Mialentia
Girls' love printer personified
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2025
- Messages
- 472
- Reaction score
- 742
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Content Warnings: None
Summary:
Tags:
Unrequited Love, Acquaintances to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Self-Worth Issues, Character with BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder, Some Humor, Songfic, Original song lyrics, First Kiss, First Love“Thank you all for coming!”
Sat in Hanasakigawa’s student council room were several of its students, as well as Haneoka’s, which came in order to put the finishing touches on the second edition of their joint culture festival. In the center of the tables, which were placed in a half-circle, was Rokka, who was presenting a poster she and her schoolmates had just finished.
“This is the final design for the musical event we have planned. I hope you all like it!”
“We put a lot of work into it,” added Tsugumi. “As Haneoka’s student council president, I wouldn’t have let it be done lazily!”
The poster was covered in pinks, reds and yellows, all colors that indicated which bands would be playing for the event; in a convenient stroke of luck, all members of Poppin’Party, Afterglow and Hello, Happy World! were available on the last day of the event, and were eager to participate. Their logos adorned the center of the poster in vivid ink, and the performance was set to be quite a thing to behold.
“Ooooh, impressive! I really like what you did with the stars, lightning bolts and balls. It just screams “Hello, Popiglow!”” Exclaimed Eve.
“”Popiglow?” Who are you, Tae-senpai…?” Asuka replied, sighing.
“Oh, speaking of Popipa… where are they? Maybe you know, since you’re her sister?”
“No, actually… Kasumi stayed over at Arisa-san’s last night. Late night practice, I think? Sorry for not knowing more, Misaki-senpai.”
“It’s all right. I guess they just practiced late enough that they decided to skip today… sigh I’ll have to talk to them about this.”
Suddenly, Rokka felt her phone vibrate, pulling it out to check it. “Oh–! K-Kasumi-senpai!? She’s calling now!?” Picking it up, she brought it close to her ear, before pulling it away due to her idol being too loud.
“Rooooooock…!”
“Kasumi-senpai…? What’s wrong…?”
“cough I’b sick…”
“Sick!? What happened!?”
“She happened!” Arisa cut in angrily. “We tried to tell her that it wasn’t a good idea to– ACHOO! sniff …to go swim in the river in the middle of the night in November, but noooo…!”
“But it was sbarkling and hearb-bounding…”
“And of course, when O-Tae went in also, she took that as indication the rest of us should be pushed in! I can’t believe– cough hack”
“Arisa… take it easy, okay…?” Rokka heard Saaya say over the phone.
“Rimi and her aren’t even conscious right now! Jeez…”
“Are you all gonna be okay to perform!? You sound really sick…”
“Sorry, Rock… I’m the only one who managed not to get sick somehow, so I’m taking care of everyone… I can tell none of them are in any state to practice, even if they miraculously healed by Sunday. I think… we’re just going to have to cancel.”
“Oh… I see… that’s okay. Please take care of yourselves… bye.”
“Rokka… did we hear that right?”
“...yeah.”
--------------------------------------------
Umiri felt something cold placed on the back of her head as she was resting from the day before’s concert. Knowing what it was, as well as the person responsible, she did not bother to lift her head, simply grabbing the small drink and punching it open with its straw.
“Taki-san. Good morning.”
“Should you be sleeping in class? The teacher was glaring at you the entire lesson.”
“It will be fine. My classmate usually shares her notes with me.”
“Are you… are you talking about me? To my face?”
Suddenly, the door to the classroom burst open, an out-of-breath Misaki walking in. “huff Yahata-chan, Shiina-chan… can you please come with me?”
“Senpai? What’s wrong?”
-----------------------------
“...and that’s why I’ve brought you here.” The student council president finished, as the three girls sat down in the council room.
“I see. That does sound like quite the predicament.”
“But, why us, exactly? Surely you could ask others, right?”
“Well, yes, but… everyone’s busy. Pastel*Palettes probably won’t be able to get the okay from their producer, since they already refused last year, Roselia has a big concert coming up they can’t make time for, and any other bands we thought to ask happened to be occupied with either studying for the upcoming exams, or some other event or personal matter. So I thought of asking the first-years, and here we are.”
“Ah. I see. But we aren’t gonna go far with just a bassist and a drummer… and I don’t know if I really want to participate…” Taki replied.
“Sounds fun to me! Count me in!” Anon enthusiastically added, startling her friend with her sudden appearance.
“Wh– Anon!? Where did you come from!? You don’t even attend this school!”
“Tsugumi-senpai and LOCK-senpai asked me to come!”
“Sorry for startling you, Taki-chan. You were so focused on Misaki-senpai’s explanation, we didn’t want to interrupt you when we walked in…” Rokka nervously laughed as she explained.
“Getting back on topic, I would be happy to participate as well.”
“Well, if Umiri and Anon will be performing, now I know for sure I don’t want to… huh?” Noticing a poster at the other end of the table they were sitting at, Taki interrupted herself, thinking she noticed something on it. As her eyes flew over the words on it, her face suddenly turned beet red. “...A-A-Afterglow!?”
“Oh, right. Did I forget to mention? Afterglow and Hello, Happy World! will be performing as well. You’d be the opening act for the former.”
“H… Haaaaaaah!?”
“Sounds like Rikki’s suddenly feeling motivated~”
“Sh-Shut up, you! I–”
“Rikki-san, you should accept.”
“Umiri, you too!?” Taking a deep breath to gather herself, the drummer tried not to blush as she faced her senpais. “...I would like to participate as well, if that would be okay…”
“Aah~? So you want to play with us after all~?”
“Anon, if you say another word, I’m kicking you out of MyGO!!!!!.”
“Hehehe… you know the others wouldn’t let you. Or, well, Soyorin might, but…”
“Thank you so much, you three! You’re lifesavers.”
“Still, Taki-san is right. Just the three of us won’t make for much of a band. Would it be all right if I asked my bandmates if they want to be involved?”
“Oh, we can do the same! Right, Rikki?”
“Mmm… guess so, yeah.”
“That’d be a huge help. Just keep in mind this is a culture festival, so keep it to Haneoka and Hanasakigawa students only.” Misaki agreed.
“Oh, that rules out most of the rest of Ave Mujica then. I can think of one person to start with, however.”
“Aww, no Soyorin, huh… oh well! Rikki, you ask Raana-chan. I’ll ask Tomorin, okay?”
“That sounds good to me. Finding that stray cat is easier said than done though…”
“Either way, us Haneoka students should be heading back. Lunch break is halfway over, and we have to make sure to be back in time for afternoon classes.”
“Ah, right! Thank you, Rokka-chan.”
“How about we meet up after class today to update one another on which members agreed to join?”
“Okay! I’ll be there, Tomorin in tow!”
“Who are you to put words in Tomori’s mouth…? Either way, that works with me.”
“Anon-chan, let’s go.”
“Ah– coming!”
--------------------------------------------
Taki couldn’t believe she let herself be dragged into this. A band? With Umiri and Anon again? Was she cursed? She had half a mind to turn right back around and tell Misaki that she wasn’t going to participate after all, but her pride wouldn’t let her go back on her word. and maybe she was looking forward to playing in the same concert as Afterglow. Standing on the same stage as her favorite band… it almost felt like a dream. She tried to ignore her quickening heartbeat as she entered the junior high school building. Right now, she had to focus on finding that stray cat. Climbing the stairs to the third floor and entering Raana’s classroom, she quickly scanned the room for her distinctive face, but could not see her.
“Oh, Senpai? Long time no see!” A classmate and clubmate of the guitarist greeted Taki, surprised to see her here. “Are you looking for Kaname-san again?”
“Oh, hello. That’s right. Have you seen her?”
“Well, she did come to class today, but she never really sticks around during recess. Did you check the courtyard yet? She usually likes to lie down there.”
“I haven’t, actually. I’ll go check now. Thank you for the help.”
“Of course! Have a good day, Senpai!”
Walking back down the stairs and sitting down on a bench in the courtyard, Taki wondered what her next course of action should be. She was no good at knowing how others were feeling or thinking in most cases, let alone when it comes to someone as eccentric as Raana. Hell, for all she knows, she could be halfway across the city by now. It wouldn’t be the first time she left in the middle of a school day, angering her grandmother in the process. Sighing, she laid her head on the bench’s back, looking up through the branches of the oak tree, which did not give much shade now that most of its leaves had vanished due to the colder weather.
That’s when she saw it.
A familiar streak of white hair.
“Wh– Stray Cat!?”
“Mmm…?” Seemingly being roused from a nap, Raana shifted around. “Rikki.”
“What are you, a bird? The hell are you doing sleeping in a tree like this!?”
“No. Like cats.”
“Haah– well, I guess that’s like you. Anyway–”
“Oh.” Suddenly, a cat jumped out from the branch and onto Taki’s face, its paws almost landing on her eyes, before starting to strut away. “There he goes.”
“Ow– the hell, Raana? Couldn’t you have told me you had a–”
“Wait for me, cat.”
“Bwaaah– what am I, a landing strip!? Hey, come back here! I’m not done talking to you…!” Taki’s demands fell on deaf ears as Raana followed the cat through the courtyard and up a fence, leaving the school grounds entirely.
“Ugh, now I have to follow her!?”
ding dong ding dong
“...Aaaah, forget it…! If she’s this unreliable, she may not show up at all on the day of or at practice anyway!”
Defeated, Taki pulled out her phone, texted the new group chat her and her friends just made, and dragged her feet back to the high school building.
-------------------------------------------------
bzzzt
“Raana’s no good. Just had to hunt her down and she left before I could say a word. We’ll have to find another guitarist.”
Anon felt a mix of annoyance and amusement at Taki’s message. It made her want to tease her bandmate for failing to hold down their oddball friend, but she also wanted to argue with her about them needing another guitarist. Hadn’t they done enough concerts by now for her to acknowledge her skill? She could totally be the lead guitarist in a band by now! I mean, sure, she often got distracted and needed to be reeled back in by a glare from the drummer, or god forbid, Soyo, but still! If she had more to do, it wouldn’t happen as much, right?
“...Chihaya-san?”
“Ah– um– here!”
“...I know. Roll call was fifteen minutes ago. I was asking you a question.”
“Oh… uh, sorry, could you repeat it?”
“sigh No, never mind. I’ll just ask someone else.”
Right. She was in class now. She had to focus. Focus on the math problems in front of her… the boring, boring equations she had to solve… sure, she was a good student, and her tests usually came back with good results, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed any of it! No, there was no way she could focus on this right now. All she could think about was that new band they were making! And with Timoris of Ave Mujica, no less! This could be her big break into the music industry! Maybe she could even start her solo career from this new acquaintance, hehe… ANON TOKYO would grow yet!
For now, this was just a simple culture festival gig, though, so all she could do was prove she was reliable. And for that, she needed to work fast and bring in new members! Plus, the faster she finds a good vocalist, the harder it will be for Umiri to feel disinterested and cancel. And she had a good idea as to who to ask…
“Tomorin. Hey, Tomorin!” Anon turned around and whispered, trying to get her friend’s attention.
“...Ano-chan?”
“So, you know how Tsugumi-senpai came in to get me after class earlier?”
“...mhm.” Tomori responded, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to get in trouble.
“Turns out it was for a favor! Me, Rikki and Yahata-san from Ave Mujica are gonna be in a band together for the festival!”
“...ah.” Not sure what to say, and confused about why she was telling her this now of all times, the vocalist only gave a brief sound of acknowledgement.
“But we’re still missing some members, and we have roles to fill, right? So, Tomorin, that’s where you come in! Wanna join? I’d do the vocals, but I know Rikki wouldn’t let me, so…”
“Um– sure.” Tomori quickly agreed, which seemed uncharacteristic to the pink-haired girl, before abruptly lowering her gaze back onto her textbook.
“Yay! Thanks, Tomorin~ I’ll tell the others right a–”
“Chihaya-san. Stop bothering Takamatsu-san or I’m sending you to the principal.”
“Waaah– I’m sorry, Sensei…!”
But still… a new band, huh? Tomori thought about what that would entail. Being part of an unfamiliar group sounded scary, but if it was with Taki and Anon, she thought she would be okay. And this could be a chance to shout out her words and be heard by all kinds of people, not just MyGO!!!!! fans and RiNG’s usual clientele. Maybe it would be a good thing to participate.
And… she had another idea, too. One that could make her smile once more. As something in her eyes burned with a quiet determination, Tomori turned the page of her notebook, deciding to practice an entirely different kind of exercise.
------------------------------------
Sakiko focused as her fingers followed a familiar sequence. G#, C#, E, G#, C#, E, G#, C#, E… she has known this song for longer than she’s known herself, if she even does at all nowadays. This place was the only one she felt truly, fully at home in. Mutsumi’s house was fine, unless her parents were home, in which case their blatant disregard or even outright contempt could only put her in a bad mood. Uika’s was suffocating, either due to her roommate’s constant well-meaning interruptions or the heavy silence that followed a bad day for either of them. Anywhere else was full of people that she had no interest in spending time with or next to. But at this time, when all other students are either heading to their clubs or homeways? This was her personal haven. The setting sun’s rays caressing the keys of the music room’s piano, her body casting a shadow down on her hands as she played the familiar tune… truly, this was peace.
Or, it would have been, if someone didn’t come in. Someone she could tell the identity of solely from the quiet footsteps, and the way she closed the door behind her without a sound, almost as if she felt she was trespassing in her own school.
“...Tomori.”
“S-Saki-chan… hello.”
“...” Sakiko did not stop playing.
“...” Tomori swallowed. It didn’t matter how much she had practiced this. No exercise, no rehearsal, could prepare her when it came to talking to her ex-bandmate. The piano between them felt more like a cliff, or an unscalable wall. Even now that their relationship wasn’t as strained, she still struggled to find her words.
“...can I help you?”
“Um–” Realizing that staying quiet would only make things worse, the vocalist pushed herself to speak. “Th-There’s this band, and, um– Taki-chan and Ano-chan are– oh, and Yahata-san–” Glancing at Sakiko, who raised an eyebrow at the mention of Umiri, clearly confused, Tomori looked away again, took a deep breath, and started over. “...Poppin’Party are sick. And we… we’re going to replace them at the festival. We’ll be a band just this once, and…”
“...And you want me to join?” the keyboardist completed.
“...Mhm…!” Tomori’s eyes were full of hope and determination, speaking the words her voice was unable to, and yet, their gaze remained firmly fixed on the floor. The gray-haired girl wanted her to play with her once more, more than anything. She longed for the bond they once had, so happy in their last year of middle school.
But that Sakiko was long dead. “I’m sorry, but I must decline.”
“But…!”
“The past is in the past, Tomori.”
“It doesn’t have to be…! We can play again, can’t we…?”
“CRYCHIC is dead.”
“Ah–”
“It is dead and buried, and it will never come back. We are on different paths now.” Sakiko got up, walking past her friend and opening the exit door. “I wish you the best with your endeavors. Don’t worry about Umiri. You have my permission to use her. Good day.”
And with that, the blue-haired girl closed the door behind her, leaving Tomori standing alone in the middle of the room, her gaze at her feet where it had been the whole time. She remained there for a while, unsure what to do with herself now, and hoping Sakiko would return and change her mind. But sure enough, she never did, and it took her phone vibrating in her pocket to snap her out of her daze.
It was a message from Anon. “Tomorin! I’m waiting for you at the gates. Let’s meet up with Rikki and Yahata-san and check in with each other!”
And so, the small girl dragged her feet out of the music room, wondering if she would ever get to see the Saki-chan she used to know again.
--------------------------------------------------
“Ah, there you two are.”
“Taki-chan…”
Taki was waiting for her friends at Hanasakigawa’s gates, her back to a wall. The sun was now very low in the sky, bathing the streets nearby in a soft orange light.
“Hey, Rikki! So, no luck with Raana-chan, huh? Good thing someone here’s working hard to find new members~”
“Umiri isn’t here yet. No need to show off.”
“Wha– you wound me, madam! I would never–”
“You would.”
“Huh!? Now hold on–”
“U-Um–”
“Tomori?” Taki ignored the guitarist, focusing on the smaller girl. “Is everything all right?”
“Where’s… Yahata-san?”
“She said she had to do something before coming. She shouldn’t be gone for much longer.”
“And indeed I am not.” Umiri replied as she approached, followed by a familiar face. “I simply had to retrieve someone.”
“I-Is that– Uika!?” Anon couldn’t believe her eyes. “She goes to this school!?”
“Um… hello, Anon-chan. It’s been a while.” Uika shyly replied, a small smile on her face.
“You didn’t know? She’s in our class.”
“You go to class with Timoris and Doloris, and you never thought to tell me!?”
“This is exactly why I never told you…”
“Um, if I may ask… why did you bring me here, Umiri-chan?”
“Ah, right. I thought I would tell you only now so you would have the full picture. Our schools’ student councils requested we form a band to replace our senpais who fell ill at the culture festival. I assume if Takamatsu-san is here, that means she will be joining as well.”
“Mhm.” Tomori confirmed.
“That is great to hear. And so, we would like to extend the invitation to you.”
“...What about Saki-chan?”
“Hm? Togawa-san? I haven’t asked her yet–”
“I… I talked to her.”
“Oh, that’s what you went off to do earlier? Productive, Tomorin~ see, it’s like I asked two people in the end!”
“She… said she wouldn’t join.”
“Good going, Miss Recruiter.”
“Rikki…! Why are you so mean to me…?”
Cutting through the banter, Uika walked forward, intending to leave. “Then my answer is no as well.”
“Wait, Misumi-san–”
“Why ask me, anyhow? You already have a vocalist and a guitarist, don’t you?”
“That’s… true, but–”
“Shiina-chan, you should just give Anon-chan the lead guitarist role. I’ve seen her play. I’m sure she would do fine.”
“See! See! Even Uika said so–”
“Anon, shut up!” Taki whispered, elbowing her in the ribs. “We’re familiar with playing with two guitarists, and you are as well. Keeping her on rhythm and you as the lead would work out perfectly.”
“Thank you for the invitation, but my answer is the same.” Turning around to face the four, Uika harbored an indescribable look in her eyes as she gave a smile. “My words exist solely to give voice to Saki-chan’s every wish. If she won’t play, then someone like me… then it’s simply no use for me to join.” With her piece said, Uika turned back around, leaving everyone else behind.
“Uika…-chan…”
As the slowly burgeoning band stood there, watching their potential recruit leave, Tomori could only think of those eyes. Those deep, purple eyes, the sadness they contain… and how they threatened to swallow her whole.
Sat in Hanasakigawa’s student council room were several of its students, as well as Haneoka’s, which came in order to put the finishing touches on the second edition of their joint culture festival. In the center of the tables, which were placed in a half-circle, was Rokka, who was presenting a poster she and her schoolmates had just finished.
“This is the final design for the musical event we have planned. I hope you all like it!”
“We put a lot of work into it,” added Tsugumi. “As Haneoka’s student council president, I wouldn’t have let it be done lazily!”
The poster was covered in pinks, reds and yellows, all colors that indicated which bands would be playing for the event; in a convenient stroke of luck, all members of Poppin’Party, Afterglow and Hello, Happy World! were available on the last day of the event, and were eager to participate. Their logos adorned the center of the poster in vivid ink, and the performance was set to be quite a thing to behold.
“Ooooh, impressive! I really like what you did with the stars, lightning bolts and balls. It just screams “Hello, Popiglow!”” Exclaimed Eve.
“”Popiglow?” Who are you, Tae-senpai…?” Asuka replied, sighing.
“Oh, speaking of Popipa… where are they? Maybe you know, since you’re her sister?”
“No, actually… Kasumi stayed over at Arisa-san’s last night. Late night practice, I think? Sorry for not knowing more, Misaki-senpai.”
“It’s all right. I guess they just practiced late enough that they decided to skip today… sigh I’ll have to talk to them about this.”
Suddenly, Rokka felt her phone vibrate, pulling it out to check it. “Oh–! K-Kasumi-senpai!? She’s calling now!?” Picking it up, she brought it close to her ear, before pulling it away due to her idol being too loud.
“Rooooooock…!”
“Kasumi-senpai…? What’s wrong…?”
“cough I’b sick…”
“Sick!? What happened!?”
“She happened!” Arisa cut in angrily. “We tried to tell her that it wasn’t a good idea to– ACHOO! sniff …to go swim in the river in the middle of the night in November, but noooo…!”
“But it was sbarkling and hearb-bounding…”
“And of course, when O-Tae went in also, she took that as indication the rest of us should be pushed in! I can’t believe– cough hack”
“Arisa… take it easy, okay…?” Rokka heard Saaya say over the phone.
“Rimi and her aren’t even conscious right now! Jeez…”
“Are you all gonna be okay to perform!? You sound really sick…”
“Sorry, Rock… I’m the only one who managed not to get sick somehow, so I’m taking care of everyone… I can tell none of them are in any state to practice, even if they miraculously healed by Sunday. I think… we’re just going to have to cancel.”
“Oh… I see… that’s okay. Please take care of yourselves… bye.”
“Rokka… did we hear that right?”
“...yeah.”
--------------------------------------------
Umiri felt something cold placed on the back of her head as she was resting from the day before’s concert. Knowing what it was, as well as the person responsible, she did not bother to lift her head, simply grabbing the small drink and punching it open with its straw.
“Taki-san. Good morning.”
“Should you be sleeping in class? The teacher was glaring at you the entire lesson.”
“It will be fine. My classmate usually shares her notes with me.”
“Are you… are you talking about me? To my face?”
Suddenly, the door to the classroom burst open, an out-of-breath Misaki walking in. “huff Yahata-chan, Shiina-chan… can you please come with me?”
“Senpai? What’s wrong?”
-----------------------------
“...and that’s why I’ve brought you here.” The student council president finished, as the three girls sat down in the council room.
“I see. That does sound like quite the predicament.”
“But, why us, exactly? Surely you could ask others, right?”
“Well, yes, but… everyone’s busy. Pastel*Palettes probably won’t be able to get the okay from their producer, since they already refused last year, Roselia has a big concert coming up they can’t make time for, and any other bands we thought to ask happened to be occupied with either studying for the upcoming exams, or some other event or personal matter. So I thought of asking the first-years, and here we are.”
“Ah. I see. But we aren’t gonna go far with just a bassist and a drummer… and I don’t know if I really want to participate…” Taki replied.
“Sounds fun to me! Count me in!” Anon enthusiastically added, startling her friend with her sudden appearance.
“Wh– Anon!? Where did you come from!? You don’t even attend this school!”
“Tsugumi-senpai and LOCK-senpai asked me to come!”
“Sorry for startling you, Taki-chan. You were so focused on Misaki-senpai’s explanation, we didn’t want to interrupt you when we walked in…” Rokka nervously laughed as she explained.
“Getting back on topic, I would be happy to participate as well.”
“Well, if Umiri and Anon will be performing, now I know for sure I don’t want to… huh?” Noticing a poster at the other end of the table they were sitting at, Taki interrupted herself, thinking she noticed something on it. As her eyes flew over the words on it, her face suddenly turned beet red. “...A-A-Afterglow!?”
“Oh, right. Did I forget to mention? Afterglow and Hello, Happy World! will be performing as well. You’d be the opening act for the former.”
“H… Haaaaaaah!?”
“Sounds like Rikki’s suddenly feeling motivated~”
“Sh-Shut up, you! I–”
“Rikki-san, you should accept.”
“Umiri, you too!?” Taking a deep breath to gather herself, the drummer tried not to blush as she faced her senpais. “...I would like to participate as well, if that would be okay…”
“Aah~? So you want to play with us after all~?”
“Anon, if you say another word, I’m kicking you out of MyGO!!!!!.”
“Hehehe… you know the others wouldn’t let you. Or, well, Soyorin might, but…”
“Thank you so much, you three! You’re lifesavers.”
“Still, Taki-san is right. Just the three of us won’t make for much of a band. Would it be all right if I asked my bandmates if they want to be involved?”
“Oh, we can do the same! Right, Rikki?”
“Mmm… guess so, yeah.”
“That’d be a huge help. Just keep in mind this is a culture festival, so keep it to Haneoka and Hanasakigawa students only.” Misaki agreed.
“Oh, that rules out most of the rest of Ave Mujica then. I can think of one person to start with, however.”
“Aww, no Soyorin, huh… oh well! Rikki, you ask Raana-chan. I’ll ask Tomorin, okay?”
“That sounds good to me. Finding that stray cat is easier said than done though…”
“Either way, us Haneoka students should be heading back. Lunch break is halfway over, and we have to make sure to be back in time for afternoon classes.”
“Ah, right! Thank you, Rokka-chan.”
“How about we meet up after class today to update one another on which members agreed to join?”
“Okay! I’ll be there, Tomorin in tow!”
“Who are you to put words in Tomori’s mouth…? Either way, that works with me.”
“Anon-chan, let’s go.”
“Ah– coming!”
--------------------------------------------
Taki couldn’t believe she let herself be dragged into this. A band? With Umiri and Anon again? Was she cursed? She had half a mind to turn right back around and tell Misaki that she wasn’t going to participate after all, but her pride wouldn’t let her go back on her word. and maybe she was looking forward to playing in the same concert as Afterglow. Standing on the same stage as her favorite band… it almost felt like a dream. She tried to ignore her quickening heartbeat as she entered the junior high school building. Right now, she had to focus on finding that stray cat. Climbing the stairs to the third floor and entering Raana’s classroom, she quickly scanned the room for her distinctive face, but could not see her.
“Oh, Senpai? Long time no see!” A classmate and clubmate of the guitarist greeted Taki, surprised to see her here. “Are you looking for Kaname-san again?”
“Oh, hello. That’s right. Have you seen her?”
“Well, she did come to class today, but she never really sticks around during recess. Did you check the courtyard yet? She usually likes to lie down there.”
“I haven’t, actually. I’ll go check now. Thank you for the help.”
“Of course! Have a good day, Senpai!”
Walking back down the stairs and sitting down on a bench in the courtyard, Taki wondered what her next course of action should be. She was no good at knowing how others were feeling or thinking in most cases, let alone when it comes to someone as eccentric as Raana. Hell, for all she knows, she could be halfway across the city by now. It wouldn’t be the first time she left in the middle of a school day, angering her grandmother in the process. Sighing, she laid her head on the bench’s back, looking up through the branches of the oak tree, which did not give much shade now that most of its leaves had vanished due to the colder weather.
That’s when she saw it.
A familiar streak of white hair.
“Wh– Stray Cat!?”
“Mmm…?” Seemingly being roused from a nap, Raana shifted around. “Rikki.”
“What are you, a bird? The hell are you doing sleeping in a tree like this!?”
“No. Like cats.”
“Haah– well, I guess that’s like you. Anyway–”
“Oh.” Suddenly, a cat jumped out from the branch and onto Taki’s face, its paws almost landing on her eyes, before starting to strut away. “There he goes.”
“Ow– the hell, Raana? Couldn’t you have told me you had a–”
“Wait for me, cat.”
“Bwaaah– what am I, a landing strip!? Hey, come back here! I’m not done talking to you…!” Taki’s demands fell on deaf ears as Raana followed the cat through the courtyard and up a fence, leaving the school grounds entirely.
“Ugh, now I have to follow her!?”
ding dong ding dong
“...Aaaah, forget it…! If she’s this unreliable, she may not show up at all on the day of or at practice anyway!”
Defeated, Taki pulled out her phone, texted the new group chat her and her friends just made, and dragged her feet back to the high school building.
-------------------------------------------------
bzzzt
“Raana’s no good. Just had to hunt her down and she left before I could say a word. We’ll have to find another guitarist.”
Anon felt a mix of annoyance and amusement at Taki’s message. It made her want to tease her bandmate for failing to hold down their oddball friend, but she also wanted to argue with her about them needing another guitarist. Hadn’t they done enough concerts by now for her to acknowledge her skill? She could totally be the lead guitarist in a band by now! I mean, sure, she often got distracted and needed to be reeled back in by a glare from the drummer, or god forbid, Soyo, but still! If she had more to do, it wouldn’t happen as much, right?
“...Chihaya-san?”
“Ah– um– here!”
“...I know. Roll call was fifteen minutes ago. I was asking you a question.”
“Oh… uh, sorry, could you repeat it?”
“sigh No, never mind. I’ll just ask someone else.”
Right. She was in class now. She had to focus. Focus on the math problems in front of her… the boring, boring equations she had to solve… sure, she was a good student, and her tests usually came back with good results, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed any of it! No, there was no way she could focus on this right now. All she could think about was that new band they were making! And with Timoris of Ave Mujica, no less! This could be her big break into the music industry! Maybe she could even start her solo career from this new acquaintance, hehe… ANON TOKYO would grow yet!
For now, this was just a simple culture festival gig, though, so all she could do was prove she was reliable. And for that, she needed to work fast and bring in new members! Plus, the faster she finds a good vocalist, the harder it will be for Umiri to feel disinterested and cancel. And she had a good idea as to who to ask…
“Tomorin. Hey, Tomorin!” Anon turned around and whispered, trying to get her friend’s attention.
“...Ano-chan?”
“So, you know how Tsugumi-senpai came in to get me after class earlier?”
“...mhm.” Tomori responded, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to get in trouble.
“Turns out it was for a favor! Me, Rikki and Yahata-san from Ave Mujica are gonna be in a band together for the festival!”
“...ah.” Not sure what to say, and confused about why she was telling her this now of all times, the vocalist only gave a brief sound of acknowledgement.
“But we’re still missing some members, and we have roles to fill, right? So, Tomorin, that’s where you come in! Wanna join? I’d do the vocals, but I know Rikki wouldn’t let me, so…”
“Um– sure.” Tomori quickly agreed, which seemed uncharacteristic to the pink-haired girl, before abruptly lowering her gaze back onto her textbook.
“Yay! Thanks, Tomorin~ I’ll tell the others right a–”
“Chihaya-san. Stop bothering Takamatsu-san or I’m sending you to the principal.”
“Waaah– I’m sorry, Sensei…!”
But still… a new band, huh? Tomori thought about what that would entail. Being part of an unfamiliar group sounded scary, but if it was with Taki and Anon, she thought she would be okay. And this could be a chance to shout out her words and be heard by all kinds of people, not just MyGO!!!!! fans and RiNG’s usual clientele. Maybe it would be a good thing to participate.
And… she had another idea, too. One that could make her smile once more. As something in her eyes burned with a quiet determination, Tomori turned the page of her notebook, deciding to practice an entirely different kind of exercise.
------------------------------------
Sakiko focused as her fingers followed a familiar sequence. G#, C#, E, G#, C#, E, G#, C#, E… she has known this song for longer than she’s known herself, if she even does at all nowadays. This place was the only one she felt truly, fully at home in. Mutsumi’s house was fine, unless her parents were home, in which case their blatant disregard or even outright contempt could only put her in a bad mood. Uika’s was suffocating, either due to her roommate’s constant well-meaning interruptions or the heavy silence that followed a bad day for either of them. Anywhere else was full of people that she had no interest in spending time with or next to. But at this time, when all other students are either heading to their clubs or homeways? This was her personal haven. The setting sun’s rays caressing the keys of the music room’s piano, her body casting a shadow down on her hands as she played the familiar tune… truly, this was peace.
Or, it would have been, if someone didn’t come in. Someone she could tell the identity of solely from the quiet footsteps, and the way she closed the door behind her without a sound, almost as if she felt she was trespassing in her own school.
“...Tomori.”
“S-Saki-chan… hello.”
“...” Sakiko did not stop playing.
“...” Tomori swallowed. It didn’t matter how much she had practiced this. No exercise, no rehearsal, could prepare her when it came to talking to her ex-bandmate. The piano between them felt more like a cliff, or an unscalable wall. Even now that their relationship wasn’t as strained, she still struggled to find her words.
“...can I help you?”
“Um–” Realizing that staying quiet would only make things worse, the vocalist pushed herself to speak. “Th-There’s this band, and, um– Taki-chan and Ano-chan are– oh, and Yahata-san–” Glancing at Sakiko, who raised an eyebrow at the mention of Umiri, clearly confused, Tomori looked away again, took a deep breath, and started over. “...Poppin’Party are sick. And we… we’re going to replace them at the festival. We’ll be a band just this once, and…”
“...And you want me to join?” the keyboardist completed.
“...Mhm…!” Tomori’s eyes were full of hope and determination, speaking the words her voice was unable to, and yet, their gaze remained firmly fixed on the floor. The gray-haired girl wanted her to play with her once more, more than anything. She longed for the bond they once had, so happy in their last year of middle school.
But that Sakiko was long dead. “I’m sorry, but I must decline.”
“But…!”
“The past is in the past, Tomori.”
“It doesn’t have to be…! We can play again, can’t we…?”
“CRYCHIC is dead.”
“Ah–”
“It is dead and buried, and it will never come back. We are on different paths now.” Sakiko got up, walking past her friend and opening the exit door. “I wish you the best with your endeavors. Don’t worry about Umiri. You have my permission to use her. Good day.”
And with that, the blue-haired girl closed the door behind her, leaving Tomori standing alone in the middle of the room, her gaze at her feet where it had been the whole time. She remained there for a while, unsure what to do with herself now, and hoping Sakiko would return and change her mind. But sure enough, she never did, and it took her phone vibrating in her pocket to snap her out of her daze.
It was a message from Anon. “Tomorin! I’m waiting for you at the gates. Let’s meet up with Rikki and Yahata-san and check in with each other!”
And so, the small girl dragged her feet out of the music room, wondering if she would ever get to see the Saki-chan she used to know again.
--------------------------------------------------
“Ah, there you two are.”
“Taki-chan…”
Taki was waiting for her friends at Hanasakigawa’s gates, her back to a wall. The sun was now very low in the sky, bathing the streets nearby in a soft orange light.
“Hey, Rikki! So, no luck with Raana-chan, huh? Good thing someone here’s working hard to find new members~”
“Umiri isn’t here yet. No need to show off.”
“Wha– you wound me, madam! I would never–”
“You would.”
“Huh!? Now hold on–”
“U-Um–”
“Tomori?” Taki ignored the guitarist, focusing on the smaller girl. “Is everything all right?”
“Where’s… Yahata-san?”
“She said she had to do something before coming. She shouldn’t be gone for much longer.”
“And indeed I am not.” Umiri replied as she approached, followed by a familiar face. “I simply had to retrieve someone.”
“I-Is that– Uika!?” Anon couldn’t believe her eyes. “She goes to this school!?”
“Um… hello, Anon-chan. It’s been a while.” Uika shyly replied, a small smile on her face.
“You didn’t know? She’s in our class.”
“You go to class with Timoris and Doloris, and you never thought to tell me!?”
“This is exactly why I never told you…”
“Um, if I may ask… why did you bring me here, Umiri-chan?”
“Ah, right. I thought I would tell you only now so you would have the full picture. Our schools’ student councils requested we form a band to replace our senpais who fell ill at the culture festival. I assume if Takamatsu-san is here, that means she will be joining as well.”
“Mhm.” Tomori confirmed.
“That is great to hear. And so, we would like to extend the invitation to you.”
“...What about Saki-chan?”
“Hm? Togawa-san? I haven’t asked her yet–”
“I… I talked to her.”
“Oh, that’s what you went off to do earlier? Productive, Tomorin~ see, it’s like I asked two people in the end!”
“She… said she wouldn’t join.”
“Good going, Miss Recruiter.”
“Rikki…! Why are you so mean to me…?”
Cutting through the banter, Uika walked forward, intending to leave. “Then my answer is no as well.”
“Wait, Misumi-san–”
“Why ask me, anyhow? You already have a vocalist and a guitarist, don’t you?”
“That’s… true, but–”
“Shiina-chan, you should just give Anon-chan the lead guitarist role. I’ve seen her play. I’m sure she would do fine.”
“See! See! Even Uika said so–”
“Anon, shut up!” Taki whispered, elbowing her in the ribs. “We’re familiar with playing with two guitarists, and you are as well. Keeping her on rhythm and you as the lead would work out perfectly.”
“Thank you for the invitation, but my answer is the same.” Turning around to face the four, Uika harbored an indescribable look in her eyes as she gave a smile. “My words exist solely to give voice to Saki-chan’s every wish. If she won’t play, then someone like me… then it’s simply no use for me to join.” With her piece said, Uika turned back around, leaving everyone else behind.
“Uika…-chan…”
As the slowly burgeoning band stood there, watching their potential recruit leave, Tomori could only think of those eyes. Those deep, purple eyes, the sadness they contain… and how they threatened to swallow her whole.
Tomori sat awkwardly in the music room where she talked with Sakiko the day before. No matter the fact that she was absent now, she still felt a certain tension in the air. She really wished she could have convinced her. Even if she had resolved to walk her own path with MyGO!!!!!, she still couldn’t help but try to reach out to the one who once made her feel human. She could tell she also felt that way back then, and that now…
The vocalist sighed as she got up from her chair, deciding to keep herself busy by setting up the electronic drum kit and amps for her bandmates to use when she arrived. She never did anything of the sort, so she struggled with it slightly, but eventually figured it out. Still, her thoughts wandered as she went, this time towards Uika.
She saw the exact same look in her eyes as she did in Sakiko’s nowadays; this look of… shame. Yes, shame, like the very thought of doing something for herself was unforgivable. Like she had to cling to this unhealthy attachment to justify her existence. But that familiar unfamiliarity was somewhat different in Uika’s gaze. She wasn’t sticking to a script like Sakiko was; she wasn’t intent on playing out this performance to its end. No, there was something… chaotic brewing beneath the surface. Something that almost felt… dark. The vocalist felt a shiver. Surely, it was just because the heater had not been turned on before she came in. Surely.
“Takamatsu-san.”
“Aah–” Tomori jumped. “U-Umiri-san…”
“My apologies. I did not mean to scare you. You just seemed very lost in thought.” The bassist continued as she opened her bass’s carrying case.
“I’m sorry… where’s Taki-chan?”
“We ran into Chihaya-san on our way here, and she got into an argument with her. I left them to it and thought I would wait here with you instead.”
“I see…”
“...”
“...” A heavy silence suddenly fell between the two. Neither was particularly good at talking, especially to acquaintances, and they both tended to rely on the more upbeat members of their bands to speak for them. But with neither Nyamu nor Anon here at the moment, they felt rather helpless, with both trying their best to think of something to talk about.
Tomori was the first to break the silence, thinking this could be her opportunity to learn more about what, or rather, who , is on her mind. “Um… Umiri-san?”
“Yes?”
“How’s… being in Ave Mujica?”
“Hm. It’s certainly something, I would say. The energy is very different from the one your band exudes.”
“It seems… difficult.” Memories of seeing some of their masquerades came to the vocalist’s mind, their quality and professionalism intimidating the girl numerous times.
“It can be. Wakaba-san will rarely speak, instead putting her all into her guitar playing. Mortis-san, on the other hand, will often get sidetracked, which usually angers Togawa-san. Then, Yuutenji-san will take her defense, turning it into a full-on argument–”
“What about Uika-chan…?”
“Oh– that’s… a good question. I’m not sure.”
“You’re… not sure?” The ash-haired girl raised her eyebrows in surprise.
“Sometimes, she will try to mediate things. I would say if anyone is good at keeping the peace, it would be her, but… sometimes, she will just stay quiet. We have been performing as a band for a few months without issue now, but even now, I’m not sure if I can say that I know her.”
“Uika-chan…” Her eyes flashed in her memory once more. “I–”
“We’re heeere~!”
“Ah–”
“Anon, you idiot. Don’t shout so loud. Look, you scared Tomori.”
“Oh– sorry, Tomorin…!”
Tomori gave a small smile, reassuring her friends that she was okay. Now that they were here, band practice could begin in earnest. She would have to keep her thoughts to herself for the time being, but…
“Is Uika-chan really alright with this…?”
“Hm? Tomori, did you say something?”
“...No, it’s nothing.”
------------------------------------
“i want... i want... i want you so, i want...
I don't need any memories, so…
you know... you know... you know...
so, you know i want you to know how much i need you so,
Right now, madly so”
“Aah~ another song perfected by the great Nyamuchi~ Muuko, high five!”
“...”
“Maaan… the vibes are seriously off here without Umiko!”
As was usual for them, Ave Mujica found themselves practicing in the Wakaba household’s studio, though this time without their bassist, who was busy elsewhere. This was not to Nyamu’s tastes, who wasted no time playfully complaining about her bandmates’ seriousness. Where was the fun in doing things so robotically anyhow? She always thought it was better to inject a little something more into their practice sessions, and even if no one really liked to admit it, she knew it made a difference.
“To think she would choose her shiny new band over ours… what a betrayal~!”
“Nyamu, stay on task.” Sakiko instructed. “We merely got through one song and you’re already getting sidetracked.”
“She will be back soon anyway. It’s just for one week.” Mutsumi quietly added.
“But I can’t focus without a straight-man to bounce off of…! Uiko, back me up here…!”
“...”
Uika was lost in thought. She was already trying to put yesterday behind her, but now that it had been brought up, she found herself clutching at the sleeve of her uniform, trying as hard as she could to put it out of her mind. Why was she so bothered by it anyway? If she wanted to play so badly, she could do it here, next to her Saki-chan. What point was there in gallivanting off to some other band to do so? Once again, she failed to understand herself. Music was merely a tool, a means to an end. Not some toy to play around with. She should just shut up and–
“UI-KOOO~!”
“Aah–! Um– sorry, what were you saying, Nyamu-chan…?”
“sigh Never mind…”
“...Nyamu’s right.” Sakiko suddenly spoke up, her voice cutting through the banter. “There really isn’t much point in practicing without Umiri.”
“But, Saki–”
“Without her bass to keep us in check, the sound falls apart at the seams. It would be like building a skyscraper without a good foundation. For the sake of our perfect sound, we will simply have to wait for her to return, and practice twice as much to make up for the lost time. Mutsumi, can you let her know?”
“...Okay.”
“Uika, let’s go home.”
“Ah– but, Saki-chan, I have sumimi activities to take care of after thi– d-don’t pull so hard…!”
----------------------------------------------
The trip back to Uika and Sakiko’s apartment was an awkward and silent one. The blonde could tell something was off– the keyboardist wasn’t the type to just cut practice short like that. But no matter how much she waited, the girl stayed silent, her gaze unflinching and focused on her destination. It wasn’t until the two boarded the surprisingly empty train that either of them spoke up.
“Saki-chan… is something wrong? Why did we leave so suddenly–”
“Hatsune.”
“Ah–” She fell silent in an instant, ready to listen. She knew what being called this name meant, and she accepted the request for silence and attention with open arms.
“Tell me what you think of Umiri’s new band.”
“Oh, that…? Haha, I don’t think anything of it…! I think it’s wonderful that she gets to play with Shiina-chan. I know the two are close and–”
“What do you really think of it?”
“...” Hatsune thought for a moment. What did she think of it…? What she just said was true, wasn’t it? “I’m not sure what you mean…”
“I could tell something was on your mind from the moment you came home yesterday, and whatever it is got more intense just now, when Nyamu brought it up.” The keyboardist continued, before going in for the kill. “Hatsune. Were you offered to join this band as well?”
“I–”
“And so, we would like to extend the invitation to you.”
“Wait, Misumi-san–”
“Uika…-chan…”
“...it doesn’t matter.” Hatsune told herself quietly.
“Hatsune–”
“IT DOESN’T MATTER!”
“Tch–” Sakiko recoiled, an expression almost like contempt on her face.
“Ah– I’m sorry, Saki-chan– I didn’t mean to shout–”
“There is nothing I hate more than liars.”
“I-I’m not lying to you, Saki-chan! I promise! I’d just rather perform alongside you, and– and–” The blonde panicked, tripping over her words as she held back confused tears.
“I never said you lied to me.”
“...Huh…?”
“Sasazuka. Sasazuka.” The train’s announcement broke the silence that had uncomfortably settled between the girls, as Sakiko got up, making no effort to make sure her relative was following her.
“Is it truly okay for you to lie to yourself like this? Please think about that.”
“...”
“Train doors are now closing.”
“I don’t… understand anything anymore…” The girl whispered to herself as she curled in on herself, bringing her face to her knees. Nothing made sense anymore. She was doomed to never belong among people, to always exist as this thing wearing human skin, that everyone could see right through. She was pathetic and useless and should just–
bzzzt bzzzt
“...Hello? …Mhm. …Understood. I’m on my way.”
Uika took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself, which failed miserably.
“I’ll just… head to work, then.”
----------------------------------------
“I don't know what I should say to you
What do I tell you?
Because we live with such tender, fragile hearts
We are creatures that get hurt
And ye–”
“Stop!”
“Huh–?”
As Taki’s voice cut through the band’s playing like a knife through hot butter, making the practice session screech to a halt, the other members turned towards her in confusion.
“What is it, Rikki? I was playing pretty well there…!”
“I believe I was doing fairly well myself. It turns out we make a good band after all.”
“Oh, yeah! Almost forgot we did technically play together before. Though only for like five minutes, hehe. Funny how that turns out–”
“Anon, shut up.”
“Wha– Rikki, what the heck!?”
“Our sound is missing depth.” The drummer continued, not paying any mind to the guitarist’s indignant complaining.
“I suppose that’s true. You did compose the song for a five-member band, not a four-member one.”
“Yeah. We may have all the pieces for a band in theory, but the songs we’re used to playing don’t match with our setup.”
“Should we… find other songs to perform, then…?” Tomori quietly suggested.
“Oh! Hello Happy’s got the same setup as us, just with an extra DJ! We could make that work, right?”
“No. They’re already performing at the event, and their music is completely different from ours anyway.”
“Happy, Lucky, Smile–”
“Umiri, stop messing around!”
“Oh, um… what about a new song?”
“Hey, yeah! That usually ends up being our solution to these problems, right? Good thinking, Tomorin~!”
“But… even if we composed a new song, that’d only be one. We need more to fill a setlist than just the one song.”
“Well, do you have any better ideas, Madam Downer…?”
“Haaaah!? I’m trying to think about it!”
As Anon and Taki kept bickering over what to do, Umiri seemingly enjoying the sight, Tomori couldn’t help but keep thinking of… her. The vocalist was convinced she would be happier performing with them than not. It was like she stared into a black hole that day, and it had swallowed her up. Should she say something? She couldn’t stop thinking about her, about the girl whose eyes sparkled so brightly in the night, brighter than the stars they would both gaze at, and yet, despite that, the sunset failed to light them up. Her eyes remained in her mind. Those distant eyes, those empty eyes, those–
“Tomorin? Tomoriiiin~?”
“Ah– um… sorry…”
“Rikki was saying she was gonna look into rearranging some of MyGO!!!!! and Ave Mujica’s songs to fit a four-member band. She wanted to know your opinion.”
“Yeah. I want to make sure we’re all on the same page.”
“The rest of us agreed. It’s up to you whether we go with that or not.”
“Would that… be okay with you, Taki-chan…?”
“Don’t worry. It might take a sleepless night or two, but I’ll do it if that’s what needs to be done.”
“...” Tomori thought to herself. This would surely be the easiest outcome. It would take some work, especially on Taki’s end, but she trusted her to pull it off. And yet, despite that…
“I’m… going to convince Uika-chan to join us.”
The vocalist sighed as she got up from her chair, deciding to keep herself busy by setting up the electronic drum kit and amps for her bandmates to use when she arrived. She never did anything of the sort, so she struggled with it slightly, but eventually figured it out. Still, her thoughts wandered as she went, this time towards Uika.
She saw the exact same look in her eyes as she did in Sakiko’s nowadays; this look of… shame. Yes, shame, like the very thought of doing something for herself was unforgivable. Like she had to cling to this unhealthy attachment to justify her existence. But that familiar unfamiliarity was somewhat different in Uika’s gaze. She wasn’t sticking to a script like Sakiko was; she wasn’t intent on playing out this performance to its end. No, there was something… chaotic brewing beneath the surface. Something that almost felt… dark. The vocalist felt a shiver. Surely, it was just because the heater had not been turned on before she came in. Surely.
“Takamatsu-san.”
“Aah–” Tomori jumped. “U-Umiri-san…”
“My apologies. I did not mean to scare you. You just seemed very lost in thought.” The bassist continued as she opened her bass’s carrying case.
“I’m sorry… where’s Taki-chan?”
“We ran into Chihaya-san on our way here, and she got into an argument with her. I left them to it and thought I would wait here with you instead.”
“I see…”
“...”
“...” A heavy silence suddenly fell between the two. Neither was particularly good at talking, especially to acquaintances, and they both tended to rely on the more upbeat members of their bands to speak for them. But with neither Nyamu nor Anon here at the moment, they felt rather helpless, with both trying their best to think of something to talk about.
Tomori was the first to break the silence, thinking this could be her opportunity to learn more about what, or rather, who , is on her mind. “Um… Umiri-san?”
“Yes?”
“How’s… being in Ave Mujica?”
“Hm. It’s certainly something, I would say. The energy is very different from the one your band exudes.”
“It seems… difficult.” Memories of seeing some of their masquerades came to the vocalist’s mind, their quality and professionalism intimidating the girl numerous times.
“It can be. Wakaba-san will rarely speak, instead putting her all into her guitar playing. Mortis-san, on the other hand, will often get sidetracked, which usually angers Togawa-san. Then, Yuutenji-san will take her defense, turning it into a full-on argument–”
“What about Uika-chan…?”
“Oh– that’s… a good question. I’m not sure.”
“You’re… not sure?” The ash-haired girl raised her eyebrows in surprise.
“Sometimes, she will try to mediate things. I would say if anyone is good at keeping the peace, it would be her, but… sometimes, she will just stay quiet. We have been performing as a band for a few months without issue now, but even now, I’m not sure if I can say that I know her.”
“Uika-chan…” Her eyes flashed in her memory once more. “I–”
“We’re heeere~!”
“Ah–”
“Anon, you idiot. Don’t shout so loud. Look, you scared Tomori.”
“Oh– sorry, Tomorin…!”
Tomori gave a small smile, reassuring her friends that she was okay. Now that they were here, band practice could begin in earnest. She would have to keep her thoughts to herself for the time being, but…
“Is Uika-chan really alright with this…?”
“Hm? Tomori, did you say something?”
“...No, it’s nothing.”
------------------------------------
“i want... i want... i want you so, i want...
I don't need any memories, so…
you know... you know... you know...
so, you know i want you to know how much i need you so,
Right now, madly so”
“Aah~ another song perfected by the great Nyamuchi~ Muuko, high five!”
“...”
“Maaan… the vibes are seriously off here without Umiko!”
As was usual for them, Ave Mujica found themselves practicing in the Wakaba household’s studio, though this time without their bassist, who was busy elsewhere. This was not to Nyamu’s tastes, who wasted no time playfully complaining about her bandmates’ seriousness. Where was the fun in doing things so robotically anyhow? She always thought it was better to inject a little something more into their practice sessions, and even if no one really liked to admit it, she knew it made a difference.
“To think she would choose her shiny new band over ours… what a betrayal~!”
“Nyamu, stay on task.” Sakiko instructed. “We merely got through one song and you’re already getting sidetracked.”
“She will be back soon anyway. It’s just for one week.” Mutsumi quietly added.
“But I can’t focus without a straight-man to bounce off of…! Uiko, back me up here…!”
“...”
Uika was lost in thought. She was already trying to put yesterday behind her, but now that it had been brought up, she found herself clutching at the sleeve of her uniform, trying as hard as she could to put it out of her mind. Why was she so bothered by it anyway? If she wanted to play so badly, she could do it here, next to her Saki-chan. What point was there in gallivanting off to some other band to do so? Once again, she failed to understand herself. Music was merely a tool, a means to an end. Not some toy to play around with. She should just shut up and–
“UI-KOOO~!”
“Aah–! Um– sorry, what were you saying, Nyamu-chan…?”
“sigh Never mind…”
“...Nyamu’s right.” Sakiko suddenly spoke up, her voice cutting through the banter. “There really isn’t much point in practicing without Umiri.”
“But, Saki–”
“Without her bass to keep us in check, the sound falls apart at the seams. It would be like building a skyscraper without a good foundation. For the sake of our perfect sound, we will simply have to wait for her to return, and practice twice as much to make up for the lost time. Mutsumi, can you let her know?”
“...Okay.”
“Uika, let’s go home.”
“Ah– but, Saki-chan, I have sumimi activities to take care of after thi– d-don’t pull so hard…!”
----------------------------------------------
The trip back to Uika and Sakiko’s apartment was an awkward and silent one. The blonde could tell something was off– the keyboardist wasn’t the type to just cut practice short like that. But no matter how much she waited, the girl stayed silent, her gaze unflinching and focused on her destination. It wasn’t until the two boarded the surprisingly empty train that either of them spoke up.
“Saki-chan… is something wrong? Why did we leave so suddenly–”
“Hatsune.”
“Ah–” She fell silent in an instant, ready to listen. She knew what being called this name meant, and she accepted the request for silence and attention with open arms.
“Tell me what you think of Umiri’s new band.”
“Oh, that…? Haha, I don’t think anything of it…! I think it’s wonderful that she gets to play with Shiina-chan. I know the two are close and–”
“What do you really think of it?”
“...” Hatsune thought for a moment. What did she think of it…? What she just said was true, wasn’t it? “I’m not sure what you mean…”
“I could tell something was on your mind from the moment you came home yesterday, and whatever it is got more intense just now, when Nyamu brought it up.” The keyboardist continued, before going in for the kill. “Hatsune. Were you offered to join this band as well?”
“I–”
“And so, we would like to extend the invitation to you.”
“Wait, Misumi-san–”
“Uika…-chan…”
“...it doesn’t matter.” Hatsune told herself quietly.
“Hatsune–”
“IT DOESN’T MATTER!”
“Tch–” Sakiko recoiled, an expression almost like contempt on her face.
“Ah– I’m sorry, Saki-chan– I didn’t mean to shout–”
“There is nothing I hate more than liars.”
“I-I’m not lying to you, Saki-chan! I promise! I’d just rather perform alongside you, and– and–” The blonde panicked, tripping over her words as she held back confused tears.
“I never said you lied to me.”
“...Huh…?”
“Sasazuka. Sasazuka.” The train’s announcement broke the silence that had uncomfortably settled between the girls, as Sakiko got up, making no effort to make sure her relative was following her.
“Is it truly okay for you to lie to yourself like this? Please think about that.”
“...”
“Train doors are now closing.”
“I don’t… understand anything anymore…” The girl whispered to herself as she curled in on herself, bringing her face to her knees. Nothing made sense anymore. She was doomed to never belong among people, to always exist as this thing wearing human skin, that everyone could see right through. She was pathetic and useless and should just–
bzzzt bzzzt
“...Hello? …Mhm. …Understood. I’m on my way.”
Uika took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself, which failed miserably.
“I’ll just… head to work, then.”
----------------------------------------
“I don't know what I should say to you
What do I tell you?
Because we live with such tender, fragile hearts
We are creatures that get hurt
And ye–”
“Stop!”
“Huh–?”
As Taki’s voice cut through the band’s playing like a knife through hot butter, making the practice session screech to a halt, the other members turned towards her in confusion.
“What is it, Rikki? I was playing pretty well there…!”
“I believe I was doing fairly well myself. It turns out we make a good band after all.”
“Oh, yeah! Almost forgot we did technically play together before. Though only for like five minutes, hehe. Funny how that turns out–”
“Anon, shut up.”
“Wha– Rikki, what the heck!?”
“Our sound is missing depth.” The drummer continued, not paying any mind to the guitarist’s indignant complaining.
“I suppose that’s true. You did compose the song for a five-member band, not a four-member one.”
“Yeah. We may have all the pieces for a band in theory, but the songs we’re used to playing don’t match with our setup.”
“Should we… find other songs to perform, then…?” Tomori quietly suggested.
“Oh! Hello Happy’s got the same setup as us, just with an extra DJ! We could make that work, right?”
“No. They’re already performing at the event, and their music is completely different from ours anyway.”
“Happy, Lucky, Smile–”
“Umiri, stop messing around!”
“Oh, um… what about a new song?”
“Hey, yeah! That usually ends up being our solution to these problems, right? Good thinking, Tomorin~!”
“But… even if we composed a new song, that’d only be one. We need more to fill a setlist than just the one song.”
“Well, do you have any better ideas, Madam Downer…?”
“Haaaah!? I’m trying to think about it!”
As Anon and Taki kept bickering over what to do, Umiri seemingly enjoying the sight, Tomori couldn’t help but keep thinking of… her. The vocalist was convinced she would be happier performing with them than not. It was like she stared into a black hole that day, and it had swallowed her up. Should she say something? She couldn’t stop thinking about her, about the girl whose eyes sparkled so brightly in the night, brighter than the stars they would both gaze at, and yet, despite that, the sunset failed to light them up. Her eyes remained in her mind. Those distant eyes, those empty eyes, those–
“Tomorin? Tomoriiiin~?”
“Ah– um… sorry…”
“Rikki was saying she was gonna look into rearranging some of MyGO!!!!! and Ave Mujica’s songs to fit a four-member band. She wanted to know your opinion.”
“Yeah. I want to make sure we’re all on the same page.”
“The rest of us agreed. It’s up to you whether we go with that or not.”
“Would that… be okay with you, Taki-chan…?”
“Don’t worry. It might take a sleepless night or two, but I’ll do it if that’s what needs to be done.”
“...” Tomori thought to herself. This would surely be the easiest outcome. It would take some work, especially on Taki’s end, but she trusted her to pull it off. And yet, despite that…
“I’m… going to convince Uika-chan to join us.”
“I’m… going to convince Uika-chan to join us.”
Umiri couldn’t contain her surprise at Tomori’s sudden declaration. Had she really just declared something this bold, not knowing whether or not it would even happen? She may not be close to her, but the bassist knew Uika enough to know that she wasn’t one to step out of her comfort zone unless a certain keyboardist needed her. And yet, despite that, this small girl, who looked like she could shatter into pieces at any moment, had such a burning determination in her eyes that she almost felt convinced. Regardless, she made herself listen to reason, and turned to Tomori.
“Are… you sure about this, Takamatsu-san? I don’t think it’s wise of us to risk such unknowns with only five days to go until our performance.”
“I… I know she will say yes! I just know it…!”
“sigh Taki-san, what do you think–”
“Good luck, Tomori. I believe in you.” The drummer replied, a confident smile on her face.
“Huh…?” Baffled by her classmate’s immediate compliance to the singer’s whims, Umiri desperately turned to her only remaining hope. “Chihaya-san…?”
“Omigosh, I’m gonna play with Doloris! With Uika from sumimi…! I’m gonna faint…!”
“...” The Ave Mujica member couldn’t believe her eyes. Did MyGO!!!!! always behave like this…? She got the feeling the Taki she knew at school was very different from the Taki that stands on stage. Regardless, as she was unable to resist the overwhelming support Tomori’s idea received, Umiri caved, texting Tomori an address. “Very well. Takamatsu-san, this is the address of Win-Wing Production, Misumi-san’s workplace. I believe she finishes work in around an hour, usually. I recommend you depart now if you want to talk to her.”
“...! Thank you, Umiri-san…!” Not wasting a second, Tomori packed her things and ran out of the music room, determined to get to her destination as soon as possible.
“Still… to think you would bend to her will so easily. I’ve learned something new about you.”
“Oh, h-hush up! I just… trust Tomori, okay…?” Taki replied, her face red.
“sigh... uh– huh? Where’d Tomorin go?”
“Welcome back to the waking world.”
“Takamatsu-san left for Misumi-san’s workplace just a minute ago.”
“Huh!? You mean where sumimi practices!? Umiri-chan, you have to tell me where it is…!”
“Out of the question.” Both dark-haired girls replied without hesitation, perfectly in sync.
“Eeeeeh…!? Rikki, Umirin, c’mon…!”
“U-Umirin…?”
--------------------------------------------
Uika, finally being done with her obligations as part of sumimi, gazed distantly out the window as her thoughts got lost in the day’s events. She had upset Sakiko once again. There were no words for how sinful that was to her. Why couldn’t she simply be hers, and nothing else? That was all she ever wanted. She never asked for feelings, for wants, for dreams– all she wanted was to be next to her radiance, to feel even slightly human by association to her. And yet, as she was asking for nothing more than to lose all traces of her personality, to be a simple singing doll, her heart screamed at her regardless. It screamed about wanting to pick up her guitar. To play and play and sing, even though she had no incentive to. To just let loose and express herself and have f–
“Enough!”
Uika gritted her teeth, a scowl on her face. None of it mattered. None of it at all. She just… had to walk away, take the elevator down, and head home. Bury it. Forget it, and–
“Ui-chan…?”
“Ah– Mana-chan…!” Uika smiled unnaturally. “How can I help you?”
“Um…” The idol hesitated, unsure as to what to say. “I-I was thinking of heading home… I want to be well-rested for our interview tomorrow. Do you want to walk to the station together?”
The blonde couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Mana had always been pleasant, even genuinely kind to her, but she had never seemed so… pushy. Beyond the offer of a donut served with a smile and general small talk, she had never really suggested anything this personal to her that she could remember. Though, she had a habit of ignoring people’s efforts to really get to know her. It was better for everyone like this, anyway.
“...Sure.” Regardless, she found herself agreeing, reasoning that it was easier to humor her for such a small offer than to be combative. They have to head in different directions once there, so it wouldn’t take too long.
As the elevator opened its doors, both girls walked in and patiently waited for the doors to close behind them. Uika used to try and press the button meant to close the doors early when she was starting out as an idol, only to quickly find out it didn’t seem to work. She hated having to sit there, anxiously hoping, praying that no one would walk in and attempt to converse with her on the ride down. Except that now, that someone was there. And she couldn’t escape them even once she stepped out of it.
“Say, Ui-chan… is everything all right? You seemed very distant at practice today…”
“I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me.” Uika replied dryly.
“Hearing you say it like that only worries me more, though…”
“...” Uika held back a sudden, unwanted rage rising from her chest and opted to remain quiet.
“Did you get in a fight with a friend? Or is it love troub–”
“Mana-chan, why is it that you sing?”
“H-Huh? Um, I guess I do it because I love to. Being a part of sumimi has been a lot of fun… sure, it’s stressful, and a lot of work, but at the end of the day, when we stand on stage together, and all our fans cheer for us… I guess I feel like this is where I’m meant to be. Like my life means something. And it’s fun, on top of that!”
“I see…”
“I could never be happy in that way. “Performing is fun”? How nice it must be to live such a simple life.”
“...!”
“Ui-chan? Are you alright? You’re shaking…”
“Ah– I’m sorry, Mana-chan, but… did I say something just now…?”
“Huh? What do you mean…? You’ve been staring off into space the entire time… are you feeling sick…?”
ding
“...Looks like we’ve reached the ground floor… let’s just… walk to the station.”
“Ah– wait, Ui-chan…!”
-------------------------------------
Tomori audibly swallowed as she stared up at the building before her. She was never much of an outdoorsy person, only really going to school, the planetarium, and then back home, so ending up in a district as different as this felt strange to her. Nothing but office buildings as far as the eye could see, with only the occasional restaurant to feed the most likely thousands of people working here… and she was standing in front of what was most likely the biggest building of them all. A part of her felt greatly out of place, like she was somehow intruding despite just standing on the sidewalk. Was it really right for her to come here? No, no, it had to be. She was here to talk to Uika. It had to be done fast, so they would have time to practice together. Right. This was of the utmost importance.
The vocalist found herself absentmindedly writing in her notebook as she thought of her potential bandmate. Somehow, for a reason she couldn’t understand, she kept thinking back to her eyes. It took her until now to realize, but there was always something truly fascinating about them. How even as she smiled on stage in the videos she watched on the train ride here, they always harbored such a… bright darkness? Like something about her was well and truly miserable, and yet, she found a sort of sick happiness in it all. It was something most people would not notice, but Tomori was used to watching people quietly, to try and glean as much information as possible about them before approaching them. Perhaps the reason she was so happy in CRYCHIC and MyGO!!!!! was because her bandmates never gave her the time to get stuck in her own head, be it Sakiko “saving” her on that spring afternoon, or Anon quite literally tripping into her life face first. Was Uika like this too?
No, no, it was different from that. While Tomori did so in order to best understand others, she seemed… uninterested in being understood? Especially yesterday evening, she could feel that her heart was closed off… but why? And why was Tomori so fixated on her, to the point of Umiri doubting the usefulness of her efforts? Did she solely want to save her, or was it because…
“Ah– wait, Ui-chan…!”
Tomori snapped out of her thoughts as she heard an unfamiliar girl’s voice. She looked up towards its origin, and saw a familiar figure walk out of Win-Wing’s building, her face angled firmly downwards at her feet as she picked up the pace. Not wanting to lose her chance, Tomori immediately gathered her things, shoved them into her bag, and ran after her as best she could.
“Ah– Uika-chan…!”
“...Huh…?”
“Ui-chaaaan…! Please don’t run so fast– oh, you’re… Takamatsu-chan, aren’t you?”
“...Have we met…?”
“Oh– no, we haven’t, haha…! I’ve just seen clips of MyGO!!!!!’s concerts on social media before. I have to admit, I’m starting to become a fan! I should try to come to one someday, but I’ve been so busy that I–”
“...Good evening.”
“Wait, Uika-chan–!” Reacting immediately to her attempt to flee, Tomori grabbed her acquaintance’s hand and looked directly into her eyes. “Please, play with us!”
“Tomori-chan, I already told you–”
“It’s, um–” The smaller girl tripped over her words, her self-consciousness getting the better of her in a crucial moment.
“Ui-chan, you should listen to her.”
“Mana-chan, I–”
“I’ll walk to the station on my own, okay? Why don’t you stop by the park nearby? I heard it’s quite the pleasant spot.”
Unable to resist Mana’s innocent request, Uika simply looked away, relaxing in Tomori’s grasp as she did so. “...Fine.”
“Thank you! I’ll see you tomorrow at work, all right?” As she walked past, Mana leaned towards Tomori’s ear. “Please take care of her for me.”
“...Mhm.” A quiet nod was all the confirmation the idol needed as she waved Uika goodbye, a warm smile on her face.
“...”
“...Um, Uika-cha–”
“...Shall we go?”
------------------------------------
The walk to the park was quiet and tense. Despite it being only a few minutes away, it felt like hours to the two girls, who were both lost in their own minds, for their own reasons. Even once they found a sufficiently quiet bench to sit on, away from prying eyes trying to get info on the latest scoop regarding the music industry’s rising star, the two remained silent for a while, unsure what to say to the other.
Eventually, Tomori reached into her bag, flipping through her notebook, until she landed on what she had written only a short while prior. She had been so lost in thought that she never even read what she was writing, but looking at it now, it felt like as good of an opener as any.
“...Uika-chan.” Tomori said, gathering all her courage as she turned towards the blonde. “Please read this.”
“...” Uika wordlessly grabbed the notebook from the mousy girl’s hands. A part of her dreaded doing so; every time she read anything she wrote, it felt like a beam of light was being driven through her heart like a stake. She had a way of speaking to her soul in a way not even she herself could, and she had come to fear that ability. But regardless, she took the notebook, and began to read.
“When I look at her
Something inside me wants to reach out.
I don’t understand it at all.
I run and run, I give chase, but she only runs faster.
I want to get to know you.
You, whose eyes are so full of mysteriousness.”
“...”
“Uika-chan, I… please. Join our band.”
“...”
“You… you want to, deep down, don’t you…? That’s why you–”
“What do you want me to say!?”
“Ah–”
“Who do you think you are, preaching to me like this!? You think I can be saved!? There’s nothing to save me from! My sole reason for existing is to be by Saki-chan’s side!”
“B-But what do you want–”
“It doesn’t matter what I want! I’m just a tool! Just something to be used, a puppet to play with! There’s nothing fun about being part of some random band! I only sing and play to be closer to my God!”
“...” Tomori’s hands clung tightly to her skirt, almost as if she was holding something back from spilling out of her.
“What do you have to gain from chasing after me like this…?” Uika’s anger slowly dissipated, leaving nothing but exhaustion and pain behind. “I’m just… just a broken toy. My path simply cannot cross with yours in the way you want. You don’t need to–”
“I understand how you feel, b-but that’s not true…!”
“...What do you mean…?”
“I… I used to think I wasn’t human, either. After CRYCHIC broke up, I thought I had ruined everything… that I failed at having friends, and at expressing myself…”
“...”
“I tried so hard to reach out to Saki-chan… even now, I still can’t help but try… but… along the way, with Ano-chan, and Taki-chan, and everyone else… I found other reasons to sing.”
“That’s…” Uika’s words got caught in her throat and failed to come out.
“I couldn’t bring back the Saki-chan I used to know… I never will. She’s changed now. And I’m still lost. We all are. But… that’s okay. We’re finding the way together.”
“I can’t do that… I can’t find any joy in singing. It’s all just for–”
“Is that really true?”
“...!”
“U-Um– sorry… I meant–”
“Tomori-chan… I just… I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t… someone like me shouldn’t–”
As her feelings reached a boiling point, Tomori threw caution to the wind and embraced Uika tightly, resting her head on her shoulder. “Please… let yourself be happy, Uika-chan…!”
“Huh…?”
Something deep inside Uika seemed to crumble under the weight of Tomori’s innocent desperation. Had anyone ever truly tried to reach out to her like this before? Mana was too afraid of hurting her to say anything. She did not know Mutsumi, Nyamu or Umiri personally at all. And Sakiko… always kept her distance, even when she laughed with her or ate breakfast next to her.
Further back. Her mother only ever told her to stay away from the one person she desperately wanted to meet. Her sister insulted her in one of her hardest moments. Her father wanted nothing more than for her to disappear.
Maybe that was why. Maybe that was the reason that, as little as she understood about Tomori’s insistence on caring for her, Hatsune finally let herself go.
Tomori panicked initially. As she felt her friend break the hug, she thought she had failed. She thought she was going to decline again.
But when the blonde grabbed her face, tilting her head ever so slightly upwards to meet her gaze, she began to understand.
Her eyes were different from how she had ever seen them. The usual darkness and emptiness she found in them was gone, replaced with a faint glimmer of light, illuminating their violet color in a mesmerizing way.
So, when Hatsune brought her face ever closer to Tomori’s, the latter found no reason to recoil or struggle.
As her lips met hers, the two girls closed their eyes. It was as if time had frozen, as they both let themselves live in this moment, that felt outside of reality itself. Finally letting her true wants shine, Doloris only ever broke the kiss to start it again, leaving only a fraction of a second and a millimeter of space for Tomori to catch her breath, as she took in the idol’s scent.
She smelled like a lone flower, fighting against the bitter cold with all her might. Eventually, she found herself filling the space between the breaks herself, surprising her lover with her unusual candidness. The two had no desire to stop, finding joy in their–
bzzzt bzzzt
Uika’s phone vibration was like cold water to her face. The split-second of distraction was enough for her to get a handle on her desires, and for the reality of the situation to hit her with the force of a thousand suns.
“Ah–”
“U-Uika-chan– wait!” Tomori’s plea fell on deaf ears as Uika immediately ran away, not looking back in fear of losing herself again.
Tomori could do nothing but curl into herself. Had she failed? Was it wrong of her to reciprocate her affections? It had no doubt been a surprise to the both of them, but she thought that if she initiated it, and she didn’t mind it, per se, it was fine, and yet…
Uika didn’t stop running until she got to the station. She had to leave. She had to run away from this girl, who never failed to reach into her chest and grasp at her very soul effortlessly. How did she let this happen? How did she allow herself to forget her purpose? Happiness was not made for her. All she could hope for was belonging, and purpose, and devotion. She had convinced herself of that. When did she let herself forget it? And why?
No. That was enough. She would just have to forget any of it ever happened. As Uika moved her hand to her face, hoping to wipe her brow of the sweat that had gathered there as a sort of reset, she realized she was holding something.
Oh, no.
She had left with Tomori’s notebook.
Umiri couldn’t contain her surprise at Tomori’s sudden declaration. Had she really just declared something this bold, not knowing whether or not it would even happen? She may not be close to her, but the bassist knew Uika enough to know that she wasn’t one to step out of her comfort zone unless a certain keyboardist needed her. And yet, despite that, this small girl, who looked like she could shatter into pieces at any moment, had such a burning determination in her eyes that she almost felt convinced. Regardless, she made herself listen to reason, and turned to Tomori.
“Are… you sure about this, Takamatsu-san? I don’t think it’s wise of us to risk such unknowns with only five days to go until our performance.”
“I… I know she will say yes! I just know it…!”
“sigh Taki-san, what do you think–”
“Good luck, Tomori. I believe in you.” The drummer replied, a confident smile on her face.
“Huh…?” Baffled by her classmate’s immediate compliance to the singer’s whims, Umiri desperately turned to her only remaining hope. “Chihaya-san…?”
“Omigosh, I’m gonna play with Doloris! With Uika from sumimi…! I’m gonna faint…!”
“...” The Ave Mujica member couldn’t believe her eyes. Did MyGO!!!!! always behave like this…? She got the feeling the Taki she knew at school was very different from the Taki that stands on stage. Regardless, as she was unable to resist the overwhelming support Tomori’s idea received, Umiri caved, texting Tomori an address. “Very well. Takamatsu-san, this is the address of Win-Wing Production, Misumi-san’s workplace. I believe she finishes work in around an hour, usually. I recommend you depart now if you want to talk to her.”
“...! Thank you, Umiri-san…!” Not wasting a second, Tomori packed her things and ran out of the music room, determined to get to her destination as soon as possible.
“Still… to think you would bend to her will so easily. I’ve learned something new about you.”
“Oh, h-hush up! I just… trust Tomori, okay…?” Taki replied, her face red.
“sigh... uh– huh? Where’d Tomorin go?”
“Welcome back to the waking world.”
“Takamatsu-san left for Misumi-san’s workplace just a minute ago.”
“Huh!? You mean where sumimi practices!? Umiri-chan, you have to tell me where it is…!”
“Out of the question.” Both dark-haired girls replied without hesitation, perfectly in sync.
“Eeeeeh…!? Rikki, Umirin, c’mon…!”
“U-Umirin…?”
--------------------------------------------
Uika, finally being done with her obligations as part of sumimi, gazed distantly out the window as her thoughts got lost in the day’s events. She had upset Sakiko once again. There were no words for how sinful that was to her. Why couldn’t she simply be hers, and nothing else? That was all she ever wanted. She never asked for feelings, for wants, for dreams– all she wanted was to be next to her radiance, to feel even slightly human by association to her. And yet, as she was asking for nothing more than to lose all traces of her personality, to be a simple singing doll, her heart screamed at her regardless. It screamed about wanting to pick up her guitar. To play and play and sing, even though she had no incentive to. To just let loose and express herself and have f–
“Enough!”
Uika gritted her teeth, a scowl on her face. None of it mattered. None of it at all. She just… had to walk away, take the elevator down, and head home. Bury it. Forget it, and–
“Ui-chan…?”
“Ah– Mana-chan…!” Uika smiled unnaturally. “How can I help you?”
“Um…” The idol hesitated, unsure as to what to say. “I-I was thinking of heading home… I want to be well-rested for our interview tomorrow. Do you want to walk to the station together?”
The blonde couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Mana had always been pleasant, even genuinely kind to her, but she had never seemed so… pushy. Beyond the offer of a donut served with a smile and general small talk, she had never really suggested anything this personal to her that she could remember. Though, she had a habit of ignoring people’s efforts to really get to know her. It was better for everyone like this, anyway.
“...Sure.” Regardless, she found herself agreeing, reasoning that it was easier to humor her for such a small offer than to be combative. They have to head in different directions once there, so it wouldn’t take too long.
As the elevator opened its doors, both girls walked in and patiently waited for the doors to close behind them. Uika used to try and press the button meant to close the doors early when she was starting out as an idol, only to quickly find out it didn’t seem to work. She hated having to sit there, anxiously hoping, praying that no one would walk in and attempt to converse with her on the ride down. Except that now, that someone was there. And she couldn’t escape them even once she stepped out of it.
“Say, Ui-chan… is everything all right? You seemed very distant at practice today…”
“I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me.” Uika replied dryly.
“Hearing you say it like that only worries me more, though…”
“...” Uika held back a sudden, unwanted rage rising from her chest and opted to remain quiet.
“Did you get in a fight with a friend? Or is it love troub–”
“Mana-chan, why is it that you sing?”
“H-Huh? Um, I guess I do it because I love to. Being a part of sumimi has been a lot of fun… sure, it’s stressful, and a lot of work, but at the end of the day, when we stand on stage together, and all our fans cheer for us… I guess I feel like this is where I’m meant to be. Like my life means something. And it’s fun, on top of that!”
“I see…”
“I could never be happy in that way. “Performing is fun”? How nice it must be to live such a simple life.”
“...!”
“Ui-chan? Are you alright? You’re shaking…”
“Ah– I’m sorry, Mana-chan, but… did I say something just now…?”
“Huh? What do you mean…? You’ve been staring off into space the entire time… are you feeling sick…?”
ding
“...Looks like we’ve reached the ground floor… let’s just… walk to the station.”
“Ah– wait, Ui-chan…!”
-------------------------------------
Tomori audibly swallowed as she stared up at the building before her. She was never much of an outdoorsy person, only really going to school, the planetarium, and then back home, so ending up in a district as different as this felt strange to her. Nothing but office buildings as far as the eye could see, with only the occasional restaurant to feed the most likely thousands of people working here… and she was standing in front of what was most likely the biggest building of them all. A part of her felt greatly out of place, like she was somehow intruding despite just standing on the sidewalk. Was it really right for her to come here? No, no, it had to be. She was here to talk to Uika. It had to be done fast, so they would have time to practice together. Right. This was of the utmost importance.
The vocalist found herself absentmindedly writing in her notebook as she thought of her potential bandmate. Somehow, for a reason she couldn’t understand, she kept thinking back to her eyes. It took her until now to realize, but there was always something truly fascinating about them. How even as she smiled on stage in the videos she watched on the train ride here, they always harbored such a… bright darkness? Like something about her was well and truly miserable, and yet, she found a sort of sick happiness in it all. It was something most people would not notice, but Tomori was used to watching people quietly, to try and glean as much information as possible about them before approaching them. Perhaps the reason she was so happy in CRYCHIC and MyGO!!!!! was because her bandmates never gave her the time to get stuck in her own head, be it Sakiko “saving” her on that spring afternoon, or Anon quite literally tripping into her life face first. Was Uika like this too?
No, no, it was different from that. While Tomori did so in order to best understand others, she seemed… uninterested in being understood? Especially yesterday evening, she could feel that her heart was closed off… but why? And why was Tomori so fixated on her, to the point of Umiri doubting the usefulness of her efforts? Did she solely want to save her, or was it because…
“Ah– wait, Ui-chan…!”
Tomori snapped out of her thoughts as she heard an unfamiliar girl’s voice. She looked up towards its origin, and saw a familiar figure walk out of Win-Wing’s building, her face angled firmly downwards at her feet as she picked up the pace. Not wanting to lose her chance, Tomori immediately gathered her things, shoved them into her bag, and ran after her as best she could.
“Ah– Uika-chan…!”
“...Huh…?”
“Ui-chaaaan…! Please don’t run so fast– oh, you’re… Takamatsu-chan, aren’t you?”
“...Have we met…?”
“Oh– no, we haven’t, haha…! I’ve just seen clips of MyGO!!!!!’s concerts on social media before. I have to admit, I’m starting to become a fan! I should try to come to one someday, but I’ve been so busy that I–”
“...Good evening.”
“Wait, Uika-chan–!” Reacting immediately to her attempt to flee, Tomori grabbed her acquaintance’s hand and looked directly into her eyes. “Please, play with us!”
“Tomori-chan, I already told you–”
“It’s, um–” The smaller girl tripped over her words, her self-consciousness getting the better of her in a crucial moment.
“Ui-chan, you should listen to her.”
“Mana-chan, I–”
“I’ll walk to the station on my own, okay? Why don’t you stop by the park nearby? I heard it’s quite the pleasant spot.”
Unable to resist Mana’s innocent request, Uika simply looked away, relaxing in Tomori’s grasp as she did so. “...Fine.”
“Thank you! I’ll see you tomorrow at work, all right?” As she walked past, Mana leaned towards Tomori’s ear. “Please take care of her for me.”
“...Mhm.” A quiet nod was all the confirmation the idol needed as she waved Uika goodbye, a warm smile on her face.
“...”
“...Um, Uika-cha–”
“...Shall we go?”
------------------------------------
The walk to the park was quiet and tense. Despite it being only a few minutes away, it felt like hours to the two girls, who were both lost in their own minds, for their own reasons. Even once they found a sufficiently quiet bench to sit on, away from prying eyes trying to get info on the latest scoop regarding the music industry’s rising star, the two remained silent for a while, unsure what to say to the other.
Eventually, Tomori reached into her bag, flipping through her notebook, until she landed on what she had written only a short while prior. She had been so lost in thought that she never even read what she was writing, but looking at it now, it felt like as good of an opener as any.
“...Uika-chan.” Tomori said, gathering all her courage as she turned towards the blonde. “Please read this.”
“...” Uika wordlessly grabbed the notebook from the mousy girl’s hands. A part of her dreaded doing so; every time she read anything she wrote, it felt like a beam of light was being driven through her heart like a stake. She had a way of speaking to her soul in a way not even she herself could, and she had come to fear that ability. But regardless, she took the notebook, and began to read.
“When I look at her
Something inside me wants to reach out.
I don’t understand it at all.
I run and run, I give chase, but she only runs faster.
I want to get to know you.
You, whose eyes are so full of mysteriousness.”
“...”
“Uika-chan, I… please. Join our band.”
“...”
“You… you want to, deep down, don’t you…? That’s why you–”
“What do you want me to say!?”
“Ah–”
“Who do you think you are, preaching to me like this!? You think I can be saved!? There’s nothing to save me from! My sole reason for existing is to be by Saki-chan’s side!”
“B-But what do you want–”
“It doesn’t matter what I want! I’m just a tool! Just something to be used, a puppet to play with! There’s nothing fun about being part of some random band! I only sing and play to be closer to my God!”
“...” Tomori’s hands clung tightly to her skirt, almost as if she was holding something back from spilling out of her.
“What do you have to gain from chasing after me like this…?” Uika’s anger slowly dissipated, leaving nothing but exhaustion and pain behind. “I’m just… just a broken toy. My path simply cannot cross with yours in the way you want. You don’t need to–”
“I understand how you feel, b-but that’s not true…!”
“...What do you mean…?”
“I… I used to think I wasn’t human, either. After CRYCHIC broke up, I thought I had ruined everything… that I failed at having friends, and at expressing myself…”
“...”
“I tried so hard to reach out to Saki-chan… even now, I still can’t help but try… but… along the way, with Ano-chan, and Taki-chan, and everyone else… I found other reasons to sing.”
“That’s…” Uika’s words got caught in her throat and failed to come out.
“I couldn’t bring back the Saki-chan I used to know… I never will. She’s changed now. And I’m still lost. We all are. But… that’s okay. We’re finding the way together.”
“I can’t do that… I can’t find any joy in singing. It’s all just for–”
“Is that really true?”
“...!”
“U-Um– sorry… I meant–”
“Tomori-chan… I just… I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t… someone like me shouldn’t–”
As her feelings reached a boiling point, Tomori threw caution to the wind and embraced Uika tightly, resting her head on her shoulder. “Please… let yourself be happy, Uika-chan…!”
“Huh…?”
Something deep inside Uika seemed to crumble under the weight of Tomori’s innocent desperation. Had anyone ever truly tried to reach out to her like this before? Mana was too afraid of hurting her to say anything. She did not know Mutsumi, Nyamu or Umiri personally at all. And Sakiko… always kept her distance, even when she laughed with her or ate breakfast next to her.
Further back. Her mother only ever told her to stay away from the one person she desperately wanted to meet. Her sister insulted her in one of her hardest moments. Her father wanted nothing more than for her to disappear.
Maybe that was why. Maybe that was the reason that, as little as she understood about Tomori’s insistence on caring for her, Hatsune finally let herself go.
Tomori panicked initially. As she felt her friend break the hug, she thought she had failed. She thought she was going to decline again.
But when the blonde grabbed her face, tilting her head ever so slightly upwards to meet her gaze, she began to understand.
Her eyes were different from how she had ever seen them. The usual darkness and emptiness she found in them was gone, replaced with a faint glimmer of light, illuminating their violet color in a mesmerizing way.
So, when Hatsune brought her face ever closer to Tomori’s, the latter found no reason to recoil or struggle.
As her lips met hers, the two girls closed their eyes. It was as if time had frozen, as they both let themselves live in this moment, that felt outside of reality itself. Finally letting her true wants shine, Doloris only ever broke the kiss to start it again, leaving only a fraction of a second and a millimeter of space for Tomori to catch her breath, as she took in the idol’s scent.
She smelled like a lone flower, fighting against the bitter cold with all her might. Eventually, she found herself filling the space between the breaks herself, surprising her lover with her unusual candidness. The two had no desire to stop, finding joy in their–
bzzzt bzzzt
Uika’s phone vibration was like cold water to her face. The split-second of distraction was enough for her to get a handle on her desires, and for the reality of the situation to hit her with the force of a thousand suns.
“Ah–”
“U-Uika-chan– wait!” Tomori’s plea fell on deaf ears as Uika immediately ran away, not looking back in fear of losing herself again.
Tomori could do nothing but curl into herself. Had she failed? Was it wrong of her to reciprocate her affections? It had no doubt been a surprise to the both of them, but she thought that if she initiated it, and she didn’t mind it, per se, it was fine, and yet…
Uika didn’t stop running until she got to the station. She had to leave. She had to run away from this girl, who never failed to reach into her chest and grasp at her very soul effortlessly. How did she let this happen? How did she allow herself to forget her purpose? Happiness was not made for her. All she could hope for was belonging, and purpose, and devotion. She had convinced herself of that. When did she let herself forget it? And why?
No. That was enough. She would just have to forget any of it ever happened. As Uika moved her hand to her face, hoping to wipe her brow of the sweat that had gathered there as a sort of reset, she realized she was holding something.
Oh, no.
She had left with Tomori’s notebook.
Hatsune got very little sleep that night.
Every time she closed her eyes, the events of the early evening played again in her mind. Having to show just enough of her true self to Mana so she would leave her be while not being disgusted or intimidated by her. Running into Tomori. That heated discussion in the park. And then… that kiss.
She couldn’t believe she let herself do that. Now, she was sure to never be able to talk to her again, and while it was what she thought she deserved, her ungrateful heart still hurt from the loss. Surely, she found that uncalled for, a breach of her personal boundaries, absolutely reprehensible… and yet… she remembered. The handful of times she broke the kiss, only to feel her fellow vocalist return her affection. The way the smaller girl’s hands ran along her back, as if trying to map it out. The noises she made, the blush on her face–
slap
And every time, as if to punish herself, she brought her hand to her cheek and hit herself. That cycle repeated itself for most of the night, until even that action took too much energy, and sleep finally claimed her against her will.
Even then, she found no repose. Her dreams were filled with various scenes, from kneeling at Sakiko’s feet as she reprimanded her for caring for another, to Tomori telling her off and demanding she never approach her again, or even to moments of passion that were best forgotten. Every time, the sheer guilt or shame ripped her away from the fantasy for just long enough to wake her, only for her to quickly return to her own world, which became more of a prison than anything else with each passing attempt at a restful sleep.
Eventually, Hatsune finally managed to stay asleep for a few hours. She was awakened by her alarm, signaling the start of another day. Reluctantly, the blonde rose from her bed, heading to the living room with hopes that a cup of coffee would manage to give her enough energy to survive the day to come. She would have to put in extra effort into her makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes today, which she was not looking forward to… with a sigh, she crossed the threshold into the room–
Only to find Sakiko standing there, a dreadfully familiar notebook in her hands, and an inquisitive look in her eyes.
“S-Saki-chan, good morning–”
“How exactly did you come into possession of this?”
“...”
The question was like a knife to Hatsune’s chest. Scrambling to find some excuse, all of her ideas evaporated in the morning sun as the Togawa heir opened it to the few lines Tomori had written for her the day prior. “You two met, didn’t you?”
“...Yes.”
“What exactly did the two of you talk abou–”
“I’m sorry, Saki-chan– I didn’t mean to– I’m sorry– I’ll never do it again– I– I– sob”
“Wha– calm down, Hatsune! What is this about!?”
“M-My devotion slipped… I’m sorry…”
“...” Sakiko’s silence spoke volumes. The blonde could feel that mentioning her obsession was a mistake that would have been best avoided. “So this is what this is about.”
“I-I’m sorry…”
“That is all you ever manage to say.”
“I’m–” Realizing what she was about to repeat, the one known as Doloris stopped herself.
“Did Tomori ask you to join her and Umiri’s band?”
Hatsune nodded.
“And what did you tell her?”
“...I ran away.”
“And why is that? What happened that would end in you running off with her notebook?”
“...”
“...So you refuse to tell me. Very well.” The blue-haired girl grabbed her school bag, and headed for the door. “Hatsune… please think harder about what it is that would make you happy.”
“Saki-cha–”
slam
“...”
Truly, Hatsune Misumi understood nothing about anything.
--------------------------------------
Tomori began on the path to Haneoka, her step more uncertain than usual. No matter how hard she tried, her thoughts would not deviate from the subject of the previous day. She once again found herself thinking of Uika’s eyes. Her wonderful, lavender eyes. How they almost glowed with a light yet unseen. How they slowly fluttered to a close as they brought their lips together.
And yet… at how dark they remained when she broke their mutual affection and ran. How panicked they looked, how deep her fear seemed to be.
The lyricist could not make sense of it. In the stories she heard, the people in love would remain close to one another after a kiss. They would exchange sweet nothings as they rested in the other’s arms, before they walked home together, a flutter in their stomachs. But reality appeared to find joy in defying fiction, and in this instance, it was the only one laughing. Had she somehow done something wrong? Was she too sincere? Too passionate? Or was the way she was somehow repulsive to her?
Was this even love?
Tomori had never really been in love before, at least not in the classical sense. She loved her friends. She loved singing, and writing, and collecting various things. But the idea of being close to another in that sense had never truly crossed her mind. She knew she was somewhat popular somehow; she heard Anon teasing Taki multiple times about a crush that she might be having, and a handful of students in her class had confessed to her before as well, seemingly charmed by her personality. But she always kept a certain distance from it all, as she was not sure how to respond to such intense feelings. Even now that she had kissed somebody for the first time, she felt she was no closer to understanding any of it.
Suddenly noticing that she had barely made any progress on her walk, the singer quickened her step so as not to be late to class, trying to push her doubts deep inside her for the time being.
After all, Tomori Takamatsu didn’t think she understood anything about anything.
---------------------------------------------
Uika never felt so incapable of functioning before.
It had now been almost four hours since classes started, and she could count the amount of sentences she managed to note down on one hand. No matter how hard she tried to focus, her mind was entirely elsewhere, namely, on a certain lyricist’s notebook, which she couldn’t help but read over more than a handful of times during the morning. It felt like she was even more of a stranger to herself than she usually was; not only could she not understand her own feelings regarding Tomori and Sakiko, but the latter’s request was even more of a mystery to the performer.
“Think about what makes me happy…?” What did that mean, exactly? She had heard that so many times lately from Sakiko herself, and even from Tomori. She thought she was happy enough. Being by Sakiko’s side, being able to give voice to the lyrics she wrote for her, playing her part in the puppet show that is Ave Mujica… it all felt useful. She felt useful to someone. To the one person she wants to, has to be useful for. Sure, maybe she didn’t like herself all that much. Maybe she avoided looking in the mirror, in fear of seeing that loathsome face of hers. Maybe she buried herself in work and study so she wouldn’t have to be alone with her worst enemy. But everyone feels that way about themself, right? Everyone in Ave Mujica seemed to, to some extent, at least. So what is it that they mean by their requests to “let herself be happy”? What did they mean, or want, or ask her to do, or demand–
“Misumi-san? Misumi-san.”
