TEEN: - Complete Fragments

[Seraphy]

Advance warning. The following story may eventually contain violent, sexual, or other content that might offend some readers. I'll post additional warnings for the chapters that do.

Running. Footsteps pounding, heart beating, the sound of more, threatening footsteps trailing behind, the impending feeling of doom that felt all too familiar. Turning around, she saw blurs, human-like shape, but she couldn't make out their faces. Running through a forest... or was it a beach? It seemed to blur between the two... or did it? Sharp focus. It was definitely a forest. She tripped. Rolled. A trickle of blood running down the side of her head.

As if in a lull, she woke up. Blinking once, twice, three times. the sound of waves lapping against the rocks... a beach? reaching her left hand down, she felt a bag. At the touch of a metallic clasp, she jolted fully into consciousness. Looking around, she saw that the bag had spilt, revealing a black, leather-bound object, a blue stick-like object, and some other things that weren't quite out of the bag. Touching the objects triggered something, a deep, subconscious reaction, that seemed to restore her.

Sketchbook... Pen... All these other names for things I haven't seen, yet I'll know them when I see them...

She knew what to do with the sketchbook. She opened it to the first page and read it. It was small, but the words on it carried great power.

My name is Kali Jenai. If you, the person who is reading this requires a code name, use Emarie. I'm being hun-

The page abruptly cut off there. It felt... chilling, but no strange flashes.

So is that me? Kali Jenai, Emarie.

Standing up, she placed the bag on her back and took two strides towards the waters. There was no sound but the lapping of the ocean against the shore, not even a seagull. Taking her shoes off, she felt the grains of sand beneath her feet, slightly hot but surprisingly not scorching for what appeared to be midday. She sighed and kept walking. After about 20 minutes, she stopped; the forest had gotten bigger, but otherwise it appeared to be exactly the same.

"Where am I?" Kali pondered.

"About 2 feet from a loaded gun. Hands up." A rough male voice said behind her. Kali raised her hands up. "May I turn around?"

"Slowly." He said. Kali turned around. She saw that she was facing a somewhat round man with grey hair holding what appeared to be a laser gun. "Okay. What's your name?"

"I'm..."

Who am I?

"I'm Kali Jenai." She said. The man frowned. Then, he pointed the gun even closer. Kali was beginning to panic, but dared not move for fear of being shot.

"How long have you been here?"

"About half an hour! Don't shoot me!" Kali panicked outright. To her surprise, the man put the gun down. He scowled.

"You're coming with me. You don't want to be out here when night falls." He grabbed her arm and hauled her into a car a few meters into the forest. "We'll be getting you and the other thoughtless ones to the nearest Capitolle soon enough."

Kali was roughly pushed into the van and told to buckle up. Looking around, she saw four people, equally as frightened as her, strapped in as well. Taking out the sketchbook, she flipped through it and saw no other notes.

I guess it's mine now...

Rummaging through her bag, she pulled out a set of pens and began attempting to draw her fellow... what was it that man had called them again? Thoughtless ones. The one directly in front of her would be easiest, as she seemed to be as still as a statue. She was a girl, of an unknown age (Although looking around they all seemed to be of a similar age), with long, red hair that came down to her shoulders, a thin, yet muscular build, penetrating green eyes, and an old-looking scar on her right leg. She was wearing what appeared to be some sort of running outfit, and looked terrified at what was happening, though Kali couldn't blame her. Turning directly to her left, she saw the profile of someone fed up with the world. He had short black hair, a dour expression, and brown eyes. He was bent over somewhat with his hands on his knees and was mumbling something she couldn't fully make out. The last one was another boy, with caramel-blonde hair that went to about his neck. He was wearing a ripped white shirt and attempting to cover up the hole with his hands. He had one green eye and one blue eye, and if it weren't for that he'd look completely average.

As she finished up her last drawing, the van came to a stop. The unpleasant man who had put her in opened the door.

"Alright, thoughtless ones. Everyone out." He said gruffly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this! I had this great showerthought for a story, so here it is! I'm not an extroardinarily fast updater, so expect a new chapter every month or so. Thanks for reading! <3

 

[kintsugi]

*obligatory note about how it's hard to judge from a prologue*

That being said, I liked the start of this--there's some action, hints of mystery, and so forth. The amnesiac protagonist is always an interesting start, and I liked how you jumped into the action quickly.

Dialogue notes:
[quote"About 2 feet from a loaded gun. Hands up." A rough male voice said behind her.[/quote]
Punctuating dialogue is a pain. However, you need a comma here, because the sentences are technically joined together. I'd honestly just follow the rules here because they'll explain it better than I can.

"About 2 feet from a loaded gun. Hands up," a rough male voice said behind her.

Overall, I don't have much to say--this is an interesting start but there's not much to go off of. Bear in mind that a prologue does have to have some hint as to where the plot is going, haha. There's a lot of stuff dropping here--Capitolle, a van of people who don't want to be in a van--but no real plot happening, which is a dangerous trap to fall into during the beginning of your story. That being said, I'm looking forward to see where this will go!