Favourite REAL LIFE quotes?

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liquidMountain

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This is where you put funny quotes you've heard in real life.
Here's one of mine- Me:(to my sister)what's a funny thing you've said?
Sister: I dunno.
Me: Hey! That's a good quote!
also, Sister:Yla,yla, yla, nug, nug, nug(repeats)

and:
Friend of mine:(in his sleep)We can't cross the bridge without pickles! Pickles are the beeeeeeeeeest!

What's yours?
 
Oh man. Let me get my list...

My brother: "Piplup, you are about to become sushi!"
Danish exchange student: "I just found out what 'cunt' means!"
German exchange student: "Who cares about Italy!?"
That same German student: "Yeah, I am skipping school tomorrow."
My mom: "What was it? All your bases are taken over?"
My history teacher: "If it's not happening in my room, I don't give a shit."

I'll likely be back with more. Lots more.
 
One of my friends: You mean original, plain and ready salted ARE THE SAME FLAVOUR!?

XD I have so many, I can't think at the moment, though
 
One of my friends: "In life, it's not who you know, it's whom you know."

Another of my friends (to a cashier): "This store smells like the soul of a teenage girl."
 
VibuzeSG said:
Another of my friends (to a cashier): "This store smells like the soul of a teenage girl."
Click to expand...

I don't know why, but I thought that was hilarious XD

Most of my favorite quotes are inside jokes like "Here, I'll let you spell it for me," and , "Someone's about to get sauced".
 
"Don't touch the dead squirrel," as said by a counselor at a daycare as I observed. They were walking back from the town park to their daycare; I just happened to be on the slope o'er them (our park is on a huge hill). Poor squirrel.
 
My mom:

"Longing makes the heart grow fonder; bullshit makes the grass grow longer."
 
My friend Tegan: "What was the name of that fish from Finding Nemo? You know, the one with the little messed-up fin?"

Us: 0.o
 
(In a lift in Luna Park) Teenager 1: (about to sware)
Teenager 2: Don't! There's kids in here!
Teenagers who watch their language?:eek: Well I never...

A friend of mine: My turn! Be alchaholic monkeys!

Everyone else::lol::lol:
---------------------------------------
An e-mail a friend of mine sent me: NOT COWS!
My reply:And I killed Mr. Poe!

 
"I'm a mathematical pessimist- I only subtract and divide." - me

If we're not solely quoting ourselves...

"Blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah..." - a friend, during a discussion of the New Testament
 
"Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one."

I have no idea who first quoted that, but it's so true...
 
Just thought I'd point out the all of these are very much "Had to be there" things and thus are extremely unfunny.
 
Urgh, a girl I know had a book filled with funny real life quotes, most of them in-jokes... If only I could remember most of them. A couple I do remember:

Sex ed teacher: You guys have as many names for your penises as you do for marijuana.

Random person I don't know: If I'm a pain in your ass, we need more lube.
 
Pointless, but

Christy: "She has an endless supply of seafood ;D"
 
Student teacher: Oh, have we talked about anal sacks yet?
Class: [dead silence except, I kid you not, for me laughing]
Teacher: Anal SACKS.

Animal science classes are the best.

"I need a drink."

^ My brother after his nerve-wracking but awesome proposal.
 
Friend 1: I fuse Dark Magacian and Buster Blader to make Dark Paladin.
Friend 2: I fuse these four monsters to make <insert random name>.
Me: Well you know what!?! I fuse my penis with your mom's vagina to make BABIES! <-----XD

So I told my friend to read a paper I wrote and he goes closer to it. "I can't hear it!"

"Porygon helps solve overpopulation!" - Me
 
One day in kindergarden, a friend and I were painting and glittering things at school. My friend had a weird idea... he grabbed a potato and put glitter on it. He went outside and yelled, "Shiny Potato!" right when he threw it.

To this day, I still say "Shiny Potato" at random people.
 
No humility! by my classmates when being bully.
 
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My chemistry teacher: "Remember, there are no HO's in chemistry." (way to remember hydroxide is written as OH not HO)
 
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