EVERYONE: - Ongoing An Untouched World

[Shiny Suicune]

OK, I won't start it this second, but I'll post it later today when I have more time. Fasia was not meant to sound like Asia, it was meant to sound somewhat like fantasy(more like fantasia is how it came out). The characters are not human, but you could consider them...aliens. Kel, basically, looks like a stick figure, only bolder,with a face and rounded hands. More characters will be described as I start chapters including them. If you were led here via my sig and this is the only post, don't be mad at me! Oh, and this is a fantasy alternate universe type story.

 

[Shiny Suicune]

Okay, I'll put up the prologue now.

Characters introduced:Creature( derscribed as a fly)

Has a head almost twice the size of its body, yet still able to fly with its wings, which are very small. Its black body is brightened with its large, yellow eyes. The 6 legs on its small body are almost like sticks, yet still able to keep it standing upright.

Prologue

This story begins with the normal life of Kel, a middle-class person(you could call him one)living in Fasia, a distant planet. He lives with his mom and dad in a medium-sized house. He has a good amount of friends, and his tough times have been current but minor. Tonight, though, Kel will venture into a world as-yet-unknown outside of folklore and out of his normal lifestyle.

Sleeping in his bed near a half-open window in a near-bare bedroom(he doesn't really need much), Kel was about to go into a normal dream, as always. Little did he know the adventure waiting for him. Outside, a tiny fly flew near.

Where is that guy? I hope he didn't move, it thought. It turned to its right and spotted the open window. There he is, it thought, relieved this didn't go on too long. It flew onto the windowsill, turning upside-down a few times but still managing to land safely.

It made a small buzzing sound, just big enough for Kel to hear it. Soon enough, he rose and questioned, "Huh? Who's there?" Looking around, he was a bit confused. In a few seconds, though, he found the fly. "It's just a fly," he said as he spotted it.

Knowing it had his attention, the fly spelled out "follow" in the air (if you even care, it was in cursive). "A bit weird.....but okay." Kel let the window all the way down to get through. "Where are you going, anyway?"

As they walked through town, noone looked out windows to see them walking through the night. Most lampposts were lit, except for the one in the alley they were approaching. "This is just an alley. Why are you going here?" The fly didn't trace a single letter in the air.

At the end of the alley, the dimmed lamppost stood. Kel was concentrating COMPLETELY on the fly. Though the insect did see the wall, it kept flying toward it. Kel was expecting it to turn away, seeing as it traced "follow" in the air as a signal...but was it really a signal, Kel wondered, or just by chance...? When he paused his pondering, he focused on the fly again. His vision was completely clear, so he didn't see an illusion...he saw the fly go through the wall!

So, how was it? My first non-Pokemon fanfic! As for those members reading, please post what you think! I have over 45 views and the only one who posted is me! SOMEBODY POST ALREADY!!!!!!!!!! I'M SERIOUS!!!!! BLECCCCCCCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Typhlosion In Repose]

Ummm... pretty good. You need to watch your verb tenses and make it a new paragraph when someone says something (sorry if I sound like an english teacher, but i'm trying to become a published author, so I gotta be picky)

I don't trust that fly.
So, what happens next?

 

[Shiny Suicune]

Thanks for the post!

I start a new paragraph whenever a new person (or in this case, thing) starts a sentence. This thing started as a comic, so I've made the text a bit unprepared.

Characters Introduced:Flying thing (no spoilers as to who it was)
It has a black color, with a hole in its back. It, like the fly, has bright, yellow eyes. It has pointed arm-like wings and 3 ends on a tail.

Chapter 1:The Vortex

Is it me or did that fly go through that wall, Kel thought, almost staring at the wall in front of him. One of the questions he had was, is the fly the one who caused it, or was it the wall? As many times as his friends touched the wall, they didn't go through at all, so he assumed it was the fly.

Soon, after these thoughts were pondered for a few seconds, the lamppost came on.

"Convienent," Kel said, leaning against the wall, still thinking he was correct. "Long as I'm here, I should take a small break." His body began to phase through the wall. Of course, he noticed.

"I feel kinda funny, but...it's just my imagination..." Soon after this was said, his body had phased through the wall, and seeing as he was on one foot while leaning on the wall, his body was quite off-balance.

"WHOA!!!!!" Below Kel was a very long staircase, so long it looked as if it lasted for miles. He calmed down, thinking about the fact that this was all at night.

"I must still be dreaming. Long as I am, I should explore," Kel assumed, walking down the stairs.

Kel could just feel that he was getting closer to the end. His body was sweating all over, and he refused to stop going down. Just then, the fly appeared again. It flew onto his hand, expecting him to say something.

"Oh, it's you again!" Kel said, surprised that the fly was still here. He heard an unexpected reply.

"I was waiting for you!" the fly said, but Kel didn't have the least bit of surprise written on his face.

"Aren't you surprised at all that I talk?"

"Not really, since I know I'm dreaming."

"YOU AREN'T DREAMING, BOY!!!!!" Kel still kept the thought of him dreaming in his mind, and believed it was true. Was it?

"As long as you aren't, be surprised by nothing," the fly said. Kel understood this.

"I'll try." And with that, he was prepared for anything strange to happen. Just then, a great, yellow flash appeared. The fly was gone. In its place was some sort of flying thing. Even though the fly's advice was understood completely, Kel was a bit confused, truly.

"If you're tired, come in and I'll take you." Without hesitation, Kel got into the hole on its back and the flyer took off.

The flyer's speed was quite fast. Kel didn't ask anything about this moment, even with what he truly thought. He just sat and watched as they got closer to the bottom of the staircase. Not even about how the hole on its back was bigger on the inside than on th outside.

"We're approaching the exit!" the flyer said, slowing down to stop. As Kel got off, it was clear that at the end was a portal of some sort. Another yellow flash appeared, though not as massive as the first. The flyer was back to just a fly after this.

"I'll see you again, but it won't be soon." The fly dissapeared in a puff of smoke. At this time, Kel was confused about just about everything.

"Well, I don't wanna go up the stairs again...I guess I'll go through here," Kel said, stepping into the spiraling vortex in front of him. As he emerged, all he saw were a wasteland and the portal he came from.

And he wondered, "Where am I, and...what is this place?"

Did I use said too many times? If I did, I'll edit when I can.

 

[Bluntasaur]

I'd rate this fic as average. Good grammar, but there's nothing here that really grabs me.

But it has potential, so keep trying.

 

[Shiny Suicune]

You know, I really don't think I wanna continue this fanfic. I think I'll start a new one by the end of October. People, just give me your opinion on my writing skills. In the meantime, watch for any other fanfics I start!