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TEEN: - Complete Eric Daimon's Quest: Pokemon, a Keyblade, & Revenge

T

Terra Force

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Ever since his entire village was obliterated by Team Rocket, Eric Daimon wanted to get his revenge. His girlfriend, Peggy Nohrstein, fled, and Eric was unconscious, and Mewtwo saved his life. Eric was teleported to New Islands by Mewtwo. Now, Eric knows about Team Rocket, and has a Jungle King Keyblade, along with 6 Pokemon (Rhyperior, Sceptile, Donphan, Kingdra, Crobat, and Gyarados), and wants to kill Giovanni to get his revenge. This fanfic is rated PG-13.


Chapter 1


Eric woke up, and looked around. He asked "Where am I, and how did I get here? Where's my village?", Mewtwo teleported into the room, and then told him "I am Mewtwo, and you are on my humble New Island. I teleported you here after Team Rocket destroyed your village. Everyone except you and your girlfriend Peggy Nohrstein was murdered. I knew your parents, and it is such a shame they are dead. You see, they saved my life from Team Rocket. Your father was in Team Snagem, and your mother was a Coordinator, am I right? Here, take these.", as the genetic Pokemon levitated a Jungle King Keyblade, and 6 Pokeballs with Pokemon stolen from Team Rocket. Eric said "How can I ever thank you?" Mewtwo told our young avenger "Helping us get our revenge and eliminating Team Rocket would be great. I sense your girlfriend is in danger because of them. I am very sure she is somewhere in Johto somewhere." Eric then said "Don't worry, Mewtwo, I'll get her back here quickly.", as he put the Pokeballs on his belt, and clutching his new Keyblade. He then let out his Crobat, hopped on, and told it to fly all over Johto at a decent speed and just high enough to avoid hitting buildings. The bat Pokemon nodded, saying its name twice, and after a while, they were over Goldenrod City, and landed about a block away from the Radio tower. Eric returned Crobat to its Pokeball, and sensed Peggy was in the tower. And so, he bolted into the tower, and Team Rocket was controlling the Radio Tower. Eric then tried to go to the next floor, but a Rocket Grunt said "If you're not one of us, then LEAVE!" Eric said "And if I refuse?" The Grunt said "Then... we'll hold you hostage." Eric said "I still refuse.", and was knocked unconscious, and then woke up in the basement of the Goldenrod City Department store. Luckily, he was right next to Peggy, who said "Eric, is that you? I thought you were DEAD!" Eric saw Peggy was a Pokemon Ranger, and had a Chatot for a partner, and a Circle of Life Keyblade. Unfortunately, they were tied to a pole together, and Eric shouted to the guard "HEY! YOU! LET US OUTTA HERE... OR ELSE!" The guard shouted "Or else WHAT?" Eric told him "We have an army of cloned Pokemon outside, and if you don't let us go, they'll barge in and eat you alive!" Peggy said "CLONED... Pokemon?!" Eric nodded, and explained everything, including why he is still alive. The guard rushed over after he was done talking, and let them go. Eric then ran off with his girlfriend, and said "YOU FELL FOR IT!" Soon after, they hopped on Crobat, and made it to New Island. Mewtwo was there, and told them "Eric, we are now one step closer to our revenge. And Peggy, I am glad that you are alive." The Chatot flew to New Island behing them, and squawked. Eric then asked his girlfriend if she wanted to help with their revenge. She nodded, as if to say "Yes". The two then slept for the night, because it was apparently very late a night.
 
Haven't you posted this before?

And you haven't learned anything, either. The whole thing's one giant block paragraph, the syntax is terrible, and for crying out loud, KEYBLADES?
 
WOW...
Iguess this is what I get for frantically reading pokemon fanfics at one in the morning! WTF do key blades have to do with pokemon? Did I miss a chapter or was the paragraph at the begining not a recap?
Lastly, I think Eric Daimon needs a magic ENTER key more than a "Jungle King Keyblade". Overall, it was a good comedy.
 
If you can't handle criticism, you shouldn't post on the internet where people can comment with their thoughts.

It's obvious you haven't learned anything about writing from previous feedback.
 
Chapter 2 will be... DELAYED, but in the end, both Giovanniwill definitely die, and MAYBE Peggy will, too.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Chapter 2


After our young avengers woke up, Mewtwo informed them of Team Snagem in Orre, and reminded them that Eric's Father, Shane Daimon, was one of them before he died. The couple then went to the Snagem Base in Orre, on Mewtwo's Dragonite. Eric told the Dragonite, "Alright, you can go back, we'll be fine." As they walked into the dilapidated base, a Snagem Grunt stopped them and said "Who ARE you, and WHAT do you want here?" Eric said "This is urgent news, and I need to speak to Gonzap about something. I am Eric Daimon, Shane's son, and my girlfriend Peggy Nohrstein." The Grunt backed away, and said "Your father was Gonzap's right hand man. Go right ahead, I'll show you the way.", they followed him to Gonzap's office, and the Grunt told the Snagem Leader "This is Shane's son and his girlfriend, and they say they have something to say." Gonzap asked Eric "How is your father, anyway?" Eric then said, sadly, "That's why I came here. He was murdered by Team Rocket recently, along with everyone else in our village except us. Without Mewtwo, my girlfriend and I would be DEAD. I bet you would like to avenge him." Gonzap was shocked, and said "Of course we will avenge him! He was my right hand man! NOBODY should mess with Team Snagem! Oh, and he told me that his people believe that every one hundred years, the legendary Pokemon would meet somewhere and talk about issues in the world. Mewtwo should know about it. Go back to New Island, and all of Team Snagem will be there when the Legendaries gather, because we want to help with your revenge." And our young avengers nodded, and went back to New Island on Eric's Crobat, and then told Mewtwo about everything, from Gonzap, to the Legendaries. Mewtwo then told them "I will send the other Legendaries a message, but it will be very hard, and I will inform Gonzap when they are here. You two need some rest. It is very late." Our couple of avengers went to bed on Mewtwo's suggestion.
 
It's not as bad as the first one... but dude. SERIOUSLY. You learned nothing. Still in block paragraph fashion, and some quotations run into eachother. Is it THAT hard to hit Enter?
 
Please note: The thread is from 19 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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