Fear and Love

[Life]

Fear and Love​

Index

Prologue

Chapter I - Thoughts and Pulses
Chapter II - The Clouds Were Nicer That Day

*​

Hello, Life again. So I've taken a break from Poison Touch and have been working on this project for a while. While writing the old story, I realized that there were a lot of things I didn't like about it or things that I wanted/needed to improve upon. This story is me trying out a differently style as well as a different plot-line and set of characters. In PT, one thing I ended up not liking at all was the sadistic protagonist and the random, intense gore scene(s). There was a lot of the story that felt fake to me, and in this story I've tried to combat that by writing whatever feels natural or more casual to me. So in light of that, let's start this over.

My name's Life, and welcome to my story called Fear and Love. I've been working on this project for the past few months now and have made decent progress in the direction of the story, and I'd really like to share it with you all and see what you think. Of course, I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing skills and story, so if you see even the smallest mistake don't feel afraid to point it out. I'm not exactly sure what the genre of this story is, but I'd say it's journey/alternative, and maybe even slice-of-life at times. I'd go on more, but you'll just have to read to find out what this story holds! As I have the first few chapters done, updates will (hopefully) come bi-weekly (not weekly, unfortunately - I can't guarantee I'll write that fast), so you can look forward to seeing a new chapter every other week.

Well, that's about it. If you've read Poison Touch and are now reading this, I hope you'll be able to spot some of the differences and changes I've made as the story goes on. If not, I hope you'll enjoy the story anyways! As always, a big thanks for reading.

 

[Life]

Prologue​

*​

“Here a question arises: whether it is better to be loved than feared, or the reverse. The answer is, of course, that it would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in being loved. . . . Love endures by a bond which men, being scoundrels, may break whenever it serves their advantage to do so; but fear is supported by the dread of pain, which is ever present.”

- Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince​

*​

It seems that, even in our most earnest attempts, we are still brought down. For it feels like naught that I have pondered, counting the seemingly infinite years as they pass by. This Shadow Realm is empty, filled only with darkness. This space is endless, yet my patience is not.

I awoke three thousand years ago, destined by my creator to fulfill the wishes of many. It was I who was meant to hunt-down pain, find the source of fear, and vanquish it. It was my destiny, or so I thought.

What my creator decided best caused me the worst. What I was promised did not come through. Instead, what I was supposed to get rid of became my very being. My soul was consumed by pain, and now I am no longer who I once was. My mind is seldom quiet, and my thoughts keep me tied to this chamber of nothingness. One would think I'd spend most of my time sleeping, but even after three millenniums I am not the slightest bit drowsy. I blame my creator.

It is almost time for them to visit, though I do not see the point. I suppose I should be grateful that they would grace themselves in my realm; the realm they know which not to come. I wonder what they’ll talk about this time. Hopefully something more interesting than our last conversation about its meeting with my twin.

It has been some time since I’ve laid eyes upon my twin, and I hope it stays that way. All they ever do is complain, whine, and complain some more. How arrogant of them. It’s preposterous to think someone of their level would even think about complaining. They truly know no bounds. Do they even realize what life they live? Surely they should be able to put up with it. It mustn’t be worse than thinking all the time. At least they can refresh their mind with new places and events; the places and events I was supposed to see. It has been doing my job for me, that thief. Truly, they are a thief that knows no bounds.

... and here my creator is now. If only I could melt into this darkness and hide... if only my destiny would let me.

“Looks like you are doing well.”

“I am always doing the same; I have nothing else to do. If I had something else to do, I would feel more than well, or perhaps less than well. But I would like to think that anything different than this would bring me a feeling more than ‘well’.”

“I see. In that case, I have good news.”

“Good news to you. But I digress, carry on.”

“I opened the exit.”

“... I don’t understand, you would never open the exit, and you know I don’t have that thing…”

“Humor. You do not have humor. But I can assure this is no joke. I have decided that it is not good for either of us for you to be kept here. Go out into my world and become that senseless hero you have always dreamed of. But I will warn you, nobody wants it besides you. Being the hero you think my world wants is only what you want.”

“Then why would it be better for me to leave? Why open the exit if there is no point? Surely you haven't had a change of heart.”

“Hmph. The answer should be obvious to you. Then I shall give you a month. If you can find the answer within a month, I will leave the exit open for a year. If you can become the hero you want without harming my world, I will leave the key to you.”

“What an outrageous lie. You’ve never brought it up once in the past three thousand years, and now you say you opened the exit? What nonsense.”

“The leaving is yours to do. If you insist, you are more than welcome to stay here for another thousand years and sulk. As I said before, the world does not want you, and it most certainly does not need you.”

“...”

“Quiet, hmm? I suppose I should give you your thoughts back. Just needed a peek, that is all.”

“That’s it, out with you! You are no longer welcome! Take your nonsensical words and so-called ‘humor’ with you!”

And with that, my creator cocked their head up in characteristic arrogance, “The exit, my child, is always open.”

*​

Prologue​

Notes:

Spoiler

Hi readers. After I post a chapter, interlude, or other post about the story, I'll be including this section at the bottom to explain some thoughts and ideas that occurred in the chapter, both to answer possible questions and give insight to the story.

For this chapter, there's not a lot I can really say. It's a bit dramatic for a beginning, I suppose, but I didn't want to downplay the importance of this moment. Thus why the scene may have come across as a bit much.

With the characters... I left them unnamed, but it should be pretty obvious who they are. If not, I won't be sharing; you'll just have to wait and find out.

Second to last note is how I formatted the prologue. The first half was meant to be narration/exposition and the second dialogue. I'm not sure whether it would have been better to have more description with the second half, but it was meant to aid the point of the unknown characters. So yeah.

Last point: the length. Prologues normally aren't long, but I feel mine is quite short. It's meant only to set up the story, and nothing more. I don't think it's a problem, but I felt I should mention it.

Also, thank you to Dieter for beta-reading the first draft of the prologue.

That's all the notes for this time. Thanks for reading.

 

[Jimmy 3 People 0]

Ooh, this looks really good. I enjoyed your writing style, and I think the prologue was the right length. I look forward to seeing more!

 

[Flaze]

I don't tink the prologue was really that long xD (I'd argue that mine tend to be longer if anything) but I'm glad to finally being seeing this after hearing so much about it for the last couple of months, so yes I know who the characters featured are . That being said I do wonder what kind of story this'll end up being, the way that Arceus' talks makes it seem as if he expects Darkrai to fail and him being well...god I guess, you can say that maybe he might or maybe he won't and Arceus will try to. Either way it'll be interesting to see how you explore the idea of Darkrai being out and about in the world.

I liked the way you formatted the chapter, even though I myself like to do description and dialogue in hand most of the time but it was done pretty well, especially since you didn't have much description to do to begin with here. Aside from that I don't have much to say but I loved the Machiavelli quote.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I'll dispense with my usual categories for this one. I've said it before somewhere, but be wary of the mysterious prologue trap. If you leave it too long before the events of the prologue make sense, then you risk them becoming either irrelevant or frustrating. This no accusation on you, but I wonder if JK Rowling is partly to blame for the popularity of this trope. Anyway, I don't think it's quite so obvious who the characters are as perhaps you do - I'm thinking that the narrator could just as easily be Yveltal. Careful with some of your narration - this:

the realm they know which not come

Doesn't make sense - I'm not sure what you're trying to say about that

 

[kintsugi]

Ah, a mysterious prologue! Can't really say much here since I don't know who the main character is or if they'll even be important until fifty chapters in, but the writing was pretty! That being said, I'm not terribly sure what you're trying to establish here--there's a legendary Pokemon, or one that's really old, and it has a twin that it doesn't like, and there's a portal, so there will be peeking, but I can't see where it's going. This isn't a bad thing, obviously, but being vague for vagueness's sake isn't always the best. I'm sure you've got a reason for everything, but as it stands, there's really not much I can say in terms of feedback.

Gonna guess that, uh, it's a legendary Pokemon with a pair that it doesn't like very much. That narrows it down to basically every Box Mascot ever, plus Mew/Mewtwo, Cresselia/Darkrai, and probably a bunch of other things. Although, yeah, judging from the title, I'd lean Xerneas/Yveltal as well.

 

[Life]

Responses:

Spoiler

Wow! I'm surprised I received four reviews just on the prologue - wasn't expecting much, to be honest. Thanks everyone.

Ooh, this looks really good. I enjoyed your writing style, and I think the prologue was the right length. I look forward to seeing more!

Thanks! I hope I can continue to keep you entertained with the story!

I don't tink the prologue was really that long xD (I'd argue that mine tend to be longer if anything) but I'm glad to finally being seeing this after hearing so much about it for the last couple of months, so yes I know who the characters featured are . That being said I do wonder what kind of story this'll end up being, the way that Arceus' talks makes it seem as if he expects Darkrai to fail and him being well...god I guess, you can say that maybe he might or maybe he won't and Arceus will try to. Either way it'll be interesting to see how you explore the idea of Darkrai being out and about in the world.

I finally gathered the confidence to post the story, thankfully! The way the story works is a bit of a mystery, in that the plot will be revealed in subtle hints more than direct telling. Arceus and Darkrai share an interesting dynamic which will be expanded upon later, so for now I won't say much.

I liked the way you formatted the chapter, even though I myself like to do description and dialogue in hand most of the time but it was done pretty well, especially since you didn't have much description to do to begin with here. Aside from that I don't have much to say but I loved the Machiavelli quote.

Thanks! That quote was a big inspiration for the story, and I felt strongly about including it.

I'll dispense with my usual categories for this one. I've said it before somewhere, but be wary of the mysterious prologue trap. If you leave it too long before the events of the prologue make sense, then you risk them becoming either irrelevant or frustrating. This no accusation on you, but I wonder if JK Rowling is partly to blame for the popularity of this trope. Anyway, I don't think it's quite so obvious who the characters are as perhaps you do - I'm thinking that the narrator could just as easily be Yveltal.

To be honest, I wasn't aware that it was considered a trope; interesting to know. Your advice (plus kintsugi's) is what encouraged me to post the first chapter today, so I really appreciate the feedback on that.

Looking back, the narrator certainly isn't obvious, though I do think the prologue narrows down the possibilities a lot.

Careful with some of your narration - this:

the realm they know which not come

Doesn't make sense - I'm not sure what you're trying to say about that

Whoops, missed a word there! There's supposed to be a "to" between "not" and "come". Looking back now though, perhaps enter would have been a better choice of words than come. Thanks for pointing that out!

Ah, a mysterious prologue! Can't really say much here since I don't know who the main character is or if they'll even be important until fifty chapters in, but the writing was pretty!

The importance of the narrator will be prominent quite quickly, I'd say. And thanks! I don't think the prose is great or anything, but I tried to make it sound a tad classier than a common conversation. Not too sure how that come across, though.

That being said, I'm not terribly sure what you're trying to establish here--there's a legendary Pokemon, or one that's really old, and it has a twin that it doesn't like, and there's a portal, so there will be peeking, but I can't see where it's going. This isn't a bad thing, obviously, but being vague for vagueness's sake isn't always the best. I'm sure you've got a reason for everything, but as it stands, there's really not much I can say in terms of feedback.

Gonna guess that, uh, it's a legendary Pokemon with a pair that it doesn't like very much. That narrows it down to basically every Box Mascot ever, plus Mew/Mewtwo, Cresselia/Darkrai, and probably a bunch of other things. Although, yeah, judging from the title, I'd lean Xerneas/Yveltal as well.

The prolonged vagueness was not the best move by me, I'll admit, which is why I decided to post the first chapter today instead of later. It was what I intended, however, and was only meant as a set-up for the story. In terms of the character... well, it'll be revealed in the story shortly.

Thoughts and Pulses

*​

Normal, fire, fighting, water, flying, grass, poison, electric, ground, psychic, dark, ice, bug, dragon, ghost, steel, fairy, and rock. Those are the types that make up my creator’s world. Apparently I’m a dark-type, or at least that’s what I was told.

The week that has passed has been more of a mystery, if anything else. I often wonder what my creator meant by sending me here. I have made little to no progress in my goal, and my abilities... I hardly know what these powers are. If not for the acquaintance I’ve met, I would be utterly lost.

“That’s it! That’s the way to do it!” He cheered me on, praising my lackluster results.

“No… I’m still not able to use one hundred percent of my power. I can feel something blocking me from improving my efforts, and I want to expunge it from my body.” I tightened my fists in frustration, wanting to further my training.

“No rush, no rush! You’ve only been at it one week, and you’ve come further than myself in years! Your body’s in tip-top condition, and your mind is as strong as a steelix! No sense in fixing a problem that’s not there!” He jumped from side-to-side trying to brighten my attitude. It didn't work.

“Another pokémon?” I asked. That was among one of the first things I learned upon entry to this world: pokémon. I was one, my acquaintance was one, and I had guessed this “steelix” was also one. They were all different creatures yet were categorized in the same group. I found that interesting.

“Bingo! You’re a real sharp one, boyo!” His ears perked up with ample enthusiasm.

“... tell me, Herdier, how can I fix this blockage of mine? You seem to know a lot about this world, so tell me how to fix it.” I sunk my head down, distressed from confusion. “Who can release this blockage inside of me? You should know, you said you know a lot about this world.” My words felt heavy, and I could feel them limp off my mouth.

Before I could finish, he stopped jumping and stood in silence. It took him some time before answering, but his voice stayed its positive self. “I see you’re back to that state again, boyo,” he paused. “It’s true, I’ve been in this world since I was a pup. Some time it’s been since then, I suppose. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that the greatest answers you seek can only be answered by one person.”

“Who? Tell me.” The evasiveness of his answers was getting to me.

“I think it's best that we get back to your training.” He ignored my plea, only further increasing my frustration.

“Why do you make me repeat myself? I cannot increase my skill more with this blockage inside of me. I need to eliminate it!” I shouted back.

Herdier thought to himself again before answering, closing his eyes while he searched for the right words. “Then let me try telling you a story... yes, a story should be of use here.”

“How will that he-”

“Listen! When I was a pup, my mates and I would play in our home valley every day. Ah, the valley... the valley was vast, and it was home to many other species of pokémon. The grass carpeted the earth and the flowers gave birth to joy, giving off fragrant scents of citrus and comfort. The shrubs offered a plethora of berries from pecha to starf, and they were always juicy and ripe. The oaks and spruces grew so tall that their tops vanished into the clouds, and on particularly foggy days, the clouds would rain leaves, not water. Even the dirt was soft, and it happily welcomed any traveler needing a rest. It’s the home of my many happy memories, but also one nightmare.

“One day while we were playing, we ran too far and wound up outside the valley. We were uninvited guests that received harsh treatment, but of course, that was to be expected. Alas, pups don’t know better.

"My mates and I explored the area, and we found many things from exotic foods, curiously crafted items, and a new species. This species, however, could not be categorized under pokémon... they were something called humans. Humans are a very tricky race; they all look different, smell different, sound different, feel different, and after what I went through, I can also assure you that they taste different. But inside they are all the same. My mates and I were captured and taken away from our home, then handed to different humans and forced into doing various forms of labor, most of which included lugging around the humans’ belongings from one place to another. Once separated, it was to be a long time until we would see each other again. I had a large hole in my heart, and for a while I was incapable of recovering. It was my own blockage, if you will.

"Eventually I escaped from those retched creatures and was able to heal. The muck that stopped the flow of my aura was erased, and I found my own powers. I sought out my mates that were taken along with me, and found that they too had escaped. From then on, I felt as if my blockage had never existed.

“Do you know what I’m trying to say?”

“You said a lot; let me think.” But I couldn’t think. I was incapable of understanding that much information, let alone decoding it. I answered in a confused rush, “I’m not sure, but I believe you mean to tell me that humans are cruel, and to not let myself get captured like you.”

“Well, boyo, that wasn't really the point... but yes, that’s to keep in mind. Tell me what you learned concerning blockages. Do you have an idea how to get rid of yours?”

“You said that your blockage came when you were separated from that place, your home, but left when you went back. Does that mean my blockage is also caused by a missing element in my life?”

“Yes, yes, good! I knew you could figure it out!” He spoke much too highly of my intellect, considering it was merely a guess. “What is missing in your life?” He tilted his head in eager curiosity, leaving the fur on his face to cover his left eye.

“The only thing I’ve ever had are my thoughts, and they’re still with me. So your story was meaningless, Herdier.”

He jumped up again, this time reaching my head. “Nonsense, boyo!" He landed back down with a silence-killing thud. "There must be something you’re missing. Perhaps there’s something you want, but don’t have?”

“Answers. I want answers.”

“Fine!” He snapped, “Tell me the answer you want the most, and perhaps I can give it to you. But think carefully, as I’ll only answer one.”

I pondered the possibilities. Herdier already told me he wouldn’t answer the questions from before, so I thought I should try something different. But it needed to be something important, something that had meaning behind it. Something that would help me with my blockage... “Happiness. What is happiness? You mentioned it in your story, and I want to know what it is.”

Herdier smiled, but was still silent. I started to wonder if that was a common occurrence in the species, but refrained from asking. Finally he spoke, “Happiness is what you feel when something good happens to you, or maybe even to the ones you love. Happiness is the lump of light that scrubs away the impurities in your heart. Happiness, though different to everyone, is perhaps the greatest thing one can feel in this world.”

“Indeed, it sounds magnificent… I want it. Give it to me.”

“Pahaha! What a sense of humor you have, boyo!” Herdier rolled onto his side, then to his other before getting back up. He was quite an expressive creature. “Happiness cannot be given to you! You must find it for yourself!”

“At least tel-”

“I cannot tell you what it looks like nor where to find it!” He continued laughing, “Now, no more of your humorous questions. It’s time you get to training!”

I should have asked what humor was instead.

*​

There were three actions Herdier taught me when it came to my attack: gather energy, imagine the attack in motion, and release the stored power. Theoretically, it seemed simple. In actuality, it was impossible.

Focus... you must focus. Summon energy to your hand. But then it hit me, and I realized my problem. “Which hand should I use?”

“Pardon?”

“When we first started, you told me to build the energy up in my hand. I have two of them, but you said ‘hand’. That’s singular. Which hand is the correct one to pile the energy in?”

“Well... I’m not entirely sure that matters. Why don’t you just pick a hand?”

“You’re the one teaching me; I want to know the correct hand.”

“Fine! Just use your left hand!” The sharpness of his words ate at my ear, but I couldn’t tell what made them that way.

I took an extensive breath before trying again and resumed focus. I imagined the energy inside of my body flowing, and tried to pool the energy in my left hand. It indeed seemed much stronger now that I knew the correct one. Now all that I had to do was...

The shadowy energy jolted from my hand and tore the earth under me, spitting up mounds of dirt in return. To my surprise, it made a considerably large dent, much larger than anything I had accomplished before.

“Oho! That was your best one yet, boyo! How did it feel?” Herdier seemed rather excited at my accomplishment. I suppose that’s the feeling one gets when they see their advice work.

“It felt… well, I can’t quite describe it. The aura felt like it desperately wanted to escape. Is that good?”

“I’ve no idea, I can’t use dark pulse!”

I had heard the name before, but hearing again made me really think about it. Dark pulse… it seemed rather suiting, actually. In both color and feeling it was dark, and I suppose it did have a pulse. “Do attacks reflect the administrator?”

“Why do you ask?”

“The pulse, or sensation, of that attack seemed an awful lot like me: curious and unaware. Perhaps my dark pulse is a reflection of my own body’s pulse, just projected outwards.”

“Hmm… I suppose it’s possible... but stop thinking about all that; just enjoy the moment! Your blockage is gone, boyo!”

“No, it’s not. I can still feel it. This is just the beginning of what I can do, Herdier.”

“What?! What do you mean? That attack could bring down a tree, and yet you say it’s not even a representation your strength?”

“I don’t know for sure, but it felt weak. I think I can do better, and I want to do better. Teach me.”

“I… I don’t think…” his words were slow and muffled, “I don’t think I can. I have no idea what your blockage is caused by, and you know all the advice I can give. I cannot teach you anything else. I’m afraid this is all I can do for you, boyo...”

I wasn’t sure what to say.

“But,” he picked his face off the ground, trying to raise the mood yet again. “I do know that if you keep practicing, you will get stronger. That’s a fact that is true no matter what. I suggest you keep practicing, and maybe your blockage will go away then.” His face seemed brighter, but his tone was still glum.

“Then as you say, I will keep practicing, and I’ll practice until my blockage is gone.” I paused, searching for the correct phrase to follow. “Isn’t this where I’m supposed to say something? Something... kind?”

Herdier chuckled, “The correct phrase is ‘thank you’, but for you, nothing needs to be said.”

“No,” I retorted. “If thank you is what I must say, then I will say it. Thank you, Herdier.”

“You’re welcome,” he laughed, this time sounding genuine. “Now, let’s continue! If you say you can do better, then you must practice until you can do your best!”

“Right,” I responded, if only to assure my attention.

“This time, try to have more confidence in yourself. Loosen your shoulders and relax more. You have nothing to worry about.”

“As you say.” I began to relax and let go of any unresolved worries; it seemed that the more I thought, the weaker my attack. I figured it would be best to gather confidence as he suggested, but was stuck with yet another issue, abruptly pulling my consciousness back to the surface. “What’s confidence?”

“Pah!” He got right to the point instead of double checking with me again, something I figured he learned by now. “Confidence is having faith in yourself. It’s the belief that you can achieve something, no matter the task.”

“So in order to do it, I need to believe that I can do it?”

“Exactly!”

“That’s absurd.” I spat my words back in frustration, “I don't know if I can do it or not; how am I supposed to believe when I don't know? There must be another way.”

“Stop being so stubborn, why don’t you? Just believe in yourself. You can do it, and that’s a fact. Just try!” He moaned, elongating the “y” to a piercing high-pitch.

“Fine,” I sighed. Focus, concentrate, pool. Imagine the attack. Believe. This time I aimed up at the clouds, then released the energy from my hand. A beam of dark energy flew into the sky, creating a stream of "whoosh" sounds as it went. I tried to stop the attack, but the aura kept spewing from my hand. I panicked, realizing I couldn’t stop the release of energy.

“Whoa, whoa now! Stop! Just imagine the flow of energy going back in its cycle. Don’t think of the attack anymore!” Herdier yelled frantically.

Don’t think… I imagined the aura contained back in my hand, and slowly, it started to retract. But just as I felt it stopping, a sudden jolt of aura rushed out, furiously galloping away with the rest of my energy.

*​

Thoughts and Pulses​

Notes:

Spoiler

Hello again, readers. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again, I feel that this is a rather odd (and short) start for a story, but I ask that you bear with me as the plot starts rolling. There's a couple things I would like to address with this chapter, but before, a quick explanation. I decided to post this chapter earlier (I actually meant to post it Saturday) for two reasons: the prologue was vague and needed something to follow, and because I was already unsure of just leaving the prologue alone for two weeks. In the long run, updating on Sunday will also be better for me. Anyways, the notes.

The first is the story that Herdier tells. Essentially, it gives a "humans are bastards" message, which was my goal with those paragraphs. However, that is not the message I am trying to give with this story nor a theme that will be prominent throughout the story. That is merely Herdier's experience, nothing more.

Also regarding Herdier; when I first wrote the chapter I imagined him as an old creature with a Scottish accent. Little did I realize that the Herdier in PMD (Gates to Infinity) also has a Scottish accent. I didn't want there to be any connections, so I scrapped the idea and just decided to have him call the protagonist "boyo", as I thought it made Herdier's character/dialogue more distinct.

Thirdly, there's the protagonist their-self. They're clueless, to say the least, and that's what I'm going for. It's difficult to write them in first person when they don't know a lot, so I'm making some exceptions with what they do know. Basically, they know enough to tell the story from their point of view, but not enough to make it seem like they know everything an older creature would. Consider them learning this knowledge off-screen, if you will.

Something else I would like to mention is actually a worry I had with this chapter. I can't help but feel that there are some tense issues within the chapter, so if you saw any, please don't be afraid to point them out.

A final thing I would like to mention is how the story is starting in medias res. When writing other stories, I realized I was pretty bad at kicking things off, but didn't know what to do about it. I actually got the idea from AetherX's Unpredictable, and I thought that doing this would work a lot better with my writing style.

That's all the notes for this time. Thanks for reading.

 

[Flaze]

Well I certainly didn't expect a chapter this quickly. I could tell that it was done in Media Res but...I'm not entirely sure if that worked out very well. Because we're droppedi nto Darkrai's story so suddenly it makes it a bit confusing (at least to me) in regards to what's going on, especially considering that it would've been nice to see him meet Herdier, it would've made it less sudden. On that note I kind of wonder why he would go by his species name, or at least why Darkrai would refer to him by that, maybe it's just cause he knows the species but doesn't Herdier have a name of his own or something? Maybe I'm thinking too much on this.

The explanation on how moves work was kind of simple but I guess simple is better in this case. In general it still feels like most of the chapter is about dialogue, there isn't much description to it in regards to surroundings. The characters dialogue helps with kind of bringing out their emotions most of the time but sometimes it's a bit confusing to really gauge out how they're saying what they're saying (at least for me)

As for Herdier's story, I think it was interesting. On that note I'll just tell you to be careful if you are going to be dealing with how bad humans are to Pokemon or something like that, it isn't exactly an idea that hasn't been done before and it's not exactly one that's easy to do right either, so if you want to try at that angle then be very careful to plan it as best you can.

 

[Persephone]

Hi,

It's been WAY too long, but here's your review exchange for vaira.

I actually quite liked the first chapter, whatever others might say. I thought it told enough and was interesting enough to introduce the story. Sure, did it do much at all to establish a broader plot... not really. But I don't think that's necessary since it basically was a glorified lede. Maybe giving the Herdier a name could have helped, but if you don't intend for him to be around for much longer then it's not necessary. If I did have a complaint it's that, partially be necessity, Herdier went on like three philosophical rants in a short period of time. It was kind of every other line of his dialogue from a character that didn't seem that philosophical. Like if it had been a psychic type or something, maybe, but at points it did start to feel like you putting words into a character's mouth.

The prologue... eh. It was interesting. I liked some of what it set up. It was really awkward as all dialogue since it meant that for a while I wasn't even necessarily sure it was a Pokemon fic, much less which Pokemon were involved. Hoopa might actually have been a better guess in recent months due to the whole genie in a bottle trope. It also got difficult to follow and... eh. I really wish you had slowed down and described the emotions, the settings, and the people talking. You basically reveal everything one chapter later so a mysterious prologue isn't terribly necessary from any perspective. At least I don't think that adding description there would take away anything.

ANYWAY, I'm a sucker for Darkrai stories so if you keep continuing this I will definitely be watching.