。。いつもありがとう。。i could never say it enough!!! but i will try!!

いつまでも大大好き♡

 

[Blanc]

Not my proudest post lmaooo. I forgot to mention in the entry, but on the bright side, you will maybe see more spontaneous art streams from me while I put my nose to the grindstone because having observers helps me focus. ((<<<probably habit from school)) Also tldr forgot to mention just talking to friends fuckignng sucks when all I have is bad news. I don't like just sounding like a wreck. It doesn't sit right with me. I'll probably not be in the greatest headspace (not like I have been) till I can at least cover this unwelcome surprise. Also sorry I spoke really slow, I was trying to articulate without my nervous laughter tic taking away how strongly I felt about this. Something something I'm dying squirtle. this is my icarus moment tbh.

 

[lisianthus]

It was nice to hear another vocaroo from you!

On the more serious side of things, I'm really really sorry to hear about all that's resulted because of the above—there are quite a few reasons to be sad and frustrated aren't there..

At any rate, I'll be thinking about you like always (probably even more now lol) and cheering for things to get better as soon as possible. Even if I regrettably can't do much... I promise I'll try to do anything I can to help.

I can't find the right words to say really, but... I know that you'll try your best and it'll be just fine. Don't worry about the RP, that can wait of course. I know that it'll happen sometime, and I have full faith that things (in general) will work out, and get even better.

Maybe it's naive to say but... naïevéte isn't always a bad thing, I'd like to hope. Plus, I know how much of a hard worker you are too, so this isn't me just saying that things will be okay for no reason—I know you enough to know that you're you, after all. Basically... you can do it, you are amazing!!!

I promise I'll try my best to find a way to get a commission out to you really, really soon. Please tell me when you have a sheet worked out, okay? I'll be there for all your art streams, at least, that's something I'm more than happy to do!

But god... God really is trying to keep you down, isn't he? I guess that shows how powerful you are... But I'm sure it's incredibly painful for you as well—I really, really wish that wasn't the case. I hope that you'll be able to defeat him very soon, but I'll be sure to cheer you on as you're grinding before that battle. (and make sure to take care of yourself please!)

Sending love like always. Focus on what you must—and please, please remember that there'll always be someone waiting for you and thinking about you, no matter what happens. Always. (it's me)

あなたなら、何でもできる。

(I wish I could really find the right thing to say, and as always Oki said it much better than I could. But well... I guess I will just say that I know you are doing the best you can under the really shitty circumstances happening currently, and nobody can fault you for that—I certainly never will, anyways. 未来には会える日がたくさんあるからね。You're an amazing friend (and an even better big sister♡) and we totally understand! You are an indispensable part of quite a few lives, so we'll wait however long we need to. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I know I say that a lot, but really. You're never, ever, ever a burden—you are an unquenchable light, always and forever!!)

 

[Okido]

omg what? That really seems like something they should have let you known about sooner... how flawed is our system that things like this can even happen. Agh.
But seriously, that is such a pain that you have to deal with all that, what a nightmare. :c I believe in you, I know you'll sort everything out in due time — just go easy on yourself and take care not to work too hard!

(And for what it's worth re: something else you explained in the recording, I totally empathize, we understand and you're always a good friend )

 

[InfiniteBakuphoon]

There’s so much that I want to say to you right now, but naturally I don’t want to leave too much out in the open, so I think I’ll just begin by saying…

…if there’s anything that I could do to help you get through this, you know that I’d do it in a heartbeat, right?

Unfortunately, my own losing battle with life at present means that I’m in no position to help anyone right now. Which makes me feel so helpless at times, but in the sage words of the Japanese: しかたない. And even with the only thing that I can offer you now — words — I don’t think that the usual “everything’s going to be OK!” is really appropriate here, is it? You’re in the middle a spectacularly shitty situation right now, and I don’t think that it’s a bad thing to call it exactly that. On the contrary, facing it head-on like that could be cathartic in its own little way. Maybe. (Please forgive my ramblings…)

Meanwhile, I am willing to say this, as utterly ridiculous and naïve as it might sound after everything I’ve just said, haha. Life — or perhaps the sadistic side of it, rather — might win the battle here, and painfully so. But it doesn’t mean that it’s won the war, or that your life is over… in the long-term, at least. In the short-term, of course… yeah, you’re gonna have to haul ass, as you say! But also as you say, you’re an adult. And a pretty damn strong one, at that. You’ve gotten this far, right? Things are probably going to suck horribly for you until this storm of yours passes, with many painful sacrifices that I’d imagine that you’re not looking forward to. Including some things that, of course, we at Bulbagarden might have been looking forward to, but are also of course unimportant in the grand scheme of things. What you need comes first before what we want, always.

With that said, as someone who’s been in a similar situation to you not too long ago where I also had to haul serious ass in order to survive while simultaneously dealing with some serious untreated shit, I can tell you: fighting is possible. And if I was strong enough to find my fight in the rather pathetic state that I was in back then, then you certainly are, haha. At the same time, I’m not going to lie to you about how things went for me: I did lose that battle, horribly. And with painful consequences for said loss, at that. So it’s not all sunshine and rainbows as far as what might be in store for you, as I’m sure you already know.

However, there is a silver lining in all of that. Said silver lining being that — if nothing else — you’re going to be so happy when it’s all over, and when you reach that point where you know that nothing more on your end can be done. I hope that you’re able to kick life’s sadistic ass thoroughly before you get to that point, assuming that a miracle doesn’t happen and that you’re not able to take a sword straight to its heart, haha. Because, for me at least, I think that’s a big part of finding peace with situations like these: putting up the good fight and doing everything that you know that you’re able to do, even if you lose.

As a final note, I never, ever want you to think that you’re a bad friend because you’re with taking care of yourself, especially while you’re dealing with such shitty circumstances as these all the while. The very fact that you made this post — as utterly unobligated as you are to share anything with anyone — shows just how much of a caring and thoughtful heart that you have and how much relationships matter to you. Life happens, and in times like that, it’s us that should be a friend to you, not the other way around. And anyone who’s a true friend to you should understand that, and show that. I truly hope that I’ve been a good friend to you by being here for you with words like these, as utterly inadequate as they are compared to how I wish I could be there for you.

And actually, as a final, final note, if you ever want to talk about a certain condition that you mentioned in your audio post, feel free to hit me up about it any time. You are absolutely not alone.

Good luck to you, from the bottom of my heart. As always, we’ll be rooting for you.

 

[Blanc]

╔══▲═════════════╗
Taking off, the world beneath us
Strong under pressure
We’ll make it together
Our universe will change
ᴱˢᶜᵃᵖᶤᶰᵍ ᴳʳᵃᵛᶤᵗʸ ᵇʸ ᵀʰᵉᶠᵃᵗᴿᵃᵗ
╚════════════▽═══╝

Dusts off this little place. Long time no post! Sorry about that. I don't really have an excuse, other than I just got carried away with life. I didn't forget! So don't fret if that's what you thought happened, LOL. I got back from a trip to New York and my frail body crumbled again is all. I can open with some good news that I managed to pay off the bills I mentioned above, it took some time, but I can finally look to searching for a therapist again! (That's another thing that will take courage itself...) A lot has happened, huh! Yet also not much at all, it feels. I'm sorry my art posting has slowed down a bit, I'm working on several pretty big pieces, a few of which I can't post here due to the material (a little too dark, I fear) , but if you're following me in other places I'm sure you'll see them! Thank you guys for always checking up on me despite my slowness, the forums of Bulbagarden are still a place I check almost every day, because there's something about this little corner of the internet that calls to me. I actually decided to finally find time to sit down and make a new entry because I was feeling particularly nostalgic due to helping a friend with some of his artwork and reminiscing about my own footprint as an artist online.

It's kind of funny to be drawing Pokemon art again, since Pokemon is, after all, what got me into art in the first place. Time is a flat circle and all that. I actually was known for drawing Pokejinkas way back in the day, sometimes I get the itch to bring them back, but I am very very picky about designs... I used to even draw custom Pokejinka designs for commission work... And I think I'm so picky about the way I draw original characters because I loved designing them so much. For the uninitiated, "Pokejinkas" is just the combo of the words "Pokemon" and "Gijinkas", the latter meaning to humanize an object or creature-- in this case, Pokemon! To be entirely honest my designs back then were... not great. LMAO, but it was fun nonetheless, building all these characters and a world, roleplays and stuff. There are a few of my OCs I'd love to redesign when I have the courage.

But that's neither here nor there, just stuff you may see over on my artblog at some point, what I'm really getting at is what my friend asked me out of the blue.

"Blanc, have you ever met your (art) idols?"

And, to be honest, I've met a few of them, artists I've admired and been inspired by for years, and they all were very sweet and genuine people-- some even adding me on discord or following my socials much to my surprise. It's kind of crazy to be seen as something of being on a level playing field with your art idols. I guess this is my way of telling you to never give up, and that you will be noticed for the talents you carry if you keep at it! Something like that... Everyone always tells me I have what it takes to go far, I just need to do it. I want to believe that's true for everyone too, so have more courage than me in that regard, okay? LOL

That said, I really wish I wasn't so shy about my ideas and whatnot, I'm hoping to at least change that here, if nowhere else-- given I took a hiatus from most of my socials except tumblr due to my mental health. I wasn't too fond of the attention, something I'll have to get used to since being an artist is a social job. I hope I still have everyone cheering me on when that time comes!

It feels good to just be back to posting on this blog really, I feel like I'm saying a lot of nothing besides plans for the future, but I think it's because I want to make sure you guys know where the hell I've been before jumping into anything crazy! LOL

Some other small life updates are that I went to see the new Spiderverse, Barbie and Mario movies all in the span between now and my last entry, all of which were so insanely good. Had to get my car repaired (another unforeseen expense...), had to go to the doctor a few more times due to more health reasons, and yes, still fighting that insomnia. Oh! And got this new silly little badge on my profile. LOL.

My doctor told me I really need to work on not stressing myself out, so I'm going to attempt not to beat myself up for being slow on getting done what I want to get done and just try to remind myself to take stuff as it goes. With that said, hope you guys don't mind if I fill this place with clutter? To keep things organized, I'm going to tag non-full entries with "Off-duty ▽ɞ" so I can feel more insane in my own space.

I should've been adding threadmarks for full entries too, but I never thought about it... LMAO.

It's good to see you guys on board again, hello! Are you playing the new Pikmin? Scoring high in Pokemon Sleep? I've personally been trying that new farm MMO Palia... it's not bad! And leveling my crafters in FFXIV...

You guys would get a kick out of my Pokemon Sleep graphs. LMAO

 

[Blanc]

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

Or something like that. Have you ever watched the anime Ghost in the Shell? It’s one of my favorites for sure, among others like it, such as Nier:Automata. I have this strange fondness for anime and media that discuss the thin line between what constitutes humanity or machine, something I feel even Evangelion discusses to an intrinsic degree (more on the edge of what constitutes living, but I digress). I don’t want to start off too in the weeds here, but I want to emphasize why I think it’s important to try looking into media that really makes you think about what makes you a person regardless of if you’re flesh or carbon. (Sounds like I really should get to making that anime review blog…)

“Relatability to us” feels far too bold and broad a take, but I can’t deny there’s some sort of human empathy involved when we look at AI in media through a lens of comparison to ourselves. These beings are extensions of us, machines created to surpass us in all forms, yet falling just short enough that their imperfections are seen as a stronger blight than any human flaw.

Okay. Yeah. I’ll cut to the chase, lemme talk about Lobotomy Corporation.

You have probably seen a multitude of these characters over on my art blog, but given this is a Pokemon forum after all, I never really got into explaining myself with this series, and to be honest, it’s a whole ass iceberg, and I’m not even going to be scratching the surface of my history or degree of separation from this indie game as a whole.

If you’re perhaps a weirdo like me and can stomach some (light) gore, I strongly recommend checking out this SCP-inspired sim, and I’m not just saying that because I aided in the localization of it, I’m saying it because now that it is in a readable form, the message it carries is stronger than before. But I’m not going to get into that right now, right now I want to get into the portrayal of man versus machine that the game carries with as little spoilers as I can. Within the company, the player has 9 (deeply flawed) AI working underneath you, AI that culminate into boss battles that almost are more fittingly trials of atoning for the sins you, the player, unknowingly caused. Besides these AI is your much more perfect assistant, Angela, who, unlike the 9 beneath you, appears as the only machine in your workplace free of human flaws, and thus, the easiest to confide in, while also being the furthest familiar to you at the same time.

The difference here is that the Sephirah, as the 9 are called, have a semblance of humanity where Angela does not. Ironically, Angela is the sole AI constructed with imitating a human in mind, a particular person— more specifically, but still a concept she is far, far removed from. Angela is without flaws, Angela will never be her, Angela will never meet your expectations because she is a perfect machine.

You may walk away feeling you failed this AI ‘daughter’ you didn’t even know you had, and honestly, I think that may be the feeling of guilt you’re meant to have. Her suffering is just as real as the other Sephirah, even if she isn’t a construct made from the essence of humanity as they were, her desire to be human is less a desire for equal treatment and more just a desire to be heard and understood, something she would never receive so long as the corporate world saw her as a product. I don’t want this to sound like a long-winded take of “I like media where people realize robots are people too”, I want to get across I like media where what we perceive as human is tested with a macabre imitation, what does it take for us to see something as a plight equal to our own? People probably think the answer is simple, but I think not so much.

Machines can be manufactured, they can be rebuilt, their memory systems are much more permanent in a passage of time than our squishy organic brains, they can simply be backed up and reloaded. When you take some logical facts into account, would you be able to say their life is as precious as yours in a dire situation? Naturally I think it would be nice to see a future this is the case, but like Angela, we may be stuck in the ‘product’ phase due to these fail-safes. If things can be ‘lost’ does that mean they are more precious?

Droning shower thoughts lmao.

At any rate, I love chewing on media that challenges me, stuff that really makes me stew and feel a lot of emotions, even if they are not so great. I have a soft spot for those super niche OVA anime from the early 2000s that explore these ideas just enough to leave you thinking, but never have the chance or desire to give you the full picture.

Or you can watch something like Serial Experiments Lain and get a similar effect. I’m not one to force a round peg into a square hole. Whatever pogs your gourd or shakes your almonds.

 

[InfiniteBakuphoon]

You must be a woman after my own heart, mentioning Ghost in the Shell and Serial Experiments Lain in the same post, haha. I happen to have the former sitting on my shelf ready to be watched, but I have yet to actually do so (not sure what I’ve been waiting for exactly). As for the latter, I’ve gotten about nine episodes in before I forgot about it, despite it being right up my alley as far as its inscrutable-to-many intellectual discussions go, as well as its utterly bizarre narrative flow. That said, although I understand the meme, I don’t really get why people find some elements of it so hard to understand. I mean, unless some really crazy things happen in the last four episodes that I missed, a lot of the weirdness is actually explained pretty neatly by the end of the ninth episode, isn’t it? Or so it seemed, anyway. But I digress… we could literally talk about that series all day, haha.

