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Blue

Vivo

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Contents

Onset Chapter
Chapter One

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Chapter One: Debut

June 9 2000, 12:15PM – Viridian Forest, Kanto
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“Kanto map...check. Five empty Pokéballs...check. Pokédex...check. Two potions...check. Pokéball with Oak’s Pokémon...check.”

At the southern entrance of Viridian Forest stood a girl who was about twelve years old; she had long wavy cobalt-blue hair and calm sky-blue eyes. She was inspecting a small silver case, more specifically the aforementioned contents to make sure everything was there. She took out the one of the Pokéballs and held it in her hand for a moment. She smiled to herself then pressed the button on it, releasing the Pokémon inside. From the Pokéball came a small blue bipedal turtle with a red shell. It looked up at the girl with an expression of confusion.

“Hello Squirtle, my name is Blue and I’m your new Pokémon trainer,”

“Squirtle?”

Blue placed the silver case on the ground. She then bent down on her knees so that she was at Squirtle’s eye level. Viridian Forest was a deep and sprawling forest filled with an abundance of bug Pokémon and vegetation. The trees grew in dense layers and pretty much filtered out most of the light in some places, making it hard to navigate. Long, lush grass filled the forest floor, unkempt and shielding wild Pokémon from view. Squirtle peered at Blue curiously.

Blue placed her hand on Squirtle’s head. Images flashed through her mind, all from Squirtle’s perspective. Squirtle in Professor Oak’s lab along with two other Pokémon – a Charmander and a Bulbasaur. Squirtle being released from its Pokéball by a dark-haired trainer a little younger than Blue and a brunette boy. Squirtle being shown to a tall dark-haired man who wore shades. And the last one, Blue releasing Squirtle from its Pokéball in Viridian Forest.

“You’ve only known Professor Oak from Pallet Town right and have lived in his lab? So you’re confused by the change of scene and you don’t trust me very much either and, you want to know what’s going on,” Squirtle widened its eyes, realising that Blue had just read his thoughts. “Well you don’t need to be afraid of me and you better get used to me anyways we’re stuck with each other for the foreseeable future.”

Squirtle threw Blue a scornful expression at those words and began to walk away from her. Not in a rush to get away but not wanting to stay next to her either. Blue sighed, picked up the case and began to follow Squirtle.

“Do you even know where we’re going?” Blue asked.

“Squirt, squirt Squirtle,” Squirtle replied not really caring about where they were supposed to go. Since when where they together and who was that girl anyways?

“You don’t care huh? Well I can’t blame you for that, but like I said, we’re stuck with each other. So let me explain the situation ok,”

Squirtle stopped for a moment to look back at her, cocking his head slightly. Blue chuckled at this. She could tell now that even though Squirtle didn’t want anything to do with her, he was still curious. Irritation crossed Squirtle’s face.

“Well, I’ve been sent to find two boys who have been kidnapped or captured by Team Rocket. Team Rocket is some criminal organisation who have been terrorising Kanto in all kinds of way for the past few months. Professor Oak gave you to Commander Jay to give to me, so that’s why you’re with me. There’s more to it, but I’ll tell you later,”

“Squirtle, squirt, squirtle?” Squirtle said in an annoyed tone.
“So what have you got to do with this? To answer your question... I’ve never had a Pokémon of my own before and I’ll need one to assist me here. I won’t be able to get far without you Squirtle and I think you’re perfect. If we work together we’ll definitely get this done, no trouble. Besides don’t you want to know what the world is like?”

“Squirtle...” Squirtle replied to her words slightly convinced to stay with her.

“Will you help me then Squirtle?” Blue asked in a pleading tone, giving Squirtle full eye contact.

Squirtle mentally pondered on whether he should help Blue or not. After a moment Squirtle grew irritated.

“Squirtle!” Squirtle said angrily. Squirtle didn’t want Blue to listen in on his thoughts.

“Ok, ok I’ll go but tell me when you decide. By the way, I can’t read minds from a distance only when I touch” Blue said.

Blue walked away from Squirtle, leaving him to make his decision. Once Squirtle was sure Blue was faraway enough from him, he once again began to think on whether he should join her or not. After a couple of minutes Squirtle made his decision. Squirtle ran up to Blue and smiled at her.

“So you’re going to help me Squirtle?”

This was confirmed by Squirtle nodding his head.

“Thank you then, Squirtle that really means a lot to me. Shall we go now?” Blue said happily.

“Squirtle!” Squirtle exclaimed.

“Ok but there’s one more thing I need to do, so just wait a moment,” Blue said whilst removing all of the items from the silver case. She then put them into her rather small dark blue backpack, somehow managing to fit everything in. “Alright then Squirtle, let’s go!”
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Okey dokey there's chapter one and this is the first ever Pokemon fanfic i've written, hopefully this chapter's ok. I'll be updating at least once a week and chapters will be much much longer in the future - this chapter is a sort of introduction/prologue thing. Reviews would be appreciated here and here. Please review :spin:
 
I thought this was really good and I can't wait for the next chapter - I really want to find out more!

Are you a fan of Special btw, this really reminds me of Special. (Which is a good thing because I LOVE Special)

You need to look over your grammar, but the storyline's really good.

My only comment is that I hate quoted text of a Pokemon saying their name. That's just a personal preference, but it seems like a waste of words to me.

For instance:

“Squirt, squirt Squirtle,” Squirtle replied not really caring about where they were supposed to go.

Could just as easily be.

Squirtle yelped in reply, indicating that he didn't really care about where they were supposed to be going.

Your only problems seem to be little things like that, I'm sure it'll improve with practice - keep it up!
 
Cool idea, I love it! :)

I don't really keep an eye out for grammar and spelling when I'm just reading, but there were a couple things that jumped out. A quote only ends in a comma before a speaking verb and organization and terrorizing are spelt with "z," not "s."

Other than that, the ending is missing some quite important: Squirtle's actions. You did very well describing his feelings up to the point he came back to give Blue his answer. At this point, they just say "he nodded his head" and "he exclaimed." How does he act and look when he does this? As readers, we have no idea if Squirtle is enthusiastic about this or if he's just grudgingly coming along.

You also could have described what Blue was doing and thinking while Squirtle was gone instead of just say "a couple minutes later, he came back." It doesn't have to be anything real significant for the story or anything, but it's always good to give readers insight into the characters and help them relate.

But that's all I've got for you. This is very promising. It's not the typical start to a journey fic, you've already introduced an interesting plot, and the characters are portrayed well. Keep up the good work!
 
Please note: The thread is from 16 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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