TEEN: - Ongoing Gray Unova

[Lord Kyuubi]

CW: Mental illness of various kinds, mostly relating to isolation and insecurity. Depiction of Pokémon theft and exploitation. Some violence and injury; possibly a little death later on. Limited swearing, mostly mild.

Dedication:

Dedicated to all the friends I’ve known in my eleven or so years in Bulbagarden Writers’ Workshop. Most of what I know about writing - and what I continue to learn - is credit to you. Besides which, you have consistently been the cosiest and friendliest community this old fox could ever have wished for. Sincerely, thank you. I love you all.

Without further ado, I present Gray Unova, a tale of loneliness and friendship in the world of Pokémon…

Chapter 1: Hebi


With a click and a flash, Snivy found herself on a glass counter. Bright, artificial lights glared down from far above, and humans towered over her from all around.

“Here she is!” said the high, cheerful voice of a pink-haired human.

The humans on the other side of the counter leaned in closer. The largest one let out a derisive snort. “It looked bigger in the pictures,” he said.

A far smaller human burst forwards, his hands bearing down towards Snivy.

“Not yet, dear.” Another, long-haired human held him back. “Let me finish the paperwork first.”

The small human bounced away. For a while, the surrounding humans were quiet amongst the chatter and bustle of the rest of the room. Snivy’s eyes flicked back-and-forth between each of them. She knew what was happening here. All her life, she’d had to prepare for the moment she was given to a trainer. But now that moment was here, she just wanted to wilt.

The long-haired one pushed a sheet of paper across so it was in the smallest human’s reach. “Here, Brad, what did you say you were naming it again?”

The eyes scrutinising her from all around drew closer, more intense. Snivy’s nerve broke, and she bolted. A hand caught her, holding her steady. “Careful, you,” the pink-haired human laughed. “I know you’re excited, but there’s no room for acrobatics here.”

She put Snivy down in front of the smallest human - Brad, he’d been called - who was making a scratching motion on the paper with a plastic implement. As he did, shapes that looked like ‘HEBI’ appeared.

“I’m going to call her ‘Hebi’!” Brad declared.

The human beside him frowned. “That’s not how you spell…” She cut off her sentence with a cough. “Sorry, that’s a lovely name, dear. Just sign there, and we’re all done, then we can take it home.”

There was another moment of scribbling, then Brad lunged at Snivy, grabbing her around the middle and squeezing her tight.

“Not so rough,” the biggest human snapped. “You don’t know how much that thing cost us. Use the pokéball.”

The pink-haired human started to say, “Please do take good care of…” then there was a click and flash of light, and Snivy’s senses were taken away.

*

Snivy stumbled as she was released back into consciousness. The evening sun crept in through a window, illuminating a large, cluttered room. The shapes of other, larger Pokémon loomed all around her. She zipped for cover, finding a tiny space between the corner of the room and a solid wooden bed-end.

“Hey, Hebi, don’t be scared!” a human voice called after her.

Snivy stayed where she was. She felt safer in her corner - could she leave her hiding place? ‘Listen to your trainer, trust your trainer,’ she had always been taught, but the reality felt so different. Here she was, brought to this strange place, surrounded by huge, imposing Pokémon she didn’t know…

“Hebi?” A round, pale face appeared around the edge of the bed frame. It was the smaller human she’d met earlier - Brad or something like that?

“Aren’t you excited about your new home?” he asked. When she didn’t move, he added, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Was he genuine? How was Snivy to tell? Could she trust this human who had seemed so rough earlier?

She took a deep breath, and let out a long sigh, trying to get ahold of herself. She’d imagined meeting her trainer many times, and this was not what she’d had in mind. But she couldn’t hide in this corner forever, that was for sure.

Slowly, Snivy - Hebi, she supposed her name was now - emerged from her hiding place.

Brad beamed at her. “There you are. Shy little thing, aren’t you, Hebi? Welcome to your new home.”

Hebi’s eyes flicked around cautiously, getting a proper look at the room. She now saw the other Pokémon were all still and inanimate - and felt very foolish for fleeing from them. The large ones scattered around the floor were plush likenesses, the others just flat pictures on the wall. Hebi’s eyes settled on the largest of the pictures, showing a mighty green and white Serperior, directed into battle by a female human.

Brad followed her gaze, and grinned broadly. “Champion Rosa, and Clover, her Serperior. You’ll be that big and strong one day, Hebi.”

Hebi stared longingly at the Serperior. The majestic Pokémon glared towards an opponent, his expression steadfast and determined despite his numerous battle injuries. A gold-green glow shone around him, filling the scene with verdant light. Two strong, slender vines extended from his back, poised to strike down the opponent.

Her eyes lingered on his vines. Hebi could never be as strong as this Serperior. It was simply impossible.

“They’re my favourites,” Brad said. “It’s good that you like them too. One day, it’ll be you and me up on someone’s wall.”

Hebi finally tore her gaze away from the Serperior. Brad’s glowing hope was only making her anxious. How long would it be, she wondered, until she let him down?

The longer she could put off that moment, the better. The least she could do was to keep up her strength as best as possible.

Hebi moved into the middle of the room, where some sunlight reached the floor, and curled up to bask there.

“Don’t you look comfortable?” Brad said.

It felt much too long since Hebi had properly basked - though she was sure it must have been less than a day. Being picked from the yard, given to a trainer, brought back here… Her entire world had changed so fast. But when she could just lie here, absorbing all the lovely, warm sunlight, all her concerns felt just that bit further away.

“I knew you’d like it here.” Brad reached out to stroke her, and then seemed to think better of it. “But you’ll need to get to bed soon. You’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

Hebi didn’t move until the last hints of light had vanished beneath the horizon. Right there, for just a moment, she’d felt okay. In the gentle sunlight, with her new trainer by her side, she’d been able to relax.

She could only wish that moment had lasted longer.

*

Hebi was woken next morning by an excitable Brad, and barely had time to find her senses and get ready for her busy day, before she was stuffed into a pokéball.

She was released into the face of a great blinding light, and stumbled around, dazzled. As she began to adjust, she saw she was in another human-made room. More harsh ceiling lights, and a hard, tiled floor, far less comfortable than the carpet in Brad’s home.

The morning summer sun was already high in the sky, beaming in through the enormous windows that made up almost the entirety of one wall. And the view from those windows took Hebi’s breath away.

Stretching out for miles, in all directions, was row upon row of what looked like gigantic metal and glass trees, regular in their shape, standing perfectly regimented, gleaming with light. Hebi looked down, and at their roots far below was a floor of stone, teeming with zooming metal creatures.

How was the ground so far below them, Hebi wondered. Then it struck her - she was inside one of the trees! All of them were human-made structures!

Hebi could have spent the whole day gawking in disbelief, but at that moment, she felt Brad’s hands close around her, lifting her away from the windows, and placing her on a small wooden tabletop.

“Young mister Roberts,” a stern voice said. “Please keep your Pokémon under control.”

“S-sorry, Sir,” Brad spluttered.

The human he’d called ‘Sir’ was a taller, older-looking individual, dressed entirely in dark grey. All around the room, smaller humans and their Pokémon were staring his way as he began to pace back and forth.

“As I was saying,” Sir continued. “I would recommend that your Pokémon listen in to this theory session. Then we will all be better prepared for the battles later today, and for the rest of the summer.

“Our main focus, for this early stage, will be on establishing the moves your Pokémon are capable of. We’ll then go on to develop a few basic, widely usable combat routines to get you started.”

A girl sitting a couple of seats over waved her hand about in the air, drawing Sir’s attention. “What do you mean by ‘routines’, Sir?”

Sir smiled. “Just what I was about to talk about. How many of you have watched a Pokémon battle before?”

Every single human’s hand shot up.

“I’d ask what you were doing here if you hadn’t,” Sir chuckled. “And can you tell me, what do you see the trainers doing most of the time?”

Most of the hands went straight back down. One boy muttered, “I only watch the Pokémon.”

“The trainers tell the Pokémon what to do, Sir,” another said, though Hebi could tell Sir wanted a more specific answer than that.

Sir gestured for the class to be quiet, then launched back into his lecture. “I’ve seen many novice trainers - particularly those who are fond of their video games - make the mistake of thinking a trainer should be constantly calling out orders, specifying their Pokémon’s every move. In a real battle, you have no time for that. Hence, routines.”

He walked to one side of the room, where a large, bright yellow spider was surveying the lesson in silence. “If I say ‘Opening One’ to my Galvantula, she knows exactly what I am planning. She is to avoid contact, and lay down Sticky Webs that will hinder the opponent throughout the battle. I don’t need to tell her the whole plan, because it’s a routine we have planned and practiced, and that allows us to fight more effectively. Avoid, as much as you possibly can, declaring your plan in clear terms within earshot of your opponent.”

Sir continued in much that manner, pondering his way through a range of topics - moves, types, all sorts of tactics… Hebi tried to remain attentive throughout, as she knew much of the lecture was just as relevant for her as it was for Brad. As Sir droned on, however, his advice became more and more distant, no longer anything Hebi could make sense of. Eventually, his voice was just another noise, and it became all too easy to snooze in the sunlight for just a little moment…

“Come on, Hebi, let’s go!” Brad’s voice roused her with a start. “Time for our first battle!”

What? First battle? So soon? No, Hebi wasn’t ready for this!

Brad’s hands closed around her, and set her down in an open area of floor, separated from the rest of the room by a low barrier.

“Now, this is just an introductory fight,” Sir said. He stood outside the barrier on the far end of the arena. In front of him a bulky, brown Patrat eyed Hebi warily. “Our purpose here is to assess your Pokémon and get a preliminary look at their abilities. That will give us a starting direction to your training.”

Brad bounced from foot to foot. “Go on, then, Hebi, go get him!”

Hebi edged closer to Patrat, her whole body trembling. Patrat’s red glare bore into her, but he remained motionless at his mark.

“While we will progress to using less specific commands, for now it is best you suggest a move,” Sir instructed. “Do you have an idea how a Snivy might effectively open a battle?”

“Oh! Ummm… Vine Whip! Use Vine Whip, Hebi!”

And there it was, the command she had so dreaded. Hebi wanted to disobey, to think of another plan, or ideally just to flee. But she could not. ‘Your trainer’s orders are absolute,’ she had been taught. She had to try her best for him.

A pair of vines extended from Hebi’s back, feebly trembling and shaking, a dull ache spreading through her whole body. Still, Hebi charged her opponent, swinging the vines together at him.

A healthy Snivy’s attack could have caught Patrat and entangled or tripped him. Hebi’s vines just flopped uselessly, barely even reaching her target.

“Punish,” Sir commanded.

Patrat seized the vines and pulled, throwing Hebi towards him. She hit the floor hard, then he struck her, then again…

“Halt!”

Patrat stepped away. Hebi crawled to a patch of sunlight and lay there, gasping for breath.

“A real battle would have ended right there,” Sir said. “You may be used to dramatisations, in which Pokémon can exchange blows again and again. But in reality, just a few seconds can decide the whole ordeal.” He paused to let the words sink in. “Take a moment to recover. Then try again.”

“Get up, Hebi,” Brad urged, stroking her head softly. “You’re just nervous, right? Don’t worry, let’s just try that again.”

Hebi jerked away from him, almost screaming, “No, not again!”

Brad flinched. Though like any human, he couldn’t understand her words, her meaning had to be clear. Still, his brief look of shock gave way to an encouraging smile. “You have to be brave, Hebi. Vine Whip again, you can do it.”

No, Hebi thought, she could not. If Brad couldn’t understand that, they would get nowhere. She needed her own plan.

Still shaking, she turned back to Patrat and heaved her vines into what she hoped would look like a ready position. One cautious step closer. Then another.

Patrat raised his paws, preparing to catch the vines as he had before. So far, so good.

Hebi swung her vines towards him. Again, they just flopped to the floor. Again, Patrat lunged to grab them. But this time, they weren’t meant to reach him.

Patrat’s grab fell short; he was off balance. Hebi charged. Patrat staggered as the tackle hit him. But the impact sent flashes of pain up Hebi’s back as well. She stumbled away, unable to follow up.

Her opponent recovered faster, and tackled her in return. Again, Hebi crashed to the floor. Patrat halted, looked to Sir for the order to continue. Hebi was back up, swatting at him with her tail, but the attack lacked weight or force. Patrat barged her back to the floor. She landed face-first, no strength left, no energy to continue. The weight of Patrat’s foot pressed into her back, ensuring she stayed down.

“Enough!” bellowed Sir.

Patrat backed off. Hebi lay still, a combination of pain, fatigue and humiliation permeating every fibre of her being.

“Let me see your Pokémon, Mister Roberts,” Sir commanded.

Brad said nothing, staring blankly at the spot Hebi lay. He was just as ashamed of that battle as she was, Hebi realised.

“Mister Roberts, your Pokémon!”

Wordlessly, Brad picked up the exhausted Hebi and handed her to Sir.

Sir set Hebi down on his desk, petting her reassuringly. “Where did you get her?” he asked.

“Birthday present,” Brad mumbled. “Mom and Dad bought her.”

“From a reputable breeder?”

“Don’t know.”

Sir nodded and turned his attention back to Hebi. “I apologise for this, my little friend, but could you extend those vines of yours to their full length for me, please?”

Hebi did as instructed. Trying to hold her vines still, at length sent bursts of pain down her back, and she quickly allowed them to flop back down.

Sir held up a hand. “Thank you, that’s all.” He started scribbling something on a bit of paper, which he gave to Brad. “Take her to a Pokémon Center and give them this. They’ll have to do some checks and judge if your Snivy should be allowed to battle again.”

Brad was trembling, on the verge of tears. “So… So you mean… She might not get better?”

“That’s not for me to say, Mister Roberts.” Sir slumped back in his chair with a loud sigh. “Never before, in all my years as a teacher, has a student brought a disabled Pokémon to one of my classes without at least a note. Go on, I’ll call ahead, let them know you’re coming. Get her checked out by the professionals, and then we can see for sure.”

Brad nodded slowly. Then, he raised the pokéball towards Hebi, and the room vanished.

*

When Hebi was let out of the pokéball, she was not in the Pokémon Center. Instead, she was on Brad’s lap, inside a large container that consisted of darkened windows and an interior of fabric seats.

Brad and his family were all around her. Brad still looked tearful and desparate, while his parents glared back at the two of them from the front seats.

“Go on, then, give it here!” Brad’s father demanded.

As Brad picked her up, Hebi realised she was ‘it’ in that sentence.

“Make it show me its vines!” he snapped.

Brad nodded shakily to her. “Do as he says, Hebi.”

She did so, aching and trembling as the vines neared their full length. Then, Brad’s father seized the vines and pulled them. Hebi screamed, feeling as if they would be torn straight from her back. The man pulled them again, as if that would make them grow properly. Pain exploded across Hebi’s body, worse than anything she’d faced in her short battle.

“Stop it! Stop it, you’re hurting her!” Brad yelled.

His father loosened his grip a little, and Hebi wriggled away from him. Brad snatched her up, holding her close.

“I didn’t know he’d do that,” Brad whispered to her. “You must believe me, Hebi.” Hot tears poured down his face, splashing onto Hebi’s skin.

The container they were in began to rumble, and suddenly lurched into motion. The view through the windows became a blur as they zoomed along.

“We’re sending it back,” Brad’s father declared. “Get you a Pokémon that isn’t defective.”

Brad gasped. “But Hebi’s mine! You can’t do that!”

“You do not tell me what I can and can’t do!”

Brad shrunk back into his seat, whimpering, clutching Hebi tighter to his chest. She felt his heart beating hard and fast against her.

“It’s for the best, dear,” his mother said. “We’re not just taking it away from you, we’re going to get you a much better one.”

“But… But I want Hebi…” Brad sobbed.

“No, you don’t!” his mother snapped. “You only think you do. But if you tried fighting any more battles with a defective Pokémon, then you’d wish you’d listened to us!”

That ended the discussion. They continued in relative silence, only broken by Brad’s whimpers and sobs, and by the constant rumbling and revving of the container. Hebi found herself clutched ever tighter to Brad’s chest, in the vain hope that it would prevent her being taken from him.

She’d really had no idea that in such a short time, he’d already become so attached to her. Hebi had been so preoccupied worrying about everything, she’d barely been thinking about Brad’s feelings. Now, held so close to his heart, she felt awful for it.

Hebi had seen humans cry before, but she’d never understood why they did it until now. Now, she wished she could cry too. She’d been so terrified of having a trainer, but now leaving him seemed so much worse.

They came shuddering to a stop. From out of the front window, Hebi caught a glimpse of a red, glass-fronted building with a pokéball logo above the door.

“Alright, I’ll hand it back, shouldn’t take long.” Brad’s father reached out towards Hebi.

Brad held her so tightly she could hardly breathe.

His mother sighed. “Hand it over, dear. And don’t worry, we’ll make it up to you. We’ll get you the best Snivy that money can buy.”

Still, Brad didn’t move. “Please,” he said. “Please let Hebi stay.”

“Trust me. A couple weeks with a better Pokémon, and you’ll hardly even remember this one.”

Brad gave a last pleading, tearful look to his parents’ impatient, frustrated stares. Then he looked down to Hebi. “I’m sorry, Hebi. I’m really sorry.” Then his grip on her began to relax. “No hard feelings, right?”

But as Hebi was carried away, she couldn’t help the feelings mixing inside, rotting her away. Sadness. Humiliation. Anxiety. And above all else, guilt.

She’d had a trainer for one day, and already she’d failed him.

 

[AetherX]

A Lord Kyuubi fic? Posted on the forum?? In the year of our lord 'literally ever'???

Going into this I don't think I'll have too much to provide in critical feedback, given that it's just one chapter. I don't want to waffle on about what I think a Unova sequel fic would be about only for you to be like "That's… not even close to what I'm doing."

In a real battle, you have no time for that. Hence, routines.

But… but… my "dodge it!" It's all I have to offer!

Routines are a cool idea. I always like when writers of fics that involve battles make adjustments like this that make battling feel much more real and grounded.

‘Your trainer’s orders are absolute,’ she had been taught.

By who? I don't know if you plan to go into Hebi's backstory much, but I am curious. Having a character be a pokémon kind of means you can't assume the usual human backstory of "They have parents and maybe a sibling or two or three and they lived in a town and went to school learning school things until they grew up and got a job."

A pair of vines extended from Hebi’s back, feebly trembling and shaking, a dull ache spreading through her whole body.

I'm going to be honest, when I first read this I assumed this was just due to Hebi's nerves along with some awkward description that didn't really make sense. But then it paid off! A physically disabled pokémon is not something I expected. Very interesting.

Maybe I've just read a number of fics that started off almost identically to this one (including most recently, another Unova fic), but I feel like I underestimated you here. This is not a concept I've seen before, and I'm very interested to see where it goes. Like… will Brad even be a character? Will Hebi learn to battle anyway? Is that what the story is about or is it about something else entirely? Can't wait to find out.

Really glad you've finally posted something. I was actually scrolling through the old General Chat thread the other day for nostalgia's sake and found one of our conversations trying to encourage you to post. I'm happy you've gotten to a point where you feel comfortable with it. You have plenty of reason to be confident. Keep it up!

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Aether! So good to see you here so early!

A Lord Kyuubi fic? Posted on the forum?? In the year of our lord 'literally ever'???

Believe me, I'm as surprised as anyone!

Going into this I don't think I'll have too much to provide in critical feedback, given that it's just one chapter. I don't want to waffle on about what I think a Unova sequel fic would be about only for you to be like "That's… not even close to what I'm doing."

Oh, no need to worry about that. Honestly, this is already the best sort of response I could have wished for. You know me, if someone spent hours on a super-detailed, critical, analytical review, I'd feel self conscious about wasting their time. I haven't changed that much!

By who? I don't know if you plan to go into Hebi's backstory much, but I am curious. Having a character be a pokémon kind of means you can't assume the usual human backstory of "They have parents and maybe a sibling or two or three and they lived in a town and went to school learning school things until they grew up and got a job."

...

I'm going to be honest, when I first read this I assumed this was just due to Hebi's nerves along with some awkward description that didn't really make sense. But then it paid off! A physically disabled pokémon is not something I expected. Very interesting.

Maybe I've just read a number of fics that started off almost identically to this one (including most recently, another Unova fic), but I feel like I underestimated you here. This is not a concept I've seen before, and I'm very interested to see where it goes. Like… will Brad even be a character? Will Hebi learn to battle anyway? Is that what the story is about or is it about something else entirely? Can't wait to find out.

Exactly where to start Hebi's story was something I went back and forth on a lot. But I'm happy this was the right point to start. It was tremendous fun to take such a classic beginning, and have it all go horribly wrong halfway through. As for backstory... We'll get to bits and pieces of it soon enough, I'll say that much.

I'm restraining myself from answering many questions so early on - tempting though it may be. But I'm very much enjoying the curiosity, nonetheless!

Really glad you've finally posted something. I was actually scrolling through the old General Chat thread the other day for nostalgia's sake and found one of our conversations trying to encourage you to post. I'm happy you've gotten to a point where you feel comfortable with it. You have plenty of reason to be confident. Keep it up!

It... really has been a long old road, hasn't it? To be honest, finally making the leap has been really tough. I've barely slept, and haven't really been able to think about anything else since posting... All's to say reading your response this morning has been exactly what I needed. So thank you so much for taking the time.

And I have the best part of six more chapters in varying states of 'nearly ready', plus the beginnings of two more after that, so we're not slowing down any time soon!

 

[Greninjaman]

You'll be fine. Just remember: Don't rush. Don't try to introduce everything right now.

Is this a standard Badge Quest Fic, by the way?

 

[JollyVG]

Wow! Like, pardon the language, but holy shit I did not expect what I just read. I didn't really have any expectations going into this, but consider them blown out of the water. So many interesting ideas and details are played with here, I'm practically devastated that there's only one chapter! But I'll stop rambling and and get to my thoughts.

then there was a click and flash of light, and Snivy’s senses were taken away.

In my own story, I love exploring details like this; when you add a little bit of logic to these illogical concepts, what rules can you apply that don't inhibit the idea of said concept? In my experience, I like to take some of the less-spoken, maybe niche rules that aren't highlighted anymore/at all, and apply them to details like this one. The idea that a Pokémon sitting inside its Pokéball is in a form of stasis is what I usually expect, but it's interesting to experience it from the Pokémon's perspective, where it's aware one moment, and the literal next thing they see is when they're released.

Stretching out for miles, in all directions, was row upon row of what looked like gigantic metal and glass trees, regular in their shape, standing perfectly regimented, gleaming with light. Hebi looked down, and at their roots far below was a floor of stone, teeming with zooming metal creatures.

Speaking of things being in the Pokémon's perspective, I just love how you described this. One thing I just noticed, however, is the highlighted word supposed to be "rectangular?"

specifying their Pokémon’s every move. In a real battle, you have no time for that. Hence, routines.”

This is something I'm gonna take to heart for my own story. I was already doing this to an extent, but pointing it out and putting a name to it makes so much sense. I don't know how much battling this story will have should it continue, but I'm very interested in seeing how you do them.

“Punish,” Sir commanded.

And in a single word, I hate this asshole.

“Never before, in all my years as a teacher, has a student brought a disabled Pokémon to one of my classes without at least a note.

This isn't where I was hooked, but it is where your story grabbed my full attention. I noticed the subtle foreshadowing the two times before this line, but I wasn't entirely sure what the outcome was going to be. A Pokémon with a physical disability is not something I expected to see. Of course, I'm sure it's been done before, but this is genuinely the first time I've encountered it in a fic, and let me just say, well done. It was so heartbreaking getting to the end and being left on such an unbearable cliffhanger after that dramatic plot detail. Like, from this point, I can only imagine where the story goes and who it would follow. Does Hebi somehow get back to Brad? If not, does Hebi start getting passed around from trainer to trainer? Does she even find a new trainer? Augh! I just wanna know!!

“We’re sending it back,” Brad’s father declared. “Get you a Pokémon that isn’t defective.”

“You only think you do. But if you tried fighting any more battles with a defective Pokémon, then you’d wish you’d listened to us!”

These two. Suck. So hard. In the best way, obviously. This was so painful to read. To treat a Pokémon like a toy or a bike for your kid is already awful, but to treat it with such objectivity made me sick. Already it's made deliberately unclear where Hebi came from, seeing as any reputable professor would literally never sell a Pokémon, and Brad couldn't even properly recall who it was his parents bought her through. So with all these details coming together, it paints a very ugly picture of these two as not just parents, but as people. They don't respect their son's wishes, they don't respect Pokémon, and they certainly have done this before in some capacity. I believed Brad when he said "I didn't know he was gonna do that," but I guarantee his dad's done "that" in some manner before.

More importantly than that, the fact that they have the capacity to understand that Hebi has a disability but are so enraged by learning this that they force Brad to return it for a new Pokémon tells me a lot. Someone important to me deals a lot with internalized ableism, brought about by years of actual ableism from their family. The way Brad's parents treat Hebi tells me that they're more than just upset for having bought a "defective Pokémon" as they so disgustingly put it, but that they're offended that their son wants to keep her-- keep the "broken" thing they paid good money for. Not even remotely considering how their actions will likely follow Brad for years, influencing how he himself will treat other Pokémon/people similarly. There's no love, not for Brad, not for Pokémon, and especially not for something deserving of care and safety. Excellent work making them so perfectly hateable in such a short time, truly great work.

So yeah, I think what you have here is wonderfully done. I so hope that you're planning to continue writing this, cause I will absolutely be one of the first to read the next chapter.

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Wow! Like, pardon the language, but holy shit I did not expect what I just read. I didn't really have any expectations going into this, but consider them blown out of the water. So many interesting ideas and details are played with here, I'm practically devastated that there's only one chapter! But I'll stop rambling and and get to my thoughts.

Just to say, 'thank you so very much', doesn't quite feel adequate. You just made my day with just those two lines alone.

And when you say there's only one chapter... I have good news. And bad news. And good news!

In my own story, I love exploring details like this; when you add a little bit of logic to these illogical concepts, what rules can you apply that don't inhibit the idea of said concept?

It's definitely one of my favourite things to go into - my goal is very much to present a more grounded and consistent picture of the Pokémon setting, hopefully without having to throw away anything too central and important. Though by extension, I can sometimes be quite irreverant with some bits of canon, for better or worse. We'll see how often it goes down well.

Speaking of things being in the Pokémon's perspective, I just love how you described this.

The 'tree-skyscrapers' is by far the description I'm most proud of.

One thing I just noticed, however, is the highlighted word supposed to be "rectangular?"

I was meaning 'regular', as in regimented, consistent, neatly formed, but looking at the sentence again, I can see why it might look like that.

This isn't where I was hooked, but it is where your story grabbed my full attention. I noticed the subtle foreshadowing the two times before this line, but I wasn't entirely sure what the outcome was going to be. A Pokémon with a physical disability is not something I expected to see. Of course, I'm sure it's been done before, but this is genuinely the first time I've encountered it in a fic, and let me just say, well done. It was so heartbreaking getting to the end and being left on such an unbearable cliffhanger after that dramatic plot detail. Like, from this point, I can only imagine where the story goes and who it would follow. Does Hebi somehow get back to Brad? If not, does Hebi start getting passed around from trainer to trainer? Does she even find a new trainer? Augh! I just wanna know!!

I don't know what to say, except thank you again!

I'll just try not to keep you waiting too long! I hope I can keep up the standard now you're so invested!

These two. Suck. So hard. In the best way, obviously. This was so painful to read. To treat a Pokémon like a toy or a bike for your kid is already awful, but to treat it with such objectivity made me sick. Already it's made deliberately unclear where Hebi came from, seeing as any reputable professor would literally never sell a Pokémon, and Brad couldn't even properly recall who it was his parents bought her through. So with all these details coming together, it paints a very ugly picture of these two as not just parents, but as people. They don't respect their son's wishes, they don't respect Pokémon, and they certainly have done this before in some capacity. I believed Brad when he said "I didn't know he was gonna do that," but I guarantee his dad's done "that" in some manner before.

More importantly than that, the fact that they have the capacity to understand that Hebi has a disability but are so enraged by learning this that they force Brad to return it for a new Pokémon tells me a lot. Someone important to me deals a lot with internalized ableism, brought about by years of actual ableism from their family. The way Brad's parents treat Hebi tells me that they're more than just upset for having bought a "defective Pokémon" as they so disgustingly put it, but that they're offended that their son wants to keep her-- keep the "broken" thing they paid good money for. Not even remotely considering how their actions will likely follow Brad for years, influencing how he himself will treat other Pokémon/people similarly. There's no love, not for Brad, not for Pokémon, and especially not for something deserving of care and safety. Excellent work making them so perfectly hateable in such a short time, truly great work.

So delighted the parents made such a strong impact so quickly. I'm really impressed how much you're able to intuit about them from just this chapter.

I do hope the ableism didn't feel too much. I've been a little bit concerned about the first chapter being on the darker end of the story - but then, at the same time I wanted to make an impact out of the gate, so...

So yeah, I think what you have here is wonderfully done. I so hope that you're planning to continue writing this, cause I will absolutely be one of the first to read the next chapter.

Once again, thank you so much. You've made this old fox very happy indeed.

And don't worry, I'm keeping going. This story is very close to my heart, and I intend to see it through to the end. Speaking of which, um, stay tuned.

 

[JollyVG]

I do hope the ableism didn't feel too much. I've been a little bit concerned about the first chapter being on the darker end of the story - but then, at the same time I wanted to make an impact out of the gate, so...

On the contrary! I don't know if it exactly calls for a CW, but as a foreshadowed hook, it's very effective! Hebi's disability is a very sensitive, real topic to depict in fiction, and to go the extra step and depict the harsh reality that many people with disabilities face is a very bold decision. That's why seeing the care with which you slowly set it up and quickly knocked it down really impressed me. It never felt excessive, or unrealistic. Triggering? Quite possibly, hence why I can't decide if it should have a CW or not (even though violence is listed, so I guess it's the best you can do without outright spoiling the entire reveal). Regardless, I think the ableism served its purpose to the plot phenomenally and didn't overstay its (not) welcome.

I can't wait to see what you're cooking! I'll be waiting!

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Chapter 2: Travelers


“Raise. Seventy.”

All eyes around the table turned towards the next player. Sylvester contemplated his cards, his tanned, weathered face half-hidden by his tattered felt hat.

He pushed the cards away with a scowl. “Fold.” This was no good. At this rate, would he even have spare cash left when they reached Unova? He’d hoped to make a few quick bucks on the last night of the voyage, but this game was not going his way.

Maybe he should stop now? Maybe his partner would make all the money they’d need by himself?

“Another game, mister Shaw?” the dealer asked.

Sylvester nodded to him, and the cards were dealt. Two of Clubs and Five of Hearts. In the centre of the table, the Eight and Five of Diamonds and the Queen of Hearts were revealed.

He could work with that. “Raise, thirty.”

Most players tapped out early. Someone raised to forty dollars, then fifty, another player folded. The bid stayed steady, and Sylvester won the hand. There, this game wasn’t without hope. A few more rounds like that and he’d be back in profit.

More hands came and went. Sylvester won a little, lost a little. No progress, but no setbacks he couldn’t recover from. His nerves were starting to wear thin. The casino’s harsh, garish lights always bothered him, and the constant sway of the ship was only making things worse. One other player had the sense to walk away.

Sylvester groaned. He had only a little less money than he’d started with. Some evenings, he’d have played safe and called it quits. But tomorrow, the ferry reached Castelia. If he could just get one good payout…

He was dealt the Jack of Diamonds and the Four of Hearts. The Four of Spades, and the Ten and Ace of Clubs sat in the middle of the table.

The bid raised quickly, but Sylvester had a good feeling about this hand. “Raise, fifty.”

One player folded. The others continued raising the bid, to sixty, seventy, then eighty dollars.

The Jack of Hearts appeared on the table. That gave Sylvester two pairs - a good two pairs at that. Plenty to win most hands.

“Raise, one-hundred bucks,” he said.

More players tapped out. Only one was left - the young lady opposite him, wearing a hideous spotted frock that made her look a bit like a Snubbull. She’d been having an even worse evening than he was. Hardly a serious player, Sylvester thought, as she matched the bid.

The last card, the Seven of Spades, was revealed. Time for the players to show their hands.

“Two pairs,” Sylvester declared. “Jacks and Fours.”

A broad, condescending smirk spread across the pink-clad lady’s face, as she turned over the Jack of Spades and Seven of Diamonds. “Jacks and Sevens. Oh, dearie, dearie me.”

Sylvester sat there, stunned, watching his money get swept away to his opponent. There was no way he could lose that much here. He needed to keep going, he had to get it back.

