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Ace black: johto's ultimate dragon!

Umm....First of all,, you're first post needs to be your story's first chapter, not your idea for a story.
And secondly, if you want people to critique your story idea, we're gonna need more detail on the idea than that. What's his goal? What kind of dragon?
And lastly, what it all boils down to is the writing. you could have an awesome idea, but if you don't write well, it won't count for anything.
I hope that you'll be able to post the first chapter soon!
 
It looks cool...but it's not exactly a story, you know? Yeah, post a chapter and I'd be happy to read it though. Dragon types are awesome.
 
Ace black is:
>an orphan
>A 10 year kid
>A kid that has a dead sister
>A boy with a dratini
 
I'm predicting Gary Stu if he was somehow involved with his sister's death. WHO'S WITH ME?!
 
Optimatum said:
I'm predicting Gary Stu if he was somehow involved with his sister's death. WHO'S WITH ME?!
Click to expand...

I'll be 7% sure on this one. (Just like L did with Light being Kira in Book 5, I think it was?)
 
Oh lawd. Just post the chapter already. You could combine the characters info, the basis of the story, and anything else in the same post.
 
I don't get it. Was that "Ace black is..." thing supposed to be chapter one? o_O Seriously man, we don't actually care whether you're working on chapter two or not, because since you've posted a thread it's already presumed you're doing that anyway.
 
Giratina! said:
I don't get it. Was that "Ace black is..." thing supposed to be chapter one? o_O Seriously man, we don't actually care whether you're working on chapter two or not, because since you've posted a thread it's already presumed you're doing that anyway.
Click to expand...

The Ace Black is... WAS NOT chapter 1. And whos Gary Stu?
Julia black(ace's sis) blew up team rocket's new base, therefore she died... or did she?
BTW i just started fanfics/this forum yesterday.
 
Letting people know the details and secrets about a story they haven't read yet is an awful idea.

"Dude! I saw 'The Sixth Sense' this weekend! You gotta see it! Bruce Willis was dead the entire time! or was he"

Years Later...

"That's right, you gotta see this movie. It ends with the top spinning around in circles and you have no clue if Leo's back home or caught in the dream for years and years..."
 
Chapter one: The beggining of the beggining! is here (finaly :blush: )

It was midnight. Ace Black was officially 10. He waited until sunrise. He walked up to the elders in the shrine. “I wish to take the test for a Dratini” said Ace. “Very well” said an elder. “Ten questions” said another. “No time limit” said the third. “Start!” they said in unison. There was a scroll and a paper to write on. He was done when he noticed a fold. He unfolded it and it said 11: You need to notice this to get to the Dratini. He handed in his test, told them about the secret # 11, Took an oath, and got Dratini.

He looked out at Blackthorn City. Beautiful he thought. He would miss the place. He was at the airport and he saw Lance. The. Johto. Champion. Lance. He had his son with him, Leo FireWing. Ace shouted Leo. “How do you know me” Ace asked. Me and your sis’ Laura use to date before she died. Ace started crying when Leo said “Laura” and Leo was crying when he said “died”. “Leo FireWing? Crying?”Said a voice. It was Jade Blast. Clair Firewing-Blast’s daughter.
To be continued….
Sorry for shortness didnt know how short it would be up on the forums. i'll try to extend them! next one will be WAAAAY better! promise! im a newb at this stuff... sorry....
 
okay, i dont wanna be mean because i have seen better. and thats how my beggining stories looked.

1. needs more detail

2. you need to go more in depth about the character

3. what word program are you using, i found mo word is the best.
 
Wait, plot predictions.

- Rayquaza will make an appearence and do stuff. What kind of stuff? I dunno. Play with blocks?

RAYQAZA DOES NOT PLAY WITH BLOKS!!!​

Okay, there goes that idea.

- Ace's Dratini will evolve protecting him from something or other, most likely Team Rocket or a wild Pokemon.

- Team Rocket will be very evil and do evil things. There is a 30% chance of Pokemorphs being involved. I made that number up.

I dunno.

-grabs popcorn and waits-
 
Well, that was kind of disappointing...

I think your main problem is that you keep telling instead of showing.

Don't just say that he wanted a Dratini, express how he wanted one. Don't just say that he went to the elders in the sunrise, explain the journey there as well.

Your story is too terse to make for very interesting reading - I think that's the main problem.

There's a lot of potential in the story, if only it were fleshed out a little better.

@Azure: Why can't Rayquaza play with blocks?
 
Have you ever read ScytheRider's "pOKEMON cHAMPION" (or something to that effect) fic? There's a part where Rayquaza DOES NOT PLAY WITH BLOKS.
 
(Rayquaza starts playin with blocks) ha-HA! and if we are going to discuss this here aint the place.
 
Please note: The thread is from 16 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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