Ghostsoul
"You can order me around and I'll disappoint you!"
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Any World You Want
Note: Despite being a Hetalia fic you don't need to know too much about the show to read this. Especially since it's an AU and not many of the themes in the show appear in the fic.
'It's about people who are also countries'
(rather than countries that are also people)
That is most of what you need to know.
~
‘The mass of human existence is so grand, on an induvial level, it is impossible to comprehend. With each one of our minds existing in different states, we can’t even know those closest to us quite completely. Could understanding each other come from understanding the world? And does understanding the world come from being a part of all of its suffering at once?’
ACT 1:
Chapter I: Seas of Deneb Adige [HERE]
Chapter II: Confrontation
Chapter: III: Rejuvenated
Interlude
Chapter IV:
Chapter: V:
~
April 12th, 2018
Feliciano
(Or Italy)
Chapter I
Seas of Deneb Adige
Feliciano
(Or Italy)
Chapter I
Seas of Deneb Adige
I hadn’t seen anything like it before. A scar, like a cut from a knife in the sky. It was bleeding out its own form, all manner of stars; dripping slowly, slowly, and then released. It was 1 AM, the sign of the archer could be seen over the horizon. Deep below the earth, a change was preparing to emerge. The deep subconscious lending a desire to war, bloodshed.
My room was spinning around me, lost in a soft haze like a dream which was forbidden to end. The soft cream carpet and tawny coloured walls were caught up between reality and fantasy. They no longer held the calming effect I had chosen them specifically for. I didn’t have the mind to take in what was around me, holding no sense of feeling or time or vision. I could find my door through vague working memory. I pushed it open. Then, despite all better judgement left my house. Into the outside, under the shroud of the night. Away from protection. Into the zenith of my own ruin.
Something about my body was light, floaty, missing. I should have sensed it. My longing to return to the place of disaster was too unlike me. Perhaps it wasn’t my curiosity of anything supernatural that drew back to that place, rather; it was the lure of him and the feeling inside my gut. He was in deep danger.
Germany was the first Nation I had met. I had first met him as human - Ludwig the day before. I only got to know him as Germany on this day. Yet, nothing would have prepared me for what I was going to see. My room was spinning around me, lost in a soft haze like a dream which was forbidden to end. The soft cream carpet and tawny coloured walls were caught up between reality and fantasy. They no longer held the calming effect I had chosen them specifically for. I didn’t have the mind to take in what was around me, holding no sense of feeling or time or vision. I could find my door through vague working memory. I pushed it open. Then, despite all better judgement left my house. Into the outside, under the shroud of the night. Away from protection. Into the zenith of my own ruin.
Something about my body was light, floaty, missing. I should have sensed it. My longing to return to the place of disaster was too unlike me. Perhaps it wasn’t my curiosity of anything supernatural that drew back to that place, rather; it was the lure of him and the feeling inside my gut. He was in deep danger.
We met at the place of disaster.
Nations are naturally connected to disaster. To themselves and to the world. This town has often been one plagued by legends of these figures, causing the death of people and downfall of monuments. In my childhood, I would sometimes have nightmares about dying by a Nation. Their appearance differing every time. Sometimes they would appear as inexplicable monsters, with eyes and arms in strange positions. The force of taking on the bodies of so many at once had twisted them physically in my young mind. Other times they would appear just as a normal human in shape but made of pure shadow. They had no face, no identity. I don’t recall which one I was most afraid of. But every time I encountered one I died alone, in flames or coughing up my own blood.
Germany had been nice to me when I first met him. For all his power as a possible war deity, I never felt I would die by his hand or even that he would intentionally hurt me. Unless that was an obligation, as I too was to become a Nation.
The scene of the first fire was not too far from my own home. I hadn’t wandered far, even if it felt like miles. My brain had begun to awaken a little as I brought myself here. I was lucid, at least a little.
An abandoned yet picturesque part of the city. I recall it being far more bustling when I was younger. It slowly lead itself to be forgotten. There were a few shops, many of which used to have a white frame. After the attack that day they stood brown, burnt or falling apart. The very worst of them are charred black with some of their signs also unrecognisable. I think I remember one being some kind of butchers, another selling gardening equipment and a third which was mostly used by pet owners. I must have brought Amara some food there once or twice. Even if I can’t remember it exactly, not even who owned it. I should have at least cared for it a little more whilst it was alive. When the town still cared about it.