“Ah–” Startled, Uika jumped in her seat, sitting up straighter and putting on a fake smile. “Umiri-chan. What can I do for you?”
“Nothing. The bell just rang about ten minutes ago… you’re usually the first one out of the classroom, so I thought I would check in.”
“Oh… I see. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m fine–”
“...” Umiri’s expression was worth a thousand words; she was not buying her lie.
“...Sorry. I don’t mean to lie to you, I just…”
“I understand. It is difficult to respond with anything other than that, sometimes. But please, be honest with me. I can see something is on your mind. We are friends, are we not?”
“Umiri-chan… thank you.” Uika felt a small smile subconsciously sneak its way onto her face. She felt grateful that her classmate could care for her this much, even if she did not fully feel like she deserved it. It was hard for her to understand how she could be valued as a friend by somebody, but she did her best to accept that in the moment. “Tell me… are you happy?”
“Hm? That is a difficult question… I suppose I am. I value my bonds with Ave Mujica’s members, and people like Taki-san and Chihaya-san have been quite good to me.”
“So… would you say that’s what brings you happiness? Other people?”
“Ah, well… it is definitely part of it, yes. But that is not everything.”
“...” Uika waited patiently for the bassist to continue.
“I believe I find a lot of meaning and joy in my musical endeavors, as well.”
“That’s… surprising.”
“Is it really?”
“Nyamu-chan told me once that you had a… difficult history with bands. Something about your first band abandoning you at a crucial moment?”
“So she’s been spilling my secrets. I’ll have to make sure she doesn’t cheat on me again.”
“Don’t you mean, “doesn’t cheat you”...?”
“But… yes. That is true. There are days where I pick up my instrument not out of passion or love, but out of spite and pain. Sometimes, my practice is motivated by a darker desire not to be abandoned again. I’ve told myself multiple times, “if I become the perfect bassist, no one will want to let me go again”...”
“...” Uika felt her nails digging into her arms.
“But there is a reason I chose this path as my calling. In the end, playing the bass is my life. There’s no feeling quite like nailing a song you’ve struggled on for weeks, and performing at your best in front of thousands like I have been lucky to do by your side and everyone else’s.”
“I see…”
“I hope my answer was to your liking.”
“O-Of course…” Uika was not sure if she was honest with her answer. She could tell her bandmate was sincere; all of her words came from the heart, that was certain. But… something inside her didn’t want to hear this. Knowing that Umiri could still love music, despite such a difficult history around it… something about it made her feel sick. But why…?
“Oh. We really should be going, Misumi-san. Otherwise, there will be no food left for us to eat before afternoon classes.”
“Y-You can go on ahead. I have to head to Win-Wing for sumimi this afternoon… I’ll pick up something on the way there.”
“Very well. Have a good day, Misumi-san. I will be at RiNG by the time you finish, if you need me.”
“...Band practice?”
“Indeed. Good day to you.”
As Umiri walked away, the blonde could only look at her. When did she get so strong…? It felt like just yesterday that she was crying about wanting to be trusted. And yet, she had transformed into a social person, with dreams and passions, right before her eyes. It made her feel almost lonely. After a moment of reflection, the vocalist got up and headed for the academy’s exit. She still felt quite lost and unsure of herself and her happiness, but talking to Umiri felt like the path was slightly less treacherous now.
Slowly, she began to understand herself.
------------------------------------------------------
Tomori sped down the halls, a simple sandwich in her hands, as her mind continued to work overtime. No matter how she went about it, she simply could not make sense of her feelings. Was this love? Or something else? Did Uika even want to see her again, after she seemingly made her run away? Was it worth potentially hurting her again? She missed her notebook, of course; she had taken another from her home in case she needed to write, but it simply felt wrong to her to start off a new one when she hadn’t filled the previous to the brim. This lack of her usual form of expression certainly didn’t help her racing thoughts, as the absence of an outlet tortured her confused mind even more. She just had to keep walking, find a quiet spot to eat, rest her head and–
smack
“Ah–” Tomori found herself falling to the ground, having run directly into a student by accident. She closed her eyes, bracing for impact, but was surprised when she didn’t hit the ground.
“Got you~!”
“H-Himari-senpai…”
“Huh? Tomori-chan? It’s not like you to be moving so fast… what’s up?”
“...” The younger girl hesitantly looked around at the students around them, who were curiously looking at them due to the commotion. “...Can we talk elsewhere…?”
“Oh, yeah, sure! I know the perfect spot~”
Tomori shyly sat down on the school’s rooftop, her back to the fence that prevented students from falling off, Himari cheerfully following suit.
“Here you go, Tomori-chan. Have some candy!”
“...But I haven’t eaten my lunch yet…”
“Ah, hehe, fair enough~” the Afterglow bassist replied, a slight blush on her face. “A-Anyway, what’s going on? You seem like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”
“Himari-senpai…” The vocalist hesitated for a moment, before gathering her courage and deciding to be upfront with the pink-haired girl. “Do you know… what love is like…?”
“Ooh~ so my cute kouhai has a crush~?”
“U-Um… I don’t know…” Tomori blushed as she took a bite of her lunch.
“Don’t worry! As your dependable senpai, I’ll do everything in my power to help you!” Himari confidently declared. “So, what were you wondering about?”
“I, um… have a friend that seems to be struggling with a lot… I tried to help, and I thought things were going well… but they ran away… ever since, I can’t stop thinking about them, but I feel like I messed up and made things worse…”
“Oh, I see… that does suck. But what does that have to do with your crush?”
“U-Um… we, um– we might have… kissed? A little?”
“Ooh~ I understand now. So you two kissed, and then you were left alone right after?”
“Mhm… I’m not sure what it means, it all happened so suddenly…”
“Well, what do you want this to mean?”
“H-Huh…?”
Himari stood up, placing herself in front of Tomori with a confident smile on her face. “With these kinds of things, the best thing you can do is go see the person and ask them directly what it meant!”
“But what if they don’t want to see me anymore…? They’re the one who ran…”
“Tomori-chan, you can’t let this get you down. Go see your crush and ask what’s going on. Though… first, you would have to know what you want, too.”
“What… I want…?” The singer thought for a moment. She was so preoccupied with what Uika wanted, what Uika meant and what Uika would rather do now that she never spared a thought to what it is she would like for them to be, now. “I don’t know…”
“Okay, then how about this?” Kneeling down in front of her, Himari took Tomori’s hand and kindly looked into her eyes. “Tell me about this crush of yours. How do you feel when you picture their face?”
“U-Um…” The shy girl took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. “I think… their eyes are really interesting.”
“Oh? How so?”
“They’re… deep. Sometimes, they’re really vibrant, like the stars… but they can also be really… dark and empty…”
“...”
“But regardless… I don’t know why… I think they’re always beautiful…”
“Well, that settles it, then!”
“H-Huh? It does…?”
“Look into my eyes, Tomori-chan. What do you see?”
“U-Um…” The younger girl did as she was asked, looking into her senpai’s eyes, even though it was no easy feat for her to retain eye contact for this long. She really did her best to focus, to find as many things to say as possible, and yet… “They’re… green…?”
“See?”
“...?”
“You don’t have nearly as much to say about my eyes, do you?”
“That’s true…!”
“Here, you know what? Show me a picture of this boy. I’ll tell you what I think! I’m sure he’d be lucky to have you, anyway.”
“...Um… boy…?”
“Ah–” Embarrassed, Himari brought her palm to her face. Once again, it seemed she had managed to misunderstand the situation. “He’s… a she, huh…?”
“...Mhm. Here.” Pulling out her phone, Tomori searched for a picture of Uika online, and turned it around to show her senpai.
“Wh– isn’t that Uika Misumi!?”
“...Yeah. Oh, the bell is ringing. I’ll… talk to you later, Himari-senpai. Thank you for the help.” With a quick bow, Tomori left the rooftop, leaving Himari in shock.
“H-How did you even meet, let alone befriend someone this popular!? Tomori-chan, come baaack…! You have to tell meeee–”
“Himari, what are you being so loud about? I’ve come to get you. Let’s go to class.”
“Ran-raaaaaaan…!”
Tomori thought as she walked down the stairs. Did she really fall in love with Uika…? The thought seemed strange to her. For so long, it was hard enough for her to make friends, and even when she did, they often mentioned that they felt they didn’t know her too well. She felt so confused when it came to other people and their feelings, not to mention her own. And now, she had somehow fallen for somebody…? And not only that, but someone might return those feelings? The thought threatened to give her a headache.
And yet… she didn’t find it unpleasant at all.
-----------------------------------------------------
“Aaaah…! It’s finally over!”
Mana let herself fall onto a couch in Win-Wing’s break room, happy that sumimi’s interview was finally over. She knew that it seemed a bit ridiculous to be this worn out after simply talking to a journalist for an hour or so, and yet, she often found these moments to be some of the hardest in her career. She was used to singing, to moving around energetically on stage, but sitting down patiently and keeping her composure? That remained a challenge for the idol.
“Gosh, once I’ve taken a minute, I think I might just go for a jog! I have a lot of energy to get out. Do you wanna go with me, Ui-chan?”
“...”
“...Ui-chan…” The idol started fidgeting as she looked at her partner, who was sitting at a table across the room, once again lost in thought. She had missed her cue to answer questions a handful of times during the interview, as well, which only added to her concerns. She could only wonder if whatever was on her mind was the same topic as yesterday; while it would make the most sense to assume that, her expression had somewhat changed, which made it difficult to be certain. Instead of looking like she was dealing with a mixture of anger and pain, Uika now looked confused and… afraid? Mana felt like she had to do something. And so, she silently got up, grabbed a donut from the assortment that their producer had left for them, and…
“...Ui-chan!”
“Aah!” …Snuck up behind her, tickling her side without warning. “Mana-chan…!”
“Hehe, sorry, couldn’t resist.” The brunette faked a smile, hiding her concerns. “Do you want a donut? Interviews can take a lot out of you. I’d know.”
“Oh, um… sure. Thank you.” Uika forced herself to accept, so as not to worry her colleague.
“...” Mana, meanwhile, looked down at her partner’s face. While she was trying to hide it better now, she could tell the blonde still had a lot on her mind. Unsure how else to help, she decided to ease into the subject. “Hey, Ui-chan… tell me, how’d talking with your friend go?”
“Hm?”
“You know… Takamatsu-chan?”
“Ah– cough hack”
“Ui-chan!?”
“I-I’m fine… just… swallowed the wrong way. Wh-Why do you ask?”
“Call it simple curiosity. I wanna know what my friend gets up to, you know? No one comes to pick you up after work like that, usually.”
“...It doesn’t matter.”
“...Huh?”
“It doesn’t matter how it went.” Uika coldly said, turning away from Mana, before whispering to herself. “...Not like I deserve any of it…”
“...! Ui-chan, I heard that!”
“...”
“You should be kinder to yourself! It makes me sad to see you close yourself off like that… it’s okay to have wants and needs, you know–”
Suddenly, Uika turned back around, a dark look on her face. Her eyes seemed to turn into a maelstrom of purples and blacks, as she shot up from her chair with a scowl on her face. “What do you know!? I don’t deserve anything! Nothing at all! I’m worthless and a betrayer and you–” Seeing Mana’s expression turn from shock, to fear, and then to worry, the blonde stopped herself as she felt her anger and disgust turned towards herself slowly being replaced by guilt and shame. She had snapped once again, and this time, it was at somebody new. Somebody she had labored to remain pleasant, yet distant to, in order to not let her see her true self while not making waves. In these few seconds, this precarious balance had toppled over, falling beneath the raging inferno that was her mind.
“U-Ui-chan… what’s going on…?”
“...” Something in Uika screamed at her to run. To simply get up and escape this situation. To show up the next day with a fresh, porcelain smile, and to tell her she was simply a little sleep-deprived, and that she was okay now. It screamed louder and louder, and just as she was about to listen and bolt–
Mana caught her in a tight hug, preventing her from leaving.
“Shhh… Ui-chan, it’s okay… it’s all right.”
“I– Mana-chan, you shouldn’t–”
“Hey… it’s all right. I told you.” Mana whispered calmly, a peaceful tone in her voice, as she stroked her friend’s back. “I’m sorry, I know I don’t always do the best job at understanding, but… I’m here, okay?”
“Y-You…” Uika felt tears falling down her face and onto Mana’s dress. This girl, who she had rejected, kept at arm’s length, and lied to countless times… this endlessly kind girl was now holding her tight as she had just screamed at her and told her she didn’t know anything. “I-I don’t understand…”
“It’s all right… you don’t have to. I’m your friend. You don’t have to justify yourself, all right? Just let go.”
“M-Mana-chan…”
“I just want you to be happy, you know?”
There it was. That word again. That suffocating, incomprehensible wish for her to be happy. Why did they all want that for her? Sakiko, Tomori, Umiri, Mana– they all seemed to insist on remaining by her side, counseling and supporting her even when she actively discouraged them from doing so. Why were they doing this? Didn’t they know she was a cursed child, who was defying fate itself to remain alive? One day, it would all catch up to her. She will lose everything, from her God to her friends to her life–
“Please… let yourself be happy, Uika-chan…!”
…No. She had done enough running. She had fought against the people who wanted nothing but her happiness long enough. Did she ever think of what her insistence on unhappiness did to them? How it might worry them, or anger them, or leave them confused and disappointed in themselves? In this moment, as she felt Mana’s own tears hitting her back, she decided it was time to let go, to let herself be cared for.
She had fought herself long enough.
“I… I don’t know! I don’t know what it means to be happy…!”
“Ui-chan…”
“I don’t know what to do! I want to stay true to my goal, but everyone tells me to go easy on myself! To follow my heart, even when my heart is screaming “stay away from them”! N-None of it makes any sense!”
“...Then, how about this?”
“...Huh?”
Mana broke the hug, taking Uika’s hand in hers and leading her to the couch.
“Tell me everything from the beginning. I’ll listen, no matter how long it takes, or how hard it gets.”
“Mana-chan…”
“Please?”
“...Okay.”
---------------------------------------------
Tomori waited at RiNG’s entrance for longer than she probably should have. Her bandmates were all already inside, and Taki was blowing up her phone with messages asking where she was and if she was okay. The small girl opted to put her phone on mute, wanting to make sure she remained undistracted in case Uika did end up coming.
She waited five minutes beyond the meetup time.
Then ten.
Then fifteen.
Once twenty minutes hit, the vocalist gave up, entering the live house and making her way to the studio the others were waiting in. It seemed she failed to get through to Uika. She wouldn’t be coming after all, and her hopes of seeing the girl she was falling for smile again were most likely dashed.
“Tomori! There you are! I was just about to come looking for you…”
“Is everything all right, Takamatsu-san?”
“...”
“Well, nevertheless, I must ask you something. Please excuse my lack of patience, we are on quite a tight schedule.”
“Huh!? Hey, Umirin, don’t just jump into it like that–”
“Did you manage to recruit Misumi-san?”
“...” Tomori failed to find any words, simply looking toward her feet. The conversation she had with her replayed in her mind, from her shy offer to her anger to their kiss… and then, her swift escape.
“...I see. I am sorry to hear that.”
“Tomori…”
“Regardless, now that we know, we should start talking about what to do about our set li–”
SLAM
“H-Huh–”
“huff huff”
“...Heh.” Taki smiled. “There you are.”
In the doorframe stood an exhausted, out-of-breath Uika, her guitar on her back.
Every time she closed her eyes, the events of the early evening played again in her mind. Having to show just enough of her true self to Mana so she would leave her be while not being disgusted or intimidated by her. Running into Tomori. That heated discussion in the park. And then… that kiss.
She couldn’t believe she let herself do that. Now, she was sure to never be able to talk to her again, and while it was what she thought she deserved, her ungrateful heart still hurt from the loss. Surely, she found that uncalled for, a breach of her personal boundaries, absolutely reprehensible… and yet… she remembered. The handful of times she broke the kiss, only to feel her fellow vocalist return her affection. The way the smaller girl’s hands ran along her back, as if trying to map it out. The noises she made, the blush on her face–
slap
And every time, as if to punish herself, she brought her hand to her cheek and hit herself. That cycle repeated itself for most of the night, until even that action took too much energy, and sleep finally claimed her against her will.
Even then, she found no repose. Her dreams were filled with various scenes, from kneeling at Sakiko’s feet as she reprimanded her for caring for another, to Tomori telling her off and demanding she never approach her again, or even to moments of passion that were best forgotten. Every time, the sheer guilt or shame ripped her away from the fantasy for just long enough to wake her, only for her to quickly return to her own world, which became more of a prison than anything else with each passing attempt at a restful sleep.
Eventually, Hatsune finally managed to stay asleep for a few hours. She was awakened by her alarm, signaling the start of another day. Reluctantly, the blonde rose from her bed, heading to the living room with hopes that a cup of coffee would manage to give her enough energy to survive the day to come. She would have to put in extra effort into her makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes today, which she was not looking forward to… with a sigh, she crossed the threshold into the room–
Only to find Sakiko standing there, a dreadfully familiar notebook in her hands, and an inquisitive look in her eyes.
“S-Saki-chan, good morning–”
“How exactly did you come into possession of this?”
“...”
The question was like a knife to Hatsune’s chest. Scrambling to find some excuse, all of her ideas evaporated in the morning sun as the Togawa heir opened it to the few lines Tomori had written for her the day prior. “You two met, didn’t you?”
“...Yes.”
“What exactly did the two of you talk abou–”
“I’m sorry, Saki-chan– I didn’t mean to– I’m sorry– I’ll never do it again– I– I– sob”
“Wha– calm down, Hatsune! What is this about!?”
“M-My devotion slipped… I’m sorry…”
“...” Sakiko’s silence spoke volumes. The blonde could feel that mentioning her obsession was a mistake that would have been best avoided. “So this is what this is about.”
“I-I’m sorry…”
“That is all you ever manage to say.”
“I’m–” Realizing what she was about to repeat, the one known as Doloris stopped herself.
“Did Tomori ask you to join her and Umiri’s band?”
Hatsune nodded.
“And what did you tell her?”
“...I ran away.”
“And why is that? What happened that would end in you running off with her notebook?”
“...”
“...So you refuse to tell me. Very well.” The blue-haired girl grabbed her school bag, and headed for the door. “Hatsune… please think harder about what it is that would make you happy.”
“Saki-cha–”
slam
“...”
Truly, Hatsune Misumi understood nothing about anything.
--------------------------------------
Tomori began on the path to Haneoka, her step more uncertain than usual. No matter how hard she tried, her thoughts would not deviate from the subject of the previous day. She once again found herself thinking of Uika’s eyes. Her wonderful, lavender eyes. How they almost glowed with a light yet unseen. How they slowly fluttered to a close as they brought their lips together.
And yet… at how dark they remained when she broke their mutual affection and ran. How panicked they looked, how deep her fear seemed to be.
The lyricist could not make sense of it. In the stories she heard, the people in love would remain close to one another after a kiss. They would exchange sweet nothings as they rested in the other’s arms, before they walked home together, a flutter in their stomachs. But reality appeared to find joy in defying fiction, and in this instance, it was the only one laughing. Had she somehow done something wrong? Was she too sincere? Too passionate? Or was the way she was somehow repulsive to her?
Was this even love?
Tomori had never really been in love before, at least not in the classical sense. She loved her friends. She loved singing, and writing, and collecting various things. But the idea of being close to another in that sense had never truly crossed her mind. She knew she was somewhat popular somehow; she heard Anon teasing Taki multiple times about a crush that she might be having, and a handful of students in her class had confessed to her before as well, seemingly charmed by her personality. But she always kept a certain distance from it all, as she was not sure how to respond to such intense feelings. Even now that she had kissed somebody for the first time, she felt she was no closer to understanding any of it.
Suddenly noticing that she had barely made any progress on her walk, the singer quickened her step so as not to be late to class, trying to push her doubts deep inside her for the time being.
After all, Tomori Takamatsu didn’t think she understood anything about anything.
---------------------------------------------
Uika never felt so incapable of functioning before.
It had now been almost four hours since classes started, and she could count the amount of sentences she managed to note down on one hand. No matter how hard she tried to focus, her mind was entirely elsewhere, namely, on a certain lyricist’s notebook, which she couldn’t help but read over more than a handful of times during the morning. It felt like she was even more of a stranger to herself than she usually was; not only could she not understand her own feelings regarding Tomori and Sakiko, but the latter’s request was even more of a mystery to the performer.
“Think about what makes me happy…?” What did that mean, exactly? She had heard that so many times lately from Sakiko herself, and even from Tomori. She thought she was happy enough. Being by Sakiko’s side, being able to give voice to the lyrics she wrote for her, playing her part in the puppet show that is Ave Mujica… it all felt useful. She felt useful to someone. To the one person she wants to, has to be useful for. Sure, maybe she didn’t like herself all that much. Maybe she avoided looking in the mirror, in fear of seeing that loathsome face of hers. Maybe she buried herself in work and study so she wouldn’t have to be alone with her worst enemy. But everyone feels that way about themself, right? Everyone in Ave Mujica seemed to, to some extent, at least. So what is it that they mean by their requests to “let herself be happy”? What did they mean, or want, or ask her to do, or demand–
“Misumi-san? Misumi-san.”
“Ah–” Startled, Uika jumped in her seat, sitting up straighter and putting on a fake smile. “Umiri-chan. What can I do for you?”
“Nothing. The bell just rang about ten minutes ago… you’re usually the first one out of the classroom, so I thought I would check in.”
“Oh… I see. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m fine–”
“...” Umiri’s expression was worth a thousand words; she was not buying her lie.
“...Sorry. I don’t mean to lie to you, I just…”
“I understand. It is difficult to respond with anything other than that, sometimes. But please, be honest with me. I can see something is on your mind. We are friends, are we not?”
“Umiri-chan… thank you.” Uika felt a small smile subconsciously sneak its way onto her face. She felt grateful that her classmate could care for her this much, even if she did not fully feel like she deserved it. It was hard for her to understand how she could be valued as a friend by somebody, but she did her best to accept that in the moment. “Tell me… are you happy?”
“Hm? That is a difficult question… I suppose I am. I value my bonds with Ave Mujica’s members, and people like Taki-san and Chihaya-san have been quite good to me.”
“So… would you say that’s what brings you happiness? Other people?”
“Ah, well… it is definitely part of it, yes. But that is not everything.”
“...” Uika waited patiently for the bassist to continue.
“I believe I find a lot of meaning and joy in my musical endeavors, as well.”
“That’s… surprising.”
“Is it really?”
“Nyamu-chan told me once that you had a… difficult history with bands. Something about your first band abandoning you at a crucial moment?”
“So she’s been spilling my secrets. I’ll have to make sure she doesn’t cheat on me again.”
“Don’t you mean, “doesn’t cheat you”...?”
“But… yes. That is true. There are days where I pick up my instrument not out of passion or love, but out of spite and pain. Sometimes, my practice is motivated by a darker desire not to be abandoned again. I’ve told myself multiple times, “if I become the perfect bassist, no one will want to let me go again”...”
“...” Uika felt her nails digging into her arms.
“But there is a reason I chose this path as my calling. In the end, playing the bass is my life. There’s no feeling quite like nailing a song you’ve struggled on for weeks, and performing at your best in front of thousands like I have been lucky to do by your side and everyone else’s.”
“I see…”
“I hope my answer was to your liking.”
“O-Of course…” Uika was not sure if she was honest with her answer. She could tell her bandmate was sincere; all of her words came from the heart, that was certain. But… something inside her didn’t want to hear this. Knowing that Umiri could still love music, despite such a difficult history around it… something about it made her feel sick. But why…?
“Oh. We really should be going, Misumi-san. Otherwise, there will be no food left for us to eat before afternoon classes.”
“Y-You can go on ahead. I have to head to Win-Wing for sumimi this afternoon… I’ll pick up something on the way there.”
“Very well. Have a good day, Misumi-san. I will be at RiNG by the time you finish, if you need me.”
“...Band practice?”
“Indeed. Good day to you.”
As Umiri walked away, the blonde could only look at her. When did she get so strong…? It felt like just yesterday that she was crying about wanting to be trusted. And yet, she had transformed into a social person, with dreams and passions, right before her eyes. It made her feel almost lonely. After a moment of reflection, the vocalist got up and headed for the academy’s exit. She still felt quite lost and unsure of herself and her happiness, but talking to Umiri felt like the path was slightly less treacherous now.
Slowly, she began to understand herself.
------------------------------------------------------
Tomori sped down the halls, a simple sandwich in her hands, as her mind continued to work overtime. No matter how she went about it, she simply could not make sense of her feelings. Was this love? Or something else? Did Uika even want to see her again, after she seemingly made her run away? Was it worth potentially hurting her again? She missed her notebook, of course; she had taken another from her home in case she needed to write, but it simply felt wrong to her to start off a new one when she hadn’t filled the previous to the brim. This lack of her usual form of expression certainly didn’t help her racing thoughts, as the absence of an outlet tortured her confused mind even more. She just had to keep walking, find a quiet spot to eat, rest her head and–
smack
“Ah–” Tomori found herself falling to the ground, having run directly into a student by accident. She closed her eyes, bracing for impact, but was surprised when she didn’t hit the ground.
“Got you~!”
“H-Himari-senpai…”
“Huh? Tomori-chan? It’s not like you to be moving so fast… what’s up?”
“...” The younger girl hesitantly looked around at the students around them, who were curiously looking at them due to the commotion. “...Can we talk elsewhere…?”
“Oh, yeah, sure! I know the perfect spot~”
Tomori shyly sat down on the school’s rooftop, her back to the fence that prevented students from falling off, Himari cheerfully following suit.
“Here you go, Tomori-chan. Have some candy!”
“...But I haven’t eaten my lunch yet…”
“Ah, hehe, fair enough~” the Afterglow bassist replied, a slight blush on her face. “A-Anyway, what’s going on? You seem like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”
“Himari-senpai…” The vocalist hesitated for a moment, before gathering her courage and deciding to be upfront with the pink-haired girl. “Do you know… what love is like…?”
“Ooh~ so my cute kouhai has a crush~?”
“U-Um… I don’t know…” Tomori blushed as she took a bite of her lunch.
“Don’t worry! As your dependable senpai, I’ll do everything in my power to help you!” Himari confidently declared. “So, what were you wondering about?”
“I, um… have a friend that seems to be struggling with a lot… I tried to help, and I thought things were going well… but they ran away… ever since, I can’t stop thinking about them, but I feel like I messed up and made things worse…”
“Oh, I see… that does suck. But what does that have to do with your crush?”
“U-Um… we, um– we might have… kissed? A little?”
“Ooh~ I understand now. So you two kissed, and then you were left alone right after?”
“Mhm… I’m not sure what it means, it all happened so suddenly…”
“Well, what do you want this to mean?”
“H-Huh…?”
Himari stood up, placing herself in front of Tomori with a confident smile on her face. “With these kinds of things, the best thing you can do is go see the person and ask them directly what it meant!”
“But what if they don’t want to see me anymore…? They’re the one who ran…”
“Tomori-chan, you can’t let this get you down. Go see your crush and ask what’s going on. Though… first, you would have to know what you want, too.”
“What… I want…?” The singer thought for a moment. She was so preoccupied with what Uika wanted, what Uika meant and what Uika would rather do now that she never spared a thought to what it is she would like for them to be, now. “I don’t know…”
“Okay, then how about this?” Kneeling down in front of her, Himari took Tomori’s hand and kindly looked into her eyes. “Tell me about this crush of yours. How do you feel when you picture their face?”
“U-Um…” The shy girl took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. “I think… their eyes are really interesting.”
“Oh? How so?”
“They’re… deep. Sometimes, they’re really vibrant, like the stars… but they can also be really… dark and empty…”
“...”
“But regardless… I don’t know why… I think they’re always beautiful…”
“Well, that settles it, then!”
“H-Huh? It does…?”
“Look into my eyes, Tomori-chan. What do you see?”
“U-Um…” The younger girl did as she was asked, looking into her senpai’s eyes, even though it was no easy feat for her to retain eye contact for this long. She really did her best to focus, to find as many things to say as possible, and yet… “They’re… green…?”
“See?”
“...?”
“You don’t have nearly as much to say about my eyes, do you?”
“That’s true…!”
“Here, you know what? Show me a picture of this boy. I’ll tell you what I think! I’m sure he’d be lucky to have you, anyway.”
“...Um… boy…?”
“Ah–” Embarrassed, Himari brought her palm to her face. Once again, it seemed she had managed to misunderstand the situation. “He’s… a she, huh…?”
“...Mhm. Here.” Pulling out her phone, Tomori searched for a picture of Uika online, and turned it around to show her senpai.
“Wh– isn’t that Uika Misumi!?”
“...Yeah. Oh, the bell is ringing. I’ll… talk to you later, Himari-senpai. Thank you for the help.” With a quick bow, Tomori left the rooftop, leaving Himari in shock.
“H-How did you even meet, let alone befriend someone this popular!? Tomori-chan, come baaack…! You have to tell meeee–”
“Himari, what are you being so loud about? I’ve come to get you. Let’s go to class.”
“Ran-raaaaaaan…!”
Tomori thought as she walked down the stairs. Did she really fall in love with Uika…? The thought seemed strange to her. For so long, it was hard enough for her to make friends, and even when she did, they often mentioned that they felt they didn’t know her too well. She felt so confused when it came to other people and their feelings, not to mention her own. And now, she had somehow fallen for somebody…? And not only that, but someone might return those feelings? The thought threatened to give her a headache.
And yet… she didn’t find it unpleasant at all.
-----------------------------------------------------
“Aaaah…! It’s finally over!”
Mana let herself fall onto a couch in Win-Wing’s break room, happy that sumimi’s interview was finally over. She knew that it seemed a bit ridiculous to be this worn out after simply talking to a journalist for an hour or so, and yet, she often found these moments to be some of the hardest in her career. She was used to singing, to moving around energetically on stage, but sitting down patiently and keeping her composure? That remained a challenge for the idol.
“Gosh, once I’ve taken a minute, I think I might just go for a jog! I have a lot of energy to get out. Do you wanna go with me, Ui-chan?”
“...”
“...Ui-chan…” The idol started fidgeting as she looked at her partner, who was sitting at a table across the room, once again lost in thought. She had missed her cue to answer questions a handful of times during the interview, as well, which only added to her concerns. She could only wonder if whatever was on her mind was the same topic as yesterday; while it would make the most sense to assume that, her expression had somewhat changed, which made it difficult to be certain. Instead of looking like she was dealing with a mixture of anger and pain, Uika now looked confused and… afraid? Mana felt like she had to do something. And so, she silently got up, grabbed a donut from the assortment that their producer had left for them, and…
“...Ui-chan!”
“Aah!” …Snuck up behind her, tickling her side without warning. “Mana-chan…!”
“Hehe, sorry, couldn’t resist.” The brunette faked a smile, hiding her concerns. “Do you want a donut? Interviews can take a lot out of you. I’d know.”
“Oh, um… sure. Thank you.” Uika forced herself to accept, so as not to worry her colleague.
“...” Mana, meanwhile, looked down at her partner’s face. While she was trying to hide it better now, she could tell the blonde still had a lot on her mind. Unsure how else to help, she decided to ease into the subject. “Hey, Ui-chan… tell me, how’d talking with your friend go?”
“Hm?”
“You know… Takamatsu-chan?”
“Ah– cough hack”
“Ui-chan!?”
“I-I’m fine… just… swallowed the wrong way. Wh-Why do you ask?”
“Call it simple curiosity. I wanna know what my friend gets up to, you know? No one comes to pick you up after work like that, usually.”
“...It doesn’t matter.”
“...Huh?”
“It doesn’t matter how it went.” Uika coldly said, turning away from Mana, before whispering to herself. “...Not like I deserve any of it…”
“...! Ui-chan, I heard that!”
“...”
“You should be kinder to yourself! It makes me sad to see you close yourself off like that… it’s okay to have wants and needs, you know–”
Suddenly, Uika turned back around, a dark look on her face. Her eyes seemed to turn into a maelstrom of purples and blacks, as she shot up from her chair with a scowl on her face. “What do you know!? I don’t deserve anything! Nothing at all! I’m worthless and a betrayer and you–” Seeing Mana’s expression turn from shock, to fear, and then to worry, the blonde stopped herself as she felt her anger and disgust turned towards herself slowly being replaced by guilt and shame. She had snapped once again, and this time, it was at somebody new. Somebody she had labored to remain pleasant, yet distant to, in order to not let her see her true self while not making waves. In these few seconds, this precarious balance had toppled over, falling beneath the raging inferno that was her mind.
“U-Ui-chan… what’s going on…?”
“...” Something in Uika screamed at her to run. To simply get up and escape this situation. To show up the next day with a fresh, porcelain smile, and to tell her she was simply a little sleep-deprived, and that she was okay now. It screamed louder and louder, and just as she was about to listen and bolt–
Mana caught her in a tight hug, preventing her from leaving.
“Shhh… Ui-chan, it’s okay… it’s all right.”
“I– Mana-chan, you shouldn’t–”
“Hey… it’s all right. I told you.” Mana whispered calmly, a peaceful tone in her voice, as she stroked her friend’s back. “I’m sorry, I know I don’t always do the best job at understanding, but… I’m here, okay?”
“Y-You…” Uika felt tears falling down her face and onto Mana’s dress. This girl, who she had rejected, kept at arm’s length, and lied to countless times… this endlessly kind girl was now holding her tight as she had just screamed at her and told her she didn’t know anything. “I-I don’t understand…”
“It’s all right… you don’t have to. I’m your friend. You don’t have to justify yourself, all right? Just let go.”
“M-Mana-chan…”
“I just want you to be happy, you know?”
There it was. That word again. That suffocating, incomprehensible wish for her to be happy. Why did they all want that for her? Sakiko, Tomori, Umiri, Mana– they all seemed to insist on remaining by her side, counseling and supporting her even when she actively discouraged them from doing so. Why were they doing this? Didn’t they know she was a cursed child, who was defying fate itself to remain alive? One day, it would all catch up to her. She will lose everything, from her God to her friends to her life–
“Please… let yourself be happy, Uika-chan…!”
…No. She had done enough running. She had fought against the people who wanted nothing but her happiness long enough. Did she ever think of what her insistence on unhappiness did to them? How it might worry them, or anger them, or leave them confused and disappointed in themselves? In this moment, as she felt Mana’s own tears hitting her back, she decided it was time to let go, to let herself be cared for.
She had fought herself long enough.
“I… I don’t know! I don’t know what it means to be happy…!”
“Ui-chan…”
“I don’t know what to do! I want to stay true to my goal, but everyone tells me to go easy on myself! To follow my heart, even when my heart is screaming “stay away from them”! N-None of it makes any sense!”
“...Then, how about this?”
“...Huh?”
Mana broke the hug, taking Uika’s hand in hers and leading her to the couch.
“Tell me everything from the beginning. I’ll listen, no matter how long it takes, or how hard it gets.”
“Mana-chan…”
“Please?”
“...Okay.”
---------------------------------------------
Tomori waited at RiNG’s entrance for longer than she probably should have. Her bandmates were all already inside, and Taki was blowing up her phone with messages asking where she was and if she was okay. The small girl opted to put her phone on mute, wanting to make sure she remained undistracted in case Uika did end up coming.
She waited five minutes beyond the meetup time.
Then ten.
Then fifteen.
Once twenty minutes hit, the vocalist gave up, entering the live house and making her way to the studio the others were waiting in. It seemed she failed to get through to Uika. She wouldn’t be coming after all, and her hopes of seeing the girl she was falling for smile again were most likely dashed.
“Tomori! There you are! I was just about to come looking for you…”
“Is everything all right, Takamatsu-san?”
“...”
“Well, nevertheless, I must ask you something. Please excuse my lack of patience, we are on quite a tight schedule.”
“Huh!? Hey, Umirin, don’t just jump into it like that–”
“Did you manage to recruit Misumi-san?”
“...” Tomori failed to find any words, simply looking toward her feet. The conversation she had with her replayed in her mind, from her shy offer to her anger to their kiss… and then, her swift escape.
“...I see. I am sorry to hear that.”
“Tomori…”
“Regardless, now that we know, we should start talking about what to do about our set li–”
SLAM
“H-Huh–”
“huff huff”
“...Heh.” Taki smiled. “There you are.”
In the doorframe stood an exhausted, out-of-breath Uika, her guitar on her back.
A quick message between chapters: from this chapter on, characters will begin to sing. Who's singing will be indicated using colored text. Here are the colors for each character:
Uika
Tomori
Anon
Taki
Umiri
Whole band
If any of the colors are too difficult to see, remember that you can highlight the text to remove the colors!
“Tell me everything from the beginning. I’ll listen, no matter how long it takes, or how hard it gets.”
“Mana-chan…”
“Please?”
“...Okay.”
Uika took a deep breath, and began explaining everything to Mana, just in vague enough terms for her to not end up learning about her true heritage. She recounted her life from the beginning, from her birth to a father who wanted her out of his way, to her mother's demands to stay away from the one she most wanted to meet, her running away from home to pursue "her" dreams of being an idol and find Sakiko again, and finally, her current struggles. Once she reached the present moment, she took a deep breath, feeling a sort of weight lift off her shoulders.
"...Is that everything?"
"...Yes." Uika lied. Even now, she didn't feel comfortable telling her about the two things she omitted: the true identity of her father, and... her real identity.
"That's... a lot. I'm sorry, Ui-chan... I never knew you had such a hard past. It makes sense now why you tend to be distant."
"..."
"I guess the problems you've been having concerning your happiness are related to all that?"
"Mhm. I just... For so many years, my goal has been to reach Saki-chan again. I was willing to do anything to that end. It's the reason I worked so hard to become an idol, that I learned to play and sing. But now that I'm there, with her, as part of Ave Mujica... just what is music, to me? Is it a means to an end? Is it a tool to use for Saki-chan's dreams? Or is it merely a paycheck?"
Mana thought for a moment. She wanted to be sure she wouldn't misspeak, or fail to convey what she truly meant. "Well... isn't there another option?"
"...I don't know."
"Couldn't it just... be fun?"
"...Fun...?"
The brown-haired idol stood up with a quick spin. "For me, whenever I stand on stage, I feel this rush, like... wow! I'm here, and everyone is looking at me, cheering for me. For us! I've loved singing since I was a kid. That's why I'm so good at it. Heck, if I'm being honest, aside from performing, there isn't much else I'm good at... hehe."
Uika simply stared at her friend. Something about her reminded her of... no, it's best not to look into that too much. She left that life behind long ago.
"Whenever I get to sing, with you having my back... no matter how hard it gets, or frustrating, or confusing... it feels like it was all worth it. I get to connect with everyone. Our producer, our fans, our fellow performers... and you, most of all."
"...Me...?"
"I have to admit... I'm scared, often, Ui-chan. I'm not sure what to say, or do, or think when you close yourself off, and you have this dark look on your face. But... when we're sumimi, when we simply sing together... I see her. I see the true Uika I have trouble reaching out to!"*
"Is that... really the true me...?"
"Oh, trust me!"
"No one who hates music can sing with so much heart!"
---------------------
“huff huff”
“...Heh.” Taki smiled. “There you are.”
"U... Uika-chan...!" Tomori, overjoyed, turned back around to look at her bandmates, a hopeful look in her eyes.
Anon seemed like she was about to faint. "Ui... Uika...! Does that mean you want to join us...!?"
Umiri, shocked to see such an intense, indescribable expression on her fellow Mujica member's face, took a moment to react. When she did, however, her own expression settled into a soft smile. "I have no objections, personally."
Finally, Taki smiled, seemingly being the one who had most expected this outcome. "Welcome to the band, Uika-san."
"I... huff thank you...!"
"Aaaah! Rikki!! Is this real????" Anon cut in, shaking the drummer by the shoulders, before being swatted away.
"I just said so, didn't I? Also, don't shake me like that, or you won't have arms to hold your guitar up wi--"
"Hey, guys, what should our band name be!?"
"sigh Of course you'd ask that... can't we let Uika-san rest first?"
"I-I'm fine, thank you. We can do that, if you want, Anon-chan."
"Yay! I got a lot of ideas. So, first is "Anomimous"--"
"No." Umiri coldly cut in.
"Haha, y-yeah, it's not that good... um, "Uihaya Morning"--"
"Out of the question."
"U-Um... "UIKA TOKYO"...?"
"..." The bassist's glare said all that needed to be said.
"Jeez, you're even faster than me when it comes to shutting her down..."
"Tomorin...! Why are there two Rikkis now...!?"
"U-Um..."
"Hahaha!" Uika burst out into laughter, to everyone's surprise, including her own. "Oh, um-- sorry. I just thought your dynamic was really fun."
"It's a surprise to see you so chipper, Misumi-san."
"Yeah, it is to me too... I'm usually quite the sad person, I think."
"...!" Hearing this, something took shape in Tomori's mind, and she immediately reached for her notebook.
"Ah, I know that look! Tomorin's got a strike of inspiration~"
As she rummaged through her bag, she remembered that she didn't have it on hand, turning to its presumed owner. "Um... Uika-chan...?"
"...? Oh, right! Um, here. I'm sorry for leaving with it last time..."
"...Thank you." The two girls' hands lingered on each other's for longer than they needed to as the item was returned to its rightful owner. Eventually, though, Tomori slowly opened the book with a slight blush, and wrote down a single word, before presenting it to everyone.
"Chrysanthemums... Is that your idea for our band name, Takamatsu-san?"
"Mhm... they... represent November, which is when the festival is. And... they also mean "joy and longevity"."
"Longevity...? Isn't that ill-fitting, though? We'll only be performing this once, right?" Uika asked, confused.
"That's true, but... the memories will last forever. For our whole lives, I think."
"...!" The blonde felt Tomori's simple words resonate deep within her.
"I like it."
"Me too. We'll go with that, then. Unless you have any objections, Uika-san?"
Uika shook her head. "No. It's... a very good name."
"Hey, why do we never pick my ideas, anyway!?"
"Just have better ones, dummy."
"Hey-- well, no... I can't argue that, hehe..."
"With that out of the way... we're back at our main issue. The set list."
"Oh, that's true. We never did agree on what to choose. Given this concert is shared between three bands, and our time slot in the festival’s schedule is fairly short… we should have time for three songs."
“We have another guitarist now, so you shouldn’t need to rearrange too much, right?” Anon asked Taki.
“That’s right. Though, now we have another issue… the fact we have two vocalists.”
“Oh, I can–” Both singers spoke up at the same time, intending to leave their spot to the other, which made them both chuckle. “...How about we both share that role?” Uika continued, a smile on her face.
“...Sure.” Tomori returned the expression.
“I was just about to suggest that, actually. It’d be a shame to waste either of your talents.”
“Hey, I have an idea for which songs to play, actually!” The pink-haired guitarist cut in. “How about both of our debut songs?”
“So… Black Birthday and Mayoiuta?”
“Yeah! People’ll be coming to watch Ave Mujica and MyGO!!!!!’s members perform, right? So giving them one song of ours each feels right!”
“I agree with Chihaya-san’s idea.”
“Same here!”
“Ano-chan… good thinking.”
“Seems we’re unanimous, then. This should help keep the amount of new parts to learn both light and evenly distributed, too.”
“That just leaves one song. Which one should we pick?” Umiri continued.
“Um… I’d like to play a new song.”
“Ooh, right! You brought that up last time, right, Tomorin?”
“Do you have the lyrics written yet?”
“No, not yet… but I’ll have it done for tomorrow.”
“...” Taki thought for a moment. Writing, composing, and learning an entire new song in just four days sounded like a crazy idea. A normal band would not be able to perform at an adequate level in so short a time. But their band was anything but normal. Umiri and Uika were professionals, and MyGO!!!!!’s members were no strangers to crunch time, and managed to learn multiple songs in that amount of time before. Plus, even if they couldn’t nail it exactly, the drummer had faith Tomori’s lyrics would move the crowd well enough to get them across the finish line. And if the lyricist had been thinking of it for a while already, she should have a few ideas for the new song, so… “...Okay. Send them to me as soon as they’re done, even if it’s already late. I’ll have a draft ready by Friday morning at the very latest. I’ll be counting on all of you to practice your parts as soon as you can, understood?”
“Aye aye, captain!”
“...” Taki glared at her chipper bandmate. “I’m most worried about you. Take this seriously.”
“Like I said, aye aye!”
“sigh”
“Oh, it appears our time is up.” The bassist said, checking her phone.
“Before you two go…” The brown-haired girl stood up from her drums, rummaging through her bag and pulling out some sheet music, handing it out to Ave Mujica’s members. “Here’s Mayoiuta . Start learning Soyo and Raana’s parts the moment you can. Umiri, can you send me Black Birthday later?”
“Understood. Well then, good day to you all.”
“Ah– Umirin, wait~! I have to ask you something…!”
As the band’s calmest and most energetic members left the room one after the other, quickly followed by Taki, who had to rush home to start working on her parts and the set list, Uika and Tomori found themselves alone together for the first time. A certain air of awkwardness set in between the two singers, who both stood at opposite ends of the studio, unsure what to say to the other.
Eventually, though, Uika broke the silence. “Tomori-chan, listen, I’m–”
“Uika-chan…! Please come home with me…!”
“...H-Huh!?” The blonde found herself blushing intensely at her friend’s bold offer.
“Ah– um– I–” Realizing what she said, Tomori blushed as well, before taking a deep breath to center herself. She took Uika’s hand in hers, looked away shyly, and spoke so quietly the idol may not have heard her, if it wasn’t for her paying such close attention to her budding crush. “I-I… would like it if you helped me write the lyrics.”
“Oh! That’s what you meant, haha… I thought you were– n-never mind. I’d be happy to, Tomori-chan.”
As the two girls rode the train to Tomori’s home, Uika thought to herself. That moment between them just now… and that evening in the park… what did it all mean? Why was it that she acted so impulsively around MyGO!!!!!’s vocalist? Why were her dreams last night so centered on her? She only ever dreamt of Sakiko or her family before. But now, here was this girl, this quiet, unassuming girl, coming in with her thoughtful words and sincere gaze, to make her heart beat with a strength only her Saki-chan could ever manage to induce.
The blonde knew what that strength meant. It was love.
Some would call the feeling too intense for a mere twenty-four hours. But she knew her mind well. She knew how quick it was to like and dislike. To see things in jet black, or pure white. To hate… and love. She never took half-measures, and she was trying her best to accept that now.
Even now, as the ash-haired girl thoughtfully wrote in her notebook, doodling penguins and bugs in the corners of the pages when she got stuck, Uika could feel butterflies in her stomach. There was no mistaking it. She felt silly to fully realize this only now, but she had been so focused on figuring her wants out that she hadn’t given it much deep thought.
“Oh… this is our stop. Uika-chan…”
“...Yeah. I’m right behind you, Tomori-chan!”
With a smile, Uika pushed down the dark, self-loathing thoughts that clawed at the edge of her consciousness. She would not lie down and let her misguided sense of duty get in her way anymore.
Or, at least, she would do her best not to.
--------------------------------------------
“Umiriiiiin~! Please wait…!”
Umiri kept her pace brisk and her gaze fixed straight forward, as Anon struggled to match her speed. The guitarist had been following her for more than a few minutes now, and while she didn’t dislike her, Umiri felt she had no time to waste.
“We have a lot to work on, Chihaya-san. Shouldn’t you be heading home?”
“B-But– huff I have to ask you something first…!”
“Is it related to Chrysanthemums?” The bassist continued, not slowing down for a moment.
“Y-Yeah…! So plea– ow!” The black-haired girl stopped dead in her tracks, causing Anon to run face-first into her back.
“I’m listening.”
“Jeez…! Don’t stop so suddenly!” With a pout, the Haneoka student stood up straight once more, looking into her bandmate’s eyes with a serious look. “Anyway, what are Uika’s measurements?”
“...” Umiri spun back around and began to speedwalk away once again.
“N-No! Wait! I swear it’s important!”
“If you’re lying to get such personal information out of me, I will be telling Taki-san.”
“I’m not lying!” Anon protested. “I need that info to make costumes for the concert!”
“Hm. I see. And why ask me, and not her?”
“Well, you’re Mujica’s manager, right? You take care of finding venues and keeping appointments and stuff, don’t you? So I figured you probably know everybody’s measurements in case the costumes need to be repaired.”
“Still, Misumi-san would know such things as well.”
“I-I…” The pink-haired girl blushed slightly as she lowered her voice. “I’m embarrassed to ask her…”
“What’s that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“I’m embarrassed to ask, okay!? She’s, like, a major celebrity! And I’m a huge sumimi fan, so…!”
“sigh All right. You’ve made your case. Here.”
Anon felt her phone buzzing in her blazer’s pocket. Pulling it out, she smiled as she saw the details she needed. “Ahh, thanks! You even added yours, I was about to ask for that too! You’re the best, Umirin~”
“It isn’t a big deal. Please make sure you practice your guitar playing above all, however.”
“I will~”
As Anon walked away, a pep in her step, Umiri couldn’t help but smile at the girl. She was kind of an airhead, but her enthusiasm was infectious, and she was evidently a hard worker. As she resumed her own walk home, she hoped everything would turn out all right come the day of the performance.
--------------------------------------------------
“I’m home…”
“Tomori! Welcome ho– oh?”
Hikari Takamatsu smiled as she noticed her daughter was not alone. She tried to conceal her surprise at seeing her home with a new face, and greeted her warmly.
“Good evening! You must be one of Tomori’s friends.”
“Ah, yes… apologies for the intrusion.”
“Please, no need to be so polite! What’s your name?”
“M-Mom, it’s all right…” Tomori tried to cut in, embarrassed at her mother’s interest in her bandmate.
“Um, it’s Uika, ma’am. Uika Misumi.”
“Oh! So you’re that girl Tomori met at the planetarium that she wouldn’t stop talking abou–”
“O-Okay, we’ll be in my room…!”Taking Uika’s hand in hers, Tomori almost ran past her mother, dragging the blonde along.
“A-Ah! Um, good day, ma’a– Tomori-chan! Don’t pull so hard–”
Hikari smiled as she heard her daughter slam her bedroom door behind them. She was happy to hear that she was growing closer to more people, but she still wondered, thinking back to those advertisements that were all over Shibuya only a few months ago…
“How exactly did you make friends with that girl, Tomori…?”
“sigh S-Sorry, Uika-chan…”
“It’s really no big deal, haha. She was very respectful!”
“...Thank you. S-Sit wherever you like. It’s not very spacious, but I hope that’s okay.” Accepting her friend’s offer, Uika decided to sit on the floor, next to the bay window. “I’ll be right back… do you want something to drink?”
“Just water is fine, thank you.”
As the smaller girl quietly left the room, a ghost even in her own home, Uika got to thinking. Tomori’s home feels like any old house, with any old family living in it. Loving parents who support her hobbies, the smell of fish being cooked, various decorations adorning the bedroom’s walls. It was all so… normal.
It was all so foreign to her. The blonde swallowed.
“I’m back… I got some snacks.”
“...”
“...Uika-chan…?” Tomori’s voice betrayed her concern at seeing her friend’s dour expression.
“Ah– sorry! I was, um– lost in thought. Thank you.” Trying her best to hide her panic, the Mujica member took a sip of water, before continuing. “How about we get started on the lyrics? Did you have any ideas of what to sing about?”
“Um… not too much, but… I have this so far…”
“The world before us is blurry and undefined
The strings of fate, the freezing rain
Can they really be overcome?
…
Maybe with this:
Thank you for standing by me”
“Tomori-chan…” There it was again. That shy, yet strong beam of light, caressing her heart with overwhelming might.
“I think… singing about the things we are grateful for would be good.”
“The things I am grateful for…” Uika’s eyes grew darker.
“Um… my life used to be so… empty. I had friends, but I never felt really connected to them… it felt like there was something wrong with me. Something unfixable.”
“...” Once more, Uika felt her nails threatening to damage her arm.
“But then… Saki-chan found me. She asked me to join her band… and even if it was short… that time meant everything to me.”
“Saki-chan… she’s… she was…”
“When CRYCHIC broke up… I gave up. I thought I couldn’t be human. So I stayed quiet, and just stumbled through life… until Ano-chan went as far as to follow me when I ran… she found me, too. And then Soyo-chan, Taki-chan, and Raana-chan… we all found each other.”
“...” Uika thought about Ave Mujica. She thought about what they went through, about how much they learned about each other, about the incredible performances they put on. Why couldn’t she smile like Tomori does when she thinks back, too? Is this what “being happy” is like…?
“I have so many friends now. Saki-chan, Mutsumi-chan, Himari-senpai, Umiri-chan… and you, too, Uika-chan. I want to sing about that.”
The ash-haired girl’s wishes are so simple. All she wants is to have friends and sing. And… she’s happy. Is that all it takes? It felt unattainable, even absurd to the blonde. But… even still, she felt a faint glimmer within her chest. A light she thought had been stomped out long ago. Would it hurt to give it a try…?
“That seems like a really good idea.” Uika smiled faintly. “I think Anon-chan and Taki-chan would like that, too. Umiri-chan might complain a little, but I’m sure she’ll come to enjoy it once she lets herself, haha…”
“...What about you, Uika-chan…?”
“I–”
“...Is it… difficult to talk about…?”
Uika wanted to vanish. She wanted to sink into the wooden planks beneath her and disappear forever. Why did she feel this way? Why was it so hard to let herself be honest? She wanted to keep lying, to hide behind the mask of Uika, the happy-go-lucky idol. But that mask seemed to find itself cracking more and more lately. Did she ever remove it that day, when Nyamu cornered her into doing so? And why did she feel it slipping now, of all times?
“...It… it is.”
“...!”
“It’s… very hard…” Uika let out, with a strained voice. “I don’t know what I’m grateful for… I don’t know what I want to sing about… I don’t know what makes me happy…!”
“...” Suddenly, Tomori got up, and walked over to her bag, pulling out her phone and notebook, before pressing play on a familiar song.
Feel free to keep reading as the song plays. It’s intended to remain as background noise.
“...Sing with me.”
“...What? Tomori-chan, I can’t–”
“I have the lyrics here.” The vocalist handed the notebook to her friend. “Just follow my lead.”
“I’m going to botch it, it’s not–”
“In the middle of the intersection, mixed among the busy crowd, I'm the only one who seems to be drifting aimlessly…”
“Tomori-chan!”
“The popular songs never sing about me. Please, don't laugh at me from within that billboard screen…”
“...I can’t… do it…”
“Today's another day of swallowing my feelings without voicing them…” Tomori kept her gaze firmly locked on Uika as she sang, a determined look in her eyes.
“...”
“Filling my drafts up to the brim– Ah, and like that, I get through the night, thousands of times…!”
“...!” As Tomori’s voice rose, something in Uika did as well. She got up, met her eyes, and…!
“huff huff” Tomori surprised herself at how out-of-breath she was, despite this being a song she sang dozens of times.
“huff huff” Uika felt beads of sweat falling down her face. Or were they tears? She couldn’t tell. Her focus was still on the girl’s face, and that burning in her eyes. She had given her all. She could be satisfied, and yet, she still felt a flame in her soul…!
“I love music! I want to sing about these things forever!”
“Uika-chan…!”
“I– I– sob” Her legs gave out from under her. “What’s– happening–? I– I don’t understand–”
“Uika-chan. It’s all right…”
“We can be lost together.”
------------------------------------
Taki felt energized as she pounded away at the drums.
Black Birthday was no easy song, that was for sure. She had to spend the better part of an hour just deciphering the drums in the song. Even watching videos of the lives only confused her more. Nyamu’s ambidexterity was a skill she did not possess, and so it took her a moment to be able to match her pace. But now, she felt she had overcome the hardest part of practice, and started to feel satisfied as she went through the ending of the song with little issue. As she took a moment to relax, she heard her phone’s ringtone. Looking over at the screen, she answered it in a heartbeat.
“Tomori, good evening! How are the lyrics going–”
“Um… hello, Taki-chan.”
“Huh…? Uika-san?”
“Sorry, I know you probably didn’t expect me to be the one to call you… I thought it would be good to keep you updated, but Tomori-chan’s focused on polishing up the lyrics. She barely looked up from her notebook as she handed me the phone, haha…”
“Heh, that sounds like her, all right. So, you’re helping with them?”
“I am. They’re almost done now, we’ll send them over in a few minutes– oh! Tomori-chan says they’re done. Let me take a picture… here!”
Taki took a moment to look at the photo that had just been sent to the group chat, skimming over the words. Her eyes widened as she finished. “These lyrics… they’re… incredible.”
“Oh? You think so? I’m flattered… we weren’t sure about our decision to get everyone involved.”
“No, no, this is great… honestly, I’m concerned I won’t be able to do them justice… well, I always feel that way with Tomori’s lyrics, but this is on another level.”
“I think I can understand that feeling… but still, I’m sure you’ll do great, Taki-chan. If you’re still worried, how about I help? I’m not too experienced, but I compose sometimes for sumimi, so I might be able to.”
The drummer tried her best to hide her surprise at the offer. For a professional-level composer to offer to help her… it felt like overkill. And on top of that, she felt like it would not reflect well on her skills to ask for someone else’s help, but at the same time… would it be nice of her to refuse the help? Uika had offered so nicely, and on top of that, they were racing against time. Being selfish right now could reflect poorly on them come the day of the performance. No, she would have to swallow her pride just this once.
“That’s… very kind of you. I might take you up on that. I owe you one.”
“Ah, haha, w-well… that’s good, because we have a favor to ask in return…”
--------------------------------------
“Haaaaaaaaaaaah!?”
Both Tomori and Uika jumped. The former had managed to hear her bandmate from where she was sitting, despite her being nowhere close to the phone, which was not on speaker.
“I– I know this is asking a lot, but we think it would be– yes, yes, I know, but– huh? You’re saying it’s… fine? …Yes, exactly! Thank you for underst– huh? …She hung up…”
“...Um, how did it go…?” Tomori hesitated to ask.
“Well, she said it was all right, but… I’m glad I offered to help, haha… Taki-chan can be quite the ringleader.”
“She’s kind, deep down… but… yeah. Hehe.”
The two girls smiled at each other, finding humor in the moment, despite the load of work they just added on top of everything else they had to do.
“...The lyrics are really good.”
“They really are… it’s nothing like what I usually write for Ave Mujica.”
“It’s different from MyGO!!!!!’s songs too.”
“But… it feels like a good thing. Like something new was born from us working together.”
“...Yeah.”
“You know, Tomori-chan… I spent so long thinking of music as a tool. As something I needed to work on, to be able to find my place in the world. But… thanks to everyone who tried to reach out to me… Saki-chan, Mana-chan, Umiri-chan, and you… now, I’m starting to understand what it is to me…”
“...” Tomori quietly listened, a smile on her face.
“Music… it’s my life. I love to sing. It lets me express myself like nothing else. It feels like my soul is on fire. I never noticed before… I was too focused on… other things. But… playing the guitar, and singing until my voice gives out… that’s what makes me happy. And… the one who put me on the path to finding that out… is you…” Uika trailed off as she lost herself in Tomori’s eyes. Her body moved on its own, getting closer to her. The smaller girl did not move away.
“Uika…-chan…” Tomori closed her eyes, as Uika’s hand pressed lightly against her cheek.
“The one that I… the one that I lo–”
ring ring
“Ah–” Uika shot backward, moving away from her crush in an instant. “That’s my alarm– um– the last train is coming up, I should go–”
“Uika-chan.”
“T… Tomori-chan…?”
“...You don’t have to go…”
“But I–”
“It’s already late… how about you stay the night…? There’s room…”
“Tomori-chan… I…”
“...Please?”
Something about hearing that word, from the girl who always labored to help others over herself… hearing her say “please” so selfishly, like Uika leaving would take the very oxygen from her lungs… it broke past the blonde’s final wall.
“...Okay.”
“Uika-chan…! Thank yo–”
“On one condition.”
“H-Huh…?”
The one known as Doloris turned away, with great shame in her eyes, as she forced the painful truth out of her mouth. “...Call me Hatsune.”
It took a long time to explain everything to her.
Hatsune hadn’t expected to explain her past to anyone, let alone two people in one day, but she nonetheless spared no details. Unlike when she explained it all to Mana, she did not hide a single detail. She talked about her father. She talked about Sakiko. …She talked about Uika. The real Uika. About how no one else other than Sakiko and them knows the truth. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure why she was telling her all this now. It would have been easier to just smile, tell her not to worry, and head on home.
But this wasn’t about taking the easy way out. Not anymore. She was going to do things right . Even if it meant losing the one she came to love.
“...Ui– Hatsune… -chan…”
“...And that’s why, Tomori-chan. That’s why I have to go…”
“...”
“I’m a liar, and I should be ashamed of not telling you the truth sooner…”
“...Hatsune-chan…” Tomori felt a bitter feeling rise up from her chest. Her gaze tightened, as she looked down at her lap.
“I’ll… be on my way…”
“...Hatsu-chan!”
“...!” Hatsune felt small arms wrapping her up from behind. “T… Tomori-chan…”
“There’s no need to go…! It’s okay. It’s… it’s okay, I promise…”
“But… why…?” The blonde felt her will weakening.
