Chosen Last

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

I always liked the idea of Pokemon fanfiction; it's a whole world you can play with and to me that's awesome! I never really got around to writing any fics partly because any ideas I had didn't seem good enough and partly because I just wasn't focused enough. I don't usually write fiction. Despite that, I was playing Crystal today and while I was hanging out in Olivine, this story just started to write itself:

Chosen Last, Chapter 1​

Ayame gazed vacantly out her bedroom window; she could just barely make out the beacon of the lighthouse. It was usually brighter from where she was sitting, where she always watched it before drifting off to sleep. Tonight, however, it was foggy out and only a small glimmer was visible from where she pensively sat in her bed, clutching a plushie of Bellossom close.

It was 2 years ago that Ayame decided that she was odd by most people's standards. All of her friends were counting the weeks, the days until they turned 10 so they could get their very own pokémon and start their great adventure. Ayame never did this, partly because of her poor health at the time, but mostly because she had no desire to become a trainer. She had a garden in her backyard that had won countless prizes. It was one of the best in Olivine. Gardening was her passion, not training pokémon, and she had planned to make it her life... until a few weeks ago.

There had been a news story on t.v. about someone from Kanto that Ayame had never heard of. Her name was Erika, and not only was she a brilliant flower arranger, but she was a gym leader of grass type pokémon. Ayame could barely remember what was said about Erika besides those two things, but after the show had ended, she did some research on grass type pokémon. The only one she knew anything about was Bellossom, and that was only because of the plushie she coveted was a gift from her parents when she was 5. Because she carried it everywhere as a child, people gave her little books and the like as gifts.

After a trip to the local library, she learned that there were a ton of pokémon like Bellossom and some of them were extremely powerful. And just like that, her future, which had once been so clear, became full of doubt as she thought of the friends she had lost touch with when they ran off to become trainers. There was a whole wide world out there to explore, people to meet, things to see, and for the first time in her whole life, she felt like she was missing out. She had spent most of her life at home or in her garden because of her vulnerability to illness, which was slowly getting better. She hadn't needed to seen a doctor all year aside from a check-up, and it was now late July.

And now she wondered about the adventures her friends from long ago were having, and while she had never before in her entire life wanted to be like that... she was having second thoughts.

~~~​

So that's the first bit. Any thoughts are welcome, I'd ask you to go easy, but I'm a big kid.

 

[Nando]

Julie, you've got a great start. Since you're a big girl (as you say ) I'll point out points where you should work on a bit.

First of all, you shouldn't write the entire thing as one big block of text. Breaking it up a bit with the enter key makes it easier to read in general.

Also, the sentence structure could use some work. Let me show you what I mean.

She had a garden in her backyard that had won countless prizes. It was one of the best in Olivine.

There's nothing in particular wrong with these sentences, but they could be better written as one: "She had a garden in her backyard that had won countless prizes, in fact, it was one of the best in Olivine."

But overall, you've got a very solid start, so keep up the good work!

 

[Satoshi-chan]

It has the potential to be a fun and enjoyable story, best of luck.

My only complaint is that it's all one large paragraph, which made it hard to read (at least for me, the lines kinda jumbled together and I had to sit a little closer to the screen to read it, but then again I probably need to get my eyes checked, it's been about a year since I last did).

Anyway, good luck, and have fun writing.

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

Funny thing about that; I wasn't expecting it to be as long as it was! I'll break it up into some paragraphs.

 

[Petey]

That's some awesome character development up there! It looks like it could have a great plot-line ahead of it!
I'm waiting for Chapter 2!

 

[Crankyman]

If you don't give her a Chikorita, I keel you.

Also, is a trainer going to inspire her to train too? Like Wally in RSE?

 

[CaptKirby]

Ignore these plebians, as they clearly do not understand that overly large paragraphs are the coolest way to write.

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

This story is moving slower than I had hoped. Additionally, I wasn't sure how to divvy up the chapters, but this way seemed to make the most sense to me. edit: I decided to lump everything I've written thus far into one chapter. So there. (11/13/2007)

I promise there will be actual Pokémon next chapter!

~~~​

The next morning at breakfast, Ayame's mother, Sana, brought the mail in.
"Aya! You got a postcard from Hiro-kun."
"Hiro, eh? Is he still taking Shinnoh by storm?", her father, Koji asked. Ayame flipped the postcard over. There was a beautiful photo of a suspension bridge with a vivid orange sunset in the background.
"He's in Canalave.", Ayame answered.
"Wow! Canalave? Good for him! He's only 12 and he's been all through Johto, Hoenn and now Shinnoh!", Koji exclaimed cheerfully.
"Heh, yeah...", Ayame's voice trailed off. She'd never really cared this much upon receiving mail from her friends. She was beginning to feel confused again, like last night. Sana looked at Ayame. She and Koji had noticed that their daughter had been abnormally quiet lately, more deep in thought than usual. She had traded in her hours in the garden for hours at the library and Sana found a towering stack of books about different pokémon on Ayame's desk. Books about Bulbasaur, Chikorita, Leafeon... Sana set down her coffee.
"Ayame..."
"What? What's wrong?"
"Something's not right. What's going on?" Ayame's ears turned pink.
"Everything's fine! I was just thinking about the Tropius- I mean the, uh, heliotrope in the backyard. I think it's getting too much water." She smiled nervously, redder than before. Koji laughed.
"Hey, good luck fooling your parents there, Aya-kun. Something's up."
"It's nothing important..." Ayame took a deep breath, "IjustwassortathinkingitmightbefunifImaybesortakindabecameapokémontrainer, but, but, but, but probably not." She sighed and looked down. Her parents looked at her as if she had grown a third head. But then Sana's face broke into a huge grin.
"I knew it! I knew it! That's why you had all those books! And the thing! About asking us about what's her face! ERIKA!", she said excitedly. Her husband laughed nervously.
"I, eh, think what your mom is trying to say is that, well, we had a feeling you might have a change in sentiment sooner or later about becoming a trainer. Let's face it my dear, it does run in the family after all!". Sana had been an Elite 4 champion when she was 22, but gave up the position when she met Koji... or at least that's what she said if it came up in conversation. Sana had a lot of pride.
Ayame smiled. She felt a lot better now that she had said it out loud. It was as though a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She knew her parents wouldn't be upset. She was just unsure of how she herself would feel once she realized she had had a change of heart.
"So... now what?", she asked.
"Well, that depends on what you want, I suppose.", Koji answered slowly. "We can take the train from Goldenrod to pay my friend Professor Elm a visit as soon as you're ready. He's in charge of distributing Pokémon to new trainers here in Johto. If you want to wait a few months or mull it over, that's fine too Aya. You don't want to rush this decision. Leaving home is a bigger deal than you think."
"Just remember whatever you decide, we'll be right behind you.", Sana chimed in. "I think you'd make an amazing trainer, Aya, I want you to know that. I've always felt that way. This is exciting news!".
"I... want to at least give it a shot. I'll never know otherwise.", Ayame said. "I want to see more of the world anyway!"
"Then I think it's about time you gave it that shot, my dear!", Koji said proudly.
That night, when Ayame went to bed, there was no fog and the view of the lighthouse beacon shone brighter than it had the night before.

When she finally fell asleep, she dreamt of writing her parents postcards from Mahogany Town.

~~~​

Thanks for reading!
I'm REALLY pleased with how this chapter turned out. As always, your constructive criticism is more than welcome. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I hope to have chapter 2 written out sometime this upcoming week, so stay tuned!

 

[Crankyman]

You spelt Sinnoh different ways in the same chapter.... O_O

This is good so far. When will the signifigance of the title be revealed?

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

oshit

You're right! XD *goes to fix it* This is what happens when you see it spelled quite a few ways. I guess since I kept the English town names, we'll go with Shinnoh. As for the title... you'll just have to wait and see. A good author doesn't reveal too much! <3

 

[Pyshcosocial12]

Nice! I can't wait for the next chapter. When does Ayame get a Pokemon?

 

[MondoTR]

Wonderful start. It's nice when people think of unique ways to have trainers start at a later age.

I don't know if you remember but there was an ep in Johto with a town that has yearly Grass Pokemon tournaments. If that is Ayame's specialty then maybe that'll be something to add in later down the line.

Anyways, nice job. I'm glad I arrived after the separation of the giant paragraph. ;P

 

[Board]

Pretty awesome stuff, can't wait to see more of it.

 

[Nando]

Very good job, Julie! You really took to mind the advice you were given, and that's good.

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

Let's take a trip to the department of backstory!

Hi all! This semester has been busy, and so the Chosen Last "hiatus" shall go on until I'm done with school. I hope to have a new chapter and some backstory up in mid-December. Until then, I was playing around at Pokecharms and came up with Koji and Sana's past teams! I'm not sure if anyone else here has been curious about Ayame's parents, but I have. They're a lot of fun to write, so I hope people enjoy them!

First we have Sana's team:

Sana is a rash, intense and strong woman, both physically and emotionally. Her pokemon of choice were powerhouses much like herself. Her preferred fighting method was mostly physical, which worked for a while, but was eventually her downfall. Most of what she did was on a whim (Possibly a trait of Ayame's?), including her decisions during battles. Remember, Sana was at one point a League champ in Kanto, where she was raised (she was born in Hoenn and moved to Celadon at a very young age). Once she was ousted from the Elite 4, she softened up a bit and did some traveling around Johto, where she met and fell in love with Koji.

Speaking of Koji:

He was such a little nerd. Koji and Sana = very odd couple. He was an apprentice for Professor Elm's predecessor, Professor Aspen (stfu) as a teenager and was hired as a researcher in Goldenrod in his 20's. He still works there (and bikes there every day). While his lead pokemon was a Ferligatr, he preferred to use Psychic and Flying pokemon. His fighting style is the opposite of Sana's; Koji is a thinker. He did manage to get his 8 badges, but was recruited by Aspen before he could even think about challenging the Elite 4.

More next month! There may or may not be a clue as to the next chapter in these trainer cards. *shifty eyes* I've already made a trainer card with Ayame's first two Pokemon, who will hopefully both make appearances next chapter, so stay tuned!

 

[Nando]

Hmmmm, those are pretty good. I wish that site had more options for customizing the trainer sprites (or had DP frontier brain sprites or something), then I'd make some for my fic.

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

Thanks :3 It occured to me that I probably write some of the shortest chapters out there, so I'm hoping to have a good chunk up in a few weeks. Only 3 more weeks of school T_T

 

[Calvin]

Thanks :3 It occured to me that I probably write some of the shortest chapters out there, so I'm hoping to have a good chunk up in a few weeks. Only 3 more weeks of school T_T

Can't wait. For both X-Mas vacation + this fic. Currently my fave. [=

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

Awww, thanks! That means a lot to me, for serious.

 

[Doug]

Its'...about oh, that time for you to get some more up so I can read it. I love this fic