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Haunted And Taunted(Rated R; Blood And Gore, Some Strong Language)

ashfangirl

The Pikashipping Master
Joined
Oct 6, 2008
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Okay, let me make some things clear before you start reading.

1. There are no ships. Go crazy. :D
2. This is my first attempt at a horror story, so don't bash me TOO badly.
3. Aww, I killed your favorite character? TOO BAD. My story. All my favs die too, don't worry.
4. Stop saying it sucks. THIS IS NOT A ONESHOT. THERE ARE MORE CHAPTERS, GUYS. I'm almost done with Chapter 2, where things get a bit more serious.
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Plot:

Ash begins to have strange dreams in which a reflection of himself begins to kill his friends one by one, slowly and painfully, before his eyes. When he is driven mad by the converging of his dreams with reality, he takes matters into his own hands...only to fall right into the reflection's trap.
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Okay, if you're still gonna read it at this point...I applaud you. I won't keep you waiting any longer. Here's your freaking chapter 1.
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Hell. The only word to describe that feeling. Of being trapped. Of having no way out. If you could wake up from hell, as if it were just a nightmare, and nothing else, you’d never have to relive those moments again. But sometimes, hell follows you even outside of your dreams…
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Dark. It was completely dark. Not an ounce of light anywhere to be seen. Not only that, there was no one there. The only one who seemed to be living for miles, was him. This could only have been a nightmare. That is, a nightmare impossible to destroy.
“Hello? Anyone here?” Ash said quietly, hoping for a response. Much to his surprise, the response came very slowly…in the form of a muffled scream that made Ash shiver. A familiar voice that he couldn’t pin his finger on. Ash found everything impossible to understand. He called out again, with the same response. He followed the voice through the endless void of black.
At one point, the voice seemed closer than ever, but it was still impossible to locate the point. Something sharp poked him in the back, as he realized the screaming had stopped. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to imagine the poking was just his imagination. But soon it turned to stabbing. He whipped around in pain.
“Ouch! What the he-”
Ash was cut off as he realized who had poked him, and just what had poked him. It was as if he were staring into a mirror. There was his reflection: a young boy dressed in the same clothes as him, with the same appearance, and even the scars under his eyes were the same. He looked down at the reflection’s hand. In it was a knife, dripping with blood. Ash reached behind him and touched the stinging spot on his back gingerly.
“What the hell was that for?”
“Shut up. Touch your back again.”
Ash felt a chill run down his spine. Something about the deep voice was beginning to make him worried about this whole situation.
Confused, he did as he was told, and touched the spot on his back again. He didn’t understand at first, but then he realized he wasn’t bleeding.
Which meant that wasn’t his blood.
Ash felt his whole body begin to shiver with fear, but tried desperately not to show it. He faced the reflection again, but saw something he hadn’t noticed at a first glance.
Blood stains. Everywhere. His pants, his jacket, his skin, even his hair was matted with blood.
“Who…are you…”
The reflection gently pressed the tip of the knife into his back, pushing deeper and deeper until it cut right through his clothes and through his skin. Beads of blood began to soak through the tattered remains of his jacket, which was now torn by the knife. Ash winced, overwhelmed with fear.
“What are you talking about? I’m you,” the reflection said with a smirk.
All at once, before it could cut any deeper, the reflection disappeared, along with the knife. Ash felt relieved, but was still shaking from fear.
But one last time he heard the voice, colder than ever.
“Look behind you.”
Ash did as he was told. As he expected the worse, the sight he was greeted with was something he never could’ve imagined.
Lying on the ground, muffled and tied up, was Dawn. Her clothes were slashed, her hair was matted with blood. Her left arm was slashed open, blood running down the sides and pooling next to her body, covering the tattered remains of her skirt in it as well. Her eyes were rolled back in her head, showing all who could see them the whites of her eyes, tainted only by the red blood vessels. Her head was cracked open as well, bits of flesh and even tiny fragments of her skull lying around, adrift in the pool of blood that was pouring from her head.
Ash felt nauseous, struck with absolute terror as he proceeded to examine Dawn’s excruciatingly nauseating corpse remains.
