EVERYONE: - Complete (Game) Pokemon Emerald(Now with Chapter 3!) (G)

[Habunake]

Pokemon Emerald: Chapter 1- I Got a Mudkip!

In a world much like are own, exists magical creatures, known as Pokemon. There are over 300 known species, and come in many shapes and sizes. Pokemon are used as pets, but they are also trained by Pokemon Trainers for the ultimate sport, Pokemon Battles! This story is about one boy’s journey in the magical world of Pokemon.

“I’m sorry, but I cannot let you be my assistant just yet.” Professor Birch, a world-renowned Pokemon Professor was explaining to a teenage girl.
“But I passed all of my tests with perfect scores!” yelled the brown haired girl. Professor Birch stroked his beard, and let out a sigh.
“Listen Sarah, you’re a smart girl and all but you just don’t have what it takes to be my assistant. Your too by the book, I need people with hands on experience!” Birch explained gently. Suddenly a small brown and white raccoon like creature popped out of a nearby bush and stared intently at the brown bag Birch was holding. The creature put on a sly grin.
“ZAGOON!” the creature yelled as it jumped out and grabbed the bag right from the man’s hands.
“A Zigzagoon!” Sarah said in shock as the raccoon Pokemon made a run for it.
“And it stole my bag! We have to get it!” Birch yelled as the two humans chased after the thieving Pokemon.

“Ahh! What a beautiful day!” said a teenage boy as he made his way through a grassy field. Suddenly he saw a quick brown streak fly out right in front of him from a bush. Professor Birch and Sarah jumped out as well, startling the boy.
“Oh, Ty, I didn’t see you there!” said the professor.
“Hi Professor Birch!” said Ty to the professor. He then noticed the girl next to him, “Oh, Sarah!” he said as he recognized the girl from school.
“Listen Ty, that Zigzagoon took my bag!” Birch said madly.
“This one?” asked Ty as he held up a bag. Birch looked shocked.
“How did you get that?” Birch asked surprised.
“I accidentally grabbed it when that Zigzagoon jumped by!” Ty smiled happily. The Zigzagoon realizing it’s stolen property had been stolen, let out a cry as it jumped ferociously in front of Ty.
“I think it wants to battle!” Sarah yelled.
“Ty, did you decide which Pokemon you wanted. There in my bag, I think you should battle Zigzagoon with it!” Birch suggested.
“Okay! I choose, Mudkip!” Ty said as he threw a Pokeball out from the bag. A tiny blue creature with a fin on its tail and head popped out.
“Mudkip!” it happily said.
“Good choice Ty!” Sarah yelled as Ty gave a thumbs-up.
“Okay, Mudkip! Tackle!” Ty yelled as Mudkip charged forward at Zigzagoon.
“Zag!” the raccoon Pokemon responded as it flew at Mudkip in a tackle attack.
“Alright! Mudkip is totally stronger!” Ty yelled excitedly. Zigzagoon smirked as it quickly jumped over Mudkip.
“Mud?” it said as it turned around. Zigzagoon quickly shot sand in its eyes.
“It just blinded Mudkip with sand!” Sarah yelled.
“Mudkip doesn’t need no stinkin’ eyes!” Birch said as he laughed at the joke he made.
“Lame.” Ty said embarrassingly, he then told Mudkip to use its sensor to sense Zigzagoon.
“Mudkip!” it yelled as it sensed the tiny raccoon Pokemon and shot a Water Gun at it, sending it flying into a rock.
“Pokeball, Go!” Ty said as he grabbed a Pokeball from Birch’s bag and threw it at the Pokemon. The ball jiggled as it stopped and a green light went off letting everyone know Zigzagoon had been caught.
“That was my Premier Ball!” Birch yelled at Ty. Ty was too busy celebrating with Mudkip to hear him.
“He is quite skilled Professor” Sarah said as Birch calmed down.
“Yes…that is why you should go with him!” Birch smiled.
“Huh?” Sarah asked the man.
“You see, traveling with him may show you that you can’t learn everything from a textbook! You need too see the world for yourself, not read about it! That is what I want from a assistant!” Birch said smiling.
“From now on, your Mateo!” Ty said to Mudkip as he hugged it with his arms as he spun around!
“Professor, I have made my decision…” Sarah said.
“And you will be Zorro!” Ty said as he held Zigzagoon’s Pokeball in hand!
“I’ll go with him!” Sarah said as she smiled.

It was a quiet night at the local Pokemon Center in Petalburg City. Ty was sitting at a table eating a hamburger as Zorro and Mateo sat on the ground gobbling some Pokefood.
“Tomorrow we leave for our adventure!” Ty said to the Pokemon. The two smiled and continued eating.
“Hey, Ty!” said Sarah as she entered the Pokemon Center.
“Oh, Sarah! How are you?” Ty asked nicely. Sarah reached in her pocket and grabbed a Pokeball. She tapped the button as a small yellow armadillo creature came out beside Mateo.
“Sandshrew!” the Sandshrew said happily to the Mudkip.
“Is that yours?” Ty asked amazed.
“Sure is! I have had Sandy since she was a little baby!” Sarah smiled as she gave some Pokefood to Sandy.
“So, what brings you here?” asked Ty. Sarah blushed a little.
“I want to know…can I come with you on your Pokemon Journey?” Sarah asked.
“Why?” Ty said seemingly careless.
“I want to learn all about Pokemon. And not just from textbooks. When I saw you battle today, I got so excited!” Sarah said excitedly.
“Yeah, why not?” Ty said plainly.
“What? Just yeah? You mean I can?” Sarah said amazed.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Pokemon. But it would be totally cool to have someone I could talk to and actually understand them!” Ty said as he chuckled.
“Oh, well, I guess that makes sense!” Sarah said quietly.
“But now I’m pumped! Meet me tomorrow at the edge of town! This is gonna be so exciting!” Ty said as he jumped up and shouted.
“Yeah!” Sarah said in agreement as the Pokemon shouted as well.


The sun shined on the treetops as Sarah and Ty stood at the edge of town. Ty had a huge grin as he waved to all of his friends and family. Sarah waved as well, until she noticed a huge cloud of dust as something was charging towards them.
“It’s Professor Birch!” Sarah yelled as the man slid to a halt.
“Losing some weight by exercising?” Ty asked nicely.
“No! I just forgot to give you the Pokedex! This marvel of technology can tell you all you need to know about the Pokemon you see!” Birch said as he caught his breath and handed the boy the Pokedex.
“Awesome! Thank!” Ty said as he slipped it into his backpack. The two kids walked off towards the Petalburg woods as the fellow kids and adults waved them off.
“Good luck you two!” said Birch as he smiled and walked off too his lab. Thus starts the adventures of Sarah and Ty, in the amazing world of Pokemon!
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Thoughts? And does anyone know how to tab in the forums?

 

[Barb]

Tabbing doesn't seem to work (for me, anyway) in the forums. Most trainer fics are by default game-based, but I'd recommend that you add more description to the characters and places in the fic. This chapter is primarily dialogue between Prof Birch, Sarah, and Ty, with a couple of Pokémon captures. I'd like to know exactly why Sarah was denied the opportunity to be Prof Birch's assistant if she got excellent grades; further explanation is needed.

Also, try running a grammar/spell check before uploading to avoid this:

In a world like are own
In a world like our own

Beta-readers can also help with grammar or spelling mistakes, which are the bane of every author.

 

[MistyRocks]

well I think I'd pretty much go with what Barb said. She knows her stuff.

tabbing... hmmm... someone had a trick for that over on TPM. I think you basically use underscores in tha same colour as the background and it works out like a tab. but that's the incredibly simplex version!

Can't really comment on the storyline cuz it's been the first chapter but keep at it! lookin forward to reading the next chapter

 

[tyger]

Okay aside from what Barb and MistyRocks stated, a few more helpful hints.

!. As much as i hate the saying. Show don't tell. Writing is supposed to a descriptive endeavour where the reader is supposed to visualize the events for themselves without having it spit out in front of htem like mainstream television. Writing must be "writerly" not "readerly." What that basically means is that, a reader mustn't have the story told to them, they must seem to engross themselves into the writing and try to figure out what the writer was feeling like when they put the piece down.

2. Vary your sentence structure. While dialogue is an important part of a prose piece, it should be mingled with a diverse array of narrative prose.

3. have the dialogue be realistic. It shouldn't sound as though a machien made up the dialogue. it's something a human shoudl be abl to say.

4. I can't stress this point enough. Proofread. you have to proof your own work multiple times, and at least have one other person proof it for you before posting it.

 

[Habunake]

I took some of your people's advice, so I tried to make this chapter better. :lx206:

Chapter 2- Get those Hoothoot!
It’s a beautiful day in the Petalburg Woods, the Taillows are singing, and a cute little Seedot is walking around enjoying the scenery.
“Seedot! Dot Dot Dot!” the acorn Pokemon sang as it gently walked along the forest floor. It then turned around as it saw two trainers standing in battling positions, their Pokemon standing ready to go in front of them.
“Wurmple, String Shot!” a young boy yelled as a small pink worm shot a thread of silk at Zorro. It wrapped around the Pokemon’s furry legs.
“Oh no, that sticky silk is slowing Zorro way down!” Ty yelled in disbelief. Zorro tried to get the silk off, but with no success.
“Poison Sting!” the young boy commanded his Wurmple to do. It shot out a small needle at Zigzagoon.
“Watch out for that!” Sarah yelled as the needle flew at Zorro.
“Zag!” Zorro yelled as it ran right at the needle.
“Ty, Zorro will be poisoned if that hits!” Sarah yelled at her friend.
“Don’t worry, Zorro can take it!” Ty said reassuringly as Zorro was hit with the pin. It flinched, and then put on a big grin as it continued running at full blast.
“Headbutt!” Ty yelled as Zorro dropped its head.
“What?” the boy said as Zorro slammed its head into Wurmple and the two both went to the ground.
“Wur” Wurple said as it fainted from exhaustion. Zorro stood up and smiled, but Ty could tell it was in pain.
“You should take a rest, you did good!” Ty smiled as he recalled Zorro into its Pokeball. He turned to Sarah and smiled.
“That was good! Your battling style is quite impressive! So, why don’t we have some lunch?” Sarah asked as she sat down and unzipped her backpack.
“Yeah!” said Ty excitedly as they sat down on the ground. Ty took out a yellow ragged cloth from his backpack and laid it on the ground. Sarah reached into her lunchbox and pulled out some sandwiches and sodas. Mateo, Sandy, and a weakened Zorro sat in the grass eating some Pokechow.
“Yeah, some Dr. Pelipper always gets me relaxed after a battle!” said Ty as he opened the can, which sprayed in his face.
“And cooled off I see!” laughed Sarah. Zorro began to laugh but winced in pain.
“Zorro looks hurt, you wouldn’t happen to have any antidote?” Ty asked Sarah. She reached in her backpack and pulled out a syringe needle. She walked over to Zorro.
“Hey Zorro, now this won’t hurt a bit!” she smiled as she reached for Zorro with the needle in hand.
“Za!” it yelled as it knocked the needle out of her hand. It growled as the needle landed right next to a freaked out Mateo.
“Hey! This is good for you!” she said getting angry as she grabbed the needle off the ground.
“Zig Zag Zig!” it said mockingly.
“Sand! Shrew Sand Shrew!” Sandy said as it talked to Zorro, waving its paws gently.
“ZAG!” it yelled as it Headbutted Sandy away. Sandy landed on the ground, growled, and then walked back over with Mateo and sat down.
“Hey, Zorro! Knock it out!” Ty yelled at Zorro.
“Now take the antidote!” Sarah loudly said to it, flinging her arms up into the air.
“Wait a second! I get it!” Ty said with a grin as he walked over to Zorro.
“Get what?” said Sarah confused.
“Zorro doesn’t want to take the antidote. It’s likes to grin and bear it!” Ty smiled as he petted Zorro.
“Zag!” Zorro said in agreement as its trainer comforted it.
“Hmm. My textbooks never said anything about this.” Sarah said quietly as she put the needle back into her backpack.
“Well, you don’t learn everything from textbooks, duh!” said Ty happily as he took a sip of his soda.
“I guess. So, I guess we should just wait till Zorro comes to his senses!” Sarah said as she started to understand what Ty was saying.
“Right! Now let’s eat!” Ty said happily as he grabbed the sandwiches.

“Hey, that’s me!” said Ty as he was looking at a picture Sarah had with her. The picture was laminated in a pretty pink photo album with a Spinda, a small red-spotted bear, engraved on the front.
“It’s from a couple of years ago, at school!” said Sarah smiling as she pointed to the picture. The picture had Ty smiling, as a Noctowl, a huge owl, was perched on his arm.
“Wasn’t that picture taken on the day of the Pokemon Fair?” Ty asked as he recalled the day.
“Sure was, remember we were on a team!” Sarah smiled remembering.

“Look at the Hoothoots!” a younger Ty said as he ran up and began petting the Owl Pokemon. He was outside in a park full of Pokemon on display, and many kids were looking in amazement at all the unique Pokemon.
“There pretty cool!” a younger Sarah said cooly, not as excited as her friend. An older man who was a attendant at the booth walked up to the kids. He wore jeans and green overalls over a red T-shirt. He looked pretty rugged and looked tired as well.
“These Hoothoots are from the Johto Region! Only a week old!” said the attendant at the booth.
“Can’t Hoothoot count time in their heads?” asked Sarah, pointing at a Hoothoot.
“That’s correct missy, HootHoot use their internal organ to track the rotation of the earth!” the attendant smiled as he handed her a Hoothoot pencil from out of her pocket. Ty looked in amazement at the cool pencil Sarah had received.
“LOUDRED!” shouted a huge purple Pokemon with speakers for ears, known as a Loudred.
“A Loudred!” Ty yelled as the huge Pokemon crashed through the Hoothoot display, sending the birds cowering in fear in every direction.
“I’m so sorry!” yelled a Scientist as he ran up to the kids, recalling the Loudred back into a Pokeball.
“MY HOOTHOOTS GOT AWAY BECAUSE OF YOUR LOUDRED!” yelled the attendant, waving his arms in the air. The scientists looked annoyed.
“Some punks hit Loudred with a spitball, and you know how it gets.” said the scientist in shame and embarrassment.
“Don’t worry mister attendant, I’ll go get those Hoothoot back for you!” Ty said happily to the attendant.
“You would do that for me kid?” the attendant asked scratching his head. He then thought to himself how easy it would be for him to con this little kid into doing his work for him.
“You got it! Besides, you know how cool a Pokemon search would be!” Ty said as he smiled at the attendant. The attendant reached into his pocket and pulled out 5 red and white Pokeballs.
“Use these to get the Hoothoot, but you will have to coax them before they get in. They’re probably a little spooked now,” said the attendant as he looked accusingly at the Loudred scientist.
“Okay! I’ll be back before you can say Pikachu!” Ty said as he ran off into the direction the Hoothoot went.
“Ty! Wait for me!” Sarah said as she ran off after her friend.
The two arrived at a tree and Ty smiled as he saw a little Hoothoot bouncing on a branch. Ty jumped on the tree and began to slowly ascend it. Sarah looked nervously as her friend slowly made it to the level Hoothoot was on.
“Be careful!” she yelled concerned for her friend.
“Don’t be afraid!” Ty said kindly to the Hoothoot as he did a hand motion letting Hoothoot know it was safe.
“Hoo!” it said happily as it fluttered over to Ty. Ty smiled as he recalled it into it’s Pokeball and slid down the tree.
“Amazing.” Sarah said to herself as Ty landed next to her.
“Four more left! Ty said as he ran off looking for the others. Sarah followed in suit.

The two kids had recovered all but one Hoothoot as they made their way to a huge tree where a big Hoothoot was perched on the highest branch.
“Be careful!” Sarah said as Ty slowly ascended the huge tree. He had made it to the top branch where a girl with black hair was there also. Ty turned to her after he noticed the girl, and realized whom it was.
“Hollie?” he said shocked. The girl did a little laugh.
“Yeah! And just to let you know, I am going to get this Hoothoot!” she said meanly towards the boy. Ty blushed a little.
“That’s nice!” he said smiling. Hollie looked at him weird.
“Dummy! I am going to rescue this dumb bird so everyone will think I’m super cool!” she said snarling.
“Hollie, that is selfish! I’m just trying to help that poor attendant out! Why do you got to always be the center of attention!” he said whining at Hollie.
“Whatever!” she said as she scurried at the Hoothoot with a Pokeball.
“Wait! Don’t!” Ty yelled as he scurried after her. Hollie reached the Hoohoot and yelled at it.
“Get in the Pokeball you overgrown Pidgey!” she yelled, scaring the frightened bird so much it began to violently jump up and down.
“Niceness would have been the key here!” Ty yelled as he gently reached out and held the Hoothoot in his arms.
“Hooo! Hooo!” the bird yelled as it began to peck at Ty. Ty smiled as he petted the bird, calming it down!
“Calm down Hoothoot! I’m your friend!” he said as the bird began to chirp softly. Hollie looked in digust, when all of a sudden a cracking noise was heard and the branch snapped!
“WAHHHHHH!” the kids yelled as they fell down to the ground.
“Ty! Hollie!” Sarah yelled in fright. Suddenly Hoothoot began to glow as it slowly grew into a Noctowl! Ty smiled as Noctowl spread its magnificent wings and caught Ty and Hollie in its talons. It lowered the kids gently down to the ground, and let out a happy hoot.
“Amazing!” said the attendant as he ran up to Ty and Hollie. A group of kid’s and teachers gathered around the kids as Noctowl flapped its wings proudly.
“Here are the others!” Ty said as he handed the attendant the Pokeballs containing the brown owls.
“How about a picture!” said a photographer who was on the scene.
“Not with him!” Hollie said grumpily as she walked off slowly and mumbling to herself as people looked on.
“Poor Hollie.” Ty said feeling sorry for the girl, but then smiled as Noctowl perched on his arm and the photographer took the picture.

