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Hidden in Plain Sight, a G-Rated Ikarishipping Fic

A

Amethyst Empress

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TA-DA! The first chapter of my Ikarishipping fic. The first chapter is a bit offensive to Penguinshippers, so fair warning there!

I don't own Pokemon! (If I did, Ikarishipping would actually be happening and I wouldn't have to fantasize too much about it.)

Chapter One: The End of an Era

"That's it! I hate you! I never want to see you again! Don't bother calling me anymore, Kenneth." I slammed the phone into the cradle, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Kenny had broken my trust. He didn't deserve me anymore. I hated him. And now I hated Zoey.

This was more reminding that I was the only one of my friends without a relationship. Misty had Ash. May had Drew. Heck, Jessie, who I hadn't seen in years, had James. And now Zoey had Kenny.

I decided it was no use moping over a guy who would cheat on me. Maybe I needed to distract myself. I could take a walk outside and see if that would clear my mind.

I stepped out of the PokeCenter into the warm Kanto air. I had just gotten here to enter some Contests, so it would be a good idea to find out when the first would be.

When your relationship ends, you start to notice how many other people have someone. I must have passed at least five couples on my way to the Contest Hall. I let Pachirisu out of its Poke Ball to feel a little less alone.

My spirits brightened a little when I noticed that a large poster on the side of the Hall proclaimed a Contest was coming up, and that I could head inside to register. When I entered the building, there was a long line of hopefuls. I made small talk with a few of them until my turn came.

When I started to write my name on the signup sheet, I noticed a name that I hadn't seen in years right at the top. I had to blink to make sure it was real.

And it was. In black and white, there was the name--Paul Black.
 
Paul? Doing contests?

Ehh, don't take that as harsh criticism. It's just weird to imagine Paul doing contests, when he's always been so obsessed with strength and power.

If you can pull it off in a way that makes sense, color me impressed.
 
Thanks for the comment MaskedStranger! There will be a reason, I promise. And thank you for not bashing.

I only have time to post the first half of Chapter Two, so here it is.

Chapter Two: Unanswered Questions

I scribbled my name and ran out of the Contest Hall, wondering what was going on. I hadn't heard a thing from Paul after Ash kicked his butt in the Sinnoh League. I really had no idea what had happened to him, and, frankly, I didn't care since he was so mean to me and my friends.

This called for some phone calls. I went back to the PokeCenter and called my friends. Then, I decided to call the one person, other than Paul, who would know why the heck he was doing a Contest. Reggie.

"Hi, this is Reggie."

"Reggie, do you remember me? Dawn? Ash's friend?"

Reggie was quiet for a few moments, before saying, "Oh. I think I know why you called."

"Why would he do that? He's not into putting on a show or anything like that."

"Dawn...This is a secret I have to keep for him. But I'll tell you this much. It has to do with two things: with our parents. And with you."

"What do you mean with me?"

All I heard was the voice saying "If you'd like to make a call, press one."
 
Well, I'd try not to be (too :p) rude but... here I go.

First of all, your chapter are extremely short- for all I know you could have written them in the quick reply box. As far as I remember the absolute minumum of chapter lenght was two and a half pages on Word except for extremelly well-written fics.

I don't usually comment on shippings in the story but Paul deciding to enter contests to be with Dawn just like that. After all those years? Paul doesn't strike me as the type who'd just wake up one day and realize his life is nothing without the girl he hadn't noticed before when she had been before his eye multiple times.

And the POV is kinda... one-dimensional. Describe things- what does Dawn see, how does she feel, how things around her affect her. And most important of all- show us things, don't tell us.
 
Aladar, I was thinking the same thing! I am usually used to writing my fanfics on notebook paper so they are actually pretty short onscreen. I am thinking of starting this one over a bit with a new plot. I will also start making one-shots so they are a bit more moving.

And thank you for not being too rude. This is my first time putting my fanfics out in the open so I need all the advice I can get.
 
Well this is going by well but maybe you could try making it more ummmmm more like we're in story like?
 
Please note: The thread is from 16 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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