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MATURE: Elliot's Great Adventure

Sep 17, 2008
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@Scholar; @Blake Belladonna; @Heroic Sociopath; @AutumnRain; @Lyrebird;


Hello my name is Elliot Foster, and no I’m not a foster kid you asshole.

Anyways this is my journal where I will write all about my wooonderful adventures to Kanto…ain’t that great. Anyways I started my journeys a few years back and I started thinking that it would be a great idea for a great trainer like me to recount my past adventures. Because of that I ended up buying this crappy 10 Pokeyen journal and you get to see what I’ve written…you have been warned.


I was laying down on the smooth grass surface, feeling the patches of grass poke against my skin and clothes as I let the warm summer breeze of Pallet Town wash over me. It was pretty quiet at this time of year, what with kids leaving town to go off to do their journeys and whatnot. But not me, I was meant for greater things…doing nothing.

I put my hands behind my head and stared up at the sky, passing my hands through my messy black hair as I did so. It’s not like I never thought about journeys, but I never really saw a point to them in the long run, even if my mom and older sister always tried to get me to leave.

“So annoying,” I groaned with exasperation before I sat up on the grass, noticing that a few of the leafs had gotten stuck on my clothes and skin. “Though I have to admit I really am bored, maybe I can go burn a house down or something…nah too much trouble.”

As I got up to leave though I heard a soft cry from behind me. Was it a cry of help? Or maybe it was a cry of admiration you may wonder. But no, as I turned around in curiosity to search for the source of such a mysterious cry I came upon one tiny little creature.

Staring back at me with those big blue eyes I’ll never forget to this day was a Charmander, looking as innocent and playful as a Charmander could. “Char!” it exclaimed with a loud squeak as it looked up at me.

I didn’t say anything, instead I just looked around for a moment before pointing at myself. “I’m not your mommy kid,” I replied dryly before turning around and beginning to walk. I thought that was it, I genuenly did, at least until I heard the footsteps behind me and noticed that the damn lizard was still following me. “Didn’t you hear me, I said scram!” I yelled out, hoping to scare the critter.

“Char!” the Charmander squeaked once more, this time running to me and hugging my leg tightly.

“Hey, let go you damn lizard!” I tried kicking it off, but the thing wouldn’t let go of my leg. That’s when I noticed its tail wagging around as it grazed against my jeans.

My eyes opened wide in shock as I saw the orange flames slowly envelop my leg. “Holy crap fire!” I screamed in panic as I started running into town with one leg on fire and another being gripped tighter than a Snorlax grips a sack of potatoes by a Charmander…clearly my day was off to a good start.

After what seemed like ages I was finally able to get the thing off and I managed to extinguish the flames through…interesting methods that involved my jumping into the freaking ocean. Unfortunately that didn’t get the Charmander to leave me alone so instead I opted for taking it with me.

“So who exactly are you little guy?” I asked the small fire lizard as I brushed my now wet hair all the way back. The Charmander just shrugged, clearly looking as confused as I was, in fact, I wasn’t even sure if he understood me at all.

We walked near a large yellow bricked two story building, it was pretty far from the rest of the houses and stores and such that you would find in town but it was a place that everyone in Pallet and around the world knew. This was Professor Oak’s lab, where trainers of all ages come and get their starter Pokemon from the world renown Professor Oak him…I’m sorry I can’t do this with a straight face.

My thoughts regarding Oak aside, passing by the building reminded me of all the trainers that went out journey. I thought about how they could be having adventures and enjoying themselves, catching Pokemon, meeting new people. What idiots they were right?

Of course I also remembered that Charmanders were starter Pokemon, so maybe this is where this guy came from. “Does this place ring any bells?” I asked while I pointed to the building, though the Charmander didn’t seem to have any idea. “You’re not very bright for a lizard are you?” I groaned.

Part of me wanted to just grab this thing and throw it into the ocean, but I didn’t really want to deal with Human Resources coming after my ass so I had to contain myself. Of course this meant that I would have to walk into the lab and ask Professor Oak if it was one of its starters, something that I didn’t want to do even if Poke-Hell froze over.

Yes there is a Poke Hell in my mind…no I don’t give a damn what you think about that.

As I stared at the door that stood in front of me and then proceeded to look back down on the small flame lizard I came to the realization that I didn’t really need to go to Professor Oak. I mean, if I ever did want to go to a journey I could just go, I didn’t have to go into his lab and deal with all the other snot nosed brats my age that wanted to become trainers.

Plus if I had a Charmander I could show off to people and burn all those that oppose me to the ground, what a nice life that would be right?

I had to admit the thought was indeed interesting. So without further interruption I grabbed the Charmander, who raised an eyebrow in confusion at me in return, before I began making my way away from that hellhole. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you to your new home…what do Charmanders eat by the way?’

“Char?” Charmander just shrugged.

“…I’m sure I can figure something out.”

My house wasn’t anything special, it was just a normal two story house made out of wood with a red roof and blah blah blah. I didn’t mind my house, the only thing I did mind was the fact it didn’t have soundproof walls for when my sister brought her “friends” along, but enough about that.

So I made my way into my home and was welcomed by the loud booming noise of the tv. My sister was in the living room dancing to one of her weird exaggerated songs that were all about sex and girls shaking their asses…good song though.

She had long black colored hair like mine, though she was currently wearing it in a pigtail. She was wearing just a simple white top along with a pair of really short and really tight shorts that just made me have to look away so as not to forget that she was my older sister.

She finally noticed that I had gone into the house and proceeded to stared at me with confusion with those clear blue eyes of her; which were just like mine by the way. “Aaaahh, I thought you had gone on a journey!” she exclaimed with annoyance.

“Just cause I leave the house for more than an hour doesn’t mean I’m not gonna come back, but it’s you seeing you again too Emilie,” I groaned, equally annoyed as her as I allowed Charmander to walk up front. Emilie stared at it in shocked, her eyes opening wide and her smile growing three times in size, almost as if she had just won a million bucks.

“Oh my god you got a Pokemon, and a Charmander too!” She squealed in happiness before kneeling down and beginning to pet the Charmander. “Mom, Elliot brought a Pokemon and is leaving on a journey!”

“What?” I looked at her in shock. “I never said I was going on a journey you bit…”

“Oh that is wonderful, and I had just packed his stuff too!” came my mom’s replied from the kitchen as she walked into the living room with us. My mom had long brown hair and her eyes were the same color as ours, though she had a few bags under her eyes…not from years of taking care of us and going through hardships just so you know, they were for all the times she left me and Emilie to go out for nights on end. “Oh it looks like a really cool Pokemon too, does that mean you finally conquered you fear and went to see Oak?”

“No, I’m never gonna go ‘see’ that weird old man,” I hissed at her before grabbing the Charmander, though I was careful to not let its tail touch me again. “I just found this guy while I was by the lake, I don’t know if he’s actually Oak’s but honestly I don’t care.”

“I don’t get why you’re so scared of him, I mean he can be pretty fun if you know how to handle things,” Emilie pointed out with a grin as she sat down on the couch.

“Yes, I know you can handle things but that’s a story for another day. Anyways, I’m not going on a journey, instead I’m going to see how much this guy is worth in Pokebay,” I nodded my head with determination, not willing to let either of this weirdoes think that I was actually doing what they wanted.

“Ugh, such an annoying brother I have. Can’t you just go out on journeys like normal kids do, explore the world, meet new people and have adven…”

“I’ll stop you right there because you’re saying much crap right now my mind is literally about to get diarrhea,” I said while holding my index finger up in the end. “All of that is just stupid advertising that the media has spread around to make people leave the house. I mean, the world isn’t like what those games or tv shows are trying to show,” I pointed out with disdain. “I mean you could get shocked, burned, clawed, stabbed, possessed, mind crushed or just plain eaten…and by a Rattata too.”

“So no, I’m not gonna go on a journey like ‘normal’ people do and get myself killed. Besides it’s not like any of the people that are going out on journeys right now even have a shot of achieving anything, the most they can do is end up like all those other weird guys in the Elite 4 that dress funny and think they’re all cool cause they spend the day playing around with their pets.”

By this point I noticed that both my mom and Emilie had sat down in the middle of my little rant, and what’s worse is that they weren’t paying attention to me, they were just sitting down watching reruns of Kanto’s Lonely Housewives. “LISTEN TO ME DAMN IT!” I screamed, though that just got my mom and sister to look at me.

“Can’t you just do what your sister did when she went on her journey did, she left to have fun and enjoy herself, I mean you’re already 14 it couldn’t hurt you to go out and explore the world,” she pointed out before letting out a sigh of exasperation.

“Mom, she came back five days later without any Pokemon and with her clothes ripped off,” I groaned, only to shiver when I remembered that horrible memory.

“Yeah, those were fun days,” Emily chuckled nostalgically as she leaned back against the couch.

…wait I meant Emilie, yeah that.

I just groaned, not even feeling like I should’ve dignified that with a respond as I looked down at the little lizard who was trying to bit the staircase. “You know what, if you want me to go in a journey so bad then I fucking will, and when I become rich and famous I’m gonna have you all get kidnapped and put into a torture chamber so you can live through what I’ve lived through all these years.”

“Oh yes, you’re finally leaving!” they both screamed with delight as they hugged each other. “I’m sure you’ll have a really enjoyable journey dear, and to celebrate your sister and I are going to be going to the Sevvi Island for an all expenses paid deluxe vacation that my boyfriend and his friends got me!”

“…I hate you,” I hissed before beginning to climb up the stairs. “I’m gonna go pack my things.”

“Oh don’tworry, I already packed your bags, it’s in the kitchen with that ham and cheese sandwich I left for you to eat in the way. Be careful though, I think the ham was going bad,” she warned me while using a soft sweet tone in her voice.

I didn’t reply, I didn’t want to reply; instead I just walked into the kitchen so that I could go get my bag.

So with that said I grabbed my bag and left as quickly as possible. Unfortunately I had no idea what to do, so I just stood there outside my house with Charmander by my side. “I don’t even have your pokeball now that I think about it,” I sighed as I pocketed my hands.

I was alone in the world now, with a family that didn’t give a damn about me and a Charmander that thought staircases were food. “You know what fuck this,” I turned around to look back at my house and raised my hand. “Charmander use Flamethrower!” I screamed at the top of my lungs with determination as I saw Charmander opened its mouth and fire a large jet of flames.

The flames engulfed the front of the house really quickly, and I was hearing my mom’s and my sister’s screams in no time, which in turn was my cue to run away along with Charmander. “You know, this journey thing might not be so bad,” I laughed as me and Charmander ran as far away from the house as possible.

I didn’t know what I was gonna do now that I was venturing into the large and weird world of Pokemon, but I know that if I was going to do so I had to start at a very crucial place…Professor Oak’s lab. Arceus help me.
I'm really not sure what to make of this. So, if the narrative is this guy's written journal, does that mean the spelling mistakes are deliberate? I get the feeling that at least on some level there's supposed to be some parody here, which would explain why the protagonist is thoroughly obnoxious ... like a real fourteen year old, come to think of it. If it is meant to be a parody, then I think it'll have more mileage than other's I've seen (Full of CAPS AND OMG VERY OBVIOUS RIFFING ON FF.NET).

I'm prepared to stick with it a while and see where you go with the story
I can't tell if this is supposed to be serious or if it's a comedy. It feels schizophrenic, like it can't decide whether it wants to be one or the other. Some parts are funny, and then some parts are just kind of... awkward. The motivation for Elliot doesn't make any sense. Why is he such an angry pissed off guy? If this were a full-on parody, I feel his personality could be played for laughs and wouldn't really need a concrete explanation, but like I said before, it's hard to tell.

The strangest thing is that this story is extremely familiar to some others that have popped up recently... I feel like this is some kind of inside joke that I'm just not understanding. xDD
I haven't read many of these before, but I like this one a lot. I think that the fact that the protagonist is not a good guy adds to the appeal of the story, and I would love to see where this goes.

Wild Jr.

EDIT: Hey, @Flaze; are you planning to continue this story? I like it a lot!
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