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COMPLETE: Creation (Galactific, R100)

Blackjack Gabbiani

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Yet another Rocket100 fic--been a while, hasn't it? Anyway here.



They are perfect, the finest officers I could ever want. They greet me with devoted smiles, crisp uniforms, and swift salutes, and I know that they are the ideal extensions of my will.

Every day they are there, assembled before me on the uneven floor. Every day of this soft white creation, they exist to further the perfection of the universe, constantly by my side. Such fantastic things! The beauty of flawless life, finally brought to fruition by my own hands!

They watch me with hope on their faces, awaiting my orders for any action, and I raise my head from where I had rested against the barrier wall of the universe. It is a small place for now, but when I master my powers I will continue the act of creation beyond its borders.

"Salute," I tell them, and they do, Mars and Jupiter as one. But Saturn delays, his arm rising halfway and pausing at his chest. "Saturn, what is the meaning of this?"

He stares at me, and my heart skips a beat.

This has happened before. Many times. He turned against me in the first universe, and I've had to destroy him multiple times since then. And yet, what useless, pathetic emotions remain in me can't bear to unmake him entirely.

"Saturn, I have given you a command."

Saturn only smiles plastically back. Why does he smile? What joy does he take in this disobedience?

And Mars and Jupiter smile as well. They approve of this? Such disgusting betrayal!

I grab him, his flesh cutting into my hands, and his head falls back. I'm too powerful for them, aren't I? I'm so far beyond them; pathetic creatures, all of them! The other two do nothing but stare, still holding their salutes.

Ruined perfection...none of them can be allowed to exist. I'll have to remake them all over again. I hate it. Every time I do, it only proves that they're not perfect, which means that my creation isn't perfect, which means that I...

I push off from the wall to kneel over them. They don't even flinch as I destroy them, dashing them to bits against the ground, although the act rips into my palms. Have they learned to anticipate it? How terrible.

Light fills all things, and that pain bites my arm again. It happens every time I have to unmake everything. I find comfort in the hollow of the pale void it brings as I drift to sleep, the wall soft against my face as the world blurs and disappears.

As with all other times, the tools to create are before me upon my awakening, and with bandaged hands I restore my commanders to their perfect states.

They are perfect, standing before me, smiling up at me again. My creations, my commanders, my universe. And I will destroy it as many times as I must until that perfection lasts.
 
I like it. I find it very descriptive. Is this Cyrus' point of view?
 
Wow very good! I'm glad you're producing fics again, I enjoy reading your writing style.
 
Glad you're posting more fics here. Your writing is, as usual great. It seems really scary and Orwellian. It's not often you see a fic from Cyrus' point of view. As a vignette, it's beautiful.
 
I seem to be able to write for him easier than I can nearly anyone else. But this one gave me issues, and it seems from the replies that I still need to refine it, because there's an underlying point that I was trying to make that he's not aware of.
 
Ooh... very interesting. Still hoping you get to Obsession... but considering what you told be via MSN, I'm glad to see that you can 'string more than two words together' to form a new story.
 
Haha, thank you! Yeah, this is the first in a long while, and hopefully it'll open SOMETHING in my head.

Did anyone pick up on the underlying theme at all?
 
This is some truly incredible writing.

Did anyone pick up on the underlying theme at all?
Well, I've never been much good at figuring things like that out, but I'll take a crack at it:

Cyrus, having gained the power he wanted to create his "perfect world" without emotion, keeps making one mistake (recreating Saturn, who keeps coming out "imperfectly"), that stands out to him. Noticing the one, obvious mistake (Saturn's disobedience), he then notices the smaller, perhaps more subtle ones in the other two, and keeps re-destroying and re-creating everything over and over again, unwilling to accept the possibility he isn't perfect himself, and hence just keeps making the same mistake while trying to "get it right". Worse for him, he realizes his emotions (which he hates and considers a weakness) still have power over him or he'd simply stop recreating Saturn. The physical pain he keeps feeling could mean he's slowly destroying or maiming some part of himself whenever he does this--since he created this world, it's strongly connected to him. Or perhaps, since destroying his own creations for imperfection is a sort of aknowledgement of his own imperfection, he's subconsciously doing it to himself as punishment?

I'm usually wrong when I try this sort of thing, though.
 
My guess was along the same lines as that of Daren. It's clear it has a deep, underlying message. It's just not 100% clear what it is upon first inspection. The second time I read it through I pretty much got the same idea as Daren.
 
My guess was along the same lines as that of Daren. It's clear it has a deep, underlying message. It's just not 100% clear what it is upon first inspection. The second time I read it through I pretty much got the same idea as Daren.

This is also what I'm thinking.
 
Oh damn. I have to rewrite it then to make it stand out more because, while certainly interesting, it's not entirely correct.

Although you did get that he has rage issues about still having emotions and that his creation is a failure.

But consider the setting. Where is he? What's used to describe the place they're in? What consequences does the physical pain have?
 
Please note: The thread is from 16 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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