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How to Get Women:

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evkl

evkl

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evkl - Chief of Staff
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This was a topic of some debate on IRC earlier tonight, and I'm opening it up to the whole forum. If women want to make a "How to get men" topic, don't hijack this one to do it, please, make another.

I stand by my views, which are essentially the following:

-Compassion
-Humor
-Kindness
-Confidence

That's, essentially, how to get a girl. They can be elaborated on, but that's basically how it goes.
 
It seems like "confidence" is the "make-or-break" element and the others are just "bonuses".

If you're not confident, you're finished. And some guys don't know where to draw the line between being "cocky" and "confident" and others (like me) are just too afraid to try.

That still doesn't diminish the fact that there ARE some really great guys out there that just aren't confident, ladies.
 
Well I know if I ever get with a guy he's going to have to be confident, because this is a quality that I lack. If nobody ever makes any moves, the relationship will never go anywhere.
 
I prefer the guys who take the initiative. When it comes to romantic stuff, I'm old fashioned and I love when the guy is confident enough to make the first move.

But that doesn't mean I think the guy is the one who leads the relationship, as chaos implies above. A relationship is based in trust and sharing and no one should be bossing around the other.
 
Maybe the first step is understanding that you shouldn't be aiming to "get" anything.
 
^What she said. If there was a concrete way to win someone's affection, then everyone would have a relationship of some variety, even me. I would also like to add that even though I agree with a lot of those qualities being endearing, I must stress that the number one way to get some to like you is to be yourself. If you try to make love happen, then most of the time, it will not work. My problem is that I have no place to hang out and meet people, that and I can't carry on a conversation to save my life. I'm working on it, though. Finally, if love is not what you want, then there is nothing I can say to help you.
 
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... Are you refering to Argy? She may not seem it, but last I checked she was female...
 
Humor is bleh and so is confidence. Shy and nervous is endearing...I'd find it hideously unattractive if a guy made the first move on me. And what's this about the guy determining the direction of the relationship, are we back in the 50s or something?
 
I agree with CR. I know a lot more women who are attracted to the Shy type, rather than the Confident type. They generally shy away from the Confident guys around here because they tend to be asses or cocky and were only looking for sex in the first place.
 
From my experiences, and listening to a vast amount of conversations between my female friends...it seems to me that girls expect a LOT from a guy, and RARELY ever compromise, whereas guys want one of two things: sex, or real relationship. Guys are rarely picky about the specifics of either, although most guys want one and not the other...usually that's sex. Girls know what they want from day one...guys just go with the flow. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, but no statement on this subject can hope to apply to everyone, and applying any one statement to a majority is damned hard..
 
There's a difference between being confident and looking for sex.

And if you don't "get" a girlfriend, I don't know how one enters into a relationship. You don't 'court' girls, nor do you 'swoon' them or otherwise attempt to 'coerce' them, so I think that saying "get" is pretty accurate. Guys are possessive of their girlfriends, typically in a positive manner--that's a societal norm in the West that's long-established and deeply entrenched.
 
Well here's the way I look at it: I don't think relationships are that important, so a guy had better be pretty damn wonderful for me to change my mind. Though I don't understand girls who obsess over getting a boyfriend and yet have such high standards...
 
I like it when men come on to me. BUT they need to know how to do it right.

Seducing a lady is an art which most men suck at. They need to know that some women hate it and some REQUIRE it. It's at the descretion of the lady. Many ladies here are probably of the nerdish type. In seducing the nerdy ladies, I suggest trying to form a friendship first. These women usually would hate to be seduced by "hey, can I invite you onto a date."

Do not ask a women for a date until you see clearly that you MAY have a chance with her. This is a cardinal rule. Don't ask out prematurely. It took me a year of talking online with my boyfriend for me to realize I was in love with him

I like it when men flirt with me, but I tire of it eventually and want them to leave me alone. Most women find it repulsive if a man hits on her and she's in a stable relationship. DO NOT DO THIS. This is a big no no, and even if she would break up, she would think poorly of you most likely.

I don't feel like saying anymore. I'm a bit busy >_<.
 
May I reintroduce the question: Why do we have to play these games in the first place? Why can't someone be upfront with someone else when it comes to dating? Why do we have to flirt, seduce, etc.?

I can only speak for myself, but I know I don't even try because I can't even BEGIN to know what a woman wants (refer to my ranting in one of my earlier topics).

But these pointless games leave guys like me thinking that NO woman could ever love us.
 
Azure Syaoran said:
May I reintroduce the question: Why do we have to play these games in the first place? Why can't someone be upfront with someone else when it comes to dating? Why do we have to flirt, seduce, etc.?

I can only speak for myself, but I know I don't even try because I can't even BEGIN to know what a woman wants (refer to my ranting in one of my earlier topics).

But these pointless games leave guys like me thinking that NO woman could ever love us.
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You sound bitter, my friend.

In response to your question, the answer is "because women are complicated and fickle." This is the best way I can explain it. Believe me, some women really are not self concious and let you know VERY QUICKLY if they like you. However, most women, even myself, are very shy when it comes to letting guys know how they feel. Most guys are like that too. They're shy and don't want to embarrass themselves. People just dont' want awkward moments.... I wouldn't if a friend of mine told me they liked me. I would smile and say "that is very cute and flattering, but I have a boyfriend...." then they might be a bit embarrassed.

Women want the same things men want... Gender difference is very important, however it's just overplayed. Men and women both want someone to be close with, someone to love , someone to tell them they mean the world to them, someone to think about on a constant basis. All I'm trying to say is that women are very romantic(even those who say they are not) and want someone to love them and accept them for who they are. Men want the same exact thing!

Anyway. Sorry if this is TMI. Guys tend to not interperet women very well. It just takes time, patience, and care. If they neglect in any of those areas, bad things could befall them and they'll become bitter. I have seen this happen to many guyfriends of mine....

Women need to be interpreted because unlike men, women do not like to be as vocal about what they need from someone. Women typically are much less obtrusive than men and like for people not to be mad at them. Some women cry if they know they inconvenienced or upset someone. Some women like me are much less sensitive and don't give a shit.

I am very cold online. I am also very cold in person. It takes a special kind of guy to find me attractive because honestly all I usually want to do with my guyfriends is hang out, watch some movies, and play video games. They inevitably start hitting on me because I'm not a butch dyke(no offense plz) and then I have to shoot them down. I tell them "yeah, you're sweet, but no thank you." Many guys I know are desperate for someone and find me cute(I have no idea why). I have guys hit on me all the time, no matter what I do. I don't mind it. I'm a women and all women , even if they say they hate it, they do like it if men flirt with them mildly. However, anymore than mild and you're pushing it.

Yes. I reccomend going very slowly and just making an enormous effort to show a women you want to be her good friend and confidant. When she realizes she can trust you(assuming you do not act gay or else she will think you're gay and can talk girl-things with you), she will be closer to you and well, things will come into place.

This is what I reccomend doing. Most girls HATE to be seduced in a fast manner unless they're heavily intoxicated or overall rather skanky.
 
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MajesticArcanine said:
You sound bitter, my friend.
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You would be bitter too if you had seen all that I've seen. Guys with great hearts putting all of themselves into their relationships, defying every stereotype that has been created about Men (that they're unable to committ or be serious about anything) only to have knives put in their backs.

I do have sparks of optimism, however. I'm not completely bitter. My heart feels like it's foolish, but it's willing to give love another shot. However this time I'm going to be alot more careful before trusting her with my entire heart.

If that makes me a bad person, I really don't care. The best parts of me drowned in a sea of broken promises.


Yes. I reccomend going very slowly and just making an enormous effort to show a women you want to be her good friend and confidant. When she realizes she can trust you(assuming you do not act gay or else she will think you're gay and can talk girl-things with you), she will be closer to you and well, things will come into place.

This is what I reccomend doing. Most girls HATE to be seduced in a fast manner unless they're heavily intoxicated or overall rather skanky.
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I think it's more like (right now) I'm in a place where it's getting impossible to tell or even believe a Woman could give a damn about me.

Some girls are really overly friendly, they take time to smile or be extra kind. My first thought is "Hey, maybe she's interested" but it's soon followed by "Yeah, right. She's probably this nice to everyone. Keep dreaming."

I don't deny the possibility that a girl could get those feelings of love about me, but how long will that last? The past three years have taught me but one thing: love is horridly temporary. Those feelings only last for so long and when they're gone, the lady is bored and just needs to invent a way to drop your ass. I won't live my life going from relationship to relationship, with all of them being on a timer.

And if you're going to try and tell me "If it doesn't laast, it wasn't true love". Well, when the HELL will "true" love come? Is my "true" love going to walk past my grave one day, never knowing I existed because "fate" never dropped us together?

Imagine this post in a pretty angry tone, because that's what I'm intending. That's pretty sad for me, because I used to be such a great person. I was a really good soul.
 
azure, dear. You're only 19 years old, correct? You're a year younger than me and I've been with a steady boyfriend for about 2 years. I KNOW love takes a helluva lot of time.

It works both ways.

I've had postive experiences. that's not to say I haven't had negative ones. I just know that men are "very special" and it takes time to get through to them. The very same can be said about women. Women like to be loved.

Please don't be negative though. I'm sure you've seen and felt lots of mishaps, but consider what you are doing wrong and just learn from it.

Obviously not ALL women are sadistic whores. I don't think I am... all my girlfriends are not. All the girls I know are good with guys, as far as I can see, it doesn't always seem the other way around. I have only heard extreme cases with chaos.

I think it's more like (right now) I'm in a place where it's getting impossible to tell or even believe a Woman could give a damn about me.
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ask yourself these questions-

1. Do you try to be nice to women?
2. Are you perceived as cold or standoffish?
3. Are you unnatractive(most women are shallow to some degree about looks, howver in my experiences NOT as shallow as men are)?
4. Do you do anything that discourages women to want to be your friend and hang out with you?

Just think about what you can do to improve your situation. Chances are you honestly haven't found the right girl yet. Love can be forever. There are marriages that last until someone dies.... it happens plently of times. Your time will come, just maybe not for a while. ok?
 
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