• Hiya, everyone --

    Recently we've been noticing there have been a few stories here and there that have been posted without content warnings. As a reminder, we ask that every work published in our Workshop contain content warnings, even if none apply (in which case, you can just mention that no content warnings apply). You can refer to a helpful guide on how to rate your stories here, but if you need any further assistance, please feel welcome to contact a Workshop staff member! We're here to help.

    Thank you all for helping us ensure our community is a safe and healthy one, and for your continued patronage in our Library and Workshop.
  • Hiya, everyone!

    If you'd love to recieve a story of your choice, or write one for another user, please consider taking a look at our recent Writers' Workshop event announcement!

    We're all really excited to see how this fun Winter-themed gift exchange we're running will go, but we need your help! Signups end on the 6th of October, so please don't wait too long -- check out the thread linked above for more information!

    We hope to see lots of familliar and new faces around for Eiscue's Exciting Exchange!
  • Our friends at Johto Times have concluded their massive Favorite Pokémon Poll and the final results are now up. Click here if you're interested in seeing if any of your favorites made it!

COMPLETE: Falling (One-Shot)

Sarcastically Insane

Lighting Things on Fire
Joined
May 13, 2009
Messages
1,689
Reaction score
0
PG-13 for violence, drugs, and swearing.

---

The young man stood on the ledge of the skyscraper, looking down at the street. People were barely visible from this hight, and cars looked like toys. The wind was buffeting him hard, but he didn't budge.

The young man was dressed in dark blue sweatpants and a dark blue hoodie with the hood up, concealing most of his head. He blended into the night well; it was hard to notice him unless you were looking for him.

"So tonight it ends," he said quietly, and to nobody in particular. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He knew exactly why, too.

---

Two boys around thirteen years old were fighting. Not fistfighting, or at least not yet; they each had a small animal-like creature battling in their stead. One boy in dark-blue clothing and blood-red hair had what resembled a tiny blue crocodile that spewed water constantly. The other, a boy in shorts and a t-shirt with the messiest hair imaginable, had what looked like an echidna with fiery spines.

"Totodile, use Water Gun!" the first boy commanded.

"Cyndaquil, counter with Swift!"

The two tiny animals obeyed, with Totodile, the crocodile, shooting a burst of water from its mouth while Cyndaquil, the echidna, spit out spinning stars. As the attacks collided, the stars dissipated, but the water lost momentum and failed to harm the Cyndaquil.

"Who are you?!" the messy-haired boy yelled.

"My name does not matter. You, however, seem interesting. What is ''your'' name?"

"My name is Gold, because I'm the best and always will be!"

"If you are Gold, then I am your opposition in Silver. That is what you may call me. Totodile, return."

'Silver' held out a metallic red-and-white sphere, and a red beam shot out and engulfed the Totodile before it disappeared back into the sphere.

"This won't be out last meeting, Gold," Silver said before he dashed away.

---

The young man on the ledge nodded to himself. That was when he first met his rival, the one who would always best him. The one who succeeded where he couldn't...

---

"You!" Gold yelled. "Silver! Your Totodile... you stole it, didn't you? From Elm?"

"Of course I stole it, Gold," Silver replied, smiling viciously. "Nobody would willing give an empty Pokeball, let alone a rare Pokemon like Totodile, to the bastard son of Team Rocket's leader, would they? I've had to steal everything in my life, just to survive. No parents, no family, no past, no future. I have nothing I didn't take."

"Take this!" Gold yelled as he fastballed a Pokeball at Silver.

The ball shot open in midair, though, revealing Cyndaquil. However, Silver already had planned for this; Totodile shot out from behind him and blasted Cyndaquil with a jet of water, severely hurting it. Gold grabbed his Pokeball quickly, and pulled Cyndaquil from the field. A green spider took its place, and Gold quickly disposed of Silver's small team of Pokemon.

"I concede," Silver said, "but that doesn't mean I will return Totodile."

---

Silver had dropped off Gold's radar for a whole year after that. Their next encounter was not a pleasant one.

---

"Go ahead and try and stop me, Gold," Silver said darkly. "Your morals prevent you from killing me... but I hold the switch. This whole station is coming down!"

"Why do I have to kill you?" Gold said as he ran at Silver. "I just have to get the switch away fraugh!"

He was cut off midsentence as Silver drove his elbow into Gold's neck, hard. It would be hard to breath for a few minutes, and the pain would continue for a while.

"That girl you were talking to... Crystal, wasn't it? She's captive downstairs. She'll die, just like you and I. Does that motivate you for killing me? One nobody to save hundreds, Gold. You'd be a 'hero'."

"Damn you..." Gold said hoarsly, before breaking into a coughing fit.

"Come on, Gold, kill me. I won't survive anyway. Take out a Pokeball and order them to rip my throat out, or turn me to ash. Have them freeze me, limb by limb. Have them rend me in half. Take control of my mind and have me shoot myself. Rearrange my internal organs. Do it, Gold!"

"Go, Weavile! Slash!"

---

Gold hadn't done it, in the end. Weavile had only severed Silver's arm. Silver continued his terrorism, however. He always targeted Team Rocket, though, and these occurances often slipped under Gold's radar. He had important things to do- take the Gym challenges and romance Crystal, the beautiful girl he had met protecting her from Team Rocket. That didn't stop their paths from crossing, however, and when they crossed they crossed violently.

---

Gold recoiled as he stared at Silver.

"Y-you bastard... you're lying, you have to be. There's no way-"

"New Bark Town is in ruins, Gold. Having shiny eight badges won't help you bring back your mother, or Elm, or anyone else."

"Why? You've never... never done anything not aimed at Team Rocket. Why New Bark Town? What possible motive-"

"You think I did it? This was Team Rocket's work. I simply set off the second bomb to kill the Rocket agents who showed up. Nobody could have survived the first one."

"You... you were prepared for this? If Team Rocket took over New Bark?"

"I have bombs in every city and town I've been to in Johto, Gold. I find it better to be prepared and never use anything than finding yourself caught and unable to do anything."

"Hah. That's a lie. You were fine with dying back in Goldenrod."

"That was different. It was my plan to die... it was afterwards that I stopped seeking death directly. You think me a terrorist, Gold? Bombing apparently random, innocent places? Each of these targets was a hideout of Team Rocket... though plenty figured that out. What you probably haven't figured out is that you passed through each of these towns, close to when I bombed them or well before. I gave you the first chance to flush out Team Rocket, Gold, because it would be easier for me that way. But you simply headed for the local gym, decimated them, and went on a date with your girlfriend before you left. You never cared about what was happening, unless it was too obvious for Crystal to miss and you had to please her whims."

"So you've been watching me?" Gold said. "Watching us?"

"It's not hard to follow the news, Gold," Silver said as he pressed a button he was holding, "but your 'stupendous Gym battle victories' will take a backseat to the fall of the Johto region!"

---

When Silver had said that, he meant it. Across Johto, chaos reigned as bombs went off in every city, decimating towns and crippling cities. Silver seemed to have finally snapped- there was no justification given as to why he killed hundreds of people for nothing, not even a victory over Team Rocket. The rescue teams from Kanto saved many, but most people thought it was a futite effort. Silver, Gold, and Crystal were safe atop Mount Silver when it happened, causing driving Gold into a deep depression.

---

"Gold, you need to eat," Crystal said.

"Five thousand people will never eat again because of my failure," Gold said.

"Stop that! I was there, too. Nothing you could have done would have stopped Silver."

"I could have had Weavile cut off his arm again-"

"Why? He had his arm behind his back- neither of us knew he had a detonator in his hand."

"I could have... I could have... I could have done more, damnit!" Gold yelled. "Because of me, most of Johto died. My family. The Gym Leaders. The Radio Station workers, the Underground gangs, the good, the evil. They've barely found a few hundred, Crystal. Thousands died."

"I... I need some fresh air, Crystal. I'll be outside."

---

So Gold had escaped Crys and wallowed in his own pity as he wandered the streets of Saffron City, their new home. Two eighteen-year-olds, living together. One always looking horrible, the other doing her best to cheer him up. She hadn't succeeded.

So now Gold was here atop Saffron's highest building, looking down. The night had come, and the city had yet to sleep.

"It's always a bad day when the boy who is and always was the best kills himself."

Gold froze, and turned, still on the ledge.

"Silver. Nice to see you, but I can't kill you right now. I forgot my Pokemon at my house."

"I know. That's why I followed- you won't kill me with your bare hands. You're not that type of person. I wanted to talk, Gold."

"Why? You wanted to gloat that you managed to kill all of Johto?"

Silver frowned. This wasn't good. Gold had deteriorated.

"Gold, step down from the ledge. I haven't seen you in five years or so! I wanted to talk, since we were both in Saffron."

"Shut up, Silver! You're evil, a killer..."

"Gold. We grew up together, remember? You, me, and Crys? She hasn't told you the good news, has she? I got engaged. Eighteen is early, though, I know, but the marriage won't be for at least a year..."

"I said shut up, Silver!" Gold yelled.

Silver spread his arms out as he slowly walked towards Gold.

"Come on, Gold. We need to get you down, and get you help. Crys has been saying that you've been sneaking out a lot recently-"

Gold suddenly seemed lucid, if for just a moment.

"Goodbye, Silver, Crystal, Mom... everyone," he said as he fell backward.

Silver rushed forward to grab him before he fell too far. It seemed like everybody else Gold knew jumped forward, too, to help, but he knew they had all given up on him. He knew he would die here.

---

Crystal and Silver laughed as they held hands under the table of the cafe. Their matching rings glittered, even in the shadow cast by the umbrella and table. Suddenly, Cystal sniffed and looked away.

"It's tommorow, isn't it?" Silver asked. "The day Gold died, two years ago?"

"My brother... he was a good soul until we moved to Saffron after Mom died of a heart attack. He never took it well... got into all sorts of drugs." She blinked away a tear. "What he screamed at night... you wouldn't believe. Tommorow is the anniversary..."

"I'm sorry, Crys. He didn't want to be caught when he started falling. I should have done more."

"Don't say that, Silver. You did your best. Nobody else would have even been able to catch him... you held him for what, ten minutes? I could blame the rescue teams more than you." She patted her slightly bulging stomach. "We just have to make sure nobody else repeats his mistakes, right?"

"Crys, I promise... I won't let anyone else fall.
 
Last edited:
A mediocre story, but one that managed to hold my interest throughout, hence warranting the review. The best, albeit still unremarkable, attribute of this story would be the description, which is minimalistic yet not lacking for detail (in some areas, anyhow). However, this is overshadowed by two gaping flaws: a mostly insensible plot and one-dimensional, underdeveloped characters.

For one, I fail to see how a teenaged delinquent like Silver managed to acquire the resources (and manpower) to plant bombs in every city. He is, as you yourself mentioned, the bastard child of Giovanni. The very fact that he had to resort to stealing to gain possession of his first Pokemon speaks volumes about his lack of material provision. Unless he is actually an influential member of the criminal underworld - which I highly doubt - the notion of him playing terrorist is altogether ridiculous.

On that subject, you did not sufficiently - if at all - explore Silver's motives for instigating global destruction. No, the subtextual implication of a possibly abusive childhood is not enough. Hell, even the in-game Cyrus' delusional cravings of a new world were more well-founded. It takes a great deal of hate (mostly, if unconsciously, self-directed) for someone to want the world to end. On that premise, it is more likely that Silver would take his own life rather than hatch a complex and difficult-to-execute plot to enrage others - namely Gold - to do so.

