EVERYONE: - Complete Apologies, sir! [One-shot] [EVERYONE]

[Dragonite Orbs]

This is a one-shot letter. I thought I'd try to present an original take on a very interesting character

It's my first submission, and in fact the first story I've written for many years!

I'd appreciate any feedback. Enjoy!


Apologies, sir!

My dear General,

I’m sorry, sir. You were right all along.

I could have been the best there had ever been. What other teenager in the history of our world has seen the things I’ve seen, or beaten the enemies I have? You knew it too, I’m sure of that now. Now that I think about it, you wanted me to achieve every volt of potential I had.

But I always thought that you were holding me back, that you were too proud to even contemplate losing to me. I never knew you were only trying to teach me important lessons. “Humility” and “respect” were just weary excuses.

I still see it every night. For 25 years I’d never regretted the frenzy that came over me that day. The great general, a man too proud to see his authority challenged, beaten to an inch of his life by the young recruit. I felt unstoppable. I was invincible.

To me, it was just like any other great victory in military history. I took the enemy by surprise and showed them no mercy. Isn’t that what you taught us to do? I simply could not understand why I had been cast out for that. Why would my brothers rally around a beaten, broken old man instead? It was meant to be a grand coup, not a fall from grace.

I spent years in a muted rage, sir. I had no money, no home and no living family. Eventually, the League took me on and I had no choice but to accept. But Gym battles are pathetic imitations. I wasn’t born to be a Leader. I was born to be someone bigger than this, somewhere out there in the real world.

I was their puppet. Ordered to field weaker teams, so the occasional spoilt child could earn a petty badge after a battle he didn’t ever deserve to win. But I had no choice. I played their stupid game, waiting for a challenge worthy of me.
Today, sir, I got that challenge.

The great irony is that it was a child that taught me the lessons I should have learnt from you. If only I had.. I could have been the greatest Champion in history.

I tried to put him in his place, tried to wipe that confident smile from his face. Raichu most of all, he tried everything he could. But our age has started to show. Electric Pokemon without the sharp reflexes of their youth are just pigs waiting for the slaughter.

The child never said a word as he handed my ass back to me.

He truly reminded me of a younger me. The same arrogance, the same self-belief. I liked him so much I even gave him a TM as a grudging mark of respect, and he took it without a word.

He threw it into one of my trash cans on his way out, and that’s when it hit me. I wish he’d shown me the respect I craved. The respect you deserved, sir.

Twenty five years too late, I write to you as a man truly humbled, seeking your forgiveness.

I’m sorry, sir. You were right all along.

 

[Gama]

I really enjoyed this.

This is certainly an insight into Surge's past that I had personally never imagined before. I think you gave a good picture of how he could have been when he was younger. It also kind of makes sense with how he seems to try and belittle Red in the original games.

It was also a really interesting look at how it must feel to be beaten by someone who never speaks. It made me look at Red's gym career in a whole new light... He's a jerk - the disrespect is extreme!

Good job!

 

[Pride]

Nice work!! I thought this was really interesting. One thing is, usually people end letters with their name and stuff, so if this is indeed meant to be a letter, I think this might be an example on one way you could've ended it:

I’m sorry, sir. You were right all along.
Yours truly,
Lt. Surge

Other than that, I have no complaints! Your writing style seems easy and enjoyable to read. Nice job, man!

 

[diamondpearl876]

I like this a lot. I especially like the small references to his penchant for electricity (such as using words like "volt"). It was also interesting to see his tough demeanor pretty much be shot down and exposed in this.

I personally see gym leaders as the type of people who are meant to teach lessons to kids, indeed, since they're so much younger than the gym leaders. But it's nice to see that it's the other way around, sometimes. This was an interesting perspective on the gym leader position that I wish stuck out more than the whole "badge" idea.

Nice work, keep it up.

 

[Dragonite Orbs]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

Nice work!! I thought this was really interesting. One thing is, usually people end letters with their name and stuff, so if this is indeed meant to be a letter, I think this might be an example on one way you could've ended it:

I’m sorry, sir. You were right all along.
Yours truly,
Lt. Surge

Other than that, I have no complaints! Your writing style seems easy and enjoyable to read. Nice job, man!

Yeah while I was writing it I wasn't sure whether this would be a letter, or something Surge would wish he'd said. I added the greeting and the label of a "letter" in the intro just as I was posting the story up and this was an oversight / last minute decision. Thanks for spotting that.

I like this a lot. I especially like the small references to his penchant for electricity (such as using words like "volt"). It was also interesting to see his tough demeanor pretty much be shot down and exposed in this.

I personally see gym leaders as the type of people who are meant to teach lessons to kids, indeed, since they're so much younger than the gym leaders. But it's nice to see that it's the other way around, sometimes. This was an interesting perspective on the gym leader position that I wish stuck out more than the whole "badge" idea.

Nice work, keep it up.

Thank you. I wasn't sure whether to explicitly state this was from Surge at any point in the letter, and decided to drop hints like that along the way. Glad to see they were well received!

While playing the games when I was younger I also shared the view that the leaders were people to aspire to. However, I've always wondered if they could have darker, more human, pasts than they'd care to admit. This was just an exploration of that using a character with a particularly interesting history.

When I find some time I will probably write another short before-they-were-leaders piece, I hope you all enjoy that as well!

 

[Gama]

I like the idea of a "before they were leaders" series. That sounds really cool! Make sure to let me know if you write another one, Orbs.

Also, it's true that the lack of a greeting was a bit strange since it was a letter, but I really like that you're never told explicitly that it's from Surge. I don't know how you can resolve these two things, but if possible, I think it would be a good idea.

 

[Safe]

Despite being short, you managed to describe and portray Lt. Surge's character very well, good job!