(And thanks for also reminding me that I really need to buy Nier: Automata and finish that… I guess that, GitS, and Lobotomy are your existentialist holy trinity, haha? I bought it on PS4 and played a little bit of it but I don’t own said PS4 anymore, oops. At least there’s still the PC version with lots and lots of mods on top to keep the wheels on, haha)

 

[Blanc]

I happen to have the former sitting on my shelf ready to be watched, but I have yet to actually do so (not sure what I’ve been waiting for exactly)

I genuinely recommend it! I also recommend the Netflix series. It isn’t as “philosophical” and profound as Stand Alone Complex, but it’s still really refreshing and easy to get into. (I’ve even told some friends new to the series, it’s easier to digest to start with). The original movie is also interesting in its own right, but I grew up with SAC, so my bias lies there.

I don’t really get why people find some elements of it so hard to understand. I mean, unless some really crazy things happen in the last four episodes that I missed, a lot of the weirdness is actually explained pretty neatly by the end of the ninth episode, isn’t it?

To be honest, I think as long as series’ that are used as mouthpieces for discussion of deeper topics exist, the more we will run into people who don’t understand, regrettably LOL. Even Evangelion, a series that is blatantly a metaphor for depression do to Anno’s experience with it, is lost on people— which can’t help but yield a big HUH? HOW? from me, but I digress. You and I are the types of people who love peeling apart stuff we like like string cheese too, so that probably helps.

I guess that, GitS, and Lobotomy are your existentialist holy trinity, haha?

They’re definitely up there!! One I didn’t mention was Mawaru Penguindrum which is, dare I say, my favorite anime of all time. It is pretty slow burn into getting into the grittier areas but when it does, it’s slow and painful— and I like it that way LOL. But YES.. I am a huge sucker for AI bullshit, and Nier:A deserves a seat of its own for making me cry 3 times. Let me know when you try it out!!

 

[Blanc]

Hurricane is passing through, I've been binging minecraft a lot lately. it's a place of zen for me lately. I love love love building things. Trying to be good about taking my meds again but they make me really nauseated sometimes waaaa. Pokemon Go Fest made me so tired!!! (i built a gazebo, i love building those)

Spoiler: gazeboooo

 

[InfiniteBakuphoon]

Pretty graphics, ooh! (You must tell me what mods those are…) They look a lot like shrines with that lighting! Not a Minecraft player myself, but if I was born a little later I probably would’ve been so into it. I love building things, too! Enough so that I did kind of the analog equivalent of it when I was younger with construction paper and such, haha. I kind of dreamed back then of being able to do that in the virtual world, which I why I loved things like map editors (the one for SimCity 2000 was the big one for me back then, and then the one that came with Crysis years later).

Trying to be good about taking my meds again but they make me really nauseated sometimes waaaa.

I already told you how they affected my Oppenheimer experience, haha, but I’ve been getting better with them on my end. Sometimes I treat it like a game, seeing how long I can keep a streak going without forgetting; it actually helps a lot with my drive! Taking them earlier has also helped a lot with the sleep issues, too. Hopefully you’ll find your own groove with your own meds soon enough!

 

[Blanc]

Mr. White I don't feel like myself rn. (THIS FEELS REALLY WEIRD BUT IM GONNA COMMIT FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME)

LMAOOOOO anyways.

Pretty graphics, ooh! (You must tell me what mods those are…)

I use good ol' BSL for my shaders! As for the mods... It's quite a lot of them! It's a modpack I made myself based on stuff I wanted and friend recs. I'd have to pass you the google drive link cause there's just far too many.

Not a Minecraft player myself, but if I was born a little later I probably would’ve been so into it.

Then you may be surprised to hear I did not grow up with Minecraft, I actually never touched the game till I was like 20. It's never too late! It's a game for any age, I think!

And thank you as always Baku, hopefully I can get some actual sleep and not feel sick soon TT_TT

I'm on my building binge, this time I made myself a house following a few tutorials on youtube! (I struggle with bigger builds)

Spoiler: im going sicko mode