“Ahh, good times!” said Ty back in the present as he layed down on the ground peacefully. The kids were laying on sleeping bags as Zorro, Mateo, and Sandy slept by a fire. The stars shone in the night sky as a Zubat, a small purple bat, flew over head.
“Well, I think we should call it a night. It’s getting late.” said Sarah as she layed down in her sleeping bag and looked up at the starry night sky. Ty layed down and closed his eyes as he went off to sleep.
“Night.” He said as he dozed off into a dream.

Not too far away a teen girl sat down on a stump as she bit into an apple. A small green gecko and tiny brown bear were standing besides her smiling.
“According to that boy with the Wurmple, it looks like Ty has been through here.” She smiled as she remembered the young boy telling her of a kid with a Mudkip.
“Tree!” said the small green gecko, a Treecko, as it sat on the ground with a grin.
“Urse!” said the little bear, a Teddiursa, as it jumped happily.
“And when I meet him, we will show him who’s the better trainer!” she said as she threw the apple core to the ground and walked off with her two Pokemon following her into the dark woods.

 

[Barb]

A welcome improvement, Habunake. I loved the flashback to Ty and Sarah's encounter with the Hoothoots. And I laughed at the reference to 'Dr. Pelipper' in the story. Not only did you add some description to the settings, but you also added a bit to the characters. Ty is a bit like Ash--he genuinely appears to care for Pokémon, whether or not they're his to train. Hollie, in contrast, is a bit like Gary--wanting to show off. It'll be interesting to see how Sarah, Ty, and Hollie deal with each other in the coming chapters.

 

[Habunake]

Chapter 3: Aqua Attack in the Petalburg Woods!
“Ahh! Now that was a good sleep!” said Ty as he stretched out his arms and sat up in his sleeping bag. It was a quiet foggy morning as bird Pokemon chirped peacefully in the trees.
“Good morning.” Sarah said tired as she got up as well. The kids folded up their sleeping bags and stood up.
“Guess we better get to town soon, looks like a storm is coming.” Suggested Ty as he was stretching his arms.
“Hmm, the next town is Rustboro City, we should be able to get there in a couple of hours.” smiled Sarah as she looked at a paper map she was holding.
“Off we go!” shouted Ty as he began to walk along the dirt-covered path.
“Tch! Tch!” squeaked a small blue bat as it flew overhead of the kids. Sarah looked up in amazement.
“A Zubat? At this time of day?” asked Sarah as she stared at the tiny bat fluttering fast.
“Their nocturnal, right?” asked Ty slightly in awe over the cool Pokemon. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a Pokeball.
“You’re going to catch it?” Sarah asked confused at why Ty would want to catch it so much.
“Any Zubat that comes out in the day must be strong!” he said as he threw a Pokeball at Zubat. Zubat tried to dodge the incoming projectile, but it hit it right on.
“Tch!” it squeaked as the ball harmlessly bounced off the blue bat as it quickly flew off.
“That’s weird. Even if a Pokemon is healthy, the ball usually will at least try to capture the Pokemon. Unless that was a Zubat that got away from its trainer.” Sarah said as she scratched her head.
“Well, I guess there is nothing we can do about it then.” sighed Ty as he grabbed the Pokeball off the ground and put it back in his pocket. The Zubat continued to watch the kids from a nearby tree, a tiny camera attached to its body.
“Zubat, keep searching for our target!” said a man into a microphone as he observed the camera footage on a portable monitor. The man had short black hair under a blue bandanna with an anchor shaped “A” emblazed on it. He wore a white and black striped shirt with jeans. Zubat hearing the instructions from it’s owner, flew off into the sky looking at the ground.
“ I’ll get a big promotion for this from the boss!” said a rich looking man in a red business suit and pants. He walked along the path with a suitcase clutched in his hand as his pointy brown hair blew in the wind.
“Your going nowhere!” said the blue bandanna man as he jumped out of a nearby tree right in front of the man. His Zubat flew down next to him and fluttered gently by his head.
“Who are you?” asked the businessman as he fell down in shock. The blue bandanna man stood there smirking.
“My name is Manta, and I believe you have a package for me?” asked Manta as he pulled a Pokeball out of his pocket.
“WAHHHHH!” screamed the businessman as Manta walked towards him evilly.
“What was that?” asked Ty in shock over the scream he heard. He looked around to see if he could spot what made it.
“It sounds like a rare Pokemon, like an Electabuzz, come on!” screamed Sarah as she ran excitedly as Ty followed quickly behind her.

