Christians- should I pray to be with someone who I love if they love someone else

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Dane

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I love someone who is engaged to someone else. I have loved this person for a very long time, but never had a fair chance to be with her. Our families are very close and she considers me to be a very close friend.

The first time I wanted to tell her I liked her was in 8th grade, and she started dating another boy before I had a chance to tell her. When they FINALLY broke up 4 years later we were both out of school and in college, and she ended up meeting another guy. She was well aware of the fact that I had feelings for her but still only considered me a friend (but still, a very close friend)

After she had been seeing this second guy for about 2 years I started praying every night that God find a way to bring us together and just give me a chance. However, after a few months of this, I decided to give up and try to meet someone else. When they first announced their engagement later that year, I was initially O.K. with it because I was confident that I would meet someone soon- big mistake. I suffer from Aspergers syndrome and have a difficult time socializing. I only feel confortable around people who I have known for a long time, like her. One of my "must-haves" is that the be very close to the same age as me, something that is very hard to find when you're in your early 20's. Every relationship that I tried to get into was over before it even started.

That's when I started thinking about her again. I started praying again, even though at this point I knew that it was too late, but I just couldn't help it. Everything about her just seems so perfect for me. It's just not fair to have grown up with someone perfect for you, and having them be one of your closest friends, but not being able to be with them , It's so frustrating. When I pray, I tell god that I know that I'm being selfish, but it's just so hard not to want it. I know, I'm basically praying for something bad to happen to someone I love, but I just know that she could learn to love me if we were just given one more chance. She is of a very rare type, and even if I were to meet someone who was just like her in every way, something would still seem missing to me. I really do love her, and I want her to be happy, but why does she get to be happy when I don't? I know she could be happy with me, I just know it. I'm not asking God to change her free will, all I'm asking him is to let fate bring us into a situation where I can have one more chance. She's just so perfect for me, and it could take me years to find another girl like her. She has lots of VERY important qualities that nobody else can give me. If it isn't meant to be, why does my heart keep leading me back to her?

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this and had it turn out they way they wanted it in the end?
 
if you're aware that you'll be hurting someone you love (and probably her fiance, too), i don't think you should pray for it. i'm sure God has received your message several times already, and is thinking things through...if he feels you two belong together, he'll bring you together at some point. even if he doesn't, remember that he does love you and will make it up to you somehow.

i'm not a christian (i was raised as one, but why i dropped it is a long story i'm not getting into), but i still hope i helped. c:
 
To be honest, if you want to pray to God to help you with this, and if it gives you more confidence that it might occur, then go ahead and do so.

However, I honestly think that if you really have a chance of changing anything, you have to do it yourself. Your faith in God may or may not guide you on which tactic to take, but if nothing else, you could always speak with your friend, and tell her once more of your feelings.

*shrugs*
 
This is your first post. Did you honestly join a Pokemon forum just to ask this question?
 
TheMissingno. said:
This is your first post. Did you honestly join a Pokemon forum just to ask this question?
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I read here alot. And I'm posting everywhere I can think of because I want to get as many people's opinions as I can.
 
TheMissingno. said:
This is your first post. Did you honestly join a Pokemon forum just to ask this question?
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he joined in 2005. if he joined just to ask this question, he would be very very very shy to ask it, because it's been 4 years since then.
 
My recommendation. Just be a friend. You cannot make someone love you and I'm sorry but God is not going to be able to do much. I'm sure he'd give you plenty of opportunities to get together with this person. However, since they are involved with someone else, be happy they are happy. If you cannot find it in you heart to allow the person you love to love someone else, then you do not love them.

As for having qualities no one else can give you, that's a lie. For every woman you meet who has a perfect personality, there are probably a thousand more just like her.

And I know all this because I'm in almost the exact same situation.

Oh, and a warning.

Read this. Read it. Learn it. If you honestly care for this person, the following lesson is insanely important.

Do NOT imitate Carlyle
 
I'm not sure if I can relate to you anymore since I've long given up on the idea of love, but I can relate to you as a Christian.

Of course, a possible reason is that God's answer is "wait". Keep praying, keep waiting, do things to make her happy. You should be happy if she is happy. And maybe, (there's about a 70% chance that she'll get married, but don't start praying for a divorce then) just maybe, she'll start to fall for you. There, prayer answered.

God isn't Santa, he expects you to work for things. He won't just give it to you because you've been praying (or begging) like a six year old White Len who wanted a Gamecube (it never came. I got a Wii though). Equivalent Exchange, nothing comes without a price, ney?
 
JUST TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL! You seem to be waiting for something magical to happen but you just gotta grab life by the horns and handle things yourself. Even if she rejects you, you at least know you tried. Also, I'm sure she has feelings for you too but since you never revealed them, she has moved on. IT'S YOUR CHANCE. Don't wait, get the fuck out and tell her and I have a feeling you will be rewarded =).
 
He should still tell her anyway. He has so much to gain from it.Also, he never indicated that he explicitly told her, just that she was aware of it.
 
White Len said:
God isn't Santa, he expects you to work for things. He won't just give it to you because you've been praying (or begging) like a six year old White Len who wanted a Gamecube (it never came. I got a Wii though). Equivalent Exchange, nothing comes without a price, ney?
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This. Things in life don't come for free, you have to work for it. Also, isn't wanting something that isn't yours a sin in Christianity (you want to have that guy's girlfriend, which sort of is the same as a wife was then)? I don't think you'd be helpe with it while it's also a sin (basically, what your doing is asking god to help you with a sin).

My advice:
1. find someone else (the better way)
2. Wait untill she's available again (may be painfull if she never gets available).

And no, I'm not flaming etc. I'm just trying to help this dude/gal.
 
Live with it. You're too late. Don't pray, your prayers aren't gonna let god stop your "one" getting married.
 
mijzelffan said:
This. Things in life don't come for free, you have to work for it. Also, isn't wanting something that isn't yours a sin in Christianity (you want to have that guy's girlfriend, which sort of is the same as a wife was then)? I don't think you'd be helpe with it while it's also a sin (basically, what your doing is asking god to help you with a sin).
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife?
 
Dane said:
The problem with that is the fact that I have been in love with her since we were kids.
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still. Say god helps you and makes her fall in love with you. Even in that case, the real she isn't in love with you, she's just "hypnotised" (to say it that way) by god to be love you. That's not really good either is it?

So if you want to know if she really loves you, then the only way to find out is by asking her. If she doesn't like you back, then that's too bad. It'll probably hurt at first but eventually you'll get over it. The pain probably won't be worse then the one your having now.
 
Honestly, you're being selfish. Waaaay selfish. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. God wants EVERYONE to be happy, he won't change what she feels about you to make you happy, because that would make her unhappy.

First Corinthians Chapter 13 said:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
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The Holy Book itself states that if you love someone, you won't seek something just for yourself. You will seek to protect that person, make that person happy, not to make you happy.
 
Last night I prayed that everyone would be able to make the right decisions in life with you in mind ^^
 
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