Many of the hedgerows of plants had been protected from the fire. Replaced with fake ones in preparation for an attack of this nature. Localized to be close to the actual buildings, the pseudo foliage remained complete for now. I kind of wished I could move some of the trees from my own garden and put them here. Then the open world would have been far more beautiful, more wonderful. Everyone could enjoy them. They would do better here than remaining stuck serving me alone.
The most important part of this square; thankfully the most untouched by a recent Nation intervention; the shattered statue of Roma herself. Nobody believes in Roma anymore, yet her icon still exists. She had been passed down through paintings and literature, but she can no longer be considered what she once was, at least not after the War. Roma was what people saw Nations as before. They were powerful and commanding authorities. Noble in the direction of their people. How and when it entirely changed is fuzzy. But once one myth changed, the rest followed.
My town is not only symbolic of the threat of Nations but too their image. For every person they had ever killed, their bodies missing, this will act as their gravestone.
I go past this spot, almost every morning. I would go to University, attend my classes, return home; often before the sunset, even in the dead of winter. Returning to this place at night was something I had never done, even when it mattered. The darkness made the pure white stone of the statue a lot more prominent. The buildings now smoked and dark. The statue was the only thing that made it look a little alive. It gave it some light.
I let my eyes rest for a moment, the lights, I could see them in the sky shining, shining…
I collapsed.
It’s not even how I remembered it. It was worse than that. Worse. Worse. So much worse. It was purple flashing bright, stunning, where the environment stranded it. Pouring across the landscape, all sides burning with cosmic liquid of vile proportions! Is Ludwig there? Is he up ahead? Can I reach for him? Is anyone here? Get me... I close my eyes and scream; some things just shouldn’t be seen by human eyes. Just being so close to it gives me images of a world wrecked in ruin. Of war, of poverty, of terror, of all manner of human pain, disaster…
I cried. The crying became a scream. Yet, I couldn’t hear anything apart from the sound of my heartbeat. Was Ludwig there to help me? Can he do something? Anything! How can he stare at the zeitgeist? Ludwig. What are you doing, are you…?
“Feliciano get out of the way!”
He had kicked me aside with rapid speed.
“I… I… Ludwig, I” I couldn’t keep my voice consistent between sobs.
“Straight towards the point of danger. Feliciano, what did I have to expect of you.”
“I ca-came back to you… Ludwig.” I tried gasping for air. “I wanted to see y-you seem so troubled and…”
“You have?” He cut me off. My eyes squinting, I could just about see him smiling at me in a way. “I guess I should thank you. Yet, you still returned here despite your best interest.”
I shakily nodded my head. My body temperature had risen, I still felt hot despite the cold night. “Can – you forgive me?”
“How could I have trusted you not to come back?”
“Don-don’t many others like me-me want to know? What goes on when-”
“Many other Humans, like you, end up dead.”
“Ludwig? Di-Did you want to kill me?”
I felt his hand on my head. My soft auburn hair ruffled as he moved his hands down to my face. He tried to move the hands from my eyes. I tried to open them again, gently. His face was covering these intangible lights of the sky.
“No,” he said.
“Then why am I here? I shouldn’t be here. I j-just wanted to be here. I think that’s all I know.”
I saw that Ludwig’s figure flickered to the shock of the light. He vanished for seconds at a time and then returned. My body was already frozen from the shock of what the world around me had become. Ludwig? Is someone else there too? What is it? What are you?
Ludwig?
Why can’t I sleep? Why aren’t I? How am I not dead? I feel as I…
I can still see something else.
What is that? There is something, something like cities reflected, In front of me. An orb, or perfect circle. Its pristine in its colour. The sight of many different blue skies, green grass, majestic architecture all sharp and distinct. I’m not sure how it got here. Yet, it reached to me, and it soothes me. I could reach out and touch it.
I still feel the pain of the air as it’s close to me. I told myself it would be over soon, and I would be comforted. I inch closer, seeing the world reflected in a single circle. Its deep hues like an echo of global peace. It can save me, it’ll have to…
Only death is a saviour to this.
I cry with some of the last drops of energy I have. I didn’t feel my body. I didn’t…
I can feel the world resonate with my body, I feel those cities, and those places, everything as one and…
There it was!
My flesh shifted off to a temporary state it was stripped away from me. The feeling of my insides being dragged, collapsing in on themselves. I was unable to puke, to do anything. I could only lie and let it overcome me. Everything was searing and undefinable. The revolting mess of whatever was occurring internally; the body in a state of melting or draining away. Not onto the ground, not into anywhere physical. I was draining to a place below the earth. I was able to touch the earth’s core and become a part of it. It was as if my skin is burned, over and over again. With each layer replacing itself simultaneously after. Fiery, fiery, the melting stopped and became a pressing sensation. I lost my physical form. Rather, I was being reformed. No human should be able to withstand such pain! I can only look back and wonder how such a being could even be created in the first place? The sensation of the air crushing and meshing with the entirety of my shape and cutting induvial parts of me. Where were those parts? I could not touch them. Not in this state anyway. Even if you could feel them, they couldn’t have been there. My body contains but a landscape. Mountains, running water, a volcano bleeding magma. Where is it? Am I here now? There is such a thing as more than simply being here. I just wish I could find the energy to…
Stop screaming.
Can I move now? Those cities are gone. Where are they? Inside? I can smell the air for the first time and I can reach up from the floor. I had stopped crying in almost an instance. I took a moment to catch my breath, Ludwig – Germany is still there. Alive. He’s standing with someone too. He looks just like him. He’s not Ludwig though, his eyes are purple and he’s smiling. His uniform is a light brown in comparison to Germany’s odd green colour. Germany’s uniform reminds me of something I can’t quite pinpoint, it seems like it’s the sort of thing you would be embarrassed to wear in public though.
“Hey, Germany?”
“What! Is that-?” his head turned from side to side.
“I’m behind you Germany, I can see you. I can see all things, I am still alive!”
“Feli-is that? No, it’s Italy. What happened to you, what did you do to yourself?”
“I-I don’t know…”
“Wait, you must have – did you have anything to do with this Lutz?”
The second one bowed his head. He had a distinctive look that was darker than that of Germany himself. Deeper, purple coloured eyes and hair a much lighter blonde. The most noticeable difference to Germany he had was a large scar on his cheek. Deep grey, god knows how long it had been there.
“You said it yourself, Germany. He would have died, I just managed to save him.”
Germany himself lowered his head too, in a kind of synchrony.
“You’re right, Lutz. Why did I…”
I wiped my face of the few drops of water still left. I could smile.
“Germany!” I rushed towards him. Am I relieved to see him? Somehow? How would I have been?
“Italy, I’m sorry…”
Who’s Italy? I’m Italy, I suppose, I think. I could be. I must be.
It’s why I could see everything so clearly, even if it was spinning and insane.
There was coherency, as I became the incoherent.
The sea, sky, trees. I could breathe out each inch of the world around me and feel its breath too. My heart would turn with each cycle and I will be able to hear the mountains scream. Please don’t let me fail this. Please don’t trap me in the stone, force me into this world inanimate. Just, don’t make me one of them, like them.
“You wanted to let him die?” said Lutz.
“Don’t be so ridiculous!”
“You asked him to come back, was your need to see him again so desperate?”
“I…” Germany shook his head.
“I don’t think we have the time to stand here and talk, Germany! It’s draining away rather literally!”
The strange Lutz guy vanished, like a flash. Had he gone into the gap?
“We need to go?”
“Where?” I asked.
“Time is having a few issues, but it shouldn’t take us long to handle.” He forced a kind of smile and placed his hand on my shoulder, “Don’t worry.”
Time? Issues? I had no idea what he had meant by ‘time having issues?’. Was this how Nations caused so much damage? Did they wish to make time revolve around them? Perhaps Human history has not been decided by humanity itself, but by the Nations who happened to hold the whirlwind of power.
“Germany – I don’t want to - stop time…” I shoved his hand away from my shoulder and gasped.
“Calm down, Italy. Please.”
I could only nod and slowly blink.
“W-where are we going?” I asked him.
He took my hand and I had no choice but to follow him. I would have expected myself to feel so much weaker after whatever had happened to me. I was somehow stronger, so much stronger. I found the strength to move my legs and to carry on. I just kept walking.