The two shortly arrived at a clearing where the businessman lay down on the ground, his shirt severely ripped and dirt covered.
“You got too worked up! It’s just a guy!” said Ty nonchalantly as he stared at the man.
“THIS MAN IS HURT!” screamed Sarah at her friend’s ignorance as she bent down besides the man.
“Uh…hey kid could you help me up.” The man weakly said as Sarah and Ty helped him to his feet.
“What happened?” asked Ty to the man as he caught his breath. The man straightened his tie and began to speak professionally.
“Right then. My name is Samuel C. Rockafella, employee at Devon Corporation located in Rustboro City. My boss, Mr. Pete Stone, had ordered me to pick up some goods from Slateport City. I was on my way through these woods with the briefcase full of the goods in hand, when some goon in a pirate getup attacked me. He already got away, and I think he might have headed for Rustboro city.” Said Samuel as he wiped the dirt from his suit.
“Hey, were on our way to Rustboro city, why don’t we help you get there?” Sarah asked.
‘Heck, will do better then that, we will like totally nab that crook for you!” Ty said as he gave thumbs up. Sarah freaked out.
“Are you kidding, that’s dangerous!” Sarah yelled at her friend. Ty sighed as he and Sarah supported the man as they walked towards the end of the forest.

It was raining as Ty, Sarah, and Samuel sat inside the local Pokemon Center in Rustboro city. A young police officer, was asking Samuel what exactly happened. As Samuel was telling the story the Policeman, a older boy with short brown hair, a t-shirt and shorts walked up to them.
“Hey, I couldn’t help but hear your story. And I think I can help!” said the boy cheerfully.
“Really, how?” asked Sarah as she sipped a drink.
“My name is Jonathan, and I have a secret base I hang out in a lot. It’s in the Rusturf Tunnel, and it’s a well-hidden base. Anyway, today I spotted the man running into the cave!” Jonathan said with an excited smile.
“He’s probably already made I through then.” Sighed Ty. Until the authorities caught the man, the local Gym was closed.
“Heh! Wrong! The Rusturf Tunnel construction was cancelled because of the adverse effect of machinery on the local Whismur. There is no way that man got through there unless he dug a huge hole!” Jonathan said as he grinned once again.
“Are you suggesting we catch the thief?” Ty said as he smiled and sat up.
“Heh! Sounds fun!” Jonathan smiled back at Ty.
“This is a bad idea!” Sarah moaned as the two began to walk out into the rain with Sarah slowly following them.
“Where are those kids going?” asked the policeman. Samuel stared and then remembered Ty’s proposal earlier.
“Oh no! There going after the thief!” yelled Samuel in shock. The Policeman ran outside and jumped on his motorcycle and sped off.

“Machop!” said a small gray dinosaur like creature as it walked ahead of the three kids.
“Whoa. Your Machop looks really healthy!” Sarah said to Jonathan. Jonathan smiled at the compliment.
“Thanks! Mac and me work out a lot. Anyway, Machop should protect us in case that goon has his Pokemon ready to ambush us!” Jonathan said unnervingly.
“Now this doesn’t seem like a good idea!” said Ty as he walked along the grassy path outside of Rustboro.
“Ahhh!” screamed Sarah and Ty loudly as they looked ahead of them and saw something moaning in the darkness.
“It might be a dangerous Pokemon!” said Jonathan as Mac took a battling pose ready to protect the kids.

 

[MistyRocks]

hey there, i like the way you ended the chapter on cliffhanger, always a nice touch.

anyway, I just wanna say that the structure of the writing makes it quite awkward to read. because we can't tab or whatever, I think you should leave a line between each paragraph so it's easier to read. At the moment it looks like a vast clump of text, which is kind of blinding.

other than that, keep at it, I like a good trainer fic