How was 2025 for you?

Man... what a whirlwind, LOL. I'm surprised I didn't post in the 2024 thread, hm, but given the timing I guess I probably didn't have much to say that was positive. I do have a 2023 entry, though!

lisianthusakura said:
I guess in a nutshell, I have a hunch that next year is going to be much better for me, and in all honesty there's a lot that I should keep on being grateful for?
Click to expand...
Pretty wrong, LOL. It was ✨ a disaster ✨, but even then I had some really nice times. Just... well, not great. I think I would have given 2024 a 6/10, if even that.

In a nutshell, this year has given me a lot to think about. Because of the various hardships and difficult times I've had to face, and am still facing in some respect, I feel as though I've had to grow up a little more than my usual rate. (People who know me well! Have you seen this??) In the past twelve months, I've had to deal with a lot of loss -- nobody's passed on, thankfully (...there were some close calls, grr), but I've really had to mourn past friendships and ways I felt, things that I thought would continue on forever. Loss is the one thing I fear the most, so... oof. Some of them hurt more than others, and in some respects I'm glad I've experienced all of these difficulties, because they've really helped me to grow, but... it's been a lot. Soooo much self-reflection. A lot of healing to do, I guess, considering how I still sometimes oftentimes feel like I'm unrecognisable or broken. Unrecognisability is a big fear of mine at the moment.

Still, I can't say I don't miss better times, even if I try to see the positive in it all. I've really hoped for such a long time that I'll be able to return to something similar... but, well. I can say with certainty, though, that if it weren't for the fact that I have really good friends, I'd be feeling a lot worse! I've been able to strengthen my bonds with those who really care, and even though there's sometimes an element of sadness in that, I wouldn't be 'me' without those people, and I can't thank them enough. I have plenty of wonderful memories, plenty of memories where I felt supported and heard and had fun. Because of that, and because of those who're there for me, I couldn't ever say 2025 was outright bad. Plus, I'm proud of myself for a few things! Doing well in uni classes, writing some fanfic I'm proud of, and finding a job that fit me well... things that have had a great impact on me.

Simply put... I don't at all want more years like this, but I've managed a lot better than you'd expect, I think. It's hard for me to be like 'well, 2026 is going to be great, I know it', because I have a fear that things won't work that way; I feel as though I've been often let down by things that are hardly in my control, you know? It's difficult to have the courage to believe when that's been the case. It feels as though I have to protect myself. But... well, I can hope as much as I can let myself. I still have plenty of it in my heart.

Overall... mm, 7.2/10. (I think only I could describe probably one of the top two difficult years of my life as a 7.2. LMFAO) If anything, this year has taught me that I'm never ever going to break. 'Always strong magical girl,' or something like that.
 
I highkey don’t know :sob: it feels like so much has happened but also like ? literally nothing ? it definitely wasn’t a bad year though not in the grand scheme of things personally . to be fair I absorbed nothing of the past like four months of my life because I’ve been so busy . but like good busy <3 but also man I’m so tired <3 tldr not the worst ever but also like idkk
 
This felt very much like a year of transition for me i think, there were a lot of firsts for me this year, my first big vacation and first time riding on a plane and my first big move with me leaving my childhood home after 20+ years.

I'd say overall this was a good year for me i think, i feel like im finally starting to make strides and improvements when it comes to my mental health and like im finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I also got close to some people who since become very dear to me (Hi Lisia!!! i feel like we really started to get comfortable around eachother this year). I also finally started writing fic again frequently after not touching it much for years which i'd say has overall good for my life.

Overall i'd say this was a good year for me and it makes me optimistic for what's to come in my future even if it's small!
 
it's definitely been quite a mixed bag!

i guess i'll divide this into two parts: employment-wise and life-wise, because they went totally different directions this year.

2025 employment (so far): 9/10​

for once in my life, things have started to look up as far as my job goes??? which is crazy, because job after job, i'm so used to being beset with horrible luck of some sort. either i'm not getting along with my colleagues, not getting along with leadership, or the job environment sucks, or the pay sucks, or some combination of all four. i detested that ever since i've graduated high school and moved to my current city, i've had nothing but horrible experiences in trying to maintain some sort of stable employment. i'm not one to take what i have for granted; a job is a job and i get some form of income, but it's a bit difficult to count my blessings when i was literally living paycheck to paycheck, and even budgeting as much as i could and being as stingy as possible oftentimes left my account in the negatives. such is my fate working in the food industry. inconsistent hours, shitty pay, and in general coworkers or leadership that straight up don't really give much of a shit about you is the general norm, and it was my norm for about a decade. after having enough of working in restaurants, i decided to go back to call centre work. it's not glamorous in the slightest, but unlike working in restaurants, i don't have to spend money to get to work, and they're more likely than not offer work from home opportunities. my last call centre job was an absolute bust, because the company itself was bad, the pay was bad, and well... you get the point. it's always one of the many factors that i've outlined and my bad luck with jobs was bound to continue once more.

that was... until i landed my current job back in august of 2024.

not a whole lot happened in 2024 itself; a lot of it was an adjustment period of learning and improvement and budgeting better and being more financially smarter (more on that later). 2025 though, is when things took a huge turn for my job. starting january, i transitioned to work from home just about permanently. that was the first good news. when march and april came about, i got my first promotion to what is tl;dr a resource expert for my colleagues to reach out to if they're struggling in any of their patient interactions. when july came about, i had my second promotion and a raise on top of that. i felt like i was kinda over the moon, because i'm not used to good things happening to me all of a sudden. still, i didn't want to take anything for granted and kept doing what i always did, which is apparently excelling more than my colleagues have. i've had my leadership sing my praises, and upon the encouragement of a colleague and friend who got promoted and transferred out to a different department, i decided to try my hand at the very same position that she got.

... and lo and behold, after excelling the interview, i got the promotion!

i told my new boss that if i wasn't training a class at the time, i would've probably cried on the spot. that was probably the first time i've felt genuine happiness in my current situation in... i don't remember how long. it was such an overwhelming moment and i just couldn't wait to get started. it's the position that i currently work now, which is more behind the scenes data-entry-esque work than working directly with people, which is amazing for me because i've always wanted something like this my whole life. not only that, i've been told even greater news: because my position is now truly remote, i can work just about anywhere in the United States (with the exception of a few states), and i'll still get to keep my position. i was blown away. no more was i going to fret about whether or not i'd have to leave because of likely moving next year.

and if that wasn't enough for all the good news that i've heard, my new director as well as my direct lead wants to promote me even further, because according to them, the work that i've been putting in has been so incredible and it's beyond apparent that i put a lot more care and consideration into my work than they've seen from my other colleagues.

to put it short, as far as my current job goes, it's been a whirlwind of good news, one after the other, and i'm being very cautiously optimistic that it continues. don't get me wrong, i'm definitely riding the high, but i'm also not the type to rest on my own laurels and it's in my nature to be overly self-critical which leads to be as careful and particular about my work as i have been. in other words, i'm very careful not to let my successes get to my head, but so far, can't really complain!

life stuff: 5/10​


mmmm.... on the opposite end of the "great" spectrum, is my personal life outside of work. it's been.... a giant question mark??? nothing terrible or horrible has happened to me on a personal level, but it's moreso the people around me that are having bad luck that, in turn, is affecting me. to be more specific, without going into a whole long story of it, my mother is once again unemployed. there's a very long story that i won't get into as far as her issues with employment and all that, but in short, i'm very concerned about our finances going into the new year. fingers crossed we come out of this more than alright and she doesn't seem particularly worried herself, so i do trust her judgment on this. that said, she indicated to me recently that she still intends on getting a job soon.

... i wish that was where my worries with her ended, though.

she's apparently going through some health-related issues. i'm hoping they pass soon enough and they aren't bad enough to warrant a trip to the hospital or anything, but having that pop up definitely concerns me. seems to have gotten better in recent days though if they continue i may have to intervene and get her a physical therapist or something, i dunno. she's trying all the pain management she can and so far it's working and it stays working.

my mother's health and employment issues also puts additional stress on me, because for financial reasons, it's likely i'll be living with her for 1-2 more years after our lease ends at our current place next year. my original plan was, after 2 years, i'd have more than enough saved up to start comfortably living with roommates and being completely on my own, but it seems like i may have to have a slight change of plans and move out after one extra year if her health deteriorates. s: it really sucks and it puts me in a predicament for sure; it's not like i'll be in a disastrous spot (far from it) if i move out on my own after 1 extra year compared to 2, but i'll be in a more financial stable predicament after 2 years, so looking into the far future, i'm hoping our current... roadbumps, so to speak, are temporary and isn't indicative of anything more problematic in the coming years. i just want 2026 to be a normal, enjoyable year where i can have time to myself and vacation.

the highlight of this year, at least, is that i'm making more financially smarter choices and budgeting far more now than i ever have, and it's paying off significantly. so much so, that it's highly likely that i will be able to vacation next year and go on my very first cruise! even saying that feels mindblowing to me because i thought i'd always be stuck where i am, but somehow and someway, i manage to save up enough to actually enjoy myself for a change. hopefully it stays that way and i'll continue on the same path from 2026 and beyond, because i really need to be independent and on my own sooner than later.

2025 overall: 7/10
​
i'm gonna be honest, aside from life stressors, this has been essentially the best year i've ever had! yeah, there are long-term things that i have to consider and bear in mind in regards to my living and financial situation, and more on top of that, but i think what's keeping me stable and grounded is logging into work everyday and just in general keeping my mind busy doing the mundane. i like doing boring shit, because boring shit keeps my mind occupied and makes the time go by faster. not only that, outside of work, i can also focus on gaming for the most part (still planning on hosting kirby air ride competition, playing more ZA, need to finish up dragon quest III 2D HD, etc), so there's plenty to take my mind off my personal life, because it's not something that i can immediately solve. it is what it is, and i'm really, really hoping that this year leads to better things happening next year. i'm working extremely hard on making better decisions and smarter choices that can pay off long-term so i can have a more enjoyable year for once instead of being depressed and complaining that i'm in a hamster wheel where nothing ever changes for me. from next year onwards, i'm breaking that cycle. i'm forging my own path, and the journey for me will be exciting because it'll be far more fun than whatever destination i have in mind.
 
uhhhh... where do I even start? Probably with a TW, lol. Shit's been rough.

2025 was a mess for me. Probably my second worst year ever, behind 2022. I almost killed myself multiple times (to the point my best friend had to physically hold me down at one point), nearly lost my most valued relationships for good, got traumatized, traumatized others, and through all of that, I barely managed to keep a roof over my head and food on my plate thanks to the people around me. Spring and Summer were genuinely awful; I hardly remember any of it, it was that bad. I know I went to the ER monthly, at least.

The world isn't getting any better, what with AI and politics and war and shit, but I barely even had the ability to think about that due to how horrible my personal life was going. It certainly added to it, though. Nothing like a nice backdrop of chaos, death and misery to add to your suicidality.

The people around me weren't doing that much better. I feel like at best, they were... fine? As in, not amazing, but not bad either. But at worst, they were struggling, having mental breakdowns, just generally being depressed. So, when you're doing bad, the world's doing bad, and your friends are doing bad... it kind of all just feeds into itself and makes everything more miserable for everybody. And then you start feeling guilty for making people feel worse... haha, it never ends.

I still have no clue what I want to do with my life. I'm kind of just existing at the moment, because it feels like if I think about the future, about my career, about anything of that sort, I'll fall apart all over again. So I'll just be a nerdy fanfic writer and nothing else for a while. We'll see about getting a job in a few years when I've gone through enough therapy. hopefully I can push away the thoughts of being a useless waste of space for a little while longer...

But despite all that... Fall was way better? I finally got a diagnosis for my BPD (which came with disability aid), I recovered my once-lost relationships, and now things seem to be stabilizing? I even had fun last month going to conventions and just enjoying life. And with EUIC on the horizon in 2026, I've got more stuff to be excited for.

It feels like... Winter 2025 was a 6/10 (pretty good, but I was setting myself up for 6 months of agony), Spring and Summer were 1/10s at best (being generous here), and then Fall is currently a 9/10. I have no idea how to even average that out. So... I guess I'll do it mathematically.

2025 feels like it was a 4/10 for me. I really hope 2026 won't be as miserable as this.
 
The worst year of my life.
And the following years will be even worse. I am not being a doomer, I am being objective.
This is my Long Covid/ME/CFS prognosis.
That I had to make myself based on the available literature and data of cases with similar illness trajectories, both published/peer reviewed and anecdotal from the disabled community.
I would love to be wrong, but when it comes to predicting my overall health outcomes, I never was before.
Reason I had to "diagnose myself" like this? Almost no doctors in my country read the above mentioned research (there is one specialist in a city faraway, he does not take more patients on because he is overloaded). And if they do read research on ME/CFS, it is the bullshit papers that completely fail to take into account one of the most important symptoms - Post Exertional Malaise.
Some doctors choose to gaslight me instead, outright denying the existence of post acute COVID sequelae.
Some somehow seem to have never even heard of it, despite the growing body of evidence that all COVID infections cause long lasting damage in the body.
A year that was filled with dealing with all of the above, while most of the time barely being able to think because of severe fatigue.
I lost a really big percentage of my previous cognitive capacity, most likely irreversably.
I would drink to the next year, if even small amounts of alcohol didn't cause a severe allergic reaction in me now.
Worst thing about all of this?
All forms of assisted suicide and euthanasia are illegal here. So not only is there no cure, no treatment, and no help at all, there is also no way out.
The only thing I can do is shitpost through it. As long as i still am capable of typing. Some of my other long covid friends and acquaintances no longer can.
Cheers!
 
Its been an big improvement over 2024! I recently moved, got to draw a cover for a zine, joined the mod team here... idk I have a lot to be happy and proud about. I'm not sure if 2026 is going to be better but I'm going to try and go into it with a good attitude.
 
Gonna start with a content warning
Honestly, looking back 2025’s been rough. It started great! My social life was probably the best it’s been since quarantine, but then… I lost so many fucking friends due to some of my own stupidity, I’ve had to confront the fact that I want to have a future way past when I turn 18, and now I’m having to pick up my slack realizing how badly i fucked myself over and how unprepared I really am for my future. I’m so lost and unsure of what to do with myself and how to recover my social well-being. It’s scary. Next year is gonna scare me, I’m not sure I’m ready for graduation. Next year and 2027 are definitely gonna be rough.

Socially, like i said in the first paragraph i was doing so well.. i went out with my IRLs so often and had a Mixed-IRL/Online friendgroup I’d basically do nightly discord VC’s with. Until, mid-late September… i got into a big fight, basically me against all of them (for stuff that was honestly justified and my fault, i admit.) and I lost that. I kinda just, lost it… so now, I’m in this sort of…social isolation. I have friends, a still have a few IRL friends, i like to think i have some online friends, but i don’t get to go out as much anymore… and I kinda just, spend my time rotting. I’m working on fixing that, it’s gonna take a while…I’m used to being socially isolated though, since it’s unfortunately been how I’ve been since quarantine… it’s just, after finally getting out of that stage, and now being thrown back in. I can tell it’s not normal, but i don’t even know where to begin fixing that. I’m scared I’m reverting back to that state…

The good parts were amazing though, getting into vylet pony made my thoughts so much more like, i have new ways of seeing getting better and recovering from my mental lows. Her music definitely is helping me on trying to get myself mentally better. I got a job, that’s good, i have money, I’m saving it for a switch 2 for Christmas, I’ve kind of developed some sort of “goal” in life, to produce music, uhm… my friends I’ve made after the big falling out have been very nice.

This year definitely could have been worse. I’m definitely in a phase of self growth and recovery and development for my future. I’m still learning to deal with myself. And I don’t know if I’m going a good job, but I’m trying, and I’m working hard and that’s a good place to start. I just hope i can keep it up this time. I don’t want to fail again. I’m afraid I’m gonna break. But, as long as i stay positive. I think I’ll be ok…i hope..i don’t know anymore

TLDR 4/10 probably
 
Last edited:
Highkey very split on it. Times were pretty good times were pretty bad.
Early 2025, was just straight awful. As part of a very middle class family, the price hike for everything hit us HARD, housing prices, and especially food prices took an abhorrent climb, that really just, damaged everything. I'm allergic to a large amount of things, so most of what I CAN eat, either soared up out of the budget, or folded out of business entirely. My parents were rightfully stressed and it was. August to now has been where it's a mixed bag. So much stuff has happened that I'm thankful for, but tbh most of it stems from getting over bad things. Like my favorite artist of all time directly encouraging me in a time I was considering giving up art, which in turn is why I try to breath life into any Art community I end up getting into, a few of which I've successfully revived. And as corny as it is Bulbagarden among other things, KEPT ME SANE during October where we had a car accident, in which the autoshop scammed my parents out of a car repair, so we're now stuck with one car, and in the same week my mother nearly had heatstroke. And at the same time our house was infested with ants and gnats.

Despite having gone through some of the worst times of my life this year... I still think this year shaped me as a person more than any other? I met some great people, pulled them out of dark places, and several people pulled me out of dark places as well. And there's a plethora of art related things that I improved on over this year. I know exactly what I want to do in life, and this year definitely pushed me closer toward that than any other. But my grades improved if nothing else, so that's a plus.

Overall 4.5/10
Cheers to next year, having better productivity, but overall being better than 2025.
 
whew! this year has been a really wild ride. a lot of terrible stuff has happened and continues to happen, but somehow despite the stuff that sucks and despite everything, this is still probably the best year of my life thus far...? it feels crazy to say that because this january opened the year on me essentially losing my best friend of 4-5 years who had meant the world to me over something that i frankly did not have a whole lot of control over. it's complicated and i won't get into it here. i also cut ties with an old friend of mine from high school which, while i think it was unfortunately for the best for both of us, really compounded with the loss of my aforementioned best friend at a bad time. these losses in my social life really brought back my trust issues and self-isolating issues that i had largely worked through at full force and for the first few months of this year i was having a really nightmarish flare up of OCD to go along with it, which i'm still experiencing the "aftershocks" of, though it is not controlling my life the same way it was at first anymore. additionally, my parents (who i still live with) have been experiencing worsening disability and i am also disabled so our living situation is kind of poor and things have been a lot more financially tight because of healthcare costs and well... the world and this country being on fire. oh man the world sure has been on fire huh. not a great backdrop to all of this.

but! i am serious about this still being one of the best years of my life despite all of this! and that's what i really want to focus on in this post because i don't think i recognize my accomplishments this year enough. though i have to get into some context first: like i said, i am disabled. this list is not exhaustive because i don't care to share every diagnosis i have with the internet, but on the more physical end i have POTS and on the mental side i have autism and DID. as you can expect from me having DID, i deal with some pretty severe chronic PTSD from severe childhood trauma. and this came to a head in late 2020 when i started having repressed memories come back for the first time. i have spent every year since trying to wrangle together healthcare for my POTS (a still ongoing struggle but that's looking up!) and going to pretty intensive DID therapy. i've done a lot of crying, a lot of reflecting, and a lot of having to change and improve a lot about myself, because there was a time when i was severely hurting those around me by cycling trauma that i thought was normal onto like... pretty much everyone in my life. i also was an adult but not really "growing up"... i had, so, so much growing to do. and like... i share all this to compare where i was at before with where i am at today.

years ago i would have genuinely been classified as a hikikomori (and of course a NEET) and i was stuck in an endless cycle of abusive friendships/relationships and was just not doing anything with my life while being haunted with health issues i had 0 grip on. this year? i am in college for the first time since dropping out in 2019!! well okay technically i started last year but i just had a single online class that i ended up not going to anyway because my professor suggested i get the credit by exam for that class. this year was the real start because during the spring semester i took two in-person classes which was my first time routinely leaving my house for anything other than irregular doctor appointments since i became a shut-in back in 2019. this semester i amped it up and am taking three classes. next semester in 2026 i feel confident i can become a full time student and upgrade myself to four classes!! and not only that; not that it's been perfect or i haven't had bad health days that i've needed excused absences from, but like... i am doing WAY better than i anticipated. i have straight A's. not that i'm taking rocket science, i am in community college, but like... still. i thought i'd be struggling a lot more with just getting my work done and attending regularly enough to stay on top of things. i've really surprised myself with my relative capability in my department. in my day-to-day, i often feel like i'm not doing enough or i'm not "adulting" fast enough, but that really is the devil talking on my shoulder because even just a couple years ago i couldn't have imagined i'd be doing this now.

and like, it's not just college. i am also in the process of getting my driver's license (not quite there yet because it's a relatively complicated process where i live but i'm working on it) which is crazy because for years i have been absolutely terrified of driving even though it would grant me with a lot of needed independence. and, well, i am still terrified and probably won't be making any 10 hour roadtrips anytime soon but what's important is i'm willing to try and brave my fears anyway. this also may sound ridiculous but for a massive portion of my life, chronic depression symptoms have made it very hard for me to consistently take care of my teeth, but this year i have finally got on top of a daily teeth brushing routine and for the first time in god knows how long i can go to the dentist and be told i don't even have any cavities, much less any more serious work i've had to do in the past due to my negligence. i feel so much cleaner and am in so much less pain. my only regret is not forming good habits with my teeth sooner. and i've still been attending therapy but my PTSD symptoms are much lighter these days and i find myself talking a lot more about daily life stuff and managing "becoming an adult" more than being lost in the throes of whole-body flashbacks into my childhood trauma, so that's really nice. i feel like not only are my parents proud of me, but my therapist who i've been seeing for 6 years is too, lol. EDIT: I FORGOT TO SAY i also went to a freaking wedding of one of my long time internet friends this year!! it was my first time going to a wedding!! and going to this wedding included me getting on a plane alone... i flew alone on a plane twice this year. my previous plane ride count was exactly 0. and i am terrified of flying. so this has been huge for me!! staying in hotels by myself too wowie

and!! a really big one!! my GIRLFRIEND!! despite all of the strife in my social life this year and my ability to trust and consistently reach out to people, i have somehow simultaneously found the love of my life this year. i met @digitaldreams back in the middle of last year, we started getting closer in... november? i realized that i had a crush on them very late in november and i confessed december 4th last year (literally tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me doing this lol), but i was "rejected" at the time. rejected is in airquotes because it was more of a "it's not that i'm not interested but give it some more time." well, some more time was given, and my feelings only grew stronger, and things just sort of naturally developed and by the time we got together officially on may 5th this year, all our friends thought we had been practically dating for like... at least 3 months at that point. they have seriously been my rock during the hardest parts of this year. and it is just genuinely so exciting to be in love again because back in late 2020/2021 i had called off romance for the foreseeable future. i had been hurt too badly and was hurting other people on account of my unchecked severe mental health issues and i just was not in a place to have a serious relationship with anyone. i didn't even experience crushes anymore because of how bad things were. so just falling in love felt like a big sign of how far i've come, but actually committing to a relationship and communicating properly and feeling safe on both sides... wow, i genuinely didn't know love could feel like this. i've only known it as something painful for most of my life but tempest has totally changed my views on what a relationship can look like. and in speaking of growing up, i'm aware it's a bit soon and it's not like i'm rushing into living together or marriage when i'm not even employed (yet), but i'm surprised by just how serious i feel about them. even my family has noticed it; i think they've seen a change in me. this is like my first real adult relationship where i'm imagining a future together and trying to chase that down no matter what (and it's more than just childish fantasies about what that looks like). it's a huge motivator for me.
1764814449876.jpeg

i've been rambling for so long because it really feels like, while i've been improving every year since i entered therapy and started really trying to change myself, this year is the first year that i've seen huge tangible results with that in regards to being an adult. don't get me wrong, i have made massive strides every year in stabilizing myself and taking care of my mental health and treating myself & others better and that is absolutely worth something and i would not be where i am now if i had not taken the time to do all that the years prior. but it is still such a relief to finally have a visible road to independence, even if my life will never be one of an able-bodied person or anything. it's a really exciting time in my life and while i have many fears about the future due to the way the world is right now i am still excited for 2026 considering the trajectory i am on.

healing really is possible. that's crazy. i'm still on that journey and i probably will be for quite some time but i'm glad to have reached this specific landmark in it.

giving this year a number rating like others in this thread are doing (i did read everyone's posts by the way, love hearing from everyone even if not everyone's 2025 was good) feels disingenuous because i have no idea how i'd average out the low lows of this year and the highs. but i think what i've written here paints a pretty clear picture without the need for a rating.

i hope everyone has a good 2026 :bulbaLove:
 
Last edited:
this year was... interesting. that's the best way i can think to describe it honestly. a lot happened, but at the very least, i can say it is not the worst year i've had in recent memory. it was probably my best year since 2022, so i'm going to take that as a win.

going into 2025, i was kind of in a position where the only place i could go was up. 2024 was easily the worst year of my life and was marked with consistent mental health issues from losing friendships and my career path at the same time. i was planning on self-publishing the first book in a series i was working on with some friends, and the first draft was completely done, but i wound up pulling the plug. there were a lot of long-running, extensive issues with my collaborators that left me in a really bad depression throughout 2024, and the only thing i could do to keep from crumbling completely was to cut it off. even after ending the project in early 2024, the rest of the year was a challenging one because of the weight of that decision following me seemingly everywhere. going into 2025, i felt like i was finally starting to heal from everything that fried me and left me broken down throughout 2024. as for if the momentum held up throughout the year... well, that's what this post is about, i guess.

the first big thing to happen this year was blowing up on twitter. that's kind of an oversimplification for it, but tldr, i wrote an analysis for an anime airing in the first quarter of the year (bang dream! ave mujica), and it got a lot of traction. i went from having 400 followers to 2,500 over the course of the year, and that was a lot to handle. still, it was nice to be able to get my writing out there through my analysis, and my work has been shared around pretty freely since then. the crowning moment of it all was being thanked by the director on twitter because of that analysis series. it still barely feels real even though i know it is. people are quoting me and referencing me on a bunch of social media sites, and i'm kind of a niche internet microcelebrity now for talking about mental illness in an anime. it's cool, but it's also a little nerve-wracking since i was not expecting it to happen like that when i first started writing my analysis.

heavily related to that, i graduated from college! the reason it's related is because i wrote my capstone paper about the aforementioned anime and then shared it online. that got a lot of attention just like my previous analysis threads, and i'm very proud of how it turned out. said capstone paper is 70,000 words, and that is way longer than it needed to be, but i was having fun and just didn't want to stop writing. so i gