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Eric Damon Chronicles: Part One "The Feral Girl of Sinnoh"

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Terra Force

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you've heard the story of my two characters Eric Damon and Peggy Crier, right? Let me explain how they met. This is a one-shot.

Nine months prior to my original fic, Eric, and his parents, Shane and Brianna Damon, were camping in a forest near Hearthome City. There were two rogue Staraptor that the family was warned about. They went into the woods anyway. The two Staraptor appeared in front of them. Eric's parents sent out Houndoom and Stantler to challenge the two Staraptor. Both Staraptor used Close Combat to defeat Houndoom and Stantler, which were returned to their Pokeballs. Eric's father, Shane, the former Team Snagem Admin, was shocked by the power of these Staraptor. Be shouted "ERIC! RUN! WE'LL HANDLE THIS!", the boy did what his father told him to. His parents then sent out Salamence and Walrein. The first Staraptor took on Salamence using Brave Bird, the second used Close Combat on Walrein. Both Salamence and Walrein were easily defeated. Brianna, the great Coordinator, said "What power!" They returned their Pokemon and sent Bastiodon and Mismagius out. The first Staraptor attacked Bastiodon with Close Combat, while the second used Brave Bird to fight Mismagius. The Staraptor duo screeched in victory, as Bastiodon and Mismagius were returned to their Pokeballs. Then, a dark-skinned feminine human figure and a Pachirisu noticed Eric running from the two Staraptor. His parents fled to the Pokemon Center, and told him to run as fast as his legs could carry him. The figure and Pachirisu were in a tree. The girl told Pachirisu "Do whatever you can to stop the Staraptor! I'll save whatever they're chasing!" She jumped down. Eric tripped. It was so dark in the forest that he couldn't even see his hands. Pachirisu electrocuted the two Staraptor with a Discharge attack. Both Staraptor were dead. The girl carried Eric, taking him to her treehouse, where she happened to be living in for the past nine months. Her parents came to the forest, and didn't know they left without her. Pachirisu was there. Eric woke up, and said "Huh? What happened? Where am I? Who are you?" The girl said "My Pachirisu and I saved you from those Staraptor. I'm Peggy Crier. And you are.... ?" Eric then said "Thank you for saving me. I'm Eric Damon. I'll do anything I can to repay you." He got up, still healing from his wounds. Peggy said "I haven't seen another human in nine months. Pachirisu was my only friend. You're very good-looking. I guess I could be your girlfriend if you want to repay me." Eric nodded. They kissed for a few minutes, even if they just met. Then, after they stopped, a Pokemon Ranger that happened to be in the area came in and explained "I saw what you did to save his life. Y'know, Pokemon Rangers are always doing things for the benefits of nature, humans, and Pokemon. Would you like to join us?" Peggy said "I'll get back to you later. This kid I saved is my boyfriend." The Ranger said "I know you just met, but I shouldn't be interfering with love. Just get back to us whenever you can." Eric watched him leave, and said to his girlfriend "You said your names Peggy Crier, right? My parents happen to live next door to yours. I bet they're worried sick about you, if they even know you're still alive." Pachirisu sniffed Eric, saying "Pachirisu!" Eric then said "If you want to come home with us, you can take Pachirisu with you." Peggy nodded. Eric's parents came back and brought our newly-united couple ,and Pachirisu,back to the island on which they lived.

Done.
 
Ugh. Again? Why don't you realize that your writing is incredibly bad, no one enjoys your stories, and this 'fiction' is borderline spam? You've been given advice, you've been given criticism, but you paid no attention, you acted as if it wasn't there, as if people loved your terrible writing.
 
It's obvious that you love to write fanfictions, and I respect that. Just don't ignore the wonderful advice that the people on this forum have to offer. Your stories have the potential to be truly amazing, vivid, and a pleasure to read. If you just take that first step towards self improvement, you can grow to be a well respected author/authoress (I don't know if you're a guy or a girl) on these forums. I hope to see improvements in the future! =)
 
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Dear god man, not again! You haven't learned anything! PLEASE, we're giving you good solid advice here! Why do you feel the need to ignore every last thing we've ever told you?
 
MY EYES! THEY BURRRRRRNNN!

