TEEN: - Ongoing Eric Daimon's Quest: Domino's Vengeance (PG-13)

[Terra Force]

Prologue

This fanfiction starts nine months after Team Rocket disbanded, and at roughly the same time, Eric and Peggy had a daughter, and Domino, the new Rocket Leader, and the late Giovanni, had a son. Domino also had a slightly older (by about a year) and an older son with Giovanni a while back, all within three years. Mewtwo senses something very bad, like the possible return of Team Rocket, and sends a message to Arceus, who gives Mewtwo a Diamond Dust keyblade to give to Eric and Peggy's daughter ten years later, instead of a message back. Giovanni's newborn son obtains a One-Winged Angel Keyblade that we won't get until he turns ten.

Chapter 1

Peggy had just given birth to a healthy baby girl, who weighed about 6 1/2 pounds, and the Legendary Pokemon sent gifts for the baby to Mewtwo. Arceus, Darkrai, Shaymin, Manaphy, Mew, Lugia, Ho-Oh, Celebi, Jirachi, and Deoxys helped to make a Diamond Dust Keyblade. The Legendary birds gave her a remnant of her parent's heritage, a feather headdress. Groudon, Kyogre, and Rayquaza stopped fighting for this occasion and pitched in to give her baby toys. The Regi's, including Regigigas, forged a crib. Dialga and Palkia, along with the Lake Legendaries and Giratina, made a cute little music box to help put the baby to sleep. Heatran and Cresselia created a mobile with moon-shaped feathers and volcanic rocks. Raikou, Entei, and Suicune found an egg, that would later hatch into an Elekid, which was holding an Electirizer, the baby's first Pokemon. Eric looked at the gifts and was amazed. Mewtwo also had a gift, some clothes that were once Eric and Peggy's, when THEY were little babies, along with three year's supply of diapers. Peggy breathed heavily in bed, and Mewtwo gently put the baby in the crib with psychic power.
A few years later, Eric and his daughter, Ruki, recognized Giovanni's youngest child, his son Henry. Domino was with her son, and a Magby holding a Magmarizer, on a walk. Domino had a Rocket Burst Keyblade, which was black with a red R for the blade part, with a Pokeball-shape for a keychain. Eric had his Jungle King Keyblade, just incase somebody, or something, threatened either him or his daughter. Peggy was nearby. Henry and Ruki played for a while after introducing themselves to each other, and so did their Pokemon. Domino recognized Eric and walked toward him. Eric held up his Keyblade, and Domino said "I know who you are. You're the twerp that caused the first downfall of Team Rocket! If it weren't for you, Giovanni would still be alive. Now our son will NEVER know his father." "HEY! IF TEAM ROCKET NEVER DESTROYED MY VILLAGE, EVERYONE I KNEW WOULD STILL BE ALIVE, AND SO WOULD GIOVANNI! THAT GUY TRIED TO KILL ME MANY TIMES YOU KNOW! IF MY FATHER WERE HERE, HE WOULD TEACH YOU MISERABLE ROCKETS A LESSON! I HAD TO GET MY REVENGE! IT'S WHAT MY FATHER WOUL'DVE DONE IF HE LIVED AND I WERE KILLED! HE WAS GONZAP'S RIGHT HAND MAN IN TEAM SNAGEM!" Ruki hid behing her father, and Henry hid behind his mother. They then walked in different directions.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Yet again, reads like a recap rather than a story. And the keyblades still MAKE NO SENSE.

And that brings to mind another thing. You have SEVEN SENTENCES all in caps. It makes for really clumsy reading, as does your complete lack of paragraphs.

Seriously, listen to what people tell you. Keyblades have no place in a Pokemon fic unless it's a KH crossover, and I don't think you're ready for crossovers yet.

But really now, what makes these people so bleedin' special that they *get* keyblades in the first place? I don't see that they posess any special qualities.

 

[Terra Force]

I know, but it WILL be better, and there will be SWEARING.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

What bearing does the presence of swearing have on whether it's a good fic or not?

And you keep saying your fics will get better, but honestly I haven't seen you take anyone's advice.

 

[Terra Force]

Calm down, seriously, we don't want anybody flaming each other. I only flame when instigated, which is why and how I got banned from TCoD numerous times.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

I'm not upset. Just a little peeved that we as readers give you advice time and time again, and you never learn from it. I have yet to see you take a single piece of advice in all the time you've been writing these characters.

 

[Terra Force]

I know, but still.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

"But still" doesn't tell me anything.

 

[Reed]

In addition to Blackjack's comments, every single one of which being just so very true, I'd like to know what makes Eric so important that every legendary Pokémon in the world would drop everything for him, including Arceus, Dialga and Palkia. I'd imagine that the creators of time and space, not to mention the omnidimensional creator himself, would have better things to do. Plus, given the exorbitant amount of work required to awaken the legendary golems, I get the impression that they don't like to be bothered and, as such, wouldn't care.

 

[Terra Force]

Okay..........

 

[Terra Force]

(I'm thinking Chapter 2 should have two halves, one with Henry and the other with Ruki.)

 

[Terra Force]

What do you guys think?

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

Everytime I see you've posted, I laugh. We're not going to care if you aren't going to acknowledge/mull over the advice given to you.

 

[Terra Force]

Sorry for the delay, but here's chapter 2, which takes place about 10 years after
Chapter 1, Elekid and Magby are now Electivire and Magmortar, just so you know, and Ruki and Henry are now Young adults, and are starting to fall in love, against Domino and Eric's wishes..

It starts at the Team Rocket base, where Domino is talking to Henry. She asks him, "What will you do to Eric Daimon, Peggy Nohrstein, and their obnoxious daughter?" Henry said, lying to his mother without her knowing, "I will Kill them to avenge Giovanni." Domino said "And what about Mewtwo?" Henry continued "Mewtwo will be forced to join us!", Henry was still lying." Even Arceus knew that, because Arceus knows EVERYTHING! Domino applauded her son. Meanwhile, at New Island, Mewtwo said to Ruki "Your father told you to stay away from Henry because he is Giovanni's son. However, I disagree, because I can tell you two are in love. Do not ask me how I know this. Your father is pretty sure that Henry only loves you so he can kill your parents to avenge his father. I think that is a vicious lie. I once knew a human girl I really liked. Her name was Amber, but she was killed by Team Rocket. That was when I decided I wanted revenge. Your parents helped me get rid of Giovanni. Their village was completely destroyed by those miserable Rockets. So, if you love him, disobey your father's wishes. Your mother tends to agree with me on this." Ruki nodded and said "Thanks for the advice.", and picked up a cell phone, and dialed Henry's number. Henry then picked up his cellphone and hid in a cylinder shaped so his mother couldn't see or hear him. He then answered "Ruki? Is that you? My mom doesn't want me to call you, because she has this plan for me to avenge Giovanni, but I don't want to at all." Ruki, on the other line, said "I know. Mewtwo told me that." Henry then said "Don't tell your father, but somewhere on the mainland, Team Rocket will be attacking, and they're not too far from where you are. I'm going to betray my mother when she least expects it. I hate her, and I probably would hate Giovanni if he were still aive. His mother was a Bidoof, and his father smelt of Nomel Berries! I need to go, bye!" and hung up. Ruki then said, on the other side "Sweet Arceus. Henry really DOES love me! I better not tell ANYONE what he told me!" A few days later, when Eric, Peggy, Ruki, and Mewtwo were on the mainland, Team Rocket Grunts came pouring in like a stampede. Henry was nearby, trying to prevent it. Eric, Peggy, Ruki, and Henry's Keyblades appeared, and the Grunts were getting even closer. Peggy's Pachirisu was on her shoulder, sniffing the air. Henry then sent out Magmortar, Staraptor, Skuntank, Primeape, Dewgong, and Luxray. Ruki then saw Henry and sent out Electivire, Lopunny, Tyranitar, Torkoal, Walrein, and Skarmory in response. Eric sent out Rhyperior, Sceptile, Donphan, Kingdra, Crobat, and Gyarados. Pachirisu then followed Eric's Pokemon. Before the Grunts were close enough, all of Eric, Henry, and Ruki's released Pokemon completely obliterated them, and Pachirisu went back to Peggy because it was so scared. A while later at the Rocket Base, Domino was furious, and she shouted in rage at Henry, saying "WHAT!? YOU KILLED NUMEROUS OF OUR MINIONS AND HELPED THE ENEMY?! AND NOT TO MENTION YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIS DAUGHTER! YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED BACK HERE EVER AGAIN! NOW LEAVE! OR ELSE I WILL NOT HESITATE TO KILL YOU, TRAITOR!" Henry later arrived at New Island, and Eric was there, and said to him, "Listen... I don't want to kill anyone, I'm in love with your daughter. I helped you deal with those Rocket Grunts, and Domino banished me." Eric said "Thank you for helping us. Come in before the Rockets hunt us down and kill us all!" Henry followed.

Chapter 3 will be the end.

 

[The Pig King]

Why do you keep writing so badly? You're supposed to read comments, and respond to them, not ignore them and just keep writing badly. You need to improve your writing a LOT. I couldn't even read that chapter.

 

[The Outrage]

I don't know how you pass your english classes, honestly. I mean your like the fan fic equivalent of all those people in Serebii RMT who can't seem to absorb knowledge.

Break your story up into paragraphs

-New topic, new paragraph
-New speaker, new paragraph

Stop writing this as if it were a summary

That's what it is, a summery, and a poorly written one at that.

Learn from your mistakes

Seriously, you've written so many stories, and all the criticisms about them are the same. You would think you would learn from them, but no. Rather than reading the criticisms and learning from them, you seem to ignore them and keep writing as you have always been.

Go read a book

That's the best advice I can give you to improve your writing. Read, read, and read. Hopefully you'll pick up on some writing styles.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Turbo, do you even *read* our replies? Everything you write is the exact same thing, and while it's fine to have a niche, your niche is, frankly, crap. I don't even get the feeling that you're skipping our advice, I get the feeling you're ignoring it entirely.

 

[Terra Force]

Chapter 3 will be delayed...... which is both good AND bad.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

I hope that means you're finally listening to us.

 

[Terra Force]

Chapter 3

A few days later, Mewtwo called on the other Legendaries to assist Eric, Peggy, Ruki, and Henry, because swarms of Team Rocket members, including Domino, were coming toward them in helicopters and on Water Pokemon. The Keyblade holder's Keyblades appeared in a beam of light. Domino was first to arrive in on her Milotic. Most of the other Rocket members jumped from their helicopters. Arceus then said "You'll have to get through all the Legendaries in order to get to THEM!", and jumped back. Eric, Ruki, and Henry sent out all their Pokemon, and Peggy's Pachirisu electrocuted about 10 Rocket Grunts with one Discharge attack. They were literally burnt to a crisp. Rayquaza then shot a Hyper Beam at the helicopters, which exploded on impact with some Grunts still inside. Domino then told Milotic to freeze Eric with an Ice Beam, but Eric's Sceptile pushed him away and gracefully dodged the attack, and fought Back with a Leaf Blade. It was a critical hit, and Milotic was bleeding from that attack, and was dead in seconds. Domino was starting to get angry, and sent out Flygon. Eric's Kingdra instinctually shot an Ice Beam at it, freezing it solid. Flygon was also dead. Mewtwo then said "You will NEVER get away with what you have done over the years!" Giratina then attacked a group of Executives with Shadow Force. They were dead, not knowing what hit them. The other Legends surrounded the island, protecting it. Domino was now getting angrier. She then sent out Houndoom. Rhyperior shot a Rock Wrecker at it, killing the Dark/Fire Pokemon on impact. Rhyperior roared loudly. Domino then sent out Noctowl. Crobat attacked it in the Air, knocking down with its wings. Noctowl was also dead. Domino then sent out her Sunflora, and Henry's Magmortar scorched it with Fire Blast, brining it a fiery death. Ruki's Electivire and Pidgeot teamed up to attack the numerous other Pokemon. Electivire killed most of them, while Pidgeot attacked a select few, killing them with Aerial Ace. Mewtwo killed Domino with a Shadow Ball attack. Mewtwo's clones then appeared in a puff of smoke, and killed the last Grunts that were standing. Then, Raikou, Entei, and Suicune ate the bodies. Five years after the massive fight, Henry and Ruki finally married, while Eric and Peggy were anticipating their grandkids. Mewtwo and the Clones also were glad the Team Rocket Problem was over, and Giratina swore that it saw Eric's father beating up Giovanni in the Spirit Realm. Gonzap then came back, and said "Wow. I like what you've done to the place, Mewtwo! I'd bet that if Shane Daimon were still alive, he'd be amazed. Well, I'm glad he was avenged.", and went off on his Skarmory. The world was safe... for now....