EVERYONE: Help with a fanfic!

[Lost-Tresure]

Okay so I have been planing this since last year so far I have only completly written down the prologue since i can't decide how to start the first chapter.

I would like to hear ideas on the story and any tips you could give me.

If you want to read the prologue right now I uploaded it to my deviantART here: Pokemon story: Prologue by ~Lost-Tresure on deviantART

What do you think of it so far?

Edit: I named the story "The world as we know it"

 

[Noteleks]

Okay so I have been planing this since last year so far I have only completly written down the prologue since i can't decide how to start the first chapter.

I would like to hear ideas on the story and any tips you could give me.

If you want to read the prologue right now I uploaded it to my deviantART here: Pokemon story: Prologue by ~Lost-Tresure on deviantART

What do you think of it so far?

Edit: I named the story "The world as we know it"

Well... I read it and you had A TON of typos. I saw a couple grammatical errors as well. :\ But that's just my English buff having a tweak-fest, lol.

The concept seemed pretty good. Are you still working on this?

 

[Lost-Tresure]

Okay so I have been planing this since last year so far I have only completly written down the prologue since i can't decide how to start the first chapter.

I would like to hear ideas on the story and any tips you could give me.

If you want to read the prologue right now I uploaded it to my deviantART here: Pokemon story: Prologue by ~Lost-Tresure on deviantART

What do you think of it so far?

Edit: I named the story "The world as we know it"

Well... I read it and you had A TON of typos. I saw a couple grammatical errors as well. :\ But that's just my English buff having a tweak-fest, lol.

The concept seemed pretty good. Are you still working on this?

Yes I am still working on it. I just can't seem to get the start of the next part the way I want it. As for the typos I think I really need to get some form of spellcheck for my word.

 

[Noteleks]

Well that's good. I am curious. Your Word doesn't have spellcheck? That... would make a difference. Well, I can run your document through a spell-check and post it here if you want.
Anyway, what do you have planned for the next chapter?

 

[Lost-Tresure]

Well that's good. I am curious. Your Word doesn't have spellcheck? That... would make a difference. Well, I can run your document through a spell-check and post it here if you want.
Anyway, what do you have planned for the next chapter?

Thanks ;-; I really appriciate it my word is really out of date. For the next chapter I was planing to show the main trainer and his (sort of) rival. Most likely in or at the end of a battle, but I can't seem to be having a problem with that.

 

[Noteleks]

All spell checked and got your typos. You can just copy and paste it into Deviant Art- it would be easier than going through the document. It's no problem.

Prologue

The task had been easy; locate the shiny Flaaffy wearing a crimson ribbon. Still the Rocket Grunt hadn't gotten any closer to catching this Pokémon. He wasn't allowed to battle it with even a Caterpie. He wasn't even allowed to have a Caterpie use string shot to slow it down.

"Got ya' now!"

The grunt jumped the Flaaffy from behind, but, as all his previous tries ended, the Flaaffy dodged and was standing in front of him laughing.

"That's it!" The grunt took out his Pokéball and released his Weezing. At the sight of the new Pokémon the Flaaffy took off for Mahogany Town.

"CRAP! After it Weezing!" The grunt and his Pokémon chased after the electric lamb. If it ran into the Town the grunt wouldn't be able to get it.

But the Flaaffy ran the other way towards Mt. Mortar. The grunt ran after his Weezing following close behind him. The Flaaffy ran towards what looked like to be a rock wall.

"What's it doin' now? That's a dead end for it." The grunt ran after the Flaaffy who continued to run straight at the wall.

When the Flaaffy was only a few meters from the wall it used an electric attack to hit a rock nearby the center of the wall. The rock sparked or a moment and something beeped before a section of the wall opened up revealing a hidden passage.

The Flaaffy didn't stop but continued to head straight into the secret Rocket hideout. The grunt was confused. If the Pokémon already belonged to Team Rocket, they should just send its handler to get it. But he followed it deeper into the mountain as the doors closed behind him and his Pokémon.

The Flaaffy ran down a flight of stairs and then headed back through a passage leading to the part of HQ under Mahogany. It turned the corner and the grunt followed.

"You’re not getting away down here, you litt-" As the grunt turned the corner he was standing eye to eye with a dark-haired trainer. The trainer was holding the Flaaffy in his arms and beside him a Houndoom growled at the grunt.

The grunt backed away and pushed his Weezing between him and the angry dark trainer. He was sure that if the Houndoom wasn't holding a big knife in its mouth it would had bitten his hand off.

"Who were you talking about?" The trainer asked calmly but with a hint of anger in his voice. The Houndoom growled louder and got into a battle position ready to jump at the Weezing anytime a command was given.

"I-I uhh...I-I mean umm, that I was uhh..." The grunt didn't know what to say. That Houndoom looked much more powerful than any of his Pokémon and he was sure this trainer had more.

"What do you think your doing! Weren't you supposed to go and..." The grunt’s officer, who had sent him to get the Flaaffy, came walking down the same corridor the grunt had run through earlier. But as she turned the corner and saw the trainer she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Go and...Get me some coffee?"

"But you said-"

The officer hit the grunt on the head and said an apology to the trainer before dragging the grunt back the way she came. The trainer simply went on his way further down to HQ.

"Okay what was that about?" The grunt asked as soon as the trainer was out of hearing range.

"Nothing. And why in the world would you try and start a fight with him of all people?" The officer asked. She looked angry and pushed away the grunt’s Weezing as it got to close to her.

"You sent me to get that Flaaffy! I don't even know who that guy is and why should it matt-"

"Because that was the strongest affiliated trainer in Team Rocket. And he's the boss favorite fighter. You better stay away from him." And with that the officer left as fast as she came.

"I don't think he's that special..." The grunt muttered to himself before returning his Weezing to its Poke Ball and continuing on with his chores as a grunt.
~~
Is the main character the really strong trainer in Team Rocket? What Pokemon does he have? Who is his rival and what Pokemon does he have? Is the battle at the very beginning?

 

[Lost-Tresure]

Thanks a bunch. And no this really strong trainer is really important but not in the first part. The main trainer is Laurence the son of a pair of scientists. His currently only Pokémon is an Omanyte he calls Harlow. His rival is Garrick (Just cuz Gary is over done) who has a Totodile and a Geodude. And I either want to start in the middle of their battle or around the time Laurence lose, since he dosen't know that much about battling.

 

[Noteleks]

It's no problem. Happy to help a fellow writer.

Anyhoo- You could start with Laurence handing over the cash and then him 'reflecting' on the battle or kinda flashing back to it in basic/summary terms.

 

[Lost-Tresure]

That sounds like an idea. I'll try it ^^