• Hello!

    Please be aware that our content warnings system has recently been updated! Please refer to this thread for more information, or if you're unsure, feel free to contact a Workshop staff member!

    Thank you all for helping us ensure our community is a safe and healthy one, and for your continued patronage in our Library and Workshop.
  • Forum Moderator applications are now open! If you're interested in joining an active team of moderators for one of the biggest Pokémon forums on the internet, click here for info.

EVERYONE: - Ongoing Celebi! A trip through time!

Bulbafan_Jeff

Misty Fan
Joined
Mar 27, 2007
Messages
2
Reaction score
0
Chapter 1 The Begining of Time!

It was a normal school day in Las Vegas as John, a tall young man age of 14 with brown hair and light blue eyes, was walking to school. Suddenly the sky glowed a greenish color as John was surrounded by a light. John was immediately knocked out and lying on the sidewalk.
"Hello" says a young women's voice. "Are you ok?" She asked as John slowly regained consciousness.
"Huh? Where am I?" he asked looking confused.
"There was a bright light and you appeared in the forest," the lady said, "Oh by the way my name is Nurse Joy."
"Wait, I was not in a forest I was walking along a busy street!" John said while trying to piece things together.
"Well, feel free to stay awhile you want," said Nurse Joy as she walked back to the front desk.
Tomorrow morning came around and John was abruptly awakened by a male's voice yelling, "Your the prettiest Nurse Joy yet!" John rubbed his eyes and began to walk down the stairs when he sees a tall young man with spiky hair standing by Nurse Joy. Shortly after a younger boy with blue hair came and pulled his ear.

"Oh, well good morning John," said Nurse Joy smiling.
"Good morning," he said while everyone was staring at him.
"Hello there, my name is Ash," said a shorter young man wearing a cap while walking over to shake John's hand.
"Hi, I am May" said a young lady wearing a bandana.
"Hello, my name is Max," said the young boy still pulling the other man's ear.
"And I am Brock," said the tall man grabbing at his ear.

-Cut Scene-
Over at the window Team Rocket was peeking in on Ash and his friends.
"There is the twerps," said Meowth to James and Jessie.
"And they are with another twerp," said James in response.
"Twerps, Smurfs, I do not care how many there are we are here for Pikachu," said Meowth.
Jessie, however, wasn't paying attention and she was in a daze at John.
-End Cut Scene-

What could Team Rocket be plotting? Will they try to attack the Pokemon Center? Stay tuned!
 
Last edited:
You need to lengthen your chapters. Your entire second chapter is composed of dialogue with one or two sentences describing the characters' actions.
 
I'm sorry, but I cannot approve of this fic.

Not only is the grammar out to lunch, but the story has about as much depth as an empty kiddy pool.

This fic as a whole is just....blecch.
 
I deleted the second post and added it to the first so there will be less confusion, sorry for the double post and thanks for telling me how I can improve it and I fixed some of my grammar
 
Last edited:
Please note: The thread is from 19 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom