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funny rhetorical questions

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Geodude

Protecting Gotham City
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Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dog's face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

How did a fool and his money get together?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Can you get cavities in your dentures from using too much artificial sweetener?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
 
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.


But that's not a question...
 
But I still lol'd.

Why do we drive on parkways but park on driveways?

What happens when you tie buttered toast to the back of a cat and push it off of a table?
 
(a friend mentioned this one to me two years ago)

If Pros are the opposite of Cons, then how do we explain the relationship between progress and Congress?

(these I've heard randomly or have seen on the internet)

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes ?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
 
(a friend mentioned this one to me two years ago)

If Pros are the opposite of Cons, then how do we explain the relationship between progress and Congress?

(these I've heard randomly or have seen on the internet)

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes ?

Because if a plane starts to crash it's safer to just remain seated then get up and open the hatch and jump? Also for ocean crashes. SO what if you have a parachute when you drown?

What's another word for thesaurus?

lexicon, glossary...

Why do people answer rhetorical questions?

Also for this:

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is aroudn to hear it, does it make a sound?

According to my physics text book, it does.
 
Why do they call it a building? Shouldn't it be called a built?
 
But that's not a question...

Who cares man?!.


-Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?

-Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

-Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

-Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive? And why do bars have parking lots?

-Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

-If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

-Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

-If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?

-Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
 
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Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

~I'm sure if it was that easy, everyone would just go up there and check.

How can there be self-help “groups”?

~They don't help each other directly.

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dog's face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

~Yeah, I hate dogs.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

~Love is blind, but it's deep. Beauty, however, is only skin deep and not blind.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

~It doesn't talk.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?

~Regular spoons and forks. I went to China... besides, Asian countries outside of China don't use chopsticks.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

~To be helped. LOL

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

~First of all lightning zigzags only in cartoons. Also, even though it is zigzagging, it's going in multiple straight lines, each of which have a constant speed... so it's probably the same.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

~That's nice, but what's the question?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

~What?

Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

~Probably, and they probably don't care. Do people who eat desserts know that spelling it backwards is Stressed? Yeah, that's what I thought.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

~Probably, I enjoy it.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

~All the time.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

~Because evolution doesn't cause extinction.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

~Deers are free to do what they want, the sign is a warning for people based on statistics.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

~Bread.

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

~I think whoever made this question up was smoking crack.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

~If it happened during a live performace, possibly.

How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?

~What??

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

~Because it can expire. Flavor isn't everything.

How did a fool and his money get together?

~Life's savings.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

~Both.

Can you get cavities in your dentures from using too much artificial sweetener?

~No.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

~It's called Onomatopoeia.




A few more:

If you worked at a Coke factory and were caught drinking Pepsi at work, would they fire you?

Are kids who act in R-rated movies allowed to see them?

When in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Why does Goofy walk on two legs while Pluto walks on four, if they're both the same species?



And here's one I thought of myself based on a personal experience:

How come, when you're out camping and roasting marshmallows, but you don't have skewers, so everyone uses sticks that they find on the ground, yet when one person finds an actual skewer there it's "dirty"?
 
When in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

It doesn't. He's a cannon.

Why does Goofy walk on two legs while Pluto walks on four, if they're both the same species?

Because Disney has creative licence to anthropomorphise one and not the other.
 
If you worked at a Coke factory and were caught drinking Pepsi at work, would they fire you?
It could very well happen. My roommate used to work for Domino's, and he said they're crazy about competition when it comes to their employees. If they find out an employee ever set foot in another pizzeria, yer fired. :3


....I have nothing.
 
If you're drinking it ON THE JOB, yes, you should be fired. Once you're punched out, they can't do a damn thing about where you eat.

Last summer I had a job at FedEx, who forbids their employees to wear anything Nike. Strange, right?

As it turns out, Nike is one of their biggest clients and anyone wearing Nike products would be under suspicion that it was stolen from one of the packages.
 
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?

~Regular spoons and forks. I went to China... besides, Asian countries outside of China don't use chopsticks.
Who the hell told you that lie? Most East Asian countries use chopsticks. It's not just China.

EDIT: Here's one so that I stay on topic.

Why do stores that are open 24 hours a day have locks on the doors?
 
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

I remember hearing the "I played a blank tape..." statement as part of Steven Wright's comedy routine once.
 
Here are some:

Why are chalkboards called blackboards if they're green?

What is the sound of one hand clapping

Is the lego company flattered, or angry that the Eggo company uses there product in their buisness? (LEGGO my Eggo
 
All the chalk boards I've seen in Canada are black.

Are there actually schools that still use chalk boards? My high school had dry-erase boards set up in all of the classrooms.
 
But I still lol'd.

Why do we drive on parkways but park on driveways?

Because there are usually parks along side the parkway, and as for the driveway, you have to drive into it, to park, eh?

What happens when you tie buttered toast to the back of a cat and push it off of a table?

:banghead:

Answered :)
 
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