“I… maybe I should have spoken up when CRYCHIC was breaking up… or when MyGO!!!!! was fighting, and falling apart… but, when that happened, you were there. You motivated me, told me that you hoped my song would reach them… it was wrong of me to give up so quickly. But we fixed it all.”
“That’s… not the same…”
“The past is in the past… right now, in the present, I want Hatsu-chan to stay…”
“I… Tomori…”
“Hatsu-chan…” Tomori pulled at Hatsune’s arm, prompting her to turn around. She did so.
“Tomori…” Uika’s voice slowly lost its combativeness. Tomori’s hands moved the guitarist’s head to face hers.
“Hatsu…-chan…” The two closed their eyes.
As their lips met, a new symphony began. One that can only be heard by the two of them.
Finally, Hatsune Misumi felt the gears of fate begin to turn in her favor.
“Mana-chan…”
“Please?”
“...Okay.”
Uika took a deep breath, and began explaining everything to Mana, just in vague enough terms for her to not end up learning about her true heritage. She recounted her life from the beginning, from her birth to a father who wanted her out of his way, to her mother's demands to stay away from the one she most wanted to meet, her running away from home to pursue "her" dreams of being an idol and find Sakiko again, and finally, her current struggles. Once she reached the present moment, she took a deep breath, feeling a sort of weight lift off her shoulders.
"...Is that everything?"
"...Yes." Uika lied. Even now, she didn't feel comfortable telling her about the two things she omitted: the true identity of her father, and... her real identity.
"That's... a lot. I'm sorry, Ui-chan... I never knew you had such a hard past. It makes sense now why you tend to be distant."
"..."
"I guess the problems you've been having concerning your happiness are related to all that?"
"Mhm. I just... For so many years, my goal has been to reach Saki-chan again. I was willing to do anything to that end. It's the reason I worked so hard to become an idol, that I learned to play and sing. But now that I'm there, with her, as part of Ave Mujica... just what is music, to me? Is it a means to an end? Is it a tool to use for Saki-chan's dreams? Or is it merely a paycheck?"
Mana thought for a moment. She wanted to be sure she wouldn't misspeak, or fail to convey what she truly meant. "Well... isn't there another option?"
"...I don't know."
"Couldn't it just... be fun?"
"...Fun...?"
The brown-haired idol stood up with a quick spin. "For me, whenever I stand on stage, I feel this rush, like... wow! I'm here, and everyone is looking at me, cheering for me. For us! I've loved singing since I was a kid. That's why I'm so good at it. Heck, if I'm being honest, aside from performing, there isn't much else I'm good at... hehe."
Uika simply stared at her friend. Something about her reminded her of... no, it's best not to look into that too much. She left that life behind long ago.
"Whenever I get to sing, with you having my back... no matter how hard it gets, or frustrating, or confusing... it feels like it was all worth it. I get to connect with everyone. Our producer, our fans, our fellow performers... and you, most of all."
"...Me...?"
"I have to admit... I'm scared, often, Ui-chan. I'm not sure what to say, or do, or think when you close yourself off, and you have this dark look on your face. But... when we're sumimi, when we simply sing together... I see her. I see the true Uika I have trouble reaching out to!"*
"Is that... really the true me...?"
"Oh, trust me!"
"No one who hates music can sing with so much heart!"
---------------------
“huff huff”
“...Heh.” Taki smiled. “There you are.”
"U... Uika-chan...!" Tomori, overjoyed, turned back around to look at her bandmates, a hopeful look in her eyes.
Anon seemed like she was about to faint. "Ui... Uika...! Does that mean you want to join us...!?"
Umiri, shocked to see such an intense, indescribable expression on her fellow Mujica member's face, took a moment to react. When she did, however, her own expression settled into a soft smile. "I have no objections, personally."
Finally, Taki smiled, seemingly being the one who had most expected this outcome. "Welcome to the band, Uika-san."
"I... huff thank you...!"
"Aaaah! Rikki!! Is this real????" Anon cut in, shaking the drummer by the shoulders, before being swatted away.
"I just said so, didn't I? Also, don't shake me like that, or you won't have arms to hold your guitar up wi--"
"Hey, guys, what should our band name be!?"
"sigh Of course you'd ask that... can't we let Uika-san rest first?"
"I-I'm fine, thank you. We can do that, if you want, Anon-chan."
"Yay! I got a lot of ideas. So, first is "Anomimous"--"
"No." Umiri coldly cut in.
"Haha, y-yeah, it's not that good... um, "Uihaya Morning"--"
"Out of the question."
"U-Um... "UIKA TOKYO"...?"
"..." The bassist's glare said all that needed to be said.
"Jeez, you're even faster than me when it comes to shutting her down..."
"Tomorin...! Why are there two Rikkis now...!?"
"U-Um..."
"Hahaha!" Uika burst out into laughter, to everyone's surprise, including her own. "Oh, um-- sorry. I just thought your dynamic was really fun."
"It's a surprise to see you so chipper, Misumi-san."
"Yeah, it is to me too... I'm usually quite the sad person, I think."
"...!" Hearing this, something took shape in Tomori's mind, and she immediately reached for her notebook.
"Ah, I know that look! Tomorin's got a strike of inspiration~"
As she rummaged through her bag, she remembered that she didn't have it on hand, turning to its presumed owner. "Um... Uika-chan...?"
"...? Oh, right! Um, here. I'm sorry for leaving with it last time..."
"...Thank you." The two girls' hands lingered on each other's for longer than they needed to as the item was returned to its rightful owner. Eventually, though, Tomori slowly opened the book with a slight blush, and wrote down a single word, before presenting it to everyone.
"Chrysanthemums... Is that your idea for our band name, Takamatsu-san?"
"Mhm... they... represent November, which is when the festival is. And... they also mean "joy and longevity"."
"Longevity...? Isn't that ill-fitting, though? We'll only be performing this once, right?" Uika asked, confused.
"That's true, but... the memories will last forever. For our whole lives, I think."
"...!" The blonde felt Tomori's simple words resonate deep within her.
"I like it."
"Me too. We'll go with that, then. Unless you have any objections, Uika-san?"
Uika shook her head. "No. It's... a very good name."
"Hey, why do we never pick my ideas, anyway!?"
"Just have better ones, dummy."
"Hey-- well, no... I can't argue that, hehe..."
"With that out of the way... we're back at our main issue. The set list."
"Oh, that's true. We never did agree on what to choose. Given this concert is shared between three bands, and our time slot in the festival’s schedule is fairly short… we should have time for three songs."
“We have another guitarist now, so you shouldn’t need to rearrange too much, right?” Anon asked Taki.
“That’s right. Though, now we have another issue… the fact we have two vocalists.”
“Oh, I can–” Both singers spoke up at the same time, intending to leave their spot to the other, which made them both chuckle. “...How about we both share that role?” Uika continued, a smile on her face.
“...Sure.” Tomori returned the expression.
“I was just about to suggest that, actually. It’d be a shame to waste either of your talents.”
“Hey, I have an idea for which songs to play, actually!” The pink-haired guitarist cut in. “How about both of our debut songs?”
“So… Black Birthday and Mayoiuta?”
“Yeah! People’ll be coming to watch Ave Mujica and MyGO!!!!!’s members perform, right? So giving them one song of ours each feels right!”
“I agree with Chihaya-san’s idea.”
“Same here!”
“Ano-chan… good thinking.”
“Seems we’re unanimous, then. This should help keep the amount of new parts to learn both light and evenly distributed, too.”
“That just leaves one song. Which one should we pick?” Umiri continued.
“Um… I’d like to play a new song.”
“Ooh, right! You brought that up last time, right, Tomorin?”
“Do you have the lyrics written yet?”
“No, not yet… but I’ll have it done for tomorrow.”
“...” Taki thought for a moment. Writing, composing, and learning an entire new song in just four days sounded like a crazy idea. A normal band would not be able to perform at an adequate level in so short a time. But their band was anything but normal. Umiri and Uika were professionals, and MyGO!!!!!’s members were no strangers to crunch time, and managed to learn multiple songs in that amount of time before. Plus, even if they couldn’t nail it exactly, the drummer had faith Tomori’s lyrics would move the crowd well enough to get them across the finish line. And if the lyricist had been thinking of it for a while already, she should have a few ideas for the new song, so… “...Okay. Send them to me as soon as they’re done, even if it’s already late. I’ll have a draft ready by Friday morning at the very latest. I’ll be counting on all of you to practice your parts as soon as you can, understood?”
“Aye aye, captain!”
“...” Taki glared at her chipper bandmate. “I’m most worried about you. Take this seriously.”
“Like I said, aye aye!”
“sigh”
“Oh, it appears our time is up.” The bassist said, checking her phone.
“Before you two go…” The brown-haired girl stood up from her drums, rummaging through her bag and pulling out some sheet music, handing it out to Ave Mujica’s members. “Here’s Mayoiuta . Start learning Soyo and Raana’s parts the moment you can. Umiri, can you send me Black Birthday later?”
“Understood. Well then, good day to you all.”
“Ah– Umirin, wait~! I have to ask you something…!”
As the band’s calmest and most energetic members left the room one after the other, quickly followed by Taki, who had to rush home to start working on her parts and the set list, Uika and Tomori found themselves alone together for the first time. A certain air of awkwardness set in between the two singers, who both stood at opposite ends of the studio, unsure what to say to the other.
Eventually, though, Uika broke the silence. “Tomori-chan, listen, I’m–”
“Uika-chan…! Please come home with me…!”
“...H-Huh!?” The blonde found herself blushing intensely at her friend’s bold offer.
“Ah– um– I–” Realizing what she said, Tomori blushed as well, before taking a deep breath to center herself. She took Uika’s hand in hers, looked away shyly, and spoke so quietly the idol may not have heard her, if it wasn’t for her paying such close attention to her budding crush. “I-I… would like it if you helped me write the lyrics.”
“Oh! That’s what you meant, haha… I thought you were– n-never mind. I’d be happy to, Tomori-chan.”
As the two girls rode the train to Tomori’s home, Uika thought to herself. That moment between them just now… and that evening in the park… what did it all mean? Why was it that she acted so impulsively around MyGO!!!!!’s vocalist? Why were her dreams last night so centered on her? She only ever dreamt of Sakiko or her family before. But now, here was this girl, this quiet, unassuming girl, coming in with her thoughtful words and sincere gaze, to make her heart beat with a strength only her Saki-chan could ever manage to induce.
The blonde knew what that strength meant. It was love.
Some would call the feeling too intense for a mere twenty-four hours. But she knew her mind well. She knew how quick it was to like and dislike. To see things in jet black, or pure white. To hate… and love. She never took half-measures, and she was trying her best to accept that now.
Even now, as the ash-haired girl thoughtfully wrote in her notebook, doodling penguins and bugs in the corners of the pages when she got stuck, Uika could feel butterflies in her stomach. There was no mistaking it. She felt silly to fully realize this only now, but she had been so focused on figuring her wants out that she hadn’t given it much deep thought.
“Oh… this is our stop. Uika-chan…”
“...Yeah. I’m right behind you, Tomori-chan!”
With a smile, Uika pushed down the dark, self-loathing thoughts that clawed at the edge of her consciousness. She would not lie down and let her misguided sense of duty get in her way anymore.
Or, at least, she would do her best not to.
--------------------------------------------
“Umiriiiiin~! Please wait…!”
Umiri kept her pace brisk and her gaze fixed straight forward, as Anon struggled to match her speed. The guitarist had been following her for more than a few minutes now, and while she didn’t dislike her, Umiri felt she had no time to waste.
“We have a lot to work on, Chihaya-san. Shouldn’t you be heading home?”
“B-But– huff I have to ask you something first…!”
“Is it related to Chrysanthemums?” The bassist continued, not slowing down for a moment.
“Y-Yeah…! So plea– ow!” The black-haired girl stopped dead in her tracks, causing Anon to run face-first into her back.
“I’m listening.”
“Jeez…! Don’t stop so suddenly!” With a pout, the Haneoka student stood up straight once more, looking into her bandmate’s eyes with a serious look. “Anyway, what are Uika’s measurements?”
“...” Umiri spun back around and began to speedwalk away once again.
“N-No! Wait! I swear it’s important!”
“If you’re lying to get such personal information out of me, I will be telling Taki-san.”
“I’m not lying!” Anon protested. “I need that info to make costumes for the concert!”
“Hm. I see. And why ask me, and not her?”
“Well, you’re Mujica’s manager, right? You take care of finding venues and keeping appointments and stuff, don’t you? So I figured you probably know everybody’s measurements in case the costumes need to be repaired.”
“Still, Misumi-san would know such things as well.”
“I-I…” The pink-haired girl blushed slightly as she lowered her voice. “I’m embarrassed to ask her…”
“What’s that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“I’m embarrassed to ask, okay!? She’s, like, a major celebrity! And I’m a huge sumimi fan, so…!”
“sigh All right. You’ve made your case. Here.”
Anon felt her phone buzzing in her blazer’s pocket. Pulling it out, she smiled as she saw the details she needed. “Ahh, thanks! You even added yours, I was about to ask for that too! You’re the best, Umirin~”
“It isn’t a big deal. Please make sure you practice your guitar playing above all, however.”
“I will~”
As Anon walked away, a pep in her step, Umiri couldn’t help but smile at the girl. She was kind of an airhead, but her enthusiasm was infectious, and she was evidently a hard worker. As she resumed her own walk home, she hoped everything would turn out all right come the day of the performance.
--------------------------------------------------
“I’m home…”
“Tomori! Welcome ho– oh?”
Hikari Takamatsu smiled as she noticed her daughter was not alone. She tried to conceal her surprise at seeing her home with a new face, and greeted her warmly.
“Good evening! You must be one of Tomori’s friends.”
“Ah, yes… apologies for the intrusion.”
“Please, no need to be so polite! What’s your name?”
“M-Mom, it’s all right…” Tomori tried to cut in, embarrassed at her mother’s interest in her bandmate.
“Um, it’s Uika, ma’am. Uika Misumi.”
“Oh! So you’re that girl Tomori met at the planetarium that she wouldn’t stop talking abou–”
“O-Okay, we’ll be in my room…!”Taking Uika’s hand in hers, Tomori almost ran past her mother, dragging the blonde along.
“A-Ah! Um, good day, ma’a– Tomori-chan! Don’t pull so hard–”
Hikari smiled as she heard her daughter slam her bedroom door behind them. She was happy to hear that she was growing closer to more people, but she still wondered, thinking back to those advertisements that were all over Shibuya only a few months ago…
“How exactly did you make friends with that girl, Tomori…?”
“sigh S-Sorry, Uika-chan…”
“It’s really no big deal, haha. She was very respectful!”
“...Thank you. S-Sit wherever you like. It’s not very spacious, but I hope that’s okay.” Accepting her friend’s offer, Uika decided to sit on the floor, next to the bay window. “I’ll be right back… do you want something to drink?”
“Just water is fine, thank you.”
As the smaller girl quietly left the room, a ghost even in her own home, Uika got to thinking. Tomori’s home feels like any old house, with any old family living in it. Loving parents who support her hobbies, the smell of fish being cooked, various decorations adorning the bedroom’s walls. It was all so… normal.
It was all so foreign to her. The blonde swallowed.
“I’m back… I got some snacks.”
“...”
“...Uika-chan…?” Tomori’s voice betrayed her concern at seeing her friend’s dour expression.
“Ah– sorry! I was, um– lost in thought. Thank you.” Trying her best to hide her panic, the Mujica member took a sip of water, before continuing. “How about we get started on the lyrics? Did you have any ideas of what to sing about?”
“Um… not too much, but… I have this so far…”
“The world before us is blurry and undefined
The strings of fate, the freezing rain
Can they really be overcome?
…
Maybe with this:
Thank you for standing by me”
“Tomori-chan…” There it was again. That shy, yet strong beam of light, caressing her heart with overwhelming might.
“I think… singing about the things we are grateful for would be good.”
“The things I am grateful for…” Uika’s eyes grew darker.
“Um… my life used to be so… empty. I had friends, but I never felt really connected to them… it felt like there was something wrong with me. Something unfixable.”
“...” Once more, Uika felt her nails threatening to damage her arm.
“But then… Saki-chan found me. She asked me to join her band… and even if it was short… that time meant everything to me.”
“Saki-chan… she’s… she was…”
“When CRYCHIC broke up… I gave up. I thought I couldn’t be human. So I stayed quiet, and just stumbled through life… until Ano-chan went as far as to follow me when I ran… she found me, too. And then Soyo-chan, Taki-chan, and Raana-chan… we all found each other.”
“...” Uika thought about Ave Mujica. She thought about what they went through, about how much they learned about each other, about the incredible performances they put on. Why couldn’t she smile like Tomori does when she thinks back, too? Is this what “being happy” is like…?
“I have so many friends now. Saki-chan, Mutsumi-chan, Himari-senpai, Umiri-chan… and you, too, Uika-chan. I want to sing about that.”
The ash-haired girl’s wishes are so simple. All she wants is to have friends and sing. And… she’s happy. Is that all it takes? It felt unattainable, even absurd to the blonde. But… even still, she felt a faint glimmer within her chest. A light she thought had been stomped out long ago. Would it hurt to give it a try…?
“That seems like a really good idea.” Uika smiled faintly. “I think Anon-chan and Taki-chan would like that, too. Umiri-chan might complain a little, but I’m sure she’ll come to enjoy it once she lets herself, haha…”
“...What about you, Uika-chan…?”
“I–”
“...Is it… difficult to talk about…?”
Uika wanted to vanish. She wanted to sink into the wooden planks beneath her and disappear forever. Why did she feel this way? Why was it so hard to let herself be honest? She wanted to keep lying, to hide behind the mask of Uika, the happy-go-lucky idol. But that mask seemed to find itself cracking more and more lately. Did she ever remove it that day, when Nyamu cornered her into doing so? And why did she feel it slipping now, of all times?
“...It… it is.”
“...!”
“It’s… very hard…” Uika let out, with a strained voice. “I don’t know what I’m grateful for… I don’t know what I want to sing about… I don’t know what makes me happy…!”
“...” Suddenly, Tomori got up, and walked over to her bag, pulling out her phone and notebook, before pressing play on a familiar song.
Feel free to keep reading as the song plays. It’s intended to remain as background noise.
“...Sing with me.”
“...What? Tomori-chan, I can’t–”
“I have the lyrics here.” The vocalist handed the notebook to her friend. “Just follow my lead.”
“I’m going to botch it, it’s not–”
“In the middle of the intersection, mixed among the busy crowd, I'm the only one who seems to be drifting aimlessly…”
“Tomori-chan!”
“The popular songs never sing about me. Please, don't laugh at me from within that billboard screen…”
“...I can’t… do it…”
“Today's another day of swallowing my feelings without voicing them…” Tomori kept her gaze firmly locked on Uika as she sang, a determined look in her eyes.
“...”
“Filling my drafts up to the brim– Ah, and like that, I get through the night, thousands of times…!”
“...!” As Tomori’s voice rose, something in Uika did as well. She got up, met her eyes, and…!
“ They're for my sake, that's all, that's all they ever were
The words that just happened to overflow, spilling out of me as they searched for an exit
If they reach your heart and fill in its cracks even a little
Then although I'm just me, I'll scream that I'm right here
The song of a lost star”
The words that just happened to overflow, spilling out of me as they searched for an exit
If they reach your heart and fill in its cracks even a little
Then although I'm just me, I'll scream that I'm right here
The song of a lost star”
“huff huff” Tomori surprised herself at how out-of-breath she was, despite this being a song she sang dozens of times.
“huff huff” Uika felt beads of sweat falling down her face. Or were they tears? She couldn’t tell. Her focus was still on the girl’s face, and that burning in her eyes. She had given her all. She could be satisfied, and yet, she still felt a flame in her soul…!
“I love music! I want to sing about these things forever!”
“Uika-chan…!”
“I– I– sob” Her legs gave out from under her. “What’s– happening–? I– I don’t understand–”
“Uika-chan. It’s all right…”
“We can be lost together.”
------------------------------------
Taki felt energized as she pounded away at the drums.
Black Birthday was no easy song, that was for sure. She had to spend the better part of an hour just deciphering the drums in the song. Even watching videos of the lives only confused her more. Nyamu’s ambidexterity was a skill she did not possess, and so it took her a moment to be able to match her pace. But now, she felt she had overcome the hardest part of practice, and started to feel satisfied as she went through the ending of the song with little issue. As she took a moment to relax, she heard her phone’s ringtone. Looking over at the screen, she answered it in a heartbeat.
“Tomori, good evening! How are the lyrics going–”
“Um… hello, Taki-chan.”
“Huh…? Uika-san?”
“Sorry, I know you probably didn’t expect me to be the one to call you… I thought it would be good to keep you updated, but Tomori-chan’s focused on polishing up the lyrics. She barely looked up from her notebook as she handed me the phone, haha…”
“Heh, that sounds like her, all right. So, you’re helping with them?”
“I am. They’re almost done now, we’ll send them over in a few minutes– oh! Tomori-chan says they’re done. Let me take a picture… here!”
Taki took a moment to look at the photo that had just been sent to the group chat, skimming over the words. Her eyes widened as she finished. “These lyrics… they’re… incredible.”
“Oh? You think so? I’m flattered… we weren’t sure about our decision to get everyone involved.”
“No, no, this is great… honestly, I’m concerned I won’t be able to do them justice… well, I always feel that way with Tomori’s lyrics, but this is on another level.”
“I think I can understand that feeling… but still, I’m sure you’ll do great, Taki-chan. If you’re still worried, how about I help? I’m not too experienced, but I compose sometimes for sumimi, so I might be able to.”
The drummer tried her best to hide her surprise at the offer. For a professional-level composer to offer to help her… it felt like overkill. And on top of that, she felt like it would not reflect well on her skills to ask for someone else’s help, but at the same time… would it be nice of her to refuse the help? Uika had offered so nicely, and on top of that, they were racing against time. Being selfish right now could reflect poorly on them come the day of the performance. No, she would have to swallow her pride just this once.
“That’s… very kind of you. I might take you up on that. I owe you one.”
“Ah, haha, w-well… that’s good, because we have a favor to ask in return…”
--------------------------------------
“Haaaaaaaaaaaah!?”
Both Tomori and Uika jumped. The former had managed to hear her bandmate from where she was sitting, despite her being nowhere close to the phone, which was not on speaker.
“I– I know this is asking a lot, but we think it would be– yes, yes, I know, but– huh? You’re saying it’s… fine? …Yes, exactly! Thank you for underst– huh? …She hung up…”
“...Um, how did it go…?” Tomori hesitated to ask.
“Well, she said it was all right, but… I’m glad I offered to help, haha… Taki-chan can be quite the ringleader.”
“She’s kind, deep down… but… yeah. Hehe.”
The two girls smiled at each other, finding humor in the moment, despite the load of work they just added on top of everything else they had to do.
“...The lyrics are really good.”
“They really are… it’s nothing like what I usually write for Ave Mujica.”
“It’s different from MyGO!!!!!’s songs too.”
“But… it feels like a good thing. Like something new was born from us working together.”
“...Yeah.”
“You know, Tomori-chan… I spent so long thinking of music as a tool. As something I needed to work on, to be able to find my place in the world. But… thanks to everyone who tried to reach out to me… Saki-chan, Mana-chan, Umiri-chan, and you… now, I’m starting to understand what it is to me…”
“...” Tomori quietly listened, a smile on her face.
“Music… it’s my life. I love to sing. It lets me express myself like nothing else. It feels like my soul is on fire. I never noticed before… I was too focused on… other things. But… playing the guitar, and singing until my voice gives out… that’s what makes me happy. And… the one who put me on the path to finding that out… is you…” Uika trailed off as she lost herself in Tomori’s eyes. Her body moved on its own, getting closer to her. The smaller girl did not move away.
“Uika…-chan…” Tomori closed her eyes, as Uika’s hand pressed lightly against her cheek.
“The one that I… the one that I lo–”
ring ring
“Ah–” Uika shot backward, moving away from her crush in an instant. “That’s my alarm– um– the last train is coming up, I should go–”
“Uika-chan.”
“T… Tomori-chan…?”
“...You don’t have to go…”
“But I–”
“It’s already late… how about you stay the night…? There’s room…”
“Tomori-chan… I…”
“...Please?”
Something about hearing that word, from the girl who always labored to help others over herself… hearing her say “please” so selfishly, like Uika leaving would take the very oxygen from her lungs… it broke past the blonde’s final wall.
“...Okay.”
“Uika-chan…! Thank yo–”
“On one condition.”
“H-Huh…?”
The one known as Doloris turned away, with great shame in her eyes, as she forced the painful truth out of her mouth. “...Call me Hatsune.”
It took a long time to explain everything to her.
Hatsune hadn’t expected to explain her past to anyone, let alone two people in one day, but she nonetheless spared no details. Unlike when she explained it all to Mana, she did not hide a single detail. She talked about her father. She talked about Sakiko. …She talked about Uika. The real Uika. About how no one else other than Sakiko and them knows the truth. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure why she was telling her all this now. It would have been easier to just smile, tell her not to worry, and head on home.
But this wasn’t about taking the easy way out. Not anymore. She was going to do things right . Even if it meant losing the one she came to love.
“...Ui– Hatsune… -chan…”
“...And that’s why, Tomori-chan. That’s why I have to go…”
“...”
“I’m a liar, and I should be ashamed of not telling you the truth sooner…”
“...Hatsune-chan…” Tomori felt a bitter feeling rise up from her chest. Her gaze tightened, as she looked down at her lap.
“I’ll… be on my way…”
“...Hatsu-chan!”
“...!” Hatsune felt small arms wrapping her up from behind. “T… Tomori-chan…”
“There’s no need to go…! It’s okay. It’s… it’s okay, I promise…”
“But… why…?” The blonde felt her will weakening.
“I… maybe I should have spoken up when CRYCHIC was breaking up… or when MyGO!!!!! was fighting, and falling apart… but, when that happened, you were there. You motivated me, told me that you hoped my song would reach them… it was wrong of me to give up so quickly. But we fixed it all.”
“That’s… not the same…”
“The past is in the past… right now, in the present, I want Hatsu-chan to stay…”
“I… Tomori…”
“Hatsu-chan…” Tomori pulled at Hatsune’s arm, prompting her to turn around. She did so.
“Tomori…” Uika’s voice slowly lost its combativeness. Tomori’s hands moved the guitarist’s head to face hers.
“Hatsu…-chan…” The two closed their eyes.
As their lips met, a new symphony began. One that can only be heard by the two of them.
Finally, Hatsune Misumi felt the gears of fate begin to turn in her favor.
Hatsune’s eyes fluttered open as the sunlight woke her, beckoning her to begin a new day.
As she sat up in the bed she found herself in, she looked around. Right, this wasn’t her room. She had stayed the night after Tomori and her…
Blushing intensely, the blonde attempted to chase her memories away for the time being. Looking to her right, she noticed the girl still sleeping soundly next to her. She seemed even smaller than usual, and even more charming somehow, there fast asleep, her soft breathing tickling the idol’s side. Hatsune felt a slight smile creeping up onto her face as her love’s expression changed to a smile of her own. She wondered if she was dreaming about something pleasant.
Opting to do something with herself while she waited for the day to properly start, Hatsune discreetly got out of bed, put on her clothes, and took her guitar downstairs to get in some practice. She may not have an amp to plug it into (not that playing loudly this early in the morning was the nicest thing to do anyway), but she still intended to make up for the lost evening by beginning to learn the song she needed to.
Mayoiuta… it felt strange to work on it again so soon. The blonde thought back to her duet with Tomori. It felt so nice… singing with somebody else. Of course, she still did so with Mana, and occasionally Ave Mujica’s other members would provide backing vocals, but… this felt different entirely. Perhaps it was due to MyGO!!!!! and Ave Mujica’s complicated history. Or maybe it was because of the butterflies in her stomach as she remembered the ash-haired girl’s patient, kind smile. Either way, she found herself softly singing to nobody as she strummed on her guitar.
“They’re for my sake, that’s all, that’s all they ever were…”
“Oh, that song… it sounds familiar.”
“...! T-Takamatsu-san!?”
“Good morning, Uika-chan. Sorry for startling you, I didn’t want to disturb you… but I have to say, your singing voice is lovely.” Hikari explained as she took a sip of her coffee. Had she really been so focused on her playing that she didn’t hear her pour it…?
“...Thank you, ma’am.” Uika responded. It felt strange to internally agree with somebody on a compliment… it wasn’t something she was used to. But it was true; ever since Tomori properly burst into her life, she had been set on a path brighter than the one she thought she was destined to walk. Music was fun, now; and it was fun to let herself have fun, she supposed. No matter if she hadn’t warmed up beforehand, or if she was still sleepy.
“It seems Tomori has had quite the effect on you, hasn’t she?”
“U-Um, yes. She’s… really wonderful. Um– as a friend, of course!” The blonde stammered, trying to conceal her lovesick tone.
“Hehe, yes. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.” Hikari said as she looked out the window. “Not so long ago, she was so lonely… ever since her old band broke up, I was worried her high school days would pass her by, without any smiles to brighten her days. But… so many friends of hers have been coming here lately. It makes me happy to see.”
“...” Uika simply listened. It was hard for her to imagine Tomori as lonely… she was always trying so earnestly to connect with people. But CRYCHIC’s sudden disbandment left deep scars, and she had known that fact for a while. Even now, so long after, she still felt guilty for being the catalyst of that event… at least in her eyes.
“Though… this is the first time one of them ended up staying the night, haha!”
“...! U-Um, I’m sorry for the intrusio–”
“Don’t be, dear. You’re welcome to stay, anytime.”
“...Takamatsu-san…”
“Good morning…”
“Oh, Tomori! Did you sleep well, sweetheart?”
“...Mhm. I had a nice dream…”
Uika lost herself in her thoughts as a typical domestic scene unfolded before her. She couldn’t help but think about the conversation she just had. Tomori’s mother is so kind, to allow a stranger into her home overnight like this… was that what normal high schoolers did? Sleeping over at each other’s houses? She supposed they did, though she felt as if she might have been too old for such things. Did her peers all feel that way, or was it just her? Either way, she felt like she was anything but normal. Maybe she could get there, though, with the help of her friends… and Tomori, too.
“Hatsu-chan? …Hatsu-chan.”
“...! T-Tomori, don’t–”
“We have to go… Taki-chan will be mad if we’re late.”
“A-Ah, right– wait, I don’t have my uniform!”
“Maybe she has a spare…? I’ll call her.”
“Wait, I can do that myself…! Tomori…!”
Hikari laughed to herself as the two girls walked out of the room. If her daughter chose this girl as the one she wanted to be with… then so be it.
“As long as she’s happy… it’s fine by me.”
-----------------------------------------
Umiri began the walk from her house to the station, stifling a yawn. She hadn’t expected to be up so late practicing… learning Mayoiuta’s bassline took some time, but it wasn’t anything she wasn’t used to; however, she didn’t expect to have to learn even more, and she had other obligations as well (such as the homework she had been slacking on). So, as another day began, the last thing she wanted was for another thing to require her presence.
bzzzt bzzzt bzzzt
“...Hello?”
“Umirin! I need your help, you have to come!”
“...” Suddenly, the bassist felt like she should go back to bed. “...What do you want, Chihaya-san?”
“It’d take too long to explain! Please come, I’m sending you my address now!”
“Hold on– did she just hang up on me…?” The black-haired girl sighed as she opened her maps app. “No sleep for the wicked, it would seem…”
All Umiri wished for was that this “emergency” actually was one, and not a waste of her time.
“Umirin…! What colors should I go for?”
…It was a waste of her time. “Did you… ask me to come all the way to your house for this?”
“It’s important!” The pink-haired girl complained. “If I can’t figure this out now, I’ll never have time to finish before the concert!”
“Can’t you figure this out on your own…? Why ask me?”
“I mean… your style’s like, the complete opposite of mine. So I thought it’d be good to get your opinion. Tomorin is super nice, but she’d probably just say “whatever makes you happy”. And also… if Rikki finds out I’m spending time on this, she’ll probably kill me… hehe.”
Umiri sighed. “Very well. Let’s just… take care of this quickly, then be on our way to practice. While we’re on the subject, how far along are you with learning Black Birthday?”
“...Ah, um… hehehe…”
“...Just… show me the outfits…”
----------------------------------------------
“Taki-chan…? We’re here…”
Tomori shyly knocked on Taki’s bedroom door. When she received no response, she knocked a little harder.
“I wonder if she’s all right…” Uika whispered, concerned.
“...Taki-chan…? We’re coming in…”
As the two girls slowly cracked open the door, peeking inside, they noticed the room was completely dark, save for Taki’s computer illuminating it in a blueish light. And in front of that computer… they found their friend, sound asleep on her keyboard.
“...! Taki-chan!” The two yelled out, initially worried that their friend had collapsed.
“...Mmnn…? Tomori… w-wait, Tomori!?” When she shot up, suddenly wide awake, the two breathed a sigh of relief. “Y-You’re here already? I just hung up…”
“Taki-chan… it’s been over an hour since we called.”
“Ah, shit– u-um, shoot. I… must have passed out while composing.”
“Did you get any sleep?” Uika worriedly asked. “You look miserable… no offense.”
“...I had to work on this.”
“I-I’ll go and get you breakfast!”
“Tomori, wait–” Taki tried to stop her determined bandmate, to no avail. “sigh She’s always so willing to help… she’s too sweet.”
“She… she really is.” The blonde agreed, a blush on her face, before changing the subject in a panic, not wanting to reveal anything she wasn’t ready to. “U-Um, so, how’s the composing been going?”
“...Not great.” Taki started, switching over to the software. “I haven’t managed to figure out what to do with the drums at all. I feel like I might have something with the rest of the instruments, but… no matter what I try, they end up getting drowned out by the guitars.”
“May I listen to what you have right now?”
After a moment of hesitation, Taki relented. “...Sure. Let me know what you think.”
Uika took the drummer’s headphones from her desk, putting them on. Closing her eyes, she focused on the instrumentation as best she could, while the composer anxiously waited for the idol’s feedback. As the music began to fade out, she braced herself for harsh criticism. She never liked showing her works in progress. People expect discipline and perfection from her. If she fails in any way, if anything reflects poorly on her, then the comparisons to them will start. Be it from others like her classmates or family, or from herself. This was a bad idea, it’ll end badly, she’ll never be Maki or–
“Taki-chan, this is pretty good!”
“...Huh?” The sleep-deprived girl simply replied, before catching herself. “U-Um, thank you, but… really?”
“Of course. When I listened to this… how do I put this? I felt like I was at a festival.”
“A… festival?”
“Yeah. Confetti falling from the sky, people cheering, fireworks… It felt… suitably hopeful.”
“Uika-san… thank you.”
“Though… I see what you mean about the drums. They do seem quiet…”
“...Yeah. I feel like I’ve been struggling with that more lately. Anon and Raana’s parts keep getting louder, and Tomori’s lyrics keep shining so bright… I feel like I’m falling behind. Even Soyo’s bass seems to overpower me.”
“...How about a drum solo, Taki-chan?”
“H-Huh!?” The brown-haired girl jolted in her seat. “A… A drum solo!? I don’t– um, I mean… MyGO!!!!! doesn’t do that. The spotlight should stay on Tomori… it’s bad enough that that stray cat and Anon keep trying to take it for themselves.”
“Well, this isn’t MyGO!!!!!, is it? And Raana-chan isn’t in the band. I think if you put it here, it would help energize the crowd.”
“B-But… this is the turning point in the song. I can’t steal the show from the lyrics, it’s not–”
“Taki-chan…”
Listening to her bandmate, Uika thought back to her own moments of doubt. About whether she really deserved to be the face of Sakiko’s band. About how she should remain in the shadows where she was born, and where she was destined to remain. Not in front of everybody. Not casting a shadow on the one she loved most.
“...This is about more than just this song, isn’t it?”
“...Huh…?” Taki feigned ignorance.
“Sometimes… we feel like it isn’t right to share the stage with people we see as more deserving of being on it, right…?”
“...!”
“Deep down… we want to stay there. In the back. Supporting, but not overshadowing. Staying quiet, playing our part and nothing more.”
“...” Taki stayed quiet, shifting her gaze to a corner of her room.
“But… it doesn’t make those people happy. Not at all.”
“It doesn’t…?”
“I… think it doesn’t…?” Uika chuckled at herself. “Heh, look at me, giving advice when I haven’t figured anything out either… but, yeah. I think it doesn’t.”
“...This problem… it feels like something she wouldn’t have had.”
“...Saki-chan… has really affected us more than we can realize, hasn’t she?”
“H-How did you–”
“Just… trust me, Taki-chan. Even if she doesn’t show it, Saki-chan has her struggles too. I’m sure that in her own way, she’s proud of MyGO!!!!!’s songs.”
“...Alright.” Taki wiped a single tear away, doing her best to put on a smile. “I’ll try your suggestion.”
“I’m happy to hear you say that!”
“But if it sucks, I’m doing something else.” Taki playfully added, a smirk on her face. “But, um… th… thank y–”
“I-I have breakfast!”
“Aah–! T-Tomori!? How long have you been standing here?”
“I… just got here…”
“Pfft… hahahaha!” Not able to help herself, Uika burst into laughter. “Hah… spending time with you all sure is… fun…”
“...Uika-san?”
“O-Oh, sorry. I’m fine.” Uika smiled, before catching a glimpse of the time on Taki’s computer. “Oh, but we should hurry! We have to be at Hanasakigawa in thirty minutes–”
“Ah, shit, right!” Wasting no time, Taki grabbed the buttered toast from the plate Tomori brought her, eating while rummaging through her closet. “Here. Maki did the laundry yesterday, so you can wear my spare uniform.”
“Oh, right! I almost forgot! Thank you. I’ll go change.” As Uika hurried to the bathroom, she smiled to herself. When did she start feeling this way…?
Since when has she been this happy?
----------------------------------------------
The remaining days until the concert flew by. Everyone was busy with preparing, putting the final touches on their performance, and for some of them, making sure a certain pink-haired guitarist doesn’t get so distracted she completely flubs her part. Before any of them knew it, the day of the concert had come around, and all of them were anxiously awaiting for the show to begin.
“Taki-chan, you should sit down…” Uika tried her best to reassure her friend, who was helplessly pacing around the green room.
“How am I supposed to do that!? God, I’m about to get on Afterglow’s stage. I’m the opening act for Afterglow. I’m not ready for this, fuck–”
“T-Taki-chan…”
“Where are Anon and Umiri, anyway!? If these two arrive late, I swear to god I’ll–”
“W-Well, let’s maybe not go there…” Uika laughed awkwardly, though she was also beginning to worry. It wasn’t like Umiri to be late to a performance… in all their time as Ave Mujica, she didn’t think she ever was the last to arrive. Just as her worries were beginning to boil over, however, they heard a knock on the door.
“Who could that be…?” Tomori wondered.
“Come in!”
Taki stood up as straight as she could as the door opened to reveal Afterglow’s Ran and Hello, Happy World’s Misaki had come to see them.
“Hey, guys.”
“M-M-M-M-Mitake-senpai!?”
“Um… is this a bad time? Taki-chan seems… worked up.” The DJ asked, concerned.
“Oh, um, she’s fine… how can we help?”
“We just wanted to thank you. Filling in for a band with two years of experience on such short notice must not have been easy. On the behalf of all of Hello-Happy, and as Hanasakigawa’s student council president… thank you so much for your help.”
“U-Um, it’s nothing… we’re happy to help.” Tomori replied with a shy smile that Uika felt could melt glaciers.
“I heard you were one of the first to agree, Taki. Um… thank you. For the help.”
“...!” Taki’s face became redder than her idol’s hair strand. “I-It’s nothing! I promise! I’m happy to hel–”
“Oooh, look at Rikki, she’s all red!”
“...!? You! Do you have any idea how late you are!?”
“Apologies. We simply had another matter to attend to.”
“Oh, you all must have a lot to take care of. We’ll leave you to it. I have a giant bear costume to climb into, anyway…”
“...Good luck out there. We’ll be watching.”
“Ah– um– thank you for wearing bith us– dammit!” As the two older musicians left, closing the door behind them, the drummer felt like she was going to explode. “Aaah…!”
“U-Um, it’ll be fine, Taki-chan…” Both Tomori and Uika crouched down, comforting their flustered friend.
“This is a side of Taki-san I have not seen before. How intriguing.” Umiri stated, calmly pulling out her phone and snapping a picture.
After taking a few minutes to drink some water and collect herself, Taki took a deep breath, looked at the two late girls with a straight face, and…
“Where the hell were you!? We were starting to think you would be no-shows!”
“Sorry, Rikki! I just had to put the finishing touches on something and–”
“It damn better be important!”
“It is, it is! I promise–”
“Yeah, like your word means anything–”
“U-Um, Ano-chan, Taki-chan… let’s not fight…” Tomori said, as Umiri got up, the drummer not noticing, as she was too absorbed in her argument.
“Oh, come on! I made a surprise for everyone and you don’t seem to be appreciative–”
“The only surprise here is that I let you in the band to begin with! I– huh?”
“What do you think?” Umiri cut in, as she placed a dress around Taki’s shoulders. “Chihaya-san worked hard on it, alongside her guitar playing. I was doubtful at first as well, but I must say, I am impressed.”
“I… huh? This is what you’ve been spending your time on?”
“Anon-chan, it’s… gorgeous!”
“Ah, hehe, thank you… I made some for everyone, of course… I thought it would be nice if we all matched!”
“...ahem. I’m going to try it on now. We can’t be wasting time.”
“Rikki, you’re still really bad at apologizing~”
“Ah, shut up!” Taki spat with all the intimidation factor of a child throwing a tantrum, before heading to the changing room next door.
“It’s true that our time is limited. Chihaya-san, we should try to find an empty classroom to change into, so we can expedite the process.”
“H-Huh!? What do you mean, “we”!? Umirin, what are you getting me alone with you for!? Hey, come back!”
“Hehe… never a dull moment with these three.” Uika chuckled.
“...” Tomori, however, remained strangely quiet.
“Hm? Is something wrong, Tomori…?”
“U-Um, Hatsu-chan… should we change, too…?”
“...!” Suddenly, the fact the two were alone became all too apparent. Hatsune wasn’t sure why she was being so flustered; she had slept in the same bed and kissed this girl already. Surely just changing together wasn’t anything special… right? “S-Sure. Just, um… turn around?”
“O-Oh, sorry…”
The green room was deathly silent as the two girls began to undress, their backs to one another. Hatsune grabbed the clothes bag with a shaky hand, opening it to look at its contents. Her outfit was similar to her usual clothing as Doloris, though her frilly collar and golden gem were swapped for a flower necklace, which was made of yellow chrysanthemums. The dress’s material was made of purple denim rather than black leather, and her skirt had been changed to an opaque and black style, matching her shorts, whose golden detailing was replaced with a straight white line. Finally, her socks were changed from gray to white, matching said detailing, and bringing a touch of brightness to the outfit, like a ray of sunlight piercing through the rainclouds and the fog. Overall, she found it quite beautiful, and it all fit together beautifully. Was this really made by a teenager in her bedroom…? She would have to give her props to Anon. She was a miracle worker. The proportions were all perfect, as well, and she found she had no trouble moving around in it.
Though, now that she was done… Hatsune swallowed. Was Tomori finished as well? Was it okay to turn around yet? She fought her intrusive desires to try and catch a glimpse of her body, her respect for her eventually winning the battle, though it left her paralyzed for several minutes. Eventually, though, she found the strength to speak.
“...Are you done, Tomori?”
“...Mhm.”
“...Turn around on three?”
“...Okay.”
“One… two…” The blonde took a deep breath. “Three!”
As both girls did a heel turn, anticipation twisting within them, they both came face-to-face with the most beautiful sight they had ever laid eyes on.
Tomori’s outfit was likewise very similar to her usual stage wear; she kept her white shirt, with her skirt becoming black and her denim jacket turning purple. Her belt and shoes changed from beige to white, and she also had an accessory: a light blue chrysanthemum, which was attached to a hair pin. As Hatsune looked at her more, she found herself absolutely transfixed by that final detail. It brought out her eyes quite nicely, and she could not help but stare into them, a gesture of affection that her love seemed to have no trouble reciprocating as well.
“You’re… so pretty, Hatsu-chan…” Tomori spoke, seeming almost at a loss for words.
“That’s my line… so cute…”
“I…” The MyGO!!!!! member stepped closer, closing the distance between them.
“Tomori…” Hatsune did not move as the girl she loved wrapped her arms around her. She simply closed her eyes, and…
“I’m back–”
“Ah–” Uika shot out of Tomori’s arms, putting on a fake smile. “T-Taki-chan! Welcome back! We were just talking! Right, just talking. Haha.”
“...Okay…?” The drummer raised an eyebrow, before stepping inside the room properly. “Anyway, what do you think?”
Taki’s outfit seemed to follow the same theme as Tomori’s, keeping a similar outfit to her MyGO!!!!! one. However, she put her hair up in a low ponytail, which hung on her side, being kept together by a hair band adorned with a purple chrysanthemum. Her usually-translucent sleeves and skirt became opaque and black, and her belt turned white, with a purple dress between them bringing the look together and in line with the two vocalists’.
“Oh, the new hairdo fits you well.”
“Y-You really think so?” Taki blushed. “Thank you, Tomori… you look really beautiful too–”
“We’re baaa~aack!”
“Ack– Damn it, Anon! Can’t you get some tact– whoa.”
As much as she hated to admit it, Taki’s breath had been taken away by the sudden arrival of her two bickering partners. Anon’s variant of her MyGO!!!!! outfit included a fully-opaque skirt, which was black instead of white, and a purple jacket. Her chrysanthemum was pink and adorned her belt, matching her hair color perfectly.
Finally, Umiri’s costume was the least drastically different of the five, with her shawl going from red to purple, and the off-white parts of her design becoming pure white. The gem on her vest was replaced with a blue-gray chrysanthemum, and her translucent sleeves removed entirely. Much like Uika, the golden detailing on her clothes was replaced with a straight white line, much like the ones found on Tomori’s jacket.
As Taki looked around, trying desperately to hide her blushing face, she wondered: why did she have to be in a band with so many pretty women?
The drummer eventually snapped out of her thoughts when Tomori spoke up.
“Seeing us… all matching like this… it makes me happy. Thank you, Ano-chan.”
“Aw, hehe, thank you.”
“It does help bring cohesion to our band. I suppose I should have given the idea more credit.”
“...Let’s put on a good show.” The smallest girl declared, a determined look in her eye, as everyone else agreed.
knock knock
“Hey, guys? It’s time for you to go on!”
“Thank you. We’ll be right out, Tsugumi-senpai.” Uika replied, turning towards her band with a smile. “Shall we go?”
“...Mhm! Let’s go, Hatsu-chan!”
The blonde’s face turned pale at the mention of her nickname once again, before walking out of the room at a quick pace, Tomori behind her.
“H…”
“Oh… here it comes.” Anon plugged her ears, anticipating what was about to come.
“Here what comes? Chihaya-san, wha–”
“HAAAAAAAAAAAH!?”
“Ungh–” The bassist nearly fainted as a veritable sonic bomb exploded next to her.
“F… first Anon gets a nickname, and now her, too… what about me…?”
“Yes, yes, we know, Rikki… come on, let’s go.” the guitarist said, leading her friend out of the green room with a comforting hand, leaving a dazed Umiri behind them.
----------------------------------------
“I want to do a live.”
“Oh, no you don’t!”
Soyo did her best to restrain Raana as she attempted to leave her seat in the audience to climb on stage. RiNG’s stray cat had only two things on her mind: matcha and playing the guitar, and right now, the latter was overpowering Soyo’s attempts at appealing to the former with sweets.
“You missed your chance when Taki-chan tried to recruit you and you ran off. Now, you’re just going to have to watch.”
“But, Soyo…”
“No means no, Raana-chan. Just be nice and stay seated, okay?”
“...Can we do a live soon?”
“...” MyGO!!!!!’s bassist sighed as something inside her gave out. “Sure. Just… be nice, all right?” She smiled as convincingly as she could. “(Taki-chan is going to kill me… what a handful this band is.)”
“...Soyo.”
“Hm? Oh, Mutsumi-chan! So you came, too?”
“Mhm. I brought her, too.”
“...? I don’t believe we’ve talked before?” The Tsukinomori student looked over at the tall woman behind her classmate.
“Good morn-nyamu-nyamu! Oh, wait, it’s not morning, is it…? Hehehe…”
“Oh, right, Ave Mujica’s Nyamu-chan… my apologies. I didn’t recognize you.”
“...” Raana looked at the two with interest, seemingly fascinated by their near-manufactured social interaction. Neither girl seemed to be fully themselves, between Soyo’s veil of niceties and Nyamu’s influencer personality. “Interesting girls.”
“Oh! Raana-chan! Good afternoon!” Suddenly, Ave Mujica’s guitarist’s mannerisms changed, as she cheerfully moved over to her friend. “It’s been so long!”
“There are… many now.”
“Oh? Haha, yeah, it’s more complicated than before. Don’t worry about it, though! We’re fine!”
“...Mhm.” The white-haired girl replied with a smile.
“ahem The show is about to start… we should sit down together, shouldn’t we?” Soyo cut in, putting herself between the two. “Mutsumi-chan, you can take my left. I–”
Cutting herself off, the bassist noticed another familiar face, making her way through the crowd quietly, as if trying not to be noticed.
“...I’ll be right back.”
Resting against the back wall of the room, Sakiko took a deep breath. Why had she come here, exactly? It’s not like Hatsune or Umiri would know whether or not she did come; the room was packed. She could very well just lie about having watched, and returned to planning their next concert. And yet, she had come anyway. Perhaps she cared more than she allowed herself to think.
“Saki-chan? It’s been a while.”
“...!” The blue-haired girl felt her blood run cold as she heard a familiar voice, and fixed her posture. “...Soyo. It has been.”
“It’s good to see you came. Here to cheer on Tomori-chan and Taki-chan?”
“...” Sakiko genuinely thought to herself. She wasn’t sure herself, but settled on the most casual answer possible. “I wanted to see how Umiri and Uika do. It would be a hassle for Ave Mujica if I stayed uninformed of their goings-on.”
“...I see.”
Something in Soyo stirred. Even now, after that time in RiNG together, the keyboardist remained so distant… so unwilling to compromise on a shared future. She thought of all the versions of her she had gone through in the past year or so. The distant Soyo, who feared being close to others in case they found out about her family. The happy Soyo, who enjoyed every moment of being part of CRYCHIC. The Soyo in denial, who fought to keep the band together long after its demise. The broken Soyo, who did nothing but lay in bed, send hundreds of messages to a blocked number, and cut off everyone who ever cared about her. And… the Soyo of today. What would any of these “Soyos” do in this situation? She couldn’t figure it out. It was all a mystery to her. Even now, she was so very lost when it came to people. Perhaps she didn’t change that much, either.
So, she simply chose to be herself.
“Saki-chan. Come sit with us.”
“I’m fine… don’t worry about me–”
“I didn’t ask. Come sit with us.”
“Wha– Soyo!?” Grabbing her old friend’s hand, Soyo began pulling Sakiko towards where she and the others were sitting. She chuckled to herself, remembering how Tomori did the same to her during that concert not so long ago.
“Hm? Oh, hey, look, she found Sakiko!” Nyamu called out, seemingly amused to see her bandmate being led around for once, doing her best to attract attention to the two.
“...sigh” Feeling everybody’s eyes on her, Sakiko relented, walked past Soyo, and sat down between her seat and Mutsumi’s.
“...I’m glad you came, Saki.”
“...” The keyboardist said nothing, though the green-haired girl could have sworn she saw a ghost of a blush on her cheek as she stared straight ahead. She smiled.
“Aah, I’m excited to see how Uiko and Umiko do! I’m sure they’ll knock it out of the park~”
“...I hope it’ll all go okay.”
“It will. With Tomori-chan and Taki-chan by their side, they definitely have what it takes. Right, Saki-chan?”
“...Yes.”
“...What about Anon?”
“...Well, her too, I guess.” Soyo responded in a deadpan voice.
Suddenly, the lights in the room went off, and the five girls fell quiet, focusing their attention on the stage.
-----------------------------------------
Chrysanthemums anxiously looked beyond the curtain at the dark stage, which was only waiting for them. The past week had been nothing short of chaotic: practicing hard every day, learning their new songs, recruiting members… it all proved quite difficult. But they had made it. They were standing at the threshold between preparation and performance; just one more step, and all their efforts will culminate and be put to the test. All five girls couldn’t help but look at one another as their time as a unified band approached its end, none of them being sure what to say. Eventually, though, Anon stepped forward, facing the other four with a confident smile.
“Come on, let’s all get in a circle!”
“sigh This again…?”
“I think it’s a good idea!”
“If Misumi-san is all for it, then I am as well.”
“...Okay!”
“...Ah, fine! Don’t stare at me like that…” One by one, all the members put their hand out, meeting one another in the center of their huddle. Once they were all together, they froze for a moment. “...Wait. What are we saying to send us off, anyway?”
“Oh, um… I didn’t think about that, haha…”
“...” Taki glared at her friend.
“...How about a mix of our band names?”
“Good idea, Tomori! …Um, -chan. How about…”
“...Really? That’s so corny.”
“Don’t be mean, Rikki…!”
“Let’s go–”
“W-Wait, Umiri-chan…! We haven’t counted down yet…!”
“Oh. My mistake.”
“All right, are you all ready? One, two…”
“Let’s go, Música!”
----------------------------------------
As the lights slowly came back on, they cast the band in a very dim light, obscuring the faces of MyGO!!!!!’s members. Uika and Umiri, meanwhile, each had a spotlight shined on them, with the former sitting down on the floor, as if asleep, and the latter having her back turned to the audience. Eventually, the blonde’s eyes fluttered open, looking around anxiously.
“I… where am I…? Wait… you! Do we know each other? I feel as if I’ve seen you before…”
“Perhaps in another life, we do… but here, we are mere strangers. Present for one moment, ephemeral as can be, and yet so eternal, as those ahead of us look on with expectant eyes…”
“It’s… sort of scary, being in such a place all alone.”
“Oh, but you are far from alone. Just look at them all. All they want is to see you prosper. They want to see you live.”
“I… I see!” Uika smiled.
“But… they are also an expectant crowd. You have to put on a good show to find the joy you seek.”
“I understand!” Determined, Uika took hold of her instrument, standing proud on stage. “I’ll earn my joy… I’ll use song to find happiness, here on this birthday of mine!”
As the stage lights roared to life, every member of the band began to play, one after another. Anon, who was in charge of replacing the keyboard’s part in the intro, did not miss her cue, landing every note perfectly, before the rest of the instruments joined in. Tomori walked forward, taking her spot next to Uika, and the two added their voices to the piece.
The crowd cheered as the first song came to a close. The performance was a success; not a single thing had gone wrong. As soon as the instruments fell quiet and the spotlights returned, illuminating Uika, Taki and Anon this time, the blonde turned to them with a bright expression on her face.
“Did you see? Did you see? They all cheered! I have a reason to exist after all! Their praise is like lifeblood in my veins!”
“Is this the reason you sang?” Anon replied.
“Of course! I need to know my life means something, anything, and they are the easiest way for me to get that!”
“...That’s not how it works, you know.” Taki cut in coldly, dashing the singer’s hopes.
“...What?”
“No amount of praise, or adoration, or attention will ever give you true happiness.”
Hearing this, Uika fell to her knees with a loud thud. “But why? What do you mean!?”
“Life is terrifying, isn’t it?” Anon replied with a bitter smile. “No matter how much you swim against the tide, you never know when the next tidal wave will pull you under again.”
“No… no, no, no…! Tell me, is it all going to be okay!? I can’t take this suspense!”
Suddenly, the spotlights shining on Anon and Taki cut to darkness, with another slowly coming to life, illuminating Tomori, who had been standing in front of her the entire time.
“...I don’t know.”
“B-But then, how…?”
“...I don’t know.”
“Do I have to live in fear of it all ending!? Is life nothing but pain? Is every good thing I feel only a setup for misery!?” Uika buried her face in her hands, softly crying into them.
“...I don’t know. But…”
A hand, extended. Sky blue lights begin to turn on.
“We can find out together, can’t we?”
“...” Taking her hand, the blonde is pulled to her feet.
“Just let the music flow through you. Let this lost song be your guide!”
As the second song ended, the spotlights came back on, this time shining on every member of Chrysanthemums. They all met up in the center of the stage, before Umiri spoke up.
“Now do you understand the truth?”
“...I do!”
“Isn’t performing just wonderful?”
“It is!”
“Now you see performing isn’t a tool to use to reach a happy life, and then discard…”
“...It’s life itself!”
As Uika agreed with her bandmates, the lights on them shut off, leaving only herself and Tomori once again.
“Look. The chrysanthemums are in bloom. They likely won’t live through the winter, but they will remain in our memories forever, won’t they?”
Uika nodded. “Yeah!”
“This moment in time is much the same. The future may be uncertain, we may wilt ourselves, but this music we are creating together… that will outlive even ourselves.” Tomori turned to the audience before finishing. “So, let it become your guiding light.”
“Everyone, we have one last surprise for you: a new song! Please listen to “Blooming Future”!”
As the crowd roared with excitement, and their concert came to an end, a breathless Tomori turned to her fellow vocalist. There, in the bright lights of the stage, she found a beautiful girl, wearing a beautiful smile.
Neither of them knew what the future had in store for them, and neither did the others. But they knew that they could face it together, so long as they held love in their hearts.
Love for music, and each other.
As she sat up in the bed she found herself in, she looked around. Right, this wasn’t her room. She had stayed the night after Tomori and her…
Blushing intensely, the blonde attempted to chase her memories away for the time being. Looking to her right, she noticed the girl still sleeping soundly next to her. She seemed even smaller than usual, and even more charming somehow, there fast asleep, her soft breathing tickling the idol’s side. Hatsune felt a slight smile creeping up onto her face as her love’s expression changed to a smile of her own. She wondered if she was dreaming about something pleasant.
Opting to do something with herself while she waited for the day to properly start, Hatsune discreetly got out of bed, put on her clothes, and took her guitar downstairs to get in some practice. She may not have an amp to plug it into (not that playing loudly this early in the morning was the nicest thing to do anyway), but she still intended to make up for the lost evening by beginning to learn the song she needed to.
Mayoiuta… it felt strange to work on it again so soon. The blonde thought back to her duet with Tomori. It felt so nice… singing with somebody else. Of course, she still did so with Mana, and occasionally Ave Mujica’s other members would provide backing vocals, but… this felt different entirely. Perhaps it was due to MyGO!!!!! and Ave Mujica’s complicated history. Or maybe it was because of the butterflies in her stomach as she remembered the ash-haired girl’s patient, kind smile. Either way, she found herself softly singing to nobody as she strummed on her guitar.
“They’re for my sake, that’s all, that’s all they ever were…”
“Oh, that song… it sounds familiar.”
“...! T-Takamatsu-san!?”
“Good morning, Uika-chan. Sorry for startling you, I didn’t want to disturb you… but I have to say, your singing voice is lovely.” Hikari explained as she took a sip of her coffee. Had she really been so focused on her playing that she didn’t hear her pour it…?
“...Thank you, ma’am.” Uika responded. It felt strange to internally agree with somebody on a compliment… it wasn’t something she was used to. But it was true; ever since Tomori properly burst into her life, she had been set on a path brighter than the one she thought she was destined to walk. Music was fun, now; and it was fun to let herself have fun, she supposed. No matter if she hadn’t warmed up beforehand, or if she was still sleepy.
“It seems Tomori has had quite the effect on you, hasn’t she?”
“U-Um, yes. She’s… really wonderful. Um– as a friend, of course!” The blonde stammered, trying to conceal her lovesick tone.
“Hehe, yes. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.” Hikari said as she looked out the window. “Not so long ago, she was so lonely… ever since her old band broke up, I was worried her high school days would pass her by, without any smiles to brighten her days. But… so many friends of hers have been coming here lately. It makes me happy to see.”
“...” Uika simply listened. It was hard for her to imagine Tomori as lonely… she was always trying so earnestly to connect with people. But CRYCHIC’s sudden disbandment left deep scars, and she had known that fact for a while. Even now, so long after, she still felt guilty for being the catalyst of that event… at least in her eyes.
“Though… this is the first time one of them ended up staying the night, haha!”
“...! U-Um, I’m sorry for the intrusio–”
“Don’t be, dear. You’re welcome to stay, anytime.”
“...Takamatsu-san…”
“Good morning…”
“Oh, Tomori! Did you sleep well, sweetheart?”
“...Mhm. I had a nice dream…”
Uika lost herself in her thoughts as a typical domestic scene unfolded before her. She couldn’t help but think about the conversation she just had. Tomori’s mother is so kind, to allow a stranger into her home overnight like this… was that what normal high schoolers did? Sleeping over at each other’s houses? She supposed they did, though she felt as if she might have been too old for such things. Did her peers all feel that way, or was it just her? Either way, she felt like she was anything but normal. Maybe she could get there, though, with the help of her friends… and Tomori, too.
“Hatsu-chan? …Hatsu-chan.”
“...! T-Tomori, don’t–”
“We have to go… Taki-chan will be mad if we’re late.”
“A-Ah, right– wait, I don’t have my uniform!”
“Maybe she has a spare…? I’ll call her.”
“Wait, I can do that myself…! Tomori…!”
Hikari laughed to herself as the two girls walked out of the room. If her daughter chose this girl as the one she wanted to be with… then so be it.
“As long as she’s happy… it’s fine by me.”
-----------------------------------------
Umiri began the walk from her house to the station, stifling a yawn. She hadn’t expected to be up so late practicing… learning Mayoiuta’s bassline took some time, but it wasn’t anything she wasn’t used to; however, she didn’t expect to have to learn even more, and she had other obligations as well (such as the homework she had been slacking on). So, as another day began, the last thing she wanted was for another thing to require her presence.
bzzzt bzzzt bzzzt
“...Hello?”
“Umirin! I need your help, you have to come!”
“...” Suddenly, the bassist felt like she should go back to bed. “...What do you want, Chihaya-san?”
“It’d take too long to explain! Please come, I’m sending you my address now!”
“Hold on– did she just hang up on me…?” The black-haired girl sighed as she opened her maps app. “No sleep for the wicked, it would seem…”
All Umiri wished for was that this “emergency” actually was one, and not a waste of her time.
“Umirin…! What colors should I go for?”
…It was a waste of her time. “Did you… ask me to come all the way to your house for this?”
“It’s important!” The pink-haired girl complained. “If I can’t figure this out now, I’ll never have time to finish before the concert!”
“Can’t you figure this out on your own…? Why ask me?”
“I mean… your style’s like, the complete opposite of mine. So I thought it’d be good to get your opinion. Tomorin is super nice, but she’d probably just say “whatever makes you happy”. And also… if Rikki finds out I’m spending time on this, she’ll probably kill me… hehe.”
Umiri sighed. “Very well. Let’s just… take care of this quickly, then be on our way to practice. While we’re on the subject, how far along are you with learning Black Birthday?”
“...Ah, um… hehehe…”
“...Just… show me the outfits…”
----------------------------------------------
“Taki-chan…? We’re here…”
Tomori shyly knocked on Taki’s bedroom door. When she received no response, she knocked a little harder.
“I wonder if she’s all right…” Uika whispered, concerned.
“...Taki-chan…? We’re coming in…”
As the two girls slowly cracked open the door, peeking inside, they noticed the room was completely dark, save for Taki’s computer illuminating it in a blueish light. And in front of that computer… they found their friend, sound asleep on her keyboard.
“...! Taki-chan!” The two yelled out, initially worried that their friend had collapsed.
“...Mmnn…? Tomori… w-wait, Tomori!?” When she shot up, suddenly wide awake, the two breathed a sigh of relief. “Y-You’re here already? I just hung up…”
“Taki-chan… it’s been over an hour since we called.”
“Ah, shit– u-um, shoot. I… must have passed out while composing.”
“Did you get any sleep?” Uika worriedly asked. “You look miserable… no offense.”
“...I had to work on this.”
“I-I’ll go and get you breakfast!”
“Tomori, wait–” Taki tried to stop her determined bandmate, to no avail. “sigh She’s always so willing to help… she’s too sweet.”
“She… she really is.” The blonde agreed, a blush on her face, before changing the subject in a panic, not wanting to reveal anything she wasn’t ready to. “U-Um, so, how’s the composing been going?”
“...Not great.” Taki started, switching over to the software. “I haven’t managed to figure out what to do with the drums at all. I feel like I might have something with the rest of the instruments, but… no matter what I try, they end up getting drowned out by the guitars.”
“May I listen to what you have right now?”
After a moment of hesitation, Taki relented. “...Sure. Let me know what you think.”
Uika took the drummer’s headphones from her desk, putting them on. Closing her eyes, she focused on the instrumentation as best she could, while the composer anxiously waited for the idol’s feedback. As the music began to fade out, she braced herself for harsh criticism. She never liked showing her works in progress. People expect discipline and perfection from her. If she fails in any way, if anything reflects poorly on her, then the comparisons to them will start. Be it from others like her classmates or family, or from herself. This was a bad idea, it’ll end badly, she’ll never be Maki or–
“Taki-chan, this is pretty good!”
“...Huh?” The sleep-deprived girl simply replied, before catching herself. “U-Um, thank you, but… really?”
“Of course. When I listened to this… how do I put this? I felt like I was at a festival.”
“A… festival?”
“Yeah. Confetti falling from the sky, people cheering, fireworks… It felt… suitably hopeful.”
“Uika-san… thank you.”
“Though… I see what you mean about the drums. They do seem quiet…”
“...Yeah. I feel like I’ve been struggling with that more lately. Anon and Raana’s parts keep getting louder, and Tomori’s lyrics keep shining so bright… I feel like I’m falling behind. Even Soyo’s bass seems to overpower me.”
“...How about a drum solo, Taki-chan?”
“H-Huh!?” The brown-haired girl jolted in her seat. “A… A drum solo!? I don’t– um, I mean… MyGO!!!!! doesn’t do that. The spotlight should stay on Tomori… it’s bad enough that that stray cat and Anon keep trying to take it for themselves.”
“Well, this isn’t MyGO!!!!!, is it? And Raana-chan isn’t in the band. I think if you put it here, it would help energize the crowd.”
“B-But… this is the turning point in the song. I can’t steal the show from the lyrics, it’s not–”
“Taki-chan…”
Listening to her bandmate, Uika thought back to her own moments of doubt. About whether she really deserved to be the face of Sakiko’s band. About how she should remain in the shadows where she was born, and where she was destined to remain. Not in front of everybody. Not casting a shadow on the one she loved most.
“...This is about more than just this song, isn’t it?”
“...Huh…?” Taki feigned ignorance.
“Sometimes… we feel like it isn’t right to share the stage with people we see as more deserving of being on it, right…?”
“...!”
“Deep down… we want to stay there. In the back. Supporting, but not overshadowing. Staying quiet, playing our part and nothing more.”
“...” Taki stayed quiet, shifting her gaze to a corner of her room.
“But… it doesn’t make those people happy. Not at all.”
“It doesn’t…?”
“I… think it doesn’t…?” Uika chuckled at herself. “Heh, look at me, giving advice when I haven’t figured anything out either… but, yeah. I think it doesn’t.”
“...This problem… it feels like something she wouldn’t have had.”
“...Saki-chan… has really affected us more than we can realize, hasn’t she?”
“H-How did you–”
“Just… trust me, Taki-chan. Even if she doesn’t show it, Saki-chan has her struggles too. I’m sure that in her own way, she’s proud of MyGO!!!!!’s songs.”
“...Alright.” Taki wiped a single tear away, doing her best to put on a smile. “I’ll try your suggestion.”
“I’m happy to hear you say that!”
“But if it sucks, I’m doing something else.” Taki playfully added, a smirk on her face. “But, um… th… thank y–”
“I-I have breakfast!”
“Aah–! T-Tomori!? How long have you been standing here?”
“I… just got here…”
“Pfft… hahahaha!” Not able to help herself, Uika burst into laughter. “Hah… spending time with you all sure is… fun…”
“...Uika-san?”
“O-Oh, sorry. I’m fine.” Uika smiled, before catching a glimpse of the time on Taki’s computer. “Oh, but we should hurry! We have to be at Hanasakigawa in thirty minutes–”
“Ah, shit, right!” Wasting no time, Taki grabbed the buttered toast from the plate Tomori brought her, eating while rummaging through her closet. “Here. Maki did the laundry yesterday, so you can wear my spare uniform.”
“Oh, right! I almost forgot! Thank you. I’ll go change.” As Uika hurried to the bathroom, she smiled to herself. When did she start feeling this way…?
Since when has she been this happy?
----------------------------------------------
The remaining days until the concert flew by. Everyone was busy with preparing, putting the final touches on their performance, and for some of them, making sure a certain pink-haired guitarist doesn’t get so distracted she completely flubs her part. Before any of them knew it, the day of the concert had come around, and all of them were anxiously awaiting for the show to begin.
“Taki-chan, you should sit down…” Uika tried her best to reassure her friend, who was helplessly pacing around the green room.
“How am I supposed to do that!? God, I’m about to get on Afterglow’s stage. I’m the opening act for Afterglow. I’m not ready for this, fuck–”
“T-Taki-chan…”
“Where are Anon and Umiri, anyway!? If these two arrive late, I swear to god I’ll–”
“W-Well, let’s maybe not go there…” Uika laughed awkwardly, though she was also beginning to worry. It wasn’t like Umiri to be late to a performance… in all their time as Ave Mujica, she didn’t think she ever was the last to arrive. Just as her worries were beginning to boil over, however, they heard a knock on the door.
“Who could that be…?” Tomori wondered.
“Come in!”
Taki stood up as straight as she could as the door opened to reveal Afterglow’s Ran and Hello, Happy World’s Misaki had come to see them.
“Hey, guys.”
“M-M-M-M-Mitake-senpai!?”
“Um… is this a bad time? Taki-chan seems… worked up.” The DJ asked, concerned.
“Oh, um, she’s fine… how can we help?”
“We just wanted to thank you. Filling in for a band with two years of experience on such short notice must not have been easy. On the behalf of all of Hello-Happy, and as Hanasakigawa’s student council president… thank you so much for your help.”
“U-Um, it’s nothing… we’re happy to help.” Tomori replied with a shy smile that Uika felt could melt glaciers.
“I heard you were one of the first to agree, Taki. Um… thank you. For the help.”
“...!” Taki’s face became redder than her idol’s hair strand. “I-It’s nothing! I promise! I’m happy to hel–”
“Oooh, look at Rikki, she’s all red!”
“...!? You! Do you have any idea how late you are!?”
“Apologies. We simply had another matter to attend to.”
“Oh, you all must have a lot to take care of. We’ll leave you to it. I have a giant bear costume to climb into, anyway…”
“...Good luck out there. We’ll be watching.”
“Ah– um– thank you for wearing bith us– dammit!” As the two older musicians left, closing the door behind them, the drummer felt like she was going to explode. “Aaah…!”
“U-Um, it’ll be fine, Taki-chan…” Both Tomori and Uika crouched down, comforting their flustered friend.
“This is a side of Taki-san I have not seen before. How intriguing.” Umiri stated, calmly pulling out her phone and snapping a picture.
After taking a few minutes to drink some water and collect herself, Taki took a deep breath, looked at the two late girls with a straight face, and…
“Where the hell were you!? We were starting to think you would be no-shows!”
“Sorry, Rikki! I just had to put the finishing touches on something and–”
“It damn better be important!”
“It is, it is! I promise–”
“Yeah, like your word means anything–”
“U-Um, Ano-chan, Taki-chan… let’s not fight…” Tomori said, as Umiri got up, the drummer not noticing, as she was too absorbed in her argument.
“Oh, come on! I made a surprise for everyone and you don’t seem to be appreciative–”
“The only surprise here is that I let you in the band to begin with! I– huh?”
“What do you think?” Umiri cut in, as she placed a dress around Taki’s shoulders. “Chihaya-san worked hard on it, alongside her guitar playing. I was doubtful at first as well, but I must say, I am impressed.”
“I… huh? This is what you’ve been spending your time on?”
“Anon-chan, it’s… gorgeous!”
“Ah, hehe, thank you… I made some for everyone, of course… I thought it would be nice if we all matched!”
“...ahem. I’m going to try it on now. We can’t be wasting time.”
“Rikki, you’re still really bad at apologizing~”
“Ah, shut up!” Taki spat with all the intimidation factor of a child throwing a tantrum, before heading to the changing room next door.
“It’s true that our time is limited. Chihaya-san, we should try to find an empty classroom to change into, so we can expedite the process.”
“H-Huh!? What do you mean, “we”!? Umirin, what are you getting me alone with you for!? Hey, come back!”
“Hehe… never a dull moment with these three.” Uika chuckled.
“...” Tomori, however, remained strangely quiet.
“Hm? Is something wrong, Tomori…?”
“U-Um, Hatsu-chan… should we change, too…?”
“...!” Suddenly, the fact the two were alone became all too apparent. Hatsune wasn’t sure why she was being so flustered; she had slept in the same bed and kissed this girl already. Surely just changing together wasn’t anything special… right? “S-Sure. Just, um… turn around?”
“O-Oh, sorry…”
The green room was deathly silent as the two girls began to undress, their backs to one another. Hatsune grabbed the clothes bag with a shaky hand, opening it to look at its contents. Her outfit was similar to her usual clothing as Doloris, though her frilly collar and golden gem were swapped for a flower necklace, which was made of yellow chrysanthemums. The dress’s material was made of purple denim rather than black leather, and her skirt had been changed to an opaque and black style, matching her shorts, whose golden detailing was replaced with a straight white line. Finally, her socks were changed from gray to white, matching said detailing, and bringing a touch of brightness to the outfit, like a ray of sunlight piercing through the rainclouds and the fog. Overall, she found it quite beautiful, and it all fit together beautifully. Was this really made by a teenager in her bedroom…? She would have to give her props to Anon. She was a miracle worker. The proportions were all perfect, as well, and she found she had no trouble moving around in it.
Though, now that she was done… Hatsune swallowed. Was Tomori finished as well? Was it okay to turn around yet? She fought her intrusive desires to try and catch a glimpse of her body, her respect for her eventually winning the battle, though it left her paralyzed for several minutes. Eventually, though, she found the strength to speak.
“...Are you done, Tomori?”
“...Mhm.”
“...Turn around on three?”
“...Okay.”
“One… two…” The blonde took a deep breath. “Three!”
As both girls did a heel turn, anticipation twisting within them, they both came face-to-face with the most beautiful sight they had ever laid eyes on.
Tomori’s outfit was likewise very similar to her usual stage wear; she kept her white shirt, with her skirt becoming black and her denim jacket turning purple. Her belt and shoes changed from beige to white, and she also had an accessory: a light blue chrysanthemum, which was attached to a hair pin. As Hatsune looked at her more, she found herself absolutely transfixed by that final detail. It brought out her eyes quite nicely, and she could not help but stare into them, a gesture of affection that her love seemed to have no trouble reciprocating as well.
“You’re… so pretty, Hatsu-chan…” Tomori spoke, seeming almost at a loss for words.
“That’s my line… so cute…”
“I…” The MyGO!!!!! member stepped closer, closing the distance between them.
“Tomori…” Hatsune did not move as the girl she loved wrapped her arms around her. She simply closed her eyes, and…
“I’m back–”
“Ah–” Uika shot out of Tomori’s arms, putting on a fake smile. “T-Taki-chan! Welcome back! We were just talking! Right, just talking. Haha.”
“...Okay…?” The drummer raised an eyebrow, before stepping inside the room properly. “Anyway, what do you think?”
Taki’s outfit seemed to follow the same theme as Tomori’s, keeping a similar outfit to her MyGO!!!!! one. However, she put her hair up in a low ponytail, which hung on her side, being kept together by a hair band adorned with a purple chrysanthemum. Her usually-translucent sleeves and skirt became opaque and black, and her belt turned white, with a purple dress between them bringing the look together and in line with the two vocalists’.
“Oh, the new hairdo fits you well.”
“Y-You really think so?” Taki blushed. “Thank you, Tomori… you look really beautiful too–”
“We’re baaa~aack!”
“Ack– Damn it, Anon! Can’t you get some tact– whoa.”
As much as she hated to admit it, Taki’s breath had been taken away by the sudden arrival of her two bickering partners. Anon’s variant of her MyGO!!!!! outfit included a fully-opaque skirt, which was black instead of white, and a purple jacket. Her chrysanthemum was pink and adorned her belt, matching her hair color perfectly.
Finally, Umiri’s costume was the least drastically different of the five, with her shawl going from red to purple, and the off-white parts of her design becoming pure white. The gem on her vest was replaced with a blue-gray chrysanthemum, and her translucent sleeves removed entirely. Much like Uika, the golden detailing on her clothes was replaced with a straight white line, much like the ones found on Tomori’s jacket.
As Taki looked around, trying desperately to hide her blushing face, she wondered: why did she have to be in a band with so many pretty women?
The drummer eventually snapped out of her thoughts when Tomori spoke up.
“Seeing us… all matching like this… it makes me happy. Thank you, Ano-chan.”
“Aw, hehe, thank you.”
“It does help bring cohesion to our band. I suppose I should have given the idea more credit.”
“...Let’s put on a good show.” The smallest girl declared, a determined look in her eye, as everyone else agreed.
knock knock
“Hey, guys? It’s time for you to go on!”
“Thank you. We’ll be right out, Tsugumi-senpai.” Uika replied, turning towards her band with a smile. “Shall we go?”
“...Mhm! Let’s go, Hatsu-chan!”
The blonde’s face turned pale at the mention of her nickname once again, before walking out of the room at a quick pace, Tomori behind her.
“H…”
“Oh… here it comes.” Anon plugged her ears, anticipating what was about to come.
“Here what comes? Chihaya-san, wha–”
“HAAAAAAAAAAAH!?”
“Ungh–” The bassist nearly fainted as a veritable sonic bomb exploded next to her.
“F… first Anon gets a nickname, and now her, too… what about me…?”
“Yes, yes, we know, Rikki… come on, let’s go.” the guitarist said, leading her friend out of the green room with a comforting hand, leaving a dazed Umiri behind them.
----------------------------------------
“I want to do a live.”
“Oh, no you don’t!”
Soyo did her best to restrain Raana as she attempted to leave her seat in the audience to climb on stage. RiNG’s stray cat had only two things on her mind: matcha and playing the guitar, and right now, the latter was overpowering Soyo’s attempts at appealing to the former with sweets.
“You missed your chance when Taki-chan tried to recruit you and you ran off. Now, you’re just going to have to watch.”
“But, Soyo…”
“No means no, Raana-chan. Just be nice and stay seated, okay?”
“...Can we do a live soon?”
“...” MyGO!!!!!’s bassist sighed as something inside her gave out. “Sure. Just… be nice, all right?” She smiled as convincingly as she could. “(Taki-chan is going to kill me… what a handful this band is.)”
“...Soyo.”
“Hm? Oh, Mutsumi-chan! So you came, too?”
“Mhm. I brought her, too.”
“...? I don’t believe we’ve talked before?” The Tsukinomori student looked over at the tall woman behind her classmate.
“Good morn-nyamu-nyamu! Oh, wait, it’s not morning, is it…? Hehehe…”
“Oh, right, Ave Mujica’s Nyamu-chan… my apologies. I didn’t recognize you.”
“...” Raana looked at the two with interest, seemingly fascinated by their near-manufactured social interaction. Neither girl seemed to be fully themselves, between Soyo’s veil of niceties and Nyamu’s influencer personality. “Interesting girls.”
“Oh! Raana-chan! Good afternoon!” Suddenly, Ave Mujica’s guitarist’s mannerisms changed, as she cheerfully moved over to her friend. “It’s been so long!”
“There are… many now.”
“Oh? Haha, yeah, it’s more complicated than before. Don’t worry about it, though! We’re fine!”
“...Mhm.” The white-haired girl replied with a smile.
“ahem The show is about to start… we should sit down together, shouldn’t we?” Soyo cut in, putting herself between the two. “Mutsumi-chan, you can take my left. I–”
Cutting herself off, the bassist noticed another familiar face, making her way through the crowd quietly, as if trying not to be noticed.
“...I’ll be right back.”
Resting against the back wall of the room, Sakiko took a deep breath. Why had she come here, exactly? It’s not like Hatsune or Umiri would know whether or not she did come; the room was packed. She could very well just lie about having watched, and returned to planning their next concert. And yet, she had come anyway. Perhaps she cared more than she allowed herself to think.
“Saki-chan? It’s been a while.”
“...!” The blue-haired girl felt her blood run cold as she heard a familiar voice, and fixed her posture. “...Soyo. It has been.”
“It’s good to see you came. Here to cheer on Tomori-chan and Taki-chan?”
“...” Sakiko genuinely thought to herself. She wasn’t sure herself, but settled on the most casual answer possible. “I wanted to see how Umiri and Uika do. It would be a hassle for Ave Mujica if I stayed uninformed of their goings-on.”
“...I see.”
Something in Soyo stirred. Even now, after that time in RiNG together, the keyboardist remained so distant… so unwilling to compromise on a shared future. She thought of all the versions of her she had gone through in the past year or so. The distant Soyo, who feared being close to others in case they found out about her family. The happy Soyo, who enjoyed every moment of being part of CRYCHIC. The Soyo in denial, who fought to keep the band together long after its demise. The broken Soyo, who did nothing but lay in bed, send hundreds of messages to a blocked number, and cut off everyone who ever cared about her. And… the Soyo of today. What would any of these “Soyos” do in this situation? She couldn’t figure it out. It was all a mystery to her. Even now, she was so very lost when it came to people. Perhaps she didn’t change that much, either.
So, she simply chose to be herself.
“Saki-chan. Come sit with us.”
“I’m fine… don’t worry about me–”
“I didn’t ask. Come sit with us.”
“Wha– Soyo!?” Grabbing her old friend’s hand, Soyo began pulling Sakiko towards where she and the others were sitting. She chuckled to herself, remembering how Tomori did the same to her during that concert not so long ago.
“Hm? Oh, hey, look, she found Sakiko!” Nyamu called out, seemingly amused to see her bandmate being led around for once, doing her best to attract attention to the two.
“...sigh” Feeling everybody’s eyes on her, Sakiko relented, walked past Soyo, and sat down between her seat and Mutsumi’s.
“...I’m glad you came, Saki.”
“...” The keyboardist said nothing, though the green-haired girl could have sworn she saw a ghost of a blush on her cheek as she stared straight ahead. She smiled.
“Aah, I’m excited to see how Uiko and Umiko do! I’m sure they’ll knock it out of the park~”
“...I hope it’ll all go okay.”
“It will. With Tomori-chan and Taki-chan by their side, they definitely have what it takes. Right, Saki-chan?”
“...Yes.”
“...What about Anon?”
“...Well, her too, I guess.” Soyo responded in a deadpan voice.
Suddenly, the lights in the room went off, and the five girls fell quiet, focusing their attention on the stage.
-----------------------------------------
Chrysanthemums anxiously looked beyond the curtain at the dark stage, which was only waiting for them. The past week had been nothing short of chaotic: practicing hard every day, learning their new songs, recruiting members… it all proved quite difficult. But they had made it. They were standing at the threshold between preparation and performance; just one more step, and all their efforts will culminate and be put to the test. All five girls couldn’t help but look at one another as their time as a unified band approached its end, none of them being sure what to say. Eventually, though, Anon stepped forward, facing the other four with a confident smile.
“Come on, let’s all get in a circle!”
“sigh This again…?”
“I think it’s a good idea!”
“If Misumi-san is all for it, then I am as well.”
“...Okay!”
“...Ah, fine! Don’t stare at me like that…” One by one, all the members put their hand out, meeting one another in the center of their huddle. Once they were all together, they froze for a moment. “...Wait. What are we saying to send us off, anyway?”
“Oh, um… I didn’t think about that, haha…”
“...” Taki glared at her friend.
“...How about a mix of our band names?”
“Good idea, Tomori! …Um, -chan. How about…”
“...Really? That’s so corny.”
“Don’t be mean, Rikki…!”
“Let’s go–”
“W-Wait, Umiri-chan…! We haven’t counted down yet…!”
“Oh. My mistake.”
“All right, are you all ready? One, two…”
“Let’s go, Música!”
----------------------------------------
As the lights slowly came back on, they cast the band in a very dim light, obscuring the faces of MyGO!!!!!’s members. Uika and Umiri, meanwhile, each had a spotlight shined on them, with the former sitting down on the floor, as if asleep, and the latter having her back turned to the audience. Eventually, the blonde’s eyes fluttered open, looking around anxiously.
“I… where am I…? Wait… you! Do we know each other? I feel as if I’ve seen you before…”
“Perhaps in another life, we do… but here, we are mere strangers. Present for one moment, ephemeral as can be, and yet so eternal, as those ahead of us look on with expectant eyes…”
“It’s… sort of scary, being in such a place all alone.”
“Oh, but you are far from alone. Just look at them all. All they want is to see you prosper. They want to see you live.”
“I… I see!” Uika smiled.
“But… they are also an expectant crowd. You have to put on a good show to find the joy you seek.”
“I understand!” Determined, Uika took hold of her instrument, standing proud on stage. “I’ll earn my joy… I’ll use song to find happiness, here on this birthday of mine!”
As the stage lights roared to life, every member of the band began to play, one after another. Anon, who was in charge of replacing the keyboard’s part in the intro, did not miss her cue, landing every note perfectly, before the rest of the instruments joined in. Tomori walked forward, taking her spot next to Uika, and the two added their voices to the piece.
“We've been invaded up until here, yes,
And the platform goes up and down
My birthday has just been written down
And tonight I feel it, burning, writhing
Hey, it's a vivid, alluring mad day
Hey, it's a vivid, alluring mad day
And a secret ruler, loo-la, cool, cool
"Welcome, come here"
I announce at the very beginning
Look, I can make my supple toes trace a "sway", a rondo
Look, I can make my supple toes trace a "sway", a rondo
Come, it's time to dye your pure white dress in the color of the dark
Murdering shadows, rise up
I can see, I can see, things nobody can see, look
I am reborn, ah, into my true self
Oh, my…
Black-black,
Black, my black birthday”
Murdering shadows, rise up
I can see, I can see, things nobody can see, look
I am reborn, ah, into my true self
Oh, my…
Black-black,
Black, my black birthday”
The crowd cheered as the first song came to a close. The performance was a success; not a single thing had gone wrong. As soon as the instruments fell quiet and the spotlights returned, illuminating Uika, Taki and Anon this time, the blonde turned to them with a bright expression on her face.
“Did you see? Did you see? They all cheered! I have a reason to exist after all! Their praise is like lifeblood in my veins!”
“Is this the reason you sang?” Anon replied.
“Of course! I need to know my life means something, anything, and they are the easiest way for me to get that!”
“...That’s not how it works, you know.” Taki cut in coldly, dashing the singer’s hopes.
“...What?”
“No amount of praise, or adoration, or attention will ever give you true happiness.”
Hearing this, Uika fell to her knees with a loud thud. “But why? What do you mean!?”
“Life is terrifying, isn’t it?” Anon replied with a bitter smile. “No matter how much you swim against the tide, you never know when the next tidal wave will pull you under again.”
“No… no, no, no…! Tell me, is it all going to be okay!? I can’t take this suspense!”
Suddenly, the spotlights shining on Anon and Taki cut to darkness, with another slowly coming to life, illuminating Tomori, who had been standing in front of her the entire time.
“...I don’t know.”
“B-But then, how…?”
“...I don’t know.”
“Do I have to live in fear of it all ending!? Is life nothing but pain? Is every good thing I feel only a setup for misery!?” Uika buried her face in her hands, softly crying into them.
“...I don’t know. But…”
A hand, extended. Sky blue lights begin to turn on.
“We can find out together, can’t we?”
“...” Taking her hand, the blonde is pulled to her feet.
“Just let the music flow through you. Let this lost song be your guide!”
“Lala, la, la…
In the middle of the intersection, mixed among the busy crowd
In the middle of the intersection, mixed among the busy crowd
I'm the only one who seems to be drifting aimlessly
The popular songs never sing about me
The popular songs never sing about me
Please, don't laugh at me from within that billboard screen
Today's another day of swallowing my feelings without voicing them
Today's another day of swallowing my feelings without voicing them
Filling my drafts up to the brim
Ah, and like that, I get through the night, thousands of times
They're for my sake, that's all, that's all they ever were
They're for my sake, that's all, that's all they ever were
The words that just happened to overflow, spilling out of me as they searched for an exit
If they reach your heart and fill in its cracks even a little
Then although I'm just me, I'll scream that I'm right here
If they reach your heart and fill in its cracks even a little
Then although I'm just me, I'll scream that I'm right here
The song of a lost star
Lala, la, la…”
Lala, la, la…”
As the second song ended, the spotlights came back on, this time shining on every member of Chrysanthemums. They all met up in the center of the stage, before Umiri spoke up.
“Now do you understand the truth?”
“...I do!”
“Isn’t performing just wonderful?”
“It is!”
“Now you see performing isn’t a tool to use to reach a happy life, and then discard…”
“...It’s life itself!”
As Uika agreed with her bandmates, the lights on them shut off, leaving only herself and Tomori once again.
“Look. The chrysanthemums are in bloom. They likely won’t live through the winter, but they will remain in our memories forever, won’t they?”
Uika nodded. “Yeah!”
“This moment in time is much the same. The future may be uncertain, we may wilt ourselves, but this music we are creating together… that will outlive even ourselves.” Tomori turned to the audience before finishing. “So, let it become your guiding light.”
“Everyone, we have one last surprise for you: a new song! Please listen to “Blooming Future”!”
“I was in the dark for ages
Brightest days turned to nights of stinging pain
I thought I had lost something precious
On that day under the rain
For as long as I could remember, I was on my own
For as long as I could remember, I was on my own
A curse to remain on my lonesome
But as I raced outside, his wishes overthrown
I set myself on the path to freedom
The world before us is blurry and undefined
The world before us is blurry and undefined
But every note we play lights up the way
So long as the blooms line the path
I’ll find you and show you where to go
Left stranded in an unknown country
So long as the blooms line the path
I’ll find you and show you where to go
Left stranded in an unknown country
I ran from the cold gazes, from what was said
Left adrift in the great wide sea
I waited to be wanted
My days without music were oh-so-dull
My days without music were oh-so-dull
I thought myself too weak to break the barrier
But your song filled my heart and this lull
Being by your side could not make me happier
The world before us is blurry and undefined
The world before us is blurry and undefined
But every note we play lights up the way
We were all lost, that might not change
But with you by my side, I can do anything
Left to face the world alone
We were all lost, that might not change
But with you by my side, I can do anything
Left to face the world alone
I lost myself somewhere along the way
Cold and unfeeling, it’s so easy to be unknown
But then, does my heart truly get a say?
Do any of us know what it means
Do any of us know what it means
To smile, to love, to be human?
We might not find the answer, not ever
But we can search for it with this song!
The world before us is blurry and undefined
We might not find the answer, not ever
But we can search for it with this song!
The world before us is blurry and undefined
But every note we play lights up the way
You all gave us our hearts back
With you, with them, all of us make the path ahead
The world before us goes on forever
And every note we play is a step forward
The strings of fate, the burning rain
I can overcome it all with you
Thank you for brightening my every day
The tears of the past have bloomed into our future”
As the crowd roared with excitement, and their concert came to an end, a breathless Tomori turned to her fellow vocalist. There, in the bright lights of the stage, she found a beautiful girl, wearing a beautiful smile.
Neither of them knew what the future had in store for them, and neither did the others. But they knew that they could face it together, so long as they held love in their hearts.
Love for music, and each other.