But he had so very little left to bid. What if he lost the next hand too? At this rate, he could be cleaned out in no time at all.

No. This game was lost. All he could do was hope his partner was faring well enough to make up for it.

“I’m done.” Sylvester collected up his remaining chips, threw on his oversized riding duster, and stomped away from the table.

The battle rings were in the next room over, lit with the same lurid, headache-inducing lights. Rather than tables, however, the floor was filled with glass-walled arenas, surrounded by cheering spectators. Sylvester pushed his way through the crowds, passing by a few fights until he found the one he was looking for.

A pale Zigzagoon and a sandy-yellow Eevee confronted each other. The Eevee - Wildfire - growled and snarled, his opponent slowly backing away.

“You can take him!” A man in the crowd cheered on the Zigzagoon. “I bet he’s all bark, no bite!”

Wildfire fell quiet, as if daring Zigzagoon to take up the challenge. His opponent took one slow step forwards, then broke into a haphazard charge. Wildfire dodged the tackle and pounced, flipping Zigzagoon onto his back, pinning him to the floor.

A round of gasps, cheers and groans rang out in the crowd. Sylvester heartily applauded his partner’s victory. “Great work there, buddy,” he called out. “That’ll do us for now.”

Wildfire leapt out of the arena, latching his claws into Sylvester’s coat, and climbing up to his shoulder.

“You doing okay, Partner?” Sylvester asked him. “Not working you too hard?”

Wildfire responded with a low, growling sound. Sylvester understood that to mean he was a bit banged up, but didn’t want to make a fuss over it.

“Whatever you say.” Sylvester made his way over to the recovery area. Wildfire accepted a Heal Pulse from the Chansey, but refused to let the human nurses touch him. Then they went on to the collection booth to count up their winnings.

A pale, greasy-looking man tapped at a keyboard behind the booth. “Let me just check the records for… Wildfire, you said? Arena seven?” Then he scoffed. “At least one of you is making an effort. Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the tables? See if you can earn half as much as your little friend here?”

“I’m sure.”

“Well, then,” the attendant sneered. “Altogether, that’s three-hundred and seventy-five dollars. Our pleasure.”

“That’s barely more than I started with,” Sylvester growled.

The attendant shrugged. “Well, I’m afraid if you’re not happy with that, you know what to do about it. Could be this is when your luck turns around.”

Sylvester couldn’t deny the temptation was there. He’d hoped he’d already be rich by the time the ferry reached Unova. Maybe if he used the money Wildfire had won, with just a few more games…

“No,” he said firmly. “We’ll take what we got.”

“You know, if that’s really not enough for you…” The attendant beckoned for him to lean in closer. Sylvester did so, gagging at the stink of cigarette smoke on the man’s breath. “I don’t know where you found that Eevee of yours, but this house always pays well for strong Pokémon.”

Sylvester felt his stomach churn, and a deep anger start bubbling up inside him. “For your sake, buddy, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just hear that.”

“Think it through, my friend,” the attendant continued. “In your situation, what wouldn’t you do for two-thousand dollars?”

Sylvester grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck, staring him straight in the eye. “He’s my partner. He ain’t for sale. Got it?”

For a moment, the attendant looked as if he was about to make one last attempt. Then his eyes widened, he screamed in pain, trying to pull away from the desk, as Wildfire’s fangs and claws sank deep into his hand. “Get it off get it off!”

Sylvester grinned. “About time we were going, don’t you think, Partner?” Wildfire released the man, who clutched his bleeding hand as if it would never recover, and leapt back to Sylvester’s shoulder.

They left the casino in a hurry and headed back to their cabin. It was a tiny room, clean but characterless, furnished with only the most basic essentials for them both. A tiny, round window overlooked the midnight black sea. All that distinguished it as their own was Sylvester’s guitar, sitting in its case in one corner.

The excitement from the casino gone, Sylvester’s exhaustion quickly overtook him. With a loud yawn, he threw his coat and hat over a chair, and collapsed on the bed.

“Some day, eh, Partner?” he groaned. “You believe we’re back on dry land tomorrow? None too soon, I say.”

Wildfire yipped irritably at him.

“Alright, alright, I’m on it.” Sylvester hauled himself back up to pour out Wildfire’s supper - just some water and half a bowl of dried kibbles - and added a drop of sleep tonic to it. “You happy now?”

He smiled as he watched the Eevee set right to his supper. For whatever else was out of their control, Sylvester would at least see this little guy had a good life from now on.

But could he? As he got himself ready for bed, regrets from the card game lingered in Sylvester’s mind. He’d been winning until that last card. If that had just been any other card…

It had only been a few days, but it seemed almost another lifetime they’d left Gateon Port. Sylvester had to chuckle at the lofty dreams he’d had - the fortunes he’d make on his way, and the grand things the two of them would accomplish when they arrived. Reality hadn’t quite worked with him on that. He had just a few hundred dollars to his name, and somehow they were going to have to live on that.

Sylvester’s anxieties crushed him into his bed. He could hear Wildfire’s soft breaths, already deep in a peaceful slumber. But no matter how exhausted he was, sleep would evade him until long into the night.

*

Dragging himself out of bed the next morning took a titanic amount of effort, and some encouragement from the hungry Eevee pawing at him.

“Morning, Partner,” Sylvester yawned, nudging Wildfire away. He poured out a meagre breakfast for the Eevee, then showered and dressed, and headed out of the cabin, guitar in hand.

Finding an open spot on one of the ferry lounges, Sylvester set down the open case, and experimentally strummed the guitar to check the tuning. Not perfect, but it would do for the morning, he thought, starting his first song.

Sylvester’s voice was nothing special, but his instrumental skills were okay. Wildfire sat beside the case, his tail swishing back and forth, his paw tapping along with the music. Really, all Sylvester needed to do was draw attention. A few people had already started throwing bits of loose change into the case - most of them far more interested in the scruffy Eevee than the music.

“This is towards getting him a nice makeover,” one lady said, dropping a dollar in the case.

The next line of the song was ruined, as Sylvester struggled not to laugh at the thought. There wasn’t much he could imagine Wildfire would like less.

He gave the performance a couple of hours. Earnings were slow, but at this stage, what else was he to do?

Then he noticed who was coming to listen, and ended his song off early. Strutting across the room towards him, flanked by a sleek Vulpix and a short, squat Snubbull, was the pink lady from the card game. She smirked at him. “Oh dearie me, not short on change, are we?” She let a few quarters drop into his guitar case. “There you go.”

Sylvester glared. “You wanna do your good deed for the day? We both know you could cough up more than that.”

“But why should I? It’s what I’ve fairly earned.” She fluttered her eyelids at him.

“Do it for my partner?” Sylvester nodded to Wildfire, who was going through his stretches the way he did before battle.

The lady scoffed. “That smelly little hairball? My whole family fortune couldn’t save such an unfortunate creature.”

Sylvester gave a grim chuckle. “You don’t think he’s up to much, then? You wanna find out?”

She gave each of her Pokémon a scratch behind the ears. “How much more do you want to lose?”

“How about the hundred bucks you owe me?”

Her eyes flicked between Sylvester and Wildfire, looking for the trick. She faltered. For a moment, Sylvester thought she was going to back down. Then her sneer returned. “Well. I’d be stupid to refuse an offer like that. Veronica, would you do the honors?”

Her Vulpix took a few steps forwards, puffing out small flames to warm up. And was smashed down in a blink. Wildfire’s pounce dragged the Vulpix across the floor, with a screech of claws against tiles. They came to a halt, and Vulpix struggled to recover. Wildfire pounced again, crashing her back down.

“Hey, stop!” the lady screamed. “Beatrice, Roar!”

Her Snubbull charged. A rough bellow - more a bark than a roar - echoed across the room. Wildfire’s ears flattened, his forepaws clamping them down.

“You filthy cheats! We weren’t ready!”

Wildfire recovered quickly and leapt at the Snubbull. Beatrice skidded backwards and tried to chomp him. Wildfire zipped out of her reach, circling around for his next attack.

“Partner! That’s enough!” Sylvester bellowed. He gave a sigh of relief as Wildfire slowed to a stop. “I’d say we won this one.”

“You didn’t win!” she screeched, cradling her unconscious Vulpix. “You cheated!”

“Battles ain’t all neat and tidy, lady. Sometimes, you just gotta win.” Sylvester’s words tasted bitter, and he regretted them immediately.

“But I… How could you…?” Then she spun and left the room without another word.

The assembled crowd started to disperse. A few of them stayed, shouting and booing at Sylvester as he gathered up his things. Hat low over his face, he fled the lounge, Wildfire trailing behind him.

Sylvester headed to the café, and settled into a seat by the window with a cup of flavorless black coffee. “Oh, Partner. What’re we gonna do with you?”

He gazed over to the Eevee, who sat staring out the window watching the waves go by. What was going on in that fluffy head of his? Had he any shame at all for how he’d fought back there?

Sylvester took a sip of coffee. “Once we’re in Unova, that’s where we start. Then we’re challengers.” He coughed. “You listening, buddy?”

One ear flicked around his way. Sylvester said nothing, waiting for Wildfire’s full attention. In his own time, the Eevee turned and climbed up onto the table.

“You gotta know, when we’re in a proper battle, they got rules. You can’t go attacking before battle’s begun.”

Wildfire just stared at him, as if to ask if the lecture would go on much longer. Sylvester dropped eye contact, equally keen to change the subject. “We can work on it, Partner.”

Wildfire gave the coffee a sniff, and started lapping it up.

Sylvester chuckled. “Leave some for me, won’t you?” He stared out the window, distant shorelines and towering buildings catching his eye. They’d had glimpses of land since the weather had cleared. The coast of Orre had bade them farewell days ago. The Channel of Anahuac’s cliffsides had stared down at them as they’d drifted through. Now, the Unovan cityscape stood ahead to welcome them. “You been missing dry land?”

The Eevee gave a low yip.

“I know, buddy, I know. The sea don’t suit me neither.” Sylvester chuckled. “Good thing they didn’t name you ‘Maelstrom’ or something. Can’t see you’d make a good Vaporeon.”

Wildfire glared at him. Sylvester took the chance to retrieve his coffee.

“You reckon you’re ready to evolve soon, Partner? Don’t wanna push you into it.”

Before Wildfire could respond, an announcement pinged, “Attention all passengers. We will be docking in Castelia City in approximately one hour. That’s arrival in one hour, thank you.”

“Better finish this.” Sylvester slurped down the end of the coffee. “It’s okay, Partner, tell me later if you ain’t sure. Right now, we best be going.”

 

[JollyVG]

Another great chapter! I don't have quite as much to say about this one, but I do have a few lingering thoughts. Like, what's this dude's history in Orre? I only played Colosseum for the first time a few years ago, and the region itself is already so different from any other in the series, I can only imagine what led him to leave and join an actual Pokémon League.

On that note, though, it's interesting to see him struggling with himself about adapting to a more "civilized" battling style when he had no issue (right away) with siccing Wildfire on two other Pokémon. Like, to the point that he backed up his Eevee's actions, but seemed to not enjoy it, at least not like he might have before. Like right here:

Sylvester’s words tasted bitter, and he regretted them immediately

It's telling that he doesn't wholeheartedly agree with the words coming out of his mouth. He's backing up his and Wildfire's actions, but comes to regret it, at least somewhat, when the disapproving crowd begins chattering about them before he rushes off. But then, when they're alone, his tune seems to change:

Had he any shame at all for how he’d fought back there?

Now he's assigning more blame onto Wildfire. Maybe "blame" isn't accurate, but he is questioning why and if his Pokémon felt the same kind of shame for their battle style. But why would he? I'm to assume based on context that his life in Orre was-- understandably-- rough, and that kind of ruthless battling was necessary. if that's at all accurate, then him not understanding that fact seems like willful ignorance to me. Which isn't a bad thing at all! I think if willful ignorance is the case, it makes for an interesting detail to unravel (narrator voice) as the journey continues. How long will Sylvester be able to keep Wildfire in line before he recognizes his own role in it? My first thought is that Wildfire will get him into trouble through more ruthless battling and, as the trainer, will have to handle the consequences. And maybe I'm way off base, but I think it's worth exploring even if it's not the plan. At the very least, I think his little gambling problem should definitely bite him in the ass at some point.

Awesome work again! I patiently await whatever's next!

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Another great chapter!

Thankin' you! This one definitely took more time and tinkering than the last, but I feel it was worth it in the end.

Like, what's this dude's history in Orre? I only played Colosseum for the first time a few years ago

Colosseum is also my main reference for Orre - I'm quite a lot more familiar with it than I am with Gale of Darkness. I will say getting the Orre references won't be essential to the story, but yeah, Colosseum contains pretty much everything you might want to know and understand these character better.


Really enjoying your insights and speculations into the characters. I won't say much, to not risk giving anything way, but the comments are always good to see.

Awesome work again! I patiently await whatever's next!

Going to have to give some thought to the next chapter. I don't know if the version I have is already good to go or not - really, it's in a better state than Chapter 2 was until its revisions this week. But I think one hasty release was quite enough, so I'll probably rather give it time.

I won't give much away about Chapter 3. But I will just say we're getting back to Hebi.

 

[kintsugi]

GOD the excitement I felt when I first saw the title of this--I'm like, so incredibly biased for a good Unova fic, and even, better one that kind of digs into the untapped, idk, discordance of what Pokemon Black and White means. Gray is bleak, gray is neither, gray is both ... it's a really evocative story title, which is also personally wild to me since "[Color] [Pokemon Thing]" is like the entire reason we're here lol, so I shouldn't be terribly piqued lol ...

I definitely thought this was going to be a journeyfic, but I take it that it's more going to be an anthology of snippets from people experiencing things in Unova that are morally, heh, grey--primarily pokemon getting the short end of the stick, but hey, there's predatory gambling and humans caring infinitely more about a homeless cat than a homeless human too! I must underline that I am 100% here for interpretations of pokemon canon that suggest that, for example, a sentient group of second-class people who can be owned and yoinked into unconsciousness at will, may in fact not be prime candidates for equal treatment--but I do also like when these kinds of worlds also show unfairness towards humans as well. I think it helps create a more nuanced, unfeeling, expansive kind of bleak society; this is a world that does take advantage of everyone/everything it can. The attendants on the gambling ships will try to egg fellow humans to keep feeding their addiction; human children with brash, my-way-or-the-high-way parents will not be able to guarantee good outcomes even if their teacher is polite about it. There's grimness that goes all the way down, sorta thing--I think it helps steer the fanfic world into something more grounded than the game/anime/source material world, so it's not just [~the post-scarcity utopia depicted in the source material, but we're also inexplicably exploitative towards our pets] or whatever.

hebi

“It looked bigger in the pictures,” he said.

I like how you really quickly establish the personalities of everyone here, even through the kind of xeno narration. Dad is going into this ready to be unsatisfied and utterly lacking in any of the childhood wonder and awe that comes with the getting-your-starter fantasy moment; I think between his dialogue and Hebi's general unease, you really efficiently set up how this has a familiar shape (nurse joy is here! a brand new day!), but the details are all a little wrong.

Hebi is also so incredible :c again I'm 100% biased for Snivy With Issues, but you do a good job of showing her anxiety and also joy. There's a world where she'd be happy and basking in the sunlight alongside a human who loved her; it's just not this one. And that really stings! Like others said, I think you really did a good job of establishing her as believably nervous, while having a lot of details like yearning to be like Clover that make more sense in hindsight--it's not like she'd just turn to the camera and be like "as we all know, I am disabled", and I think it captures the kind of deflation that comes with "maybe I can make this work [despite some sort of institutionalized/inherent thing stacked against me]" being met with "flatly denied". It's again, so very realistic and so very crushing lol. And it really underlines how little care the pokemon actually get in this setting. It's assumed that they're both ready and willing to battle (they wouldn't have been born as starter pokemon if they didn't, obviously), to the point that so much of the day/chapter can pass before anyone actually verifies this fact. The trainer school experience is so human-focused (and delightfully so lol--"I only watch the pokemon" is such a good line) despite the pokemon being a crucial half of the battling experience lol.

In a macro sense this feels very much like something that's ailing this Unova too--pokemon are to be seen, not heard, and the idea that they would want or need anything other than the role they've been given is both unimaginable and wrong.

(also? they can read??? sorry to do this to you but this is also a hole that I ran into lol--if they can read, couldn't they also write/type/otherwise communicate externally? and if so, how would this affect the one-way communication that seems necessary for a lot of this to work? i solved this problem with "fuck, i hope no one irl asks, and ig humans in-universe just don't care enough", so.)

travelers
Again, I think a huge draw for this one for me is the introduction of the establishment preying on other humans. There's so much depth in the contrast of Sylvester going from gambling yachts with lights so bright that it makes it hard to focus (this liminal place that mostly exists to drain money out of you), to the busking on the streets (this activity that could be joyous and fun if he weren't doing it for survival). This is a diverse world with many ways to harm many people. Sometimes the best you can do is share coffee with your bud and survive.

And again, I think the joy is still felt here, and that's important. These are believably two friends who have been through a lot. They are existing in a world that is biased against each of them in different ways and to different degrees. Those parts are undeniable, but despite it, they can try to be their best selves. Very gray 10/10 (or? 5/10? halfway?)

“Think it through, my friend,” the attendant continued. “In your situation, what wouldn’t you do for two-thousand dollars?”

genuinely i am thriving so much this morning on this line lol--the other half of the "they bought this pokemon" that rarely gets acknowledged in the fandom is, "from whom???" And there's so many awful loaded questions that come with that answer if it's allowed to be something more nuanced than "from bad guys [who i am not bad for associating with, don't worry, they're just bad guys over there alone]". Sylvester says no here, and that makes him a good person, but that he could give any answer speaks to such a fractured world.

-

And anyway I think these are very different chapters that feel related in theme rather than character (but idk, maybe Sylvester and Brad are rivals and Hebi pops out in Chapter 8 in a giant mech to beat the shit out of them), but the underlying theme of trust feels very prevalent so far--

Was he genuine? How was Snivy to tell? Could she trust this human who had seemed so rough earlier?

Because, really, is it fair to ask this much of people? Brad is a minor and isn't ultimately responsible for Hebi being returned, but would it be wrong of her to not/forgive him? And ultimately his focus is still on Hebi forgiving him rather than, idk, is Hebi going to be sent to the glue factory for this; does anyone know; is my precious little snake going to be okay? Can Wildfire really love someone who could always, at the end of the day, trade him in for sorely-needed money? When this trust is reciprocated, it's heartwarming ofc (and kind of the backbone of the franchise), but what if it's not? Who are we to ask this?

I talk a lot about the grounded and kind of tragic/fraught bits of this, but I also think you did a really good job of balancing the humor haha. Hebi mistaking the plushes for other pokemon, naming the teacher 'Sir' because that's what everyone else calls him, Wildfire hating the groomers--still so very peak haha. I'm super interested to see where this goes next; thanks for sharing after all this time <3

(sidenote, if you are interested in more fanfic that fits the very narrow niche of poking at the ethical realities that might come about in the pokemon world, this is my favorite genre + happy to send some recs your way)

 

[JollyVG]

Hebi mistaking the plushes for other pokemon, naming the teacher 'Sir' because that's what everyone else calls him

I wanna echo this point cause I also loved it! It's like the game Ghost Trick, where a dog calls a telephone a "Hello" cause that's what the human says when she picks it up, or to use an older example, how in Lady and the Tramp, Lady refers to her owners as "Darling" and "Jim Dear." It's so endearing, I loved it

 

[Welkamo]

God damn.

This really feels like a love letter to the Writers’ Workshop. I can smell the years of discussions around characterization and Pokémon ethics, taste the themes I see so often about the haves and have nots or the unbreakable bonds forged in hardships, see words carefully chosen and carefully carved to make this world come alive. I think this might instantly be a favourite fic for me???? I think the themes really drew me in; I love exploring people who don’t fit in the system and how they try to live in it—or outside of it! Disability for Pokémon is also such an interesting yet underutilized idea in fics. There’s a lot of bad stuff happening to the characters, and there’s a lot of bad people in the world, but it’s balanced with hope and humour, and characters who do care and do everything they can to show they care (even if it’s not enough to save them), enough so that things don’t seem entirely forgone. Curious how these two story threads will come together, either in theme or in person. Will these characters meet, or will their stories go on similar or different paths?

I’m sorry if this review rambles too much, but legitimately I love this story, I love the love for writing it radiates, I love the love for this community woven through this story.

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Oh my word, seems I was away just in time to miss all the activity. Sorry about that, I hope nobody thought I'd just left you out in the cold there.

So first and foremost, @kintsugi @Welkamo Thank you both so much! So much enthusiasm for just two pokey little chapters - it really means so much to me.

Now where to begin...

GOD the excitement I felt when I first saw the title of this--I'm like, so incredibly biased for a good Unova fic, and even, better one that kind of digs into the untapped, idk, discordance of what Pokemon Black and White means. Gray is bleak, gray is neither, gray is both ... it's a really evocative story title, which is also personally wild to me since "[Color] [Pokemon Thing]" is like the entire reason we're here lol, so I shouldn't be terribly piqued lol ...

Glad you like the title! For the longest time, I used to generically call my setting 'Bleak Unova', and the story had no name at all. Gray Unova just suddenly clicked one day, and it felt so right I had to go with it.