O.O

He is back. *runs*

Seriously, nobody reads your fics because you don't freaking take any advice, especially about the BLOCK PARAGRAPHS! Do you know how much it hurts when you try to read a fic because your eyes become tired of focusing on what line they're on? DO YOU?

Gah, if you're not going to listen to any good advice, then don't write at all.
 
It doesn't even seem like he wants to write it. He says "Done" as if it is a punishment and he's glad that it's over.
 
Umm... Anybody who knows how to write, can; but, if you're not going to take it just a little bit seriously, you're just going to end up with problems, Turbo... There wasn't a part of this that I did not laugh at, just because of the total lack of effort... Really, I don't blame the others for being so up-tight when it comes to seeing this type of garbage just cluttering the message board...
 
well..
The writing style is a bit stale,but if you read it closely it can go trough..
You need alineas as stated before,because reading it like this is a bit tricky.

And the plot..
The love here is a bit out of the blue,but I understand it is a prequel,so that explains that.
 
thanks for the compliment

as for everyone else: LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR NAGGING ABOUT MY FICS!
 
Turbo said:
thanks for the compliment

as for everyone else: LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR NAGGING ABOUT MY FICS!
Click to expand...

We wouldn't nag if you at least put forth some effort, but you don't. You completely ignore anything people say to you that would entail you changing anything at all, even though it would make your fics readable.

If you can't take criticism, you have no place posting things where anyone can reply.
 
Stop being so stubborn and ignorant!!! Blackjack Palazzo, along with the other people on this forum, aren't asking much from you. They just want you to improve. One improvement could do wonders for your writing and you would be praised a whole lot, by me at least.

And anyways, you can't pretend that you are the best writer in the world for forever. If you continue to write like this, you are bound to fail your English classes and remain in whatever grade you're in for the rest of your life.
 
Blackjack Palazzo said:
We wouldn't nag if you at least put forth some effort, but you don't. You completely ignore anything people say to you that would entail you changing anything at all, even though it would make your fics readable.

If you can't take criticism, you have no place posting things where anyone can reply.
Click to expand...
I don't know why this guy isn't banned when anything he posts on these forums are essentially spam.

Or atleast HoS'd so we can go ape on it, or does it not meet up with HoS's low standards?
As for actual criticisms....

1. No one likes reading giant blocks of text. Learn to separate your story into paragraphs. When there is a new topic at hand, that is a new paragraph. When a new person is speaking, that is a new paragraph.

2. Your fic is nothing mroe than a summery. I'm not imersed in your story, I am very well aware that what I am reading is a fic.
 
"L" said:
I don't know why this guy isn't banned when anything he posts on these forums are essentially spam.

Or atleast HoS'd so we can go ape on it, or does it not meet up with HoS's low standards?
Click to expand...

It occurs to me that I *did* warn him before. So yes, an infraction for insubordination at least.

What do you think, everyone? Hall of Shame?
 
Lowering the standards of HoS to this? I think not. I think the biggest punishment that any thread can be given is being rejected by the Hall of Shame itself.

How can we even consider this thread being in the same league as this or this? Its an insult.
 
HELL NO! That's all I can say! Now I'm REALLY pissed!
 
Ok. You hate it when people don't like your fics. You hate it when people give you good, solid advice to improve your fics. And yet you hate it when you get the feedback your fics deserve.

Either improve or suck it up.
 
Turbo; my advice for you is to take up Lawn Bowls. It'll be far more worthwhile for you.
 
Turbo said:
thanks for the compliment

as for everyone else: LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR NAGGING ABOUT MY FICS!
Click to expand...

Posters:I got a friendy reaction out of him.
Actually,I think the intital HE IS BACK thing restored some bad relations he had before.
Which I haven't read,so I don't know if he ignored people in the past of not.

Turbo:edit your post and make alinas,then take a look at the events,
For example,that all did fail on the staraptor ,and a single discharge KILLED them didn't make sense.
Solution?Easy.
Rewrite this small part,and expand it,so it takes a few atacks.
Rinse and repeat,until you expanded the whole story to something nice.

And to all:quit the caps,and stay calm.(er...saying this feels funny..)
 
Good advice.... I might work one the next fic in the series.
 
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