Due to the above, I'd conclude that Silver is, disappointingly enough, a cheap plot device rather than a character in his own right. His apparent purpose is to drive Gold to suicide, which seems to form the basis of your story.

And speaking of Gold, you had done him - he, who is your all-important main protagonist! - a great disservice by not going into depth about his trauma, assuming the largely implausible events of this story had taken place. All readers receive for the evidence of his psychological deterioration is a brief chunk of dialogue. Yes, I have come across stories that can convey a character's emotional state through little else but dialogue. This is not one of them. More detail could have come in handy here, elaborating on Gold's misguided sense of responsibility for something he has no control over, his despair and anguish, his helplessness. He had probably wished that he had never met Silver at all, which would mean that he held no accountability, however indirect, for Silver's destructive actions. I'd bet he'd also wished for normality - to be an ordinary teenage boy rather than constantly playing the hero.

I won't bother discussing Crystal. 'Meaningless tack-on' ought suffice.

Last of all, what the hell is with the ending? It is utterly incomprehensible. Unless your intention is to befuddle your audience with 180 degree plot turnabouts with neither reason nor sense to them, I'd recommend a more conventional, believable ending.
 
T.T

First off, the end talks about how Gold had been hallucinating because of the drugs he was taking. He had fallen into a depression because his and Crystal's mother had died of a heart attack a while back- Crys is there to talk about that in the end.

Silver didn't do any of that. Gold hallucinated it.

It's made to be a Mind Screw. Ever heard of them? Something that confuses the reader until they go back and think it over.
 
That was pretty damn good. My brain definately feels violated by this, like the majority of the people before me. It manages to give you the right mix of distress fuel and food for thought, which, while I'm not the best person to ask, is probably important in something like this.

I'd like to see more writing from you, Sarcastically Insane!
 
^ I am currently writing a crackfic. This was a big ball of angst that my subconsious spewed out after I found a few old pictures of Emma, an old friend that commited suicide.

The crackfic is to this as FLCL is to Eva. Happy thoughts, right? Though I'm sure I'll be feeling crappy enough to write something similar to this eventually.
 
^ I am currently writing a crackfic. This was a big ball of angst that my subconsious spewed out after I found a few old pictures of Emma, an old friend that commited suicide.

The crackfic is to this as FLCL is to Eva. Happy thoughts, right? Though I'm sure I'll be feeling crappy enough to write something similar to this eventually.

Oh yeah, I did see something about that in one of your blogs. I'm sincerely sorry for your loss...

I don't particularly want to say I'm looking forward to whatever this crappy feeling that's sure to come will create, though obviously not because I wouldn't enjoy it. But I will make sure to look out for this crackfic. ^^
 
Oh yeah, I did see something about that in one of your blogs. I'm sincerely sorry for your loss...

Thanks. I've mostly gotten past the worst part, but it's still wierd and sad to no longer have one of the hyperactive, fun girls always laughing.

Apollo's Caterpie said:
I don't particularly want to say I'm looking forward to whatever this crappy feeling that's sure to come will create, though obviously not because I wouldn't enjoy it. But I will make sure to look out for this crackfic. ^^

I know what you mean. And this form of venting works a lot better than anything the idiot counselers who don't know what they're talking about can come up with. (So, are you doing any better since the last time we talked about 'insert extremely depressing description of any previous events that just might make me feel crappy'? Well, not until you opened the wound with a chainsaw and dumped salt on it.)
 
As far as I can tell, this one-shot is about revealing Silver's character. So I'll concentrate on that.

Characterization: 17/20

You reveal all sorts of aspects about Silver's motives behind the actions that he takes against society at large, and his change of heart.

Not to mention Gold's trauma. That was also pretty amazing.

Grammar, style, and flow: 6/10

It felt choppy in parts. That's all I can really say.

Overall rating: 75/100

The story's short, so my review is short.
 
Please note: The thread is from 15 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom