pokemasterfrank
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EVERYONE: - Ongoing Evolution
- Thread starter pokemasterfrank
- Start date
pokemasterfrank
Registered User
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2003
- Messages
- 32
- Reaction score
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- Thread starter
- #2
Prolouge
The clear, pure light stung as I opened my eyes. I looked around at my surroundings. I was in the middle of a vibrant grassy meadow, the trees and bushes bursting with life, thriving, living at the pinnacle of life. The sunlight streamed though the supple branches of the rich brown tree, the pure golden rays touching my face, warming my body…and my soul. This was paradise.
I stumbled over to the crystal clear lake, shimmering, gleaming in the sunlight. I submerged my hands into the cool liquid and scooped it up. The pure crystals fell to the ground, breaking into many shining pieces. I touched the pure, refreshing water to my lips, the liquid cooling my body as it streamed down my throat, and refreshing my soul with its life-giving powers.
I climbed up the tree vibrant tree, bearing fruits in its branches. The brilliant red apple gleamed in the sunlight. The apple looked so lush, the digestive juices practically dripped from my mouth. I picked one off, leaf and all. I took a big bite from it, the apple chunks crunching under my teeth, the fruits sweet juices oozing out, stimulating my taste buds. I swallowed and took another bite from it.
There was a field of flowers to the west of the lake. I made my way around the majestic lake to the field. There were flowers of many different colors, blues, greens, whites, yellows, and more! The flowers blended together in a warming ensemble. I dived into the flowers, letting them tickle my belly. I began smelling each type, each one with a different smell. The aromas were amazing, they melted my insides like microwaved butter.
The sun was glaring now, but not irritating, but still getting excessive. I shielded my eyes with my hand and dashed toward the tree and leaned next to it. The shade under the tree was wonderful, not too hot, not too cold, and blocked the rays of the wonderful sun from my eyes. It was perfect. I looked around as I sat, seeing all the places I had been in paradise. But something was bothering me, there was an opening at the end of the towering, lush bushes. It seemed that there was more to this world, more to see and cherish.
I walked out of the meadow, my curiosity getting the best of me. I wanted to see the rest of the world…
Little did I know, I would regret it…
The clear, pure light stung as I opened my eyes. I looked around at my surroundings. I was in the middle of a vibrant grassy meadow, the trees and bushes bursting with life, thriving, living at the pinnacle of life. The sunlight streamed though the supple branches of the rich brown tree, the pure golden rays touching my face, warming my body…and my soul. This was paradise.
I stumbled over to the crystal clear lake, shimmering, gleaming in the sunlight. I submerged my hands into the cool liquid and scooped it up. The pure crystals fell to the ground, breaking into many shining pieces. I touched the pure, refreshing water to my lips, the liquid cooling my body as it streamed down my throat, and refreshing my soul with its life-giving powers.
I climbed up the tree vibrant tree, bearing fruits in its branches. The brilliant red apple gleamed in the sunlight. The apple looked so lush, the digestive juices practically dripped from my mouth. I picked one off, leaf and all. I took a big bite from it, the apple chunks crunching under my teeth, the fruits sweet juices oozing out, stimulating my taste buds. I swallowed and took another bite from it.
There was a field of flowers to the west of the lake. I made my way around the majestic lake to the field. There were flowers of many different colors, blues, greens, whites, yellows, and more! The flowers blended together in a warming ensemble. I dived into the flowers, letting them tickle my belly. I began smelling each type, each one with a different smell. The aromas were amazing, they melted my insides like microwaved butter.
The sun was glaring now, but not irritating, but still getting excessive. I shielded my eyes with my hand and dashed toward the tree and leaned next to it. The shade under the tree was wonderful, not too hot, not too cold, and blocked the rays of the wonderful sun from my eyes. It was perfect. I looked around as I sat, seeing all the places I had been in paradise. But something was bothering me, there was an opening at the end of the towering, lush bushes. It seemed that there was more to this world, more to see and cherish.
I walked out of the meadow, my curiosity getting the best of me. I wanted to see the rest of the world…
Little did I know, I would regret it…
Cavespider_17
Lord Captain of Elktan
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Review: Evolution
I absolutely love the description of this piece. You can imagine the world forming around this character as they step into the sun, for what I assume to be, the first time. The description of the meadow is wonderful, and the heavy focus on the food they are about to chomp down into is almost vibrant.
Grammatically, I think there is one mistake in this piece – just one – and that is the spelling of the word Prologue. Perhaps if I was being very nitpicky, I would move the line “This was Paradise” down into its own paragraph to amplify the effect of the phrase, but again, that’s very nitpicky.
In such a short chapter you give us, the reader, a lot to think about. This character has experienced some form of life before – but not in this form. The fact they are staggering around suggests that they are not used to this body. Their focus being on how overwhelming their surroundings seem, through the heavy description, and their priority on food and water, does provide a sense of connection to the character. We are being introduced to this world, with the character, and if we were in the same situation, our survival instincts would be the same.
Lastly, I really like the ending sentence. It is very ominous, and creates a dip in the atmosphere of the chapter. It is a very impactful line, for sure.
Grammatically, I think there is one mistake in this piece – just one – and that is the spelling of the word Prologue. Perhaps if I was being very nitpicky, I would move the line “This was Paradise” down into its own paragraph to amplify the effect of the phrase, but again, that’s very nitpicky.
In such a short chapter you give us, the reader, a lot to think about. This character has experienced some form of life before – but not in this form. The fact they are staggering around suggests that they are not used to this body. Their focus being on how overwhelming their surroundings seem, through the heavy description, and their priority on food and water, does provide a sense of connection to the character. We are being introduced to this world, with the character, and if we were in the same situation, our survival instincts would be the same.
Lastly, I really like the ending sentence. It is very ominous, and creates a dip in the atmosphere of the chapter. It is a very impactful line, for sure.