Her chest had been sliced open, as well, and Ash forced himself to see past her shattered ribcage, flooded with blood, to realize her heart was missing. The assorted veins and arteries that were once connected to her heart were like rusted, unused pipes, caked and sealed with their own blood. Both of her lungs were still in their place. One had been entirely untouched, covered and shielded only by the flap of skin that had been ripped off to open her chest. Her other lung, however, was punctured with a knife wound. The untouched lung was dark blue with lack of oxygen, and her punctured lung was entirely black.
It took all of Ash’s strength to keep himself from vomiting all over the blood-pooled ground. There was no words to describe how terrified he was at the moment. But he couldn’t help but wonder where her heart was…as he took a few steps backward, his foot hit something squishy, that felt like a bag full of pudding. It spurted liquid when he stepped on it. As he looked down and finally vomited, he was lost in absolute horror as he realized what he’d just stepped on, was none other than…
Dawn’s heart, torn to shreds.
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Ash awoke in a cold sweat. Looking around, he was relieved to see that Brock was awake, smiling at him.
“Good morning. How’d you sleep?”
Ash couldn’t respond. A lump lodged itself in his throat. Brock looked at him with concern.
“Hey, did you hear me? I said-”
Brock stopped talking as he heard Ash start to cry softly. Pikachu, who had been standing next to Brock, quickly rushed to Ash’s side and patted his head reassuringly. As Dawn came out of her tent, all the fear and sickening images Ash had seen in his dream returned to him.
“Hi guys! Good morning, and-Ash, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
Ash stood up and wiped his eyes. “Yeah, I’m f-fine.”
Dawn gently put her hand on Ash’s shoulder. At this, Ash’s eyes went huge with terror and he collapsed backwards onto the ground, screaming at Dawn.
“Ash, what’s wrong?” Dawn extended her hand to help him up, but he only frantically moved backwards, as far away from her as possible.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t even get near me!”
Ash gasped as Dawn’s voice morphed into the deep voice of the reflection he’d seen in his dream. “You stupid boy, she’s not the one you’re after, is she?”
Ash’s terror and fear turned to raging hate. Ash stood up and smacked Dawn’s extended hand away.
“You’re sick! Get out of here! You killed her!”
Dawn seemed confused. Her voice went back to normal, but it didn’t convince Ash in the slightest.
“Ash, what’s going on? You’re scaring me?”
Ash grabbed Dawn’s wrist and began to twist it. He twisted until Dawn went from concern to screaming in pain for him to stop. He only twisted harder. Brock ran up behind Ash when he heard the sound of bone snapping, followed by Dawn’s scream of excruciating pain. Tears rushed down her face. Ash only glared harder at her. Brock reacted on instinct and hit Ash in the back of his head with a frying pan. His grip on Dawn instantly relaxed, and he fell to the ground. Brock sat Dawn down in a folding chair and made her show him her broken wrist, still crying.
“Yeah, that’s definitely broken…I don’t think a first aid kit can fix that…”
“W-well can you t-try?”
“Yeah. But…Ash…”
Brock, Dawn and Pikachu all glanced nervously at the boy, who was unconscious on the ground.
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Ash opened his eyes. He was once again trapped, lost in the black void he came to know as hell. Remembering just where he was, the absolute horror of the last time he’d been there returned to him, and he feared the worst. He was too terrified to even move. He sat down, burying his face in his knees and beginning to cry. When the voice returned, he looked up, filled to the brim with terror and fear, tears streaming down his face.
“Foolish boy. What are you crying about?”
Ash stood up and looked around. This time, he was greeted with a shock when he saw not his reflection, but Dawn. Her eyes were glazed over, and her voice was exactly like that of the mysterious reflection of himself. Ash clenched his fists as a fresh spurt of tears flowed down his face.
“Leave me alone! Stop this!”
Dawn began to advance towards him almost mechanically. “You don’t seem to understand this. You can try all you want, but words will get you nowhere.”
Ash stepped backwards as Dawn got closer and closer to him. He found himself paralyzed with fear as his back hit a wall, and Dawn was free to attack her prey. As she advanced until they were inches away, the wall disappeared, and Ash stumbled backwards. Suddenly heavy chills began to run down his spine as Dawn disappeared. Then the prickling sensation in his back returned, as if he were being poked with the sharp tip of a blade. Dawn put her free arm around his neck so he had no escape. Then she whispered in his ear, amused by his horror.
“There is no way to get rid of me. I can be wherever I want, in the body of whoever I want. You’re not going insane. This is real. Nothing you tell yourself will change the fact that I can do whatever I want to you, and you will only be pushed closer to insanity…”
Dawn drove the knife further into his skin. He ignored the pain, all of his terror paralyzing him, forcing him to hear her words. Ash felt himself release the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding when she disappeared. But he feared the worst was still to come. The reflection’s voice seemed to echo all around him.

One by one, their blood will fall
Exposed by the blazing sun
As the voice taunts him, he’ll slaughter all
Until he thinks the fight is won…

Ash put his hands over his ears. “No…stop it…”

He’ll slaughter his family, he’ll kill all his friends
He’ll be filled with horror to the brim
He won’t seem to realize until the end…

Ash was screaming and crying by now. “DON’T SAY IT!!! YOU’RE A DIRTY LIAR!!! SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!”

THAT ALL ALONG I WAS HIM…

Ash was screaming louder than ever as the voice etched itself into his mind, playing the last words over and over like a broken record.
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The soothing relief of the cold sweat reassured Ash momentarily as he sat up, released from his nightmare. He fought back his suppressed tears and looked around. The sky was dark, very dark. Brock was asleep in a sleeping bag next to him, and Dawn was sleeping in her tent. He assumed he’d just slept through the day…
Dawn.
The reflection was inside her.
This ended now. Ash was on the brink of insanity.
Ash quietly slid out of his sleeping bag, taking great care not to wake up Pikachu. He tiptoed over to Brock’s sleeping bag and opened his backpack. He narrowed his eyes, partially with regret, as he pulled out a smooth, polished kitchen knife that gleamed in the moonlight. He took a deep breath before unzipping Dawn’s sleeping bag and sliding into her tent. He knelt down over her sleeping bag, unzipping it. For once, he was glad Dawn was a heavy sleeper.
He felt a tiny tear slid down his face as his knife positioned itself at her throat. As he pressed against it lightly, small beads of blood began to appear and rest on the blade of his knife. Feeling this pain, Dawn awoke, confused and unaware of what was going on. She caught one look of Ash, realized her position, and tried to scream. But before she could manage, Ash quickly jerked the knife straight across her throat, slitting it open. Ash, once again, had to supress vomiting as her eyes rolled back in her head, exposing the blood vessles that lie underneath them. Ash looked at her throat. The blood was spurting and pooling on the front of her shirt and spilling onto her sleeping bag. The flaps of skin that had been sliced apart were dangling by threads of skin from her throat.
But that didn’t prove she was dead all the way. Nor was the reflection. He pulled back her sleeping bag all the way so he could see her whole body. He unzipped the shirt of her pajamas, revealing her underdeveloped chest. If Dawn knew about this, she’d think he was a pervert, but Ash didn’t do this to get his sick kicks. He positioned his knife to the left side of her chest and raised it, letting a tear fall onto her slit throat before bringing the knife straight down. The knife easily cut through her skin, and Ash heard several bones of her ribcage snap like twigs, as easily as her wrist had earlier on. He stabbed again and again, his hands shaking violently as the blood flew with every stab. At one point, he missed where he was aiming for, and his knife moved position slightly, stabbing her lung. He expected blood to spew from hitting a vital organ, but alas, none came.
Finally, he’d stabbed enough for him to pull back the flaps of skin that had been holding her chest together. Ash retained vomit yet again as Dawn’s heart and unpunctured lung came into view. Her heart wasn’t beating anymore. Ash carefully sliced all the veins and arteries that kept her heart in place. At last, her heart easily came off and he pulled it out of her chest. Just as he had raised his knife to stab it, sure it would destroy the reflection, he realized that he should wait until everything was gone and put away, and there was no evidence left. He slid the heart into his pocket, along with the bloodied knife.
He brushed himself off, picked up Dawn’s body bridal-style, and reluctantly stepped out of the tent, carrying Dawn through the forest, stopping at a river. He took one last look at her, apologized, and threw her body into the river. When he threw it, she hit her head against a rock and her skull cracked, some of the skin on her head scraping off. Fragments of her skull drifted into the river as her body was slowly carried downstream. He sighed with heavy regret, glad that the reflection was gone and things were over with. He pulled Dawn’s heart out of his pocket and looked at it before making a terrible realization.
Looking at Dawn’s body in its current state, he realized that…the reflection was right. It had wanted this all along. Her body perfectly matched the one in his nightmare. Terror overtook him as the painful realization gripped him tightly.

Hell was just beginning.
 
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*shivers* Scary but I love a good horror story... My second fav character is now gone though! *cries* If pikachu goes next then... I will haft to read it all! XD Well either way it's only a fanfic so I say it's good! =)
 
Thanks...this is my first shot at a horror story...wait, who's your first favorite character? Pikachu, right?
 
Honestly? This is the worst "horror" fic I've ever read. It seems the only point to its existence is to gruesomely kill Dawn and you spend more time describing her murder and dismemberment (twice!) than you do the rest of the story.

It's not horror, it's a snuff fic. The only way this could be improved is to build some suspense gradually and put as much work into characterization and plot development as you did describing Dawn's remains.
 
Honestly? This is the worst "horror" fic I've ever read. It seems the only point to its existence is to gruesomely kill Dawn and you spend more time describing her murder and dismemberment (twice!) than you do the rest of the story.

It's not horror, it's a snuff fic. The only way this could be improved is to build some suspense gradually and put as much work into characterization and plot development as you did describing Dawn's remains.

Uhm... yeah.

Horror is about the suspense, when the monster strikes from the shadows and Kelly ends up dead in the end despite "killing" the serial killer.

Not that the story doesn't have potential- just cut the gore and add suspense and twists and the like.

Oh, and one last comment...

Man, what a sick mind is capable of coming up with... no offense meant.
 
Honestly? This is the worst "horror" fic I've ever read. It seems the only point to its existence is to gruesomely kill Dawn and you spend more time describing her murder and dismemberment (twice!) than you do the rest of the story.

It's not horror, it's a snuff fic. The only way this could be improved is to build some suspense gradually and put as much work into characterization and plot development as you did describing Dawn's remains.


Okay, Mr. I-Can't-Read-The-ANs, THAT WAS CHAPTER 1. THERE ARE MORE CHAPTERS. SOMEBODY HAD TO DIE IN THE BEGINNING FOR EVERYTHING IN THE LATER CHAPTERS TO FALL INTO PLACE.
 
Because of the wall of text, I have problems understanding what the plot is.

From what I can see, the plot seems to be about Ash getting weird and mysterious dreams. Then, Ash kills Dawn for no reason I can grasp.

Ermm, okay then. Where will this fic be heading? While I do like your prose, I don't like the plot. Why did Ash kill Dawn? There isn't any explanation. And what is causing Ash's dreams? There's no explanation at all.

Maybe you're gonna introduce the backstory later, but for your sake, please be more clear on your plot. I still want to know why Ash killed Dawn for no reason whatsoever. I don't see how the dreams would be a reason.

Also, next time, make spaces between sentences. Your fic looks cramped.
 
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