ArvAl
Not gone yet. I refuse
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2014
- Messages
- 2,466
- Reaction score
- 441
Messages:
Welcome home. Presenting everyone my first ever written prose combining with short poetries. For the past months I gained my willingness to share the prose, although real-life duties held back my motivations. It was Monday when those sparks arose to flames positively. 3 days I resist those back pains in order to finish the goal. And now I'm here.I gave it "Teen" as I'm not sure which prefix was suitable towards the prose. Most of scenes weren't that dangerous, however some paragraphs does contain controversial philosophy. Of course the poetry can be too deep for some people. Hence, I apologize in case I made a mistake, and the mods could relabel it towards their heart's content.
Let's begin, shall we?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evanescence
Veils in deepest world’s creation,
Was an exposed message,
Towards unreasonable distances,
For reasons we know.
The “kindness” shelter revealed.
Cleaving half soul’s spiritualities,
Which unwittingly,
Revoke our entities,
Under a vortex,
With purposes unknown.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject : <Important> Company’s Discretion.
Dear Mr. Madar,
Our majority has decided our opinions through private regulated meeting. We felt, your contract exceeds the date limitations and we’re unable to extend your work position. With heavy hearts, we will deliver our final service payment towards tomorrow.
Best Regards,
General Manager
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------General Manager
“Bah! What opinions? They knew I was getting fired, and the cheek of them putting their dog faces while they still smirking?” the laptop screen thuds.
Tonight I’ve decided. Enough confounded games they played. Each of their sinister acts has gone over the line. For what reasons I was kept active when they recognized me as worthless man? Dumbfound me, dumbfounded them. Passed ages were stupidity proofs of I! Now, “present” is the perfect word to unleash my tensions forward. I lifted the telephone and dialed a familiar number.
Sounds from across lifted, “Hello?”
The Superior.
“Manager? I have received your e-mail. Looks like I am no longer needed there,” said I, still holding frustrations.
A long silence before audible humph starts to open. He knew it.
“It’s not that, Madar. Our finances were at deficit numbers and even I couldn’t handling it well to fix everything. You know what? Maybe this is the moment I could disband those dream projects. After all, the name itself was already a dream anyway. Why keeping hopes alive? Better drink cyanides.”
“As far as I know, dear Manager,” I said, “you’re not that worried.”
“Oh God,” he barked,”I shall mention this again. Decisions made from us weren’t based on your personal conflict. It’s-“
“God? Us? Who else’s will you utter? Mother?”
“Please, Madar, I-“
“Oh, I’m so done,” I slammed the phone receiver to its place. Thus, I lay down onto the couch, indicating I do not wish more conversations.
Laying back causes me numerous matters. Was this the supremacy of justice, which when I need suggestions and idea to defend others, it was me who wants to be killed over? Well, rotten luck. All persuasions had no effect on their brains once more. Damned Jakarta, crossed thought in tranquil. Imagine those wealthy bastards along them throwing 24-carat golden treasures into sky, and went swallowed below their open mouths. Appropriate? If only. That’s why their mortal bodies has such glimmering effects made of gold, they got bribed by spoons written inside “For Successful Businessmen”, which still, made of gold.
A minute there, I closed both eyes, expelling whole exaggeration acts regarding my dismission. Flying above nexus, starting in neurons then swaying through dark pitch hallways, I can see myself at Earth filled by green lushes and cracked continents, 4.5 billion years of masterpiece under cosmic energy in 13 billion years of craftsmanship with most following Hubble’s hypothesis, The Big Bang. It wasn’t known well who created universe. Society diverges towards two main assumptions.
One is scientist’s majority beliefs. Convincing themselves on background, universe emerged by some energy which came out of many elements-which I find hard to explain-and changing the state where nothing lives and dies into something, life. Of course I wouldn’t give an instant agreement to them. How did those elements exist? And who triggers it? Remember, Hubble’s theory only explained the universe’s history model, not theory of universe’s creation. Protons, electrons, neutrons, etc., etc., from millions towards infinity scattered into dark matter were very odd when it begins by a giant bang, without clear prologue.
And then another idea tells the whole planets, and galaxies, was a product of...God’s creation. Oh my giggles wouldn’t stop. Perhaps it was an over-funding faith? This theory for me is outside rationality. The Almighty God. His unknown forms, along with His inability to experience birth suddenly appear building numerous substances, sprinkles His noble commands while stirring down the space soup, and then voila! World begins there. Such conceptions transformed me among the imprecated men by religious community. Thus, immediately I road down to realize not taking the misguided ladder, to me only. Too bad it’s also one reason I got fired out of the office...oh wait, the ideal butchery. They just couldn’t get open minded at all.
Now I've come to final conclusion, mortal world has been too rotten to trust. Unsatisfied them abusing my body with their flying fist towards face of mine as runways, slowly I felt bitten by the loss of beloved ones into pieces. Shattered and left scattered as vase’s fragments at stores, broke means bought. In this case, confession means consequences.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Permit me to know, dear.
This whole soul of mine,
Was another shape of mortality.
Path towards me, path towards thou.
Hence,
Be gone intervention!
Reconcile, at last.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah, that poetry, projecting myself in moments where time wasn’t horrifying. Beauty among all rationality exists, towards infinite equilibrium dimension. Each purpose of presentation floats around exposed core memories appearing as I adore it more, hoping it stays forever, whether it’s for relationship or a meeting, coming across me walking through this madness. It is life I’ve waited many years.
Rewinding couple of decades back, I recalled sitting beside my wife at Monas 1) Park. Ice cream and snacks were ridiculously expensive there and we went home taking neither buses nor taxis. We ended up arrived late along with sore legs and black toenails, 3 miles total by the way. A complete suffering indeed and we couldn’t care to speak anything due to exhaustion. However on later years, soon as I realized, we’re never having this kind of day again. I should have been grateful coming home with her together. Marriage is a thing, family is another.
Time flies, two children knocked our house and we didn’t have time saying hello each other because we were working at different shifts. I’m doing early mornings and she’s leaving in late nights. First, I didn’t mind because she wants to earn extra cash. But seeing her not home for days and my sons start to whine over their mother, my emotions went petrified. I don’t know her true reasons though I suspected her doing on wrong occupation. So, after finishing terms with my superior faster than usual, I’ve decided to search her location. Immediately I asked every neighbors and relatives, not to mention friends.
One of them said, he saw her wandering around North Jakarta wearing unusual, tight outfits. Another clue to confirm my fear. How did she walk there very far when we didn’t even buy a car? Panic was emerging; I cannot hold the fire longer. My Imagination runs wild and I was ready to face the worst scenario.
Later, I found herself serving men customers at Kalijodo 2).
I felt lots of emotions driven swinging among neurons and cerebrum, which holding it would lead me into high blood pressure onwards to death. Lust, betrayal, terror; all emotions I relentlessly gathered at hippocampus 3). What’s next? My wife sacrificed her own time to help empowering our family by taking the dark side of life. A wonderful paradox, isn’t it? And if it wasn’t enough, moments after she got home, we heavily argued, persisting to our solid opinions. I initiated it first. For dear life I objected her intentions coming back to that filthy place, while she kept telling me I was mistaken. Of course I didn’t want to hear anything. She didn’t give up however, while standing on her own words. It was the point where whole lines breached and I yelled:
“If your decision has brought you into this, then fine! GET OUT!”
Echoes swirled multiple times around both ears. Deep inside, my harsh intentions crushed myself worse, but self-esteem generates no altering face expressions. Thus, I buried down the apology to dust. I can also seeing my other half lost when her both hands rushed to pack her bag at our room and fled away, slamming the wooden door without locking.
In pain, I made no actions.
The next morning was the moment of regression. I woke up as usual and making my way to work, still clinging visuals of last night around hovering, and then I read out newspapers bought from streets. Strange, I felt queasy at my chest.
And it went proven.
That day, one of the articles was written:
“A WOMAN IN HER 20s FOUND CRITICAL AFTER BEING STABBED BY TWO SNATCHERS”
Insert photo shows the exact outfit that woman wore along with my wife’s when she leaved our place last night, fighting her life out at the hospital. Then, I read that she was undergone intense ER operation due to her internal bleeding around her abdomen and intestines.
Another suffocating blow. This time, my egos gave up to tears. Ordeals are beyond me. I zapped towards the hospital mentioned, searching her through doors and hallways. The doctor who did her surgery ended up pointing me at one room.
In the left-end corner of first floor, he said.
I discovered that it wasn’t an ordinary room. There were no neon lights sighted. Temperature goes down to 4OC and only hundreds of iron chambers were sighted, keeping the unknown. When one of the staff pulls a chamber written three big numbers: 639, I saw someone was covered by a white cloth. I unraveled the cloth to see whose body is, and I’d never forget that event.
A man saw his wife, sleeping peacefully, uncovered to her shoulders.
Whacked by delusions, floors were the last images before his eyes were shut.
And she will never see him sobbing, again.
***
Couldn’t remember how much time have passed, I opened both eyes only to found myself lying above the spring bed.
In my own room.
Alone.
A text message was sent from phone, stating I was brought home by my colleagues after collapsing inside a morgue, with tears flowing through my cheek. Silly me, performing a tragic side show to public amusement inside a hospital.
Except, it wasn’t a show at all.
Desperation and hopelessness, both tried consuming me towards madness over multiple times. They can almost smell their victory when I attempted to end my life contract using kitchen knives, so I could experience the pain of her own blood spilled out of her abdomen. What a shame, I gave up signing an invitation towards eternal pain, for a reason the world still needs me harvesting those golden crops so they can deliver to those capitalist pigs.
Though I made myself through critical crisis, it doesn’t mean I’m safe from delusional danger. Physical wounds may recover in days, however inside, I’m leaning towards the edge of breakdown. Visuals of haunted memories of the past remain lurking around me.
Until today.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
O hearted light,
You’re the manifestation of joy,
Although carried nothing.
Our world may have ended,
But our touch remains connected.
How torturing this mortality can be,
As well as burial ground below,
Which sheds faiths and hopes.
Dark was their source.
Those anxious hands,
Waited your chances to sink,
Towards silence and emptiness.
Do not fear,
My presence is here,
Along with my waves,
We shall cross open seas,
Together.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hearing distant voices left solid assumptions that I’m no longer what I used to be. But today, I grasped my functional insanity altering neuron’s perspectives towards front into third dimensions, or was it fourth? I started seeing unnatural, majestic glows floating in motion, slowly approaching and began to construct its abstract shapes. Though, below my iron heart, I knew who she is. Voices I look forward these years.
“Beloved.”
Her sound was manifestations of our longing. Clear and warm, thus the atmosphere. It won’t be repeated again. Just once, nothing else.
“Miñha sol 4), I waited.”
I activate my muscle tissues extending my arm using motor neurons, and then these electro-streams relied towards afferent neurons and so on. Whether any ventilator’s wind would not conquer against the warmth of illusion, as simple as it is.
“Come inside, I’ll lead.”
The next phase I watched was me surrounded by pitch black without limited recognition of space and time. At front, comes a wooden door written:
“Always”
Hence, footsteps slowly directed, marching to infinite realm behind closed door. Unlocking, soon I find these glances was wonderful indeed. The white paradise, I saw.
I stretched myself in. Finding both hands dissolving, along with arms, body, following the whole flesh and bones themselves. A quick reflections went through, past and present, serializing history in full volume.
I had a question, does life shall end here afterwards?
However, now I’ve realized, those feelings were high-points as well as the end of my journey.
My entire existence has set free, and I left my soul to rest.
“I’m Happy.”
-The End-
-The End-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Epilogue
Loud bangs were heard from a door when three men broke in through Madar’s residence. Among them was his former manager. His superior wondered why he hasn’t replied his resignation by e-mails. Meanwhile, his neighbors said, a foul scent was smelled upstairs. When Manager heard the rumors, he quickly dialed an ambulance. As if he knew what happened.
The Manager shouted, “Phew, what a smell.”
“Sir, it seems, he has been there for 8 days.”
“Shall we carry him?”
“Hold it,” Manager halts. He notices something at Madar.
He grabs a letter across the corpse, then directly reads it. Amazed by his own poetic instinct, Madar’s handwriting was constructed beautifully above his desk. The letter wrote:
Fellow brothers,
These wretched bars where I lived,
Has now been set towards freedom.
Upon above gazed stars,
Was clear as The Milky Way.
The portal activates,
And I’ve passed through desolation.
These wretched bars where I lived,
Has now been set towards freedom.
Upon above gazed stars,
Was clear as The Milky Way.
The portal activates,
And I’ve passed through desolation.
Longer his manager reads, the bigger his smile become. He understood what Madar tried to express, then he orders his subordinates to lift the corpse up. Afterwards, all noises went down, left nothing but quietness.
A warmth radio silence, now replaced by quantum connections within atmospheres. Forever.
-Fin-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Endnotes:
- National Monument, Central Jakarta.
- Jakarta’s former red light district. Demolished Mar-Apr 2016.
- Parts of cerebrum which preserves emotion, memory, and spatial navigation.
- My Sun (Portuguese).
Thank you very much for reading.
Last edited:
