MATURE: - Complete Dead to the World- A (very) short story.

[Eliana Rampage]

“This is all for the best,” I watched, helplessly, as he formed toxic words upon his perfect lips, a viper of his own accord. I watched myself from afar, as the screaming agony leapt forth and announced itself in the form of a single word.
“Why?”
It was pathetic. No excuse for the tears, no rebirth from the ashes, no dramatic music in the background cadence. Just a half hearted, dry, unformed question. The vipers lips curled into a benign, frozen smile, and I shrunk away, a tattered moth clinging to a single thread of life. The angel of death shook his head, his grimace still cleaving to my memory.
My body and vocal chords screamed. Cried, futile hopes for a thaw in his flawless, stony face; For a break in the storm. Minutes and hours blended into a single 4th dimension, and I lost control.

And he was nonchalant. He stood, electric blue eyes transfixed upon my ragged body, almost pitying me for my insolence.

"It’s not the end of the world…"

"You wouldn’t fucking know. You are destroying me, don’t
You understand that? Don’t you fucking get it?"

No. Not really. Life goes on.

Words. I recalled he was speaking to me, far above my stoic protective veil. I spelled out words back, tumorous, petty words. I had been slain. Destroyed. My own creator…bringer of my demise.

"Don’t you remember the cabin? All the ti--"

"No. I don’t remember, and don’t remind me. Shit happens, and I’ve moved on. It’s your turn, now."

And with that, the sound of an unruly engine, taking off into the horizon, and I was left behind.

The silence hit like a wave of dust, clotting my throat and orifices. Choking me. I fell to my knees, and gave way to phantom agony. The familiar saccharine melancholy that enveloped me became my cocoon, and I lost myself. I GAVE myself to the gods of hate. There is no place for me in this world. If I was dead to him then I am most certainly and inevitably

Dead to the World.

 

[Pidgeot]

Looks good. The only critisism I have is that's too short, so perhaps you could try to lengthen it a bit.

 

[Eliana Rampage]

Thanks!

This was honestly not meant to be a story at all, rather, a piece of prose...but perhaps I should try to lengthen it in the future.

 

[sandshrewd]

Oh, I really like this! You have a great vocabulary. This might be an odd thing to comment on, but I also like that the characters swore XD I'm not sure how to explain what I'm thinking exactly, but I like the contrast between the realism of the dialogue and the elegance of the prose. You're one of those people who understands that it's ok for prose to be flowery, but that normal people don't talk that way. Which is a very good thing!

My only almost-gripe would be that the backstory is pretty unclear due to how short the ficlet is. It's a little confusing in that sense, but at the same time it's not confusing enough to be incomprehensible. I guess what I'm saying is that this little piece stands by itself reasonably well, but now I want to know about what's going on with these people! XD

The abridged version of this rambley comment: nice job!