I realized how my face, my hands were warm. Not externally warm. My body had been given a kind of internal light, a glow which couldn’t be felt on my skin, only by me.
There were no mirrors, or around lake to see my reflection. I wondered if anything had happened to my face or the rest of my body. I was still noticeably human everything from my shoulders downwards almost as if no physical changes had at all occurred. I assumed nothing had changed me physically. Germany still looked like a normal human too, after all, not even a glow in his eyes. At least, if something had altered me physically then this form wouldn’t make me feel as if I was deceiving someone. Hiding as human when really, I’m not one at all.
What forms should Nations have? If one at all? The interior of a human body has never been more stifling. Germany has been in and out of this form many times is he used to it?
I couldn’t notice the environment as we rushed past. I kind of wish those moments before I became a Nation would have been the last time I had seen it before it was destroyed. It was still a part of my childhood, no matter how small. I didn’t want to see it collapse again. I didn’t want it to be my fault.
The lights in the sky, they didn’t faze me anymore. I could look at them despite the grotesque drain they had made without any pain. If I rested my ears, then I could hear it hum gently. It was rhythmic, somehow formulaic; like a puzzle trying to solve itself.
“You can be a new member of the team now, huh?” Germany slows his pace for a second or two.
“Team?”
“Well, I didn’t really have a team before. Lutz convinced me it would be a good idea…”
“Did you not want me to be on the – team?” I leaned a little closer and held his hand a little tighter. I still didn’t know Germany, well, at all. He was terrifying to me. Where was he taking me? I wanted to run away. Where would I run to? Where would I get back to? If I look just like a human I could simply blend in, right? It wouldn’t feel right or safe. Even if we were both Nations, his frame was so imposing in comparison to my smaller one. We might have had the same kind of power, but he still had more experience. I had no choice but to stay close to him for now.
“Are you pleased with what you have done to yourself, Italy?”
I couldn’t answer that.
There had to have been more to this than a simple aching curiosity, disturbance, or yearning of some kind. This shouldn’t ‘just happen’ to someone. Mythology has claimed various ways Nations come into existence. Many saying Nations are a trial laid out to those on their final earthly lifespan; failures are cast into nature for eternity. Unmoving, yet still sentient. Others state Nations are children abandoned by War Gods themselves. They lead their lives desperately controlling world events in hope that in some way it’ll lead them back home. I don’t recall any single legend that had Nationhood be thrust upon regular people. Perhaps I was cursed in some way, for some long untold unholy deed of which I had no knowledge of.
“It’s coming back tonight.”
“What is it?” I asked him.
He shook his head and gulped. “We’ll both see in a bit. We’re going to have to step through.”
The gap in the sky? To go through it? Back as a human, I knew that was a world in which I should not have witnessed. Is this a part of my world now? It must have been. Almost as if Nations are part of a greater world, a greater reality so to say. They are taking in everything from this world at once inside their tiny forms. Must they be able to peer into the unknowable too? Or what could be seen as more unknowable, with that kind of strength?
I look at it closer. It was lower to the ground than I thought it had first been. I could walk into it without thinking. I didn’t need to ‘fly up’ to it or do anything else improbable for a regular human body.
Here I could see it dripping, it was far less mysterious up close. The liquid which seeped from it was much more like a glowing sludge. Visceral, seeping. Yellow as it bled, pure and clear as it appeared to reach the ground. The intense flashing of its internal space, it was something like purple or pink. Lines clashing inside of it, stars which had come loose or a reflection of how they had become lost. Tied to the time period in which they had tried to recreate.
Stepping inside was something else.
I still was holding Germany’s hand very tightly. Yet, for some moments I didn’t realise it or even notice he was there. The entrance was enlivening. The blood of the sky as fresh as a waterfall. The warmth of my skin was elevated. There was once a sense of equilibrium. Bright lights! Blue and then white! They didn’t hurt my eyes even if they should have been bright enough to burn my eyes. It didn’t hurt me and seem to want to.
A few moments of bliss to be replaced with instant panic.
This world was expansive, with no end or beginning. Layers and layers upon of rolling pink hills with glistening shades moving each second. They shone with energy, something like lightning. Bubbles arising and quickly disappearing as if fading into the environment or to become a part of it. They make strange shapes in the air, expanding and contracting at will. The whole thing reminded of some kind of alien ocean and I was underwater. I could see and I could breathe. A beautiful, unnatural and shifting environment. Unable to tell where the ground finished, and the sky started. All was one enclosure and the seal had shut behind me.
“It should come back, shouldn’t it?” I notice Germany again, appearing to turn his head to an empty space next to him.
Is that Lutz? Did he simply materialize? His purple eyes jolted into view. The rest of his beige and brown costume followed.
“It’ll come back, I’m sure of it.”
“Soon?”
Lutz nodded. “Soon.”
“Wait – What’s coming soon?”
“I should probably tell you what’s going on, Italy.”
Germany gestured something to Lutz. He shut his eyes before vanishing and appearing again beside me. I blinked at him, unafraid of his mysticism.
“This, Italy is part of a time stream. A damaged one to be specific.”
“This is time?”
“You are within time itself, a place where it has crashed, and its events melted away into unresolvability.”
“How – did…?”
“Nations are naturally attuned to the history of humanity, its flow, its interpretation. They are a part of its construction after all.”
Germany butted in. “We didn’t cause this, however. It’s not our fault Italy, only that something went wrong here, and we can fix it.”
“How – how can we fix that?”
“By acknowledging the excess of human suffering.” Lutz lowered his head.
“Human suffering?”
“I don’t have time to explain everything now, but I admit you will have to fight against it, in order to restore it.”
I’m not ready for anything. I can’t fight, I can’t. Why can’t I find an escape? There has to be an escape here! The area crossed me like a cage. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to be here. I don’t care what I am, what I’m supposed to be. I could live in my world, yet I chose to follow him. Why did I have to follow him? I don’t care if there is no place for me there. I do not want for there to be a place for me here. I will get home, right? I will…
“G-Germany?” I turned to him.
“Yes, Italy?”
He was hunched over, his blue eyes in a steady focus. Was he unwilling to turn his head? Ludwig? Why can’t you look at me!
My hands trembled as I slowly went out to reach the green cloth of his clothing.
“Change me back…”
“What!” He spat.
“Change me back. Change me back! Please for the love of god, Germany! Change me…”
I drew even closer until I was hugging him. His body was soft, familiar. A strange sense of comfort…
“Italy!”
Germany spun, and I was pushed onto the floor. Jelly-like, I felt it running down my back. It was cold and thin as a snake, probably just as venomous or otherwise sickening.
“I said – that I was sorry.” He couldn’t bear to look at me. “Italy, you might have been dead now if Lutz hadn’t had acted the way he did!”
Lutz appeared behind me again, offering his jittering hand. I come closer and see how he flashes like old tv static. His touch is fuzzy and like air. Am I touching anything at all? He somehow lifted me off of the strange ground nevertheless.
“What? What do you mean I-”
Lutz shrugged. “I just did what I could do.”
What did he have to do? Any of this?
“Can you just, please!” I went to reach him. I shook his arm, but his expression had no falter.
“I can’t do anything else now, but this is all I could do.”
Germany screamed something appeared out of the corner of my eye. There was a rumble and the colours changing again. A glowing pink to purple, violet, blue. An echo, and the sound of guns. Germany summoned those guns? They looked as if they could be real, taken from some time or place in history. They were sleek and glossy. A silvery black with a fine point. A stable facet of this shifting dimension.
“So sorry,” Lutz whispered before vanishing from my side.
“Germany! What are you doing, isn’t that the same method you used last time!”
“Calm yourself, Lutz. I just need to wind it down a little more. I was getting close last time, closer than you think.”
“I’m still not so sure.”
Germany sighed, a light blue energy emulating from the palm of his hands. His eyes flicker in concentration as a silver rifle appeared from his hand. The rest of the guns stand around him as if firmly placed in the ground.
“I’ll be quicker this time.” His pupils constricted, his blue eyes becoming so incredibly small, there was another echo. The setting shifting back to a pure pink. Germany fired his weapon.
“What! What is that!”
It was there right in front of me! A great beast of disgusting proportions. It’s the size of several buildings. I could guess at least 4 or 5 stories of height, but I couldn’t quite tell with it insane figure. White; A painful contrast against the neon of this world! Two, three, four eyes? I think. Something about it looked as if it had emerged fresh from the ocean as if running water extruded from it at all possible angles. Long strands of tentacle-like design appeared at the base of the creature, tangled around each other in a heap. Its upper half having a ‘head’ jolting off in all directions. Formed as shards of triangular shapes floating, coming together, floating. The pointed objects at the very top of its body, like daggers, were the most noticeable. Hovering like esoteric symbols of insight or fear. What could it see through its pink eyes? More than I ever should; National Personification, or human.
“Fire!” Germany yelled. The rapid sounds made me jump back from where I was standing.
It’s coming towards me! Germany, are you even slowing it down? How did you get those weapons? Should I be doing that? Not me. Not me. I can shut my eyes. Can I concentrate? Something that’ll get it away from me. If I fight, will I die? I’ll fight. I’ll fight, and I won’t die. I’ll give into to my one option, for better or for worse. I can see – I can see a thousand arrows in my head. Their heads pointed and sharp. An older silver treasures. Pointing, pointing away from me! They hang there, like a crown above my head. Resting, resting. Release!
“Italy!” that was Lutz calling me.
Where did those arrows go?
“Thank Goodness! I guess you can manipulate your energy field after all!”
“Energy, what?”
My eyes jolted open. The monster showed no signs of weakening. I could see some arrows fly towards it. My arrows? They only merely broke the rim of its eyelid.
Germany was still managing to fire rapid shots, I backed away slightly. Was it bleeding now?
I think it was blood? Pastel pink and pouring from its eyeball. The colour forming streaks along its sparkling form. It reminded me of flowers. Perhaps a violet or white hibiscus? Perhaps even a rose! The fluid portrayed the same soft, frail quality.
Germany ran forward, several guns in his arms and made straight for the monster below him.
Lutz screamed. “Germany. Fuck. What did I tell you, what are you-
Nothing in Lutz’s body changed. Despite his concern, his body frame remained static. It didn’t shake and there was no sweat coming from his face. Everything about him remained consistent.
Where’s Germany now? I can’t hear him, and the sound of fire had stopped. I saw many of the guns he had attempted to attack with, strewn aside.
I stepped forward, my stomach tense and acid clinging to the inside of my throat. From here everything within the revolving hills could properly be seen. I get the feeling that I am above something. From here focus my attention on the beast! Watching, watching, there it is! Could this really be my responsibility alone?
I turned back to Lutz. “What is – Why aren’t you doing anything!”
“I can’t! I’m not even from here!”
I gritted my teeth at him, before sighing and turning back to the edge. Germany had been caught away by the creature. I saw that part of his boot dangled from its dislocated tendril.
“Sorry. Italy, you are own your with this one. Germany was always alone yet –”
I only saw Germany fall prey to what could have been incompetence this one time. No other encounter with him did he rush into battle like this. Perhaps he was eager to get it over and done with, so I wouldn’t interfere.
I’m sorry, Germany. I didn’t mean to ruin your existence…
I close my eyes. I have to forget he’s there. I have to forget where I am, what I’ve become, what I’m doing, just for the seconds so that I can focus again. I can save Germany, I can. I just need to focus on hurting it. On its pain – where I can strike!
I manage to materialize a crossbow-like device and a sort of rope. I aim for the creature’s jelly-like branches extending below it. They are thin and slither around. A pair of them carry Germany around his waist like it was trying to crush his bones. I wait with an extreme focus for two of the tendrils to overlap and manage to strike it.
I was able to grasp something in those moments of calm. My first real taste of being a Nation? When the arrowhead gripped the creature; I pulled back, and back and back and something inside the creature tipped and its entire frame had turned. Had I really pulled down that beast with my power alone? Normally I would normally struggle to lift something as simple as my art supplies. I would also feel a sense of disgust when even looking at weapons, let alone holding them in my hands. What if this human frame was an illusion of my own design? To the humans on the outside, I really had gained a visibly new form. Yet, this newfound sense of strength was strangely liberating; I could even say it felt good.
Germany was still far below me. I couldn’t see his full body. I think he managed to scramble up to his feet within a few seconds after the beast had let go of him. He didn’t turn to look back at me, almost as if he expected to be saved. Did he really have faith in me after all? I really hope he did! Unless this was all just a made-up test!
He managed to pull the trigger, so very close to its face releasing a whirling sound. It became a whirlwind of fragments of light.
Was it dead? Shards flashed around in every direction. Like pieces of broken mirrors. I can just catch sight of my reflection within them. As I expected, I had looked perfectly human.
“Thank Goodness.” Lutz sighed.
Germany jumped up to join me. Nations could jump pretty high. Suppose it made sense if they could many other things. Below us, the creature melted into seemingly an endless flood of pink and gold. Everything bright and searing in the room turned pallid; it splashed itself against the everchanging design of its valleys.
Germany had no emotion on his face. It was stern with the only sound being an occasional sniff. He was a rock, stable and unmoving. I wanted to speak to him, I should have spoken to him. I was still in utter awe of what I had done, and it was the only thing I could focus on. I looked down at my hands and the rest of my body in disbelief at who I am now.
Was Germany hurt? He showed no sign of bruises or even bleeding. If he were human and had been restricted for so long, I would have expected his entire body to be wrangled, cracked, broken, dead.
The liquid released from the corpse of the creature begun to wash away the shell of this world, as if it were paint on a canvas. The colours drained and ran. It melted to reveal the landscape of the town square once again.
With that, I felt a part of my body melted away too. My body felt as if it had entered a molten state until a great pang struck me in the chest. I screamed and fell back onto the harsh pavement.
I’m going to die. I’m going to die. Oh, dear god, I’m going to die. I can’t breathe. What’s around me now? What happened? I can only focus on my heart rate, my breath. Tears were streaming down my burning cheeks. I had been forced to shed my Nation self and become human again. I was in a daze, everything around me was a rapid shadow, passing inches of colours. White. Orange. Green. Orange. I only wept and placed my shaking hands over my eyes. Black. My throat ached from all the force of my tears. I couldn’t move. I was static. Unaware of the sounds crashing around me. I was enclosed to myself, there was nothing outside my body. I don’t think there was enough in my stomach to throw up, although I felt desperate to.
I could vaguely tell the presence of Ludwig behind me. I jittered, before forcing myself to violently turn around. I screamed at him and continued to cry.
“Feliciano!” his face was red with lines of sweat running down his face.
“W-what?” speaking choked me.
“Why didn’t you do something sooner, I could have - ”
He was cut off by a need to clench his stomach. Just where he the beast had gripped him before.
“Ludwig?”
I could just reach out my trembling hand to touch him but stopped myself short. I didn’t want to look at him in such a weak position. I saw him tremble, with breathing so rapid and shallow. Where was Lutz? Did he just abandon us? Did he leave when Germany became Ludwig again?
I slowly turned my head around, forcing my frail arms to lift myself off the floor. It took so much energy to just move. I blink several times, forcing myself to look up. It’s only now I see the amount deep grey smog which floated through the air. There was a horrific crashing noise. Almost like an explosion. An entire building straight ahead of me alight with fire. It was too great and unstoppable at this point, almost supernatural. The fire held a wisp-like quality and a green tinge. It floated, flew between its destinations as if it had a sense of direction. It continued to enlighten the rows of white buildings behind it.
How did we know there weren’t people in there? Will they all sleep through the fire? What if they were working into the night and couldn’t get out in time? I became this, for what? To suffer? To force others to suffer too? Those few moments of glory suddenly felt so meaningless.
“Ludwig?” I whispered.
His arms were slowly moving. He had managed to lift his spine upward, so he could stand up straight. Had he recovered from losing his power? And so quickly too. I moved to put my arms around him. I just had to. I wanted to ignore the world around me and cried into the white cloth of his shirt. I focused on his embrace. I needed to desperately cling to something, someone. I begged he didn’t hate me.
“Ludwig?”
His breathing was still slow. I could sense that all of his anger was buried deep inside him. “What is it?”
“Why do I have to be here? Why do I have to be with you!”
“I don’t know. But I know it’s my burden to bear.” He pushed me away and sighed deeply.
I looked back to the fire. Its red and green flares awe-inspiring, disgusting, I turn back to him. I wish I could have cried an ocean. It would have put out the fire and would have made sense of how I felt inside. I turn away from Ludwig, from what I had done. I wanted to go home. arrived. Not think about this. Not think about anything. I pulled my bedraggled body across the square for what I thought was the last time. I would cry until I ran out of tears. I felt like a burden, I was a burden. Worse than a burden. A useless, meaningless, destroyer.
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