I definitely thought this was going to be a journeyfic, but I take it that it's more going to be an anthology of snippets from people experiencing things in Unova that are morally, heh, grey--primarily pokemon getting the short end of the stick, but hey, there's predatory gambling and humans caring infinitely more about a homeless cat than a homeless human too! I must underline that I am 100% here for interpretations of pokemon canon that suggest that, for example, a sentient group of second-class people who can be owned and yoinked into unconsciousness at will, may in fact not be prime candidates for equal treatment--but I do also like when these kinds of worlds also show unfairness towards humans as well. I think it helps create a more nuanced, unfeeling, expansive kind of bleak society; this is a world that does take advantage of everyone/everything it can. The attendants on the gambling ships will try to egg fellow humans to keep feeding their addiction; human children with brash, my-way-or-the-high-way parents will not be able to guarantee good outcomes even if their teacher is polite about it. There's grimness that goes all the way down, sorta thing--I think it helps steer the fanfic world into something more grounded than the game/anime/source material world, so it's not just [~the post-scarcity utopia depicted in the source material, but we're also inexplicably exploitative towards our pets] or whatever.

Sums it up pretty well, I'd say, yeah. We're following along with the struggles and relationships of a few everyday Pokémon and humans, and seeing how they land.

I will say it's not all grim and bleak, I do still want to capture a little of the whimsy of the source material, albeit often in a somewhat changed form. I aim to have some light and some darkness in every chapter, but definitely the first two were more towards the darker side of things.

So glad you're enjoying the setting anyway! It's been a lot of fun to work on.

I like how you really quickly establish the personalities of everyone here, even through the kind of xeno narration. Dad is going into this ready to be unsatisfied and utterly lacking in any of the childhood wonder and awe that comes with the getting-your-starter fantasy moment; I think between his dialogue and Hebi's general unease, you really efficiently set up how this has a familiar shape (nurse joy is here! a brand new day!), but the details are all a little wrong.

Turning around a familiar setup is something I've found I enjoy very much. Happy to hear it all worked out well this time.

Hebi is also so incredible :c again I'm 100% biased for Snivy With Issues, but you do a good job of showing her anxiety and also joy. There's a world where she'd be happy and basking in the sunlight alongside a human who loved her; it's just not this one. And that really stings! Like others said, I think you really did a good job of establishing her as believably nervous, while having a lot of details like yearning to be like Clover that make more sense in hindsight--it's not like she'd just turn to the camera and be like "as we all know, I am disabled", and I think it captures the kind of deflation that comes with "maybe I can make this work [despite some sort of institutionalized/inherent thing stacked against me]" being met with "flatly denied". It's again, so very realistic and so very crushing lol

Poor Hebi, I love her dearly, but she gets such a tough time anyway.

I was actually pretty concerned about how well she'd come across, but it looks like I should've had more confidence in her.

I love that you're already identifying 'hope and effort vs crushing reality' as a thing Hebi has to deal with. Spoiler (not really) - it won't be the last time. I shall just hope I can pull it off well again.

(also? they can read??? sorry to do this to you but this is also a hole that I ran into lol--if they can read, couldn't they also write/type/otherwise communicate externally? and if so, how would this affect the one-way communication that seems necessary for a lot of this to work? i solved this problem with "fuck, i hope no one irl asks, and ig humans in-universe just don't care enough", so.)

Alright, I'd better address this. So I really hope the only line you're referring to here is this, otherwise I've messed up significantly.

She put Snivy down in front of the smallest human - Brad, he’d been called - who was making a scratching motion on the paper with a plastic implement. As he did, shapes that looked like ‘HEBI’ appeared.

This was a rough attempt to get the spelling of Hebi's name into the text. Her name should've been 'Hebe', but Brad spelled it wrong, and now she's Hebi. The intention was to plant that idea, while getting across that the letters were just odd shapes from Hebi's perspective. I could trim or edit that a little, if that didn't come across well.

In general, maintaining the one-way nature of human/Pokémon communication is pretty critical to me - I like having that fundamental barrier between them that takes effort to work around.

Again, I think a huge draw for this one for me is the introduction of the establishment preying on other humans. There's so much depth in the contrast of Sylvester going from gambling yachts with lights so bright that it makes it hard to focus (this liminal place that mostly exists to drain money out of you), to the busking on the streets (this activity that could be joyous and fun if he weren't doing it for survival). This is a diverse world with many ways to harm many people. Sometimes the best you can do is share coffee with your bud and survive.

And again, I think the joy is still felt here, and that's important. These are believably two friends who have been through a lot. They are existing in a world that is biased against each of them in different ways and to different degrees. Those parts are undeniable, but despite it, they can try to be their best selves. Very gray 10/10 (or? 5/10? halfway?)

It seemed only fair the humans get a rough time too, even if they'll maybe not quite have it as bad as the Pokémon.

I'm happy to see how Sylvester and Wildfire's connection has come across in such little time. One of my longest-running concerns with Chapter 2 was whether it showed off Wildfire well enough, but it sounds like it got there in the end.

genuinely i am thriving so much this morning on this line lol--the other half of the "they bought this pokemon" that rarely gets acknowledged in the fandom is, "from whom???" And there's so many awful loaded questions that come with that answer if it's allowed to be something more nuanced than "from bad guys [who i am not bad for associating with, don't worry, they're just bad guys over there alone]". Sylvester says no here, and that makes him a good person, but that he could give any answer speaks to such a fractured world.

It delights me that you got so much from such a little moment.

And anyway I think these are very different chapters that feel related in theme rather than character

Glad they're still able to feel connected. I was a bit concerned about jumping character so early - even more so after the responses to Chapter 1. Still not sure if that was the right thing to do or not - only time will tell, I guess.

Because, really, is it fair to ask this much of people? Brad is a minor and isn't ultimately responsible for Hebi being returned, but would it be wrong of her to not/forgive him? And ultimately his focus is still on Hebi forgiving him rather than, idk, is Hebi going to be sent to the glue factory for this; does anyone know; is my precious little snake going to be okay? Can Wildfire really love someone who could always, at the end of the day, trade him in for sorely-needed money? When this trust is reciprocated, it's heartwarming ofc (and kind of the backbone of the franchise), but what if it's not? Who are we to ask this?

I'm feeling kind of like a broken record at this point, but once again, it's a joy to see all the thoughts and speculations.

Trust is definitely a major theme, I'm glad it's emerging in both of these chapters, and not just Hebi.

I'm super interested to see where this goes next; thanks for sharing after all this time <3

It's been my pleasure!

Actually, it's been my whole emotional rollercoaster multiple times over, and likely will continue to be, but never mind that.

Sorry, incidentally, if this response has been a bit all over the place. I've not long been back home - I'm kind of exhausted and my head just feels empty. But I wanted to get back to you as soon as I could, since I've kept you waiting long enough already. Thanks so much again for the review! I may not be great at finding anything worthwhile to say back, but I really enjoyed all of your thoughts!

(And sure, please, I certainly would be interested in more fic recommendations along those lines!)

And now...

God damn.

This really feels like a love letter to the Writers’ Workshop. I can smell the years of discussions around characterization and Pokémon ethics, taste the themes I see so often about the haves and have nots or the unbreakable bonds forged in hardships, see words carefully chosen and carefully carved to make this world come alive.

I mean, you saw the dedication, right? It's my gift for you all - only feels right I owe you something back after all these years. I can only hope it's worthy.

But really, I am delighted beyond my ability to express that this comes across in the writing itself. Thank you so much for saying this.

I think this might instantly be a favourite fic for me????

Okay, please, my poor heart can't deal with this.

(Thank you so much again!)

I think the themes really drew me in; I love exploring people who don’t fit in the system and how they try to live in it—or outside of it!

Well, that goes for nearly all the major characters here, so I guess you're in luck! Yeah, misfits of one sort or another are my favourites to focus on as well, I enjoy seeing characters try to get by in situations and contexts that clearly don't suit them.

Disability for Pokémon is also such an interesting yet underutilized idea in fics. There’s a lot of bad stuff happening to the characters, and there’s a lot of bad people in the world, but it’s balanced with hope and humour, and characters who do care and do everything they can to show they care (even if it’s not enough to save them), enough so that things don’t seem entirely forgone.

Keeping up some balance between bad and good is definitely something I'm concerned about managing. I know I have a much easier time just plunging into one extreme or the other, but I'd much prefer to keep things, well, grey.

Curious how these two story threads will come together, either in theme or in person. Will these characters meet, or will their stories go on similar or different paths?

They'll just be running parallel for at least a bit yet. Besides that, I'll say no more.

I’m sorry if this review rambles too much, but legitimately I love this story, I love the love for writing it radiates, I love the love for this community woven through this story.

Call that rambling? This was rambling.

And I love this review. I love you all. I may have said it before, but it bears saying again, I really appreciate all the responses, as always.

-

And while I'm here, might as well drop a progress report. In short, I didn't get nearly as much done as I'd hoped while I was away. But I have identified the main points of Chapter 3 I want to work on, as well as the general gist of what I want to do with them. And at the same time, did a significant reworking of the start to Chapter 4, which I'm a lot happier with now, so that's good. However, I've also realised I need to completely restart Chapter 8 for the second time, as well as moving it forwards to be the new Chapter 6, so that's wonderful fun.

Sorry if anyone saw I'd posted and expected it to be the next chapter. Shouldn't be too much longer, I hope.

Anyways, thank you to anyone who's read, or reviewed, or is still following along with this post for some reason.

...I really should sleep now.

 

[kintsugi]

I will say it's not all grim and bleak, I do still want to capture a little of the whimsy of the source material, albeit often in a somewhat changed form. I aim to have some light and some darkness in every chapter, but definitely the first two were more towards the darker side of things.

for sure, and I think some of the whimsy came through! I'm naturally drawn to the more bleak stuff imo so that's what I ended up focusing more on, but I think the balance was well struck!

his was a rough attempt to get the spelling of Hebi's name into the text. Her name should've been 'Hebe', but Brad spelled it wrong, and now she's Hebi. The intention was to plant that idea, while getting across that the letters were just odd shapes from Hebi's perspective. I could trim or edit that a little, if that didn't come across well.

In general, maintaining the one-way nature of human/Pokémon communication is pretty critical to me - I like having that fundamental barrier between them that takes effort to work around.

Ah, that makes sense--I had been reading this from Hebi's POV, so when the narration says "shapes that looked like ‘HEBI’ appeared", I took that to mean that she recognized the shapes. I think you could probably just cut that line to "shapes appeared" and it would remove the implication that she can read it, since the rest of the chapter is pretty closely in her head.

(And sure, please, I certainly would be interested in more fic recommendations along those lines!)

<3 there are like dozens of us okay!!

The Last Strike by Pen is a oneshot that feels super Sylvester/Wildfire AU; there's specifically the line about selling Wildfire/all the thoughts that entails that reminded me of it a lot! She's also got a longerfic called Making It Big that I think is super Sylvester/Wildfire coded; lil kid chasing her dreams in Unova with her best friend (a rattata) and it doesn't always work out for them, but they've at least got each other! I think The Suicune's Choice is just in general like. an incredibly tightly written work that goes into a lot of these fraught, mostly-good-but-can-be-so-bad situations as well + big love from me lol. And Let It Ring is a lil anthology of conversations in Unova about prickly topics like this that lives rent free in my head forever.

On the forums, it's a tale as old as time but idk if you ever had the chance to visit @diamondpearl876's Survival Project, which is like, what if the pokemon could talk. would this cause any issues. any at all. I feel like Love and Other Nightmares is shaping up to interrogate trainer/human dynamics a lot more, but you'll have to join me in begging for updates :c

and! if you'll indulge a self rec, the envy of eden is, get this, an anthology series w/ recurring characters, starting with an emotionally confused snivy who's like. [totally a really good starter guys. I promise. there is nothing wrong with this dynamic.] and it kind of goes to and from there.

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Ah, that makes sense--I had been reading this from Hebi's POV, so when the narration says "shapes that looked like ‘HEBI’ appeared", I took that to mean that she recognized the shapes. I think you could probably just cut that line to "shapes appeared" and it would remove the implication that she can read it, since the rest of the chapter is pretty closely in her head.

Oh fair, I see how that could be misleading. I'll see about fixing that, then, thanks for pointing it out.

On the forums, it's a tale as old as time but idk if you ever had the chance to visit @diamondpearl876's Survival Project, which is like, what if the pokemon could talk. would this cause any issues. any at all. I feel like Love and Other Nightmares is shaping up to interrogate trainer/human dynamics a lot more, but you'll have to join me in begging for updates :c

Goodness, that takes me back, Survival Project was my absolute favourite back in the day. Got to be one of the biggest inspirations for me, for sure.

Actually on that note - to anyone reading this, drop everything and go check out Survival Project now.

and! if you'll indulge a self rec, the envy of eden is, get this, an anthology series w/ recurring characters, starting with an emotionally confused snivy who's like. [totally a really good starter guys. I promise. there is nothing wrong with this dynamic.] and it kind of goes to and from there.

I see now why you say you're biased for Snivy With Issues! Well, as a fellow Troubled Snivy Appreciator (TM), certainly, I must take a look. And thanks for all the other recs as well, I'll be sure to check them out!

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Chapter 3: Beginnings


Hebi could still feel Brad’s shaking hands. She curled her tail around to steady them, and touched only empty air.

A human’s voice was speaking to her. Not Brad. Not his parents. Just another noise.

The voice paused. A pink face loomed closer to her. “Are you okay? Don’t be afraid, you’re safe here.”

Hebi’s eyes started to flick around. She was in a pale, softly-lit room, standing on an odd plastic panel that hummed and glowed beneath her. Humans in pink and white were gathered all around. A hand gently lay her down on her front. More lights flowed across the panel, her body trembling as they passed her. Voices chattered to each other.

Then a human moved her to a different machine, and asked her to walk forwards. The machine’s rubber floor moved opposite, leaving Hebi walking on the spot until the human said it was enough.

Next, they held a small plastic stick above her head, asking her to reach up to it with her vines. It was way out of Hebi’s reach, and the human brought the stick steadily downwards until she could touch it. Thinking Hebi had a grip, the human let go. The stick fell from her grasp and clattered to the floor.

The tests continued for what felt like a lifetime. Most involved inane exercises, requiring Hebi to demonstrate the strength or flexibility of her back, tail, or legs. Every one, she felt she was underperforming. Most uncomfortable was when the humans held her still and applied needles to her, draining various fluids from her into tiny cylinders. Then she was moved back to the glowing panel, lights scanning over her again.

Hebi felt numb to it all. She was in some strange dream. Soon she would wake up. Maybe she’d even be with Brad again. He’d be cuddling her, telling her everything would be fine. She wouldn’t believe him, but it she’d feel better nonetheless.

“Results are in,” a human said.

Hebi was carried up onto a table. She found herself facing a pair of odd, illuminated panels, filled with symbols and pictures.

The humans chattered between themselves, pointing to the panels. Hebi heard the phrase ‘early growth deficiencies’ a few times, amongst other more complicated remarks she couldn’t make sense of.

The lead human sighed, and gave Hebi a gentle stroke. “Legally, that’s a pass.”

One man exclaimed, “You can’t be serious, Dana!”

“Not my decision,” she told him. “According to League criteria, there’s nothing to disqualify her from entering official competitions. By a slim margin, but a pass is a pass.”

There was more muttering and dissent from the others, but it was clear the matter was settled. Nurse Dana dismissed them, then returned her attention to Hebi. “How much of that were you listening to, then?”

Hebi gave her a blank frown, not knowing how she was possibly supposed to answer.

“Well,” Dana continued. “The short version is that you’re allowed to battle - as tough as that may be. Now that’s confirmed, we can speak to your trainer about taking you back, if you want?”

Did Hebi want that? Meeting Brad had been terrifying at first. Trying to fight for him had been a miserable failure. And what followed had been worse still. Could she really put herself through that again? What if Brad’s family threw her away again just as quickly? Would they even accept her back at all?

Dana noted Hebi’s unenthused reaction with a heavy sigh. “You’re not the first Pokémon to be given back because their trainer couldn’t believe in them. Or the first to have to work around a disadvantage like yours. I expect we can persuade them to give you another go.”

It wasn’t Brad who needed to believe in her, Hebi wanted to say. But how was she to explain that? Would it be worth a try, to go back to that family? She had no idea what the alternative was.

Hesitantly, Hebi nodded.

The nurse smiled. “I’ll get talking to them tomorrow, then.” She placed a pokéball on the table next to them. “For now, we’ll need this to move you on. Just tap the button to let yourself in when you’re ready.”

Hebi did so. When the pokéball opened, her consciousness vanished just as quickly as usual, but there was something oddly liberating about doing it herself.

She found herself released into a small, clear-sided container, lit by an orange glow. A nurse started speaking, telling her about the blinds, the light switch, and other things besides. The only thing of immediate interest to Hebi, though, was the soft, round bed, where she collapsed into a deep sleep.

*

Hebi came to her senses slowly and peacefully. One groggy eye crept open, and was met with bright light. She felt grass under her belly and the sun on her back, which was odd. Had she been moved in a pokéball while she was still asleep?

She rolled over to her back, getting a better look around. All around, harsh, indistinct shapes pierced into the sky. But closer than them was lush, green goodness. Rows of great, dark trees stood vigil against the unknown, and the grass was soft and comforting.

“Rise and shine,” a low, human voice called out. “I’m Nurse Oliver, and you’re in my care.”

Hebi turned her head and saw the man’s blurry shape sat on a bench. He wore the white and pink attire she was quickly learning to recognise as a nurse’s uniform. A loop of flowers coiled up around him, and a Comfey settled herself on his shoulder.

“Oh, you’re awake?” chattered a new voice - a Pokémon’s voice. There was a rustling sound as a leafy green primate hurried to Hebi’s side. His ears and tail were raised to catch the sunlight, and cast a shadow over Hebi. “Hey, hello, nice to meet you!”

Hebi gave the Pansage a grumpy sideways glance, her eyes still half-shut, hoping he would take the hint.

“My name’s Parsley,” he continued. “It’s good to have someone else around now, what’s your name? Hey, what’s the matter, can’t you talk?”

She sighed. “No.”

“Oh, quit messing with me. What’s the problem?”

“You’re blocking the sun,” Hebi said.

“Oh. Sorry.” Parsley walked around her front, until she wasn’t in his shadow anymore. “Now tell me your name.”

“I’m Hebi.”

“Hebi? Weird name.” As soon as he’d spoke, Parsley bounced up and down, flailing his hands. “Wait! No! I didn’t mean that!”

Hebi just closed her eyes again and quietly hissed at him to go away.

“Parsley, dear,” another voice said - the Comfey, Hebi assumed. “I know you’re excited to have a new friend, but perhaps you could give her a bit of breathing space for the moment? You can talk to me, if you want.”

Parsley whined, “What’s there to talk to you about? Every day here’s the same.” Hebi heard his voice fading as he stomped off. She added ‘upsetting her first possible friend’ to the long list of problems in her head. But as peace and quiet returned, she found it hard to argue with her selfish side that was just glad to be left alone.

Dozing, soaking in the sun, Hebi wished her problems would just float away. For that moment, she felt better at least. Here, there was no one to frighten or belittle her, no one to make demands of her, no one she could let down.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Again, the human’s voice disturbed her. Hebi opened one eye. Nurse Oliver was crouched beside her, holding out a bottle of water. “Here, have a good sip of this, before you dry up.”

Hebi contemplated ignoring him, but her thirst overruled her stubbornness, and she reached up to take long, deep slurps of the cool, refreshing water.

“Looking greener already.” Oliver smiled down at her. He waited until she was done, before taking the bottle away. “So, this is where you’ll be for most of the day. It’ll get busy here, so stay where I can see you at all times. If you need more water or you want to play, I’ll be right here. But I’m guessing you’re more the ‘take it easy’ type?”

He waited for her reaction. Hebi gave a small nod.

The nurse continued, “Sometime soon, they’ll be phoning your trainer with the results of your tests. Usually we can convince people to give their Pokémon another chance.”

Hebi tried to imagine how that conversation would go. Even the nurses hadn’t seemed confident about her results. How could they possibly convince people like Brad’s parents? The terrifying face of Brad’s father flashed before Hebi’s eyes again, and she shuddered.

She looked to Oliver for comfort. He had returned to his bench and started trying to entertain Parsley with a ball-throwing game. The nurse caught her eyes, smiled warmly, and completely missed the ball as it was thrown back to him.

Hebi wanted to go to him, but held herself back. She’d had her fair share of the nurse’s time, and she'd already upset Parsley once. She wouldn’t just interrupt them for her own little problem.

So she turned away again, trying to move her thoughts to anything else. With the sun growing warmer on her back, daydreaming about past days with her own family, Hebi let the hours slip away from her.

Hebi was disturbed by a flutter of wings, as a pair of Pidoves landed near her. “Food?” one of them cooed at her.

“Wuh-?” she woke with a start.

“Have food?” the Pidove repeated, bouncing closer.

“Hey, give me space!”

“Give us food?”

Hebi scowled at them. “I’m a plant, why would I have food?”

The Pidoves looked at each other and then back at Hebi. “Must have food.”

Hebi rolled her eyes. “… Oh alright, I’ll show you. Lie just there, in the sun. There, now spread out your wings, get all the lovely sunlight you can.”

They did as she said, the light glinting over their multicolor feathers. It took the birds a moment to realize nothing was happening. “Now food?”

Hebi broke into a giggle. The Pidoves didn’t seem to get the joke.

They hopped back towards her. Then a great clapping of hands interrupted them. “On your way, on your way. Nothing for you here.” Nurse Oliver advanced, and the Pidoves fluttered off.

“Hey there. Hope they weren’t bothering you.” The warmth from his voice was replaced with a tired, frustrated edge. “Sorry, but it’s bad news.”

Hebi knew at once what he was going to say.

“Your trainer won't be taking you back. I’m sorry.”

A mixture of relief and regret churned in Hebi’s heart. The pressure on her was gone. She wouldn’t have to worry about disappointing Brad again. The harsh judgement of his parents would just be a memory.

But she would never get another chance to win for him. Never make amends for letting him down.

Hebi thought about the posters on Brad’s bedroom wall, covered with his favorite trainers and Pokémon. ‘One day, it’ll be you and me on someone’s wall,’ he’d said. Hebi could only hope one day he’d find a stronger Pokémon to bring that dream to life.

Oliver cleared his throat. “So… I understand this is difficult, but we need to establish where you’re going next.”

Hebi’s hopeless eyes met his. She had no idea of what her future could hold; surely he had to realize that.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Oliver held out his hand. Hesitantly, Hebi allowed him to pick her up. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he said, stroking her gently. “Whatever we decide, we’ll make sure it’s what’s best for you. You understand that, don’t you?”

He held Hebi out so they could look each other directly in the eye. Slowly, she nodded.

“Good to hear it.” Oliver breathed a gentle sigh. “Now, what to do with you? The breeding company you grew up with won’t accept a return - not that you’d want to. I don’t expect the wild would be at all kind to you, either.”

Hebi instantly shook her head. She didn’t like to guess how little time she’d last as a wild Pokémon.

“So that just leaves us to find a trainer who suits you. Well, don’t worry, we have a lot of good contacts. Now, it’s not up to me, but if I were to guess… Here, take a look, we’ve got a few regular adopters on file.”

Oliver put Hebi on his lap and took a small object out of his bag. The picture on it changed rapidly as his thumb tapped and swiped away, until it settled on a man’s face.

“That’s Gentleman Roger Green,” he said. “He owns a large ornamental garden just out of town - he’s always looking for new Grass-types. Or maybe…”

He swiped away again, finding another human’s picture.

“Michelle Walker - she runs Prelude Pokémon, a rescue and adoption center a little way away. I guess… It’s further, but they might send you to Joel and Casey Fields on Floccesy Ranch, they take surrenders now.”

The list of names and places continued far too fast for Hebi to keep up. She nodded along with everyone and everywhere on his list, but they all sounded the same to her. Was she supposed to have a preference? How could she, with so little idea what she was choosing?

Oliver’s voice trailed off. He put the device away and stroked Hebi’s back. “Sorry. I thought that would help, wasn’t trying to worry you.”

Hebi slid to the edge of the bench and looked down. Oliver lifted her off and onto the grass. “Okay, go on, you take it easy. And don’t worry. They’ll make the right decision for you, I promise.”

But Hebi didn’t want to listen any longer. She didn’t need more false hope.

*

They stayed out in the park until the sun began to sink below the gray ring of buildings. The next thing she knew, she was back in the Pokémon Center, where Nurse Oliver washed her in warm water before putting her to bed.

The next morning, she was back in the park with the others. Hebi made sure to apologise to Parsley for shutting him out before. He seemed to get over it quickly, and launched into asking all about her.

“So where are you from, Hebi?” The Pansage bounced about as he spoke.

“Um… I think the humans called it ‘Verdant Breeders’.”

“Oh, cool, what was it like?”

“It was very…” Hebi struggled for the proper descriptor. “Organised. Very strict.”

“So do you have a lot of friends back there? And your family, are they there?”

“Oh, why do you care?” Hebi snapped. “Oh… Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“I was only asking,” Parsley whined. “What’s your problem?”

“Sorry,” Hebi said again. “It’s just… Actually, how about we talk about you for a bit instead?”

“Oh, sure!” Parsley immediately broke into a story about his trainer, Tom, and how they’d met somewhere called Nacrene City. That led into a stream of anecdotes and stories that didn’t make much sense, but the Pansage was clearly enjoying having someone to tell. Hebi found herself wondering, if Parsley got along so well with his trainer, what was he doing here on his own? But he gave no answer, and she didn’t stop him to ask.

“...So then I had to climb all the way up to get them, because someone had to eat them still! Hey, do you hear that?”

“What?” The change of subject rushed Hebi back to the present.

“That ringing noise! What is that?”

Hebi looked for the source of the sound - and settled on Oliver, who was taking something from his bag. The ringing stopped, and he held the device to his ear. “Nurse Oliver speaking.”

He paused. Hebi couldn’t tell what was going on, but Oliver’s expression grew graver by the moment.

Parsley bounced around. “What’s going on?”

Hebi tried to shush him, but he took no notice.

“Don’t panic, my dears.” Oliver’s Comfey floated down to them. “Whatever’s going on, there won’t be any danger to you.”

Finally, Oliver spoke again. “Café Sonata, Narrow Street? Understood, I’m on my way.” He put the device away and gave the two Pokémon a grim smile. “Emergency call. Sorry, but the day’s over.”

“E-e-emergency?” Hebi spun around to the Comfey, but she was back at her trainer’s side. “What’s going to…?”

Then Hebi and Parsley’s pokéballs opened, and they were gone in a flash.

 

[kintsugi]

(live reaction footage^)

I think the image that lingers with me the most from this chapter is probably the sharp contrast from Hebi dreaming about her future with Brad, juxtaposed with "results are in". These are really the two truths hampering her life here, but the future with Brad is so idyllic (but also naive), while the future implied by the results is so impartial to Hebi's agency (while also being entirely grounded in the reality of the world she's in). my heart!!

I also really love (read: hate) how she doesn't actually fail her physicals here. This chapter really seems to be digging into what it's like to make decisions for someone without considering what they want, assuming it's in their best interests--so like, if pokemon love to fight (and they all do), then obviously we should make sure there's a few bureaucratic barriers as possible to making sure they can fight! There is also no actual world in which they cannot fight unless we disqualify them, so, that's kind of convenient. But I like the mess this really makes for everyone--no one is doing anything illegal; if anything, it's all actually entirely by the books. The books just. don't really consider asking the people they're about.

There was more muttering and dissent from the others, but it was clear the matter was settled. Nurse Dana dismissed them, then returned her attention to Hebi. “How much of that were you listening to, then?”

I also think this is like, the first time a human has spoken to her? And likewise it's still not really the right questions, is it?

It wasn’t Brad who needed to believe in her, Hebi wanted to say. But how was she to explain that? Would it be worth a try, to go back to that family? She had no idea what the alternative was.

well it's not like anyone cares if she believes in herself ...

Hebi did so. When the pokéball opened, her consciousness vanished just as quickly as usual, but there was something oddly liberating about doing it herself.

</3 baby

Hebi was disturbed by a flutter of wings, as a pair of Pidoves landed near her. “Food?” one of them cooed at her.

“Wuh-?” she woke with a start.

“Have food?” the Pidove repeated, bouncing closer.

I do like how, in every canon, pidove are just no thoughts head empty

I guess I just. don't really see why Hebi is so upset? Is she not aware that they'll make the right decision for her? does the decision not also seem lush with its choices, which everyone has made sure to explain so clearly to her? if she wanted to be heard she could've just spoken louder, is she stupid?

shitposts aside I do really love the juxtaposition between loud Brad-dad and gentle Oliver showing her pictures of her future--both are still dictating her future; one person is kinder and doesn't really seem aware of the power they have here, but neither really seems able to give Hebi everything she wants right now. I do love exploring dynamics of how well-intentioned people can fail to navigate this dynamic--is there an ethical way to own someone else? There are obnoxious evils in the world, of course, but it's the ones that look like us that are harder to name ...

great stuff, and looking forward to seeing more!

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

(live reaction footage^)

We have our first Gray Unova meme, this is not a drill!

I think the image that lingers with me the most from this chapter is probably the sharp contrast from Hebi dreaming about her future with Brad, juxtaposed with "results are in". These are really the two truths hampering her life here, but the future with Brad is so idyllic (but also naive), while the future implied by the results is so impartial to Hebi's agency (while also being entirely grounded in the reality of the world she's in). my heart!!

I also really love (read: hate) how she doesn't actually fail her physicals here. This chapter really seems to be digging into what it's like to make decisions for someone without considering what they want, assuming it's in their best interests--so like, if pokemon love to fight (and they all do), then obviously we should make sure there's a few bureaucratic barriers as possible to making sure they can fight! There is also no actual world in which they cannot fight unless we disqualify them, so, that's kind of convenient. But I like the mess this really makes for everyone--no one is doing anything illegal; if anything, it's all actually entirely by the books. The books just. don't really consider asking the people they're about.

As always, love the interpretations you're able to get from quite a little bit of the text.

It's actually quite a relief to hear this chapter was still able to land a good impression. It's unfortunately the one I've had least confidence in so far - I won't go into why, to not colour anyone else's take. But from your response, it sounds like it's still holding up to the others somewhat, so I ought to relax a bit.

I guess I just. don't really see why Hebi is so upset? Is she not aware that they'll make the right decision for her? does the decision not also seem lush with its choices, which everyone has made sure to explain so clearly to her? if she wanted to be heard she could've just spoken louder, is she stupid?

(About to do the thing I say I try not to do)

Edit: And then I undid the thing I say I try not to do, because I misread this originally.

shitposts aside I do really love the juxtaposition between loud Brad-dad and gentle Oliver showing her pictures of her future--both are still dictating her future; one person is kinder and doesn't really seem aware of the power they have here, but neither really seems able to give Hebi everything she wants right now. I do love exploring dynamics of how well-intentioned people can fail to navigate this dynamic--is there an ethical way to own someone else? There are obnoxious evils in the world, of course, but it's the ones that look like us that are harder to name ...

Getting a wide range of human/Pokemon interactions is one of my main goals here. Very good to hear that Oliver didn't come across as just generally positive all round, it felt important to show the Pokemon Center still have their own shortcomings, despite all the genuine good they do.

Side note, while we're talking about Nurse Oliver, I want to mention that yes, the male nurse uniform also includes a pink wig (albeit not in quite the same style as the women's wig).

great stuff, and looking forward to seeing more!

Thank you so much for the response, as always!

And while I'm here, progress report!

Not being doing so much Gray Unova for the past couple of weeks - I've been crunching on a couple of other unrelated things. That being said, I'm pretty happy with most of Chapter 4 as it stands, so who knows, it could be sooner than I think. There is actually going to be a small other thing between Chapters 3 and 4, but you'll have to wait and see for that as well, it's not going out until 4's also ready.

 

[kintsugi]

I think Hebi right now is just very used to one human or another making all important decisions for her. Having a moment of actual agency didn't really register for her fast enough - and then the chance is gone, so she tells herself all the options looked the same anyway to deny she ever had that agency. That, and in light of how the situation with Brad turned out, Hebi's quite hesitant to get her hopes up for another human.

All of which is not to say her action here - or inaction, rather - shouldn't be frustrating. Absolutely, it probably should be. She's very much being the sort of pessimist that'd make me want to scream, "Just wait and see! You might be fine!"

The other side of it is that a certain writer, in the back of his mind, was concerned about the ending to the chapter feeling too hopeful for Hebi - which was an issue in an older draft. It's one of the later changes to the chapter. I might have been able to make it work better if I'd let it stew a longer and had another edit.

sorry, I feel like I just gotta clarify that this paragraph was entirely sarcasm! "is X stupid can they simply not Y" is typically a sentence structure I associate with, like, pedantically asking obvious (impossible) questions to still ask the questions, but not agreeing at all with them!! but if you're unfamiliar with that kind of memery I see how it looks--

sorry for the confusion! your point came across crystal clear at least