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TEEN: - Complete Eric's Story (PG-13 or R)

T

Terra Force

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Prologue

Eric was your average 14 year old boy, but one day, his village in the Sevii Islands was DESTROYED by Team Rocket, everyone died except for him. Eric then was captured and enslaved, but he escaped, and has been on the run for 2 years. No one knows why they destroyed his village, but Eric wants mainly one thing with Team Rocket: REVENGE! Eric then obtained the Jungle King Keyblade, a mysterious weapon that he heard fables about when he was small. Eric also is a loyal servant to Mewtwo, who has a similar hatred for Team Rocket. Mewtwo also saved Eric's life, which is why Eric is the Genetic Pokemon's loyal servant.
Eric's older cousin is the Pike Queen Lucy, who moved to Fuschia City whileE ric was a baby.
Eric's first Pokemon was Treecko, later, his team also had Ralts, Whismur, Aron, Bagon, and Spheal.


This fic begins with Eric and Mewtwo on New Island.

Chapter 1 coming ASAP!
 
That was a recap of everything that happens before the fanfic begins.

Chapter 1

Mewtwo called Eric over. Eric came over and said "Yes, master?" Mewtwo told him "I heard Team Rocket has built a base on the spot where your village was. Since they are so weak, and I'm too strong for them to challenge me, and you need the training, why don't you go their and defeat them." Eric said "I will happily do so, master. This will help me with my revenge. Those scumbags are going STRAIGHT TO HELL!" Eric grabbed his Jungle King Keyblade and headed to the base.
After getting to the base, Eric encountered two grunts. They said "I heard you were coming. When we defeated you, we will train you to be the PERFECT SLAVE!" Eric said "Oh, really? DAMN YOU BASTARDS! Go! Treecko and Ralts!" The grunts sent out Houndour and Surskit. Eric shouted "RALTS! ATTACK SURSKIT WITH CONFUSION! TREECKO! ATTACK HOUNDOUR WITH QUICK ATTACK!" The two Rocket's Pokemon were defeated and returned to their Pokeballs, while Eric ran to the base's generator at the center. Eric then beat it up with his Keyblade to shut it down, and Eric made it out quickly before it shut down.
Eric made it back to the New Island and told Mewtwo "Master! I destroyed the base! It was easy! I shut down the generator!" Mewtwo teleported over and said "At first I regretted saving your life, but now, over the past two years, you have been a great servant to me." Eric said "Thank you, master." Mewtwo said "Do not mention it!"

Chapter 2 coming shortly!
 
Dude...the plot is good but the description is like where? Can you explain to us how he got the damn keyblade and what in the name of God is a jungle blade keyblade whtever. See, you've got to tell us what it looks like and its functions so we can actually depict it in our heads. Can you tell us why they captured Eric and so on. Good luck...
 
I'm reminded of the story of a character named Amon, who had a magical sword and several legendaries. He never found out who his father was - Lance or Giovanni - but both of them helped him, which I imagine had a kind of sitcom quality to it (although the writer never described such). The author described his character as "sexy and hot" and proceeded to have him demolish Ash for no apparent reason. Oh, and get poisoned.

I always meant to have Amon show up in one of my own fanfics, despite his original author's probable disapproval. I intended to make him seem like a fool and yet somehow give him more character than his original writer gave him. I could probably do all of that with Eric and not miss a beat.

What does that mean? Well, you need to take your time establishing things, for one. You've hit us all with tons and tons of backstory within...two paragraphs. Introduce things a hell of a lot slower. Detail is a good thing, as is suspense. Don't tell us everything at once like this - it immediately leads to the conclusion that we're dealing with a Mary Sue. The idea of Mewtwo having a kind of "agent" as it were is not by itself terrible, but like any idea if executed badly it's, well, bad. And please, please don't ignore paragraph structure next time, okay?
 
Please note: The thread is from 19 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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