Headron's Pokemon Journey

[Headron]

This story is set in Johto loosely following the story of Gold/Silver.

Chapter 1: The Journey Begins!

It was a cool crisp morning. I woke up this morning to a call on my Poke-gear from my uncle Professor Elm saying he had urgent business that he need his junior researcher to take care of. As I had left my house in a hurry I grabbed my lab coat and and my poke-ball containing my current research project. It was a Spinarak that was colored differently. I had heard of this phenomenon that called these discolored Pokemon Shiny but this was the first Pokemon i had witnessed to have this change. I've decide to research it but haven't had any breakthroughs. Though don't ask my how but me and Arachne (The name i gave Spinarak) have formed a weird telepathic bond to point that we can converse with each when Arachne is sitting on my head. If I hadn't been in such a hurry I might have noticed the strange red-haired person idling at the side of the building.

I walked into the lab and my uncle rushed up to me.

Elm: Good you made.

Headron: So whats the emergency?

Elm: Just before I called you i received a message from Mr. Pokemon.

Headron: He received another egg for you to research?

Elm: Yes but this one seems to be different. It has markings I've never heard of and Mr. Pokemon said it just appeared before him in a clearing like it was waiting for him.

Headron: So i guess you want me to go get it for you?

Elm: Yep

Headron: Alright then. I'll be back in a few hours. If anything important happens you can reach me on the Poke-gear.

Elm: Have a safe trap and watch out of wild Pokemon some can be really ferocious.

I left the lab and headed out of town. On my way out I grab my poke-ball and toss it on the ground releasing Arachne. I then reached out my arm to let Arachne take her favorite perch upon my head.

Arachne: *Good morning master*

Headron: *Morning Arachne. we've got an errand to run this morning*

Arachne: *Another trip to Mr. Pokemon's house?*

Headron: *Yep seems he found a very unique Pokemon egg this time*

Arachne: *Lets be careful on our trip then, I can't protect you from everything master*

Headron: *I know so lets go and get this done.*

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

[Gama]

Very poor English. I assume English is your second language? This definitely needs a proof read. If you can't find the errors yourself, you should ask someone else to proof read for you. I believe there's a thread in this Writer's Workshop about proof reading or second reading or something like that. If there is, it'll be sticky, which means it'll be near the top of the page somewhere. Why do you script speech? It looks very bad to go from prose to scripting. In fact, I would advise that on a fanfiction site, scripting is something to avoid, it's only really useful when you want to change your story into another form (play, movie, manga, graphic novel etc.)

The word "I" should always be capitalised. Don't switch between tenses, it's confusing and gives off an amateurish vibe. Also, I thought Arachne and Headron could communicate when Arachne was on Headron's head but when Arachne is on the ground, they seem to be communicating just fine. There are lot of problems that need clearing up before anything can be done with this.

 

[Headron]

I am sad to say that English is my first language. I went back and fixed the errors that I noticed after reading your comment. And I am an amateur so its not that surprising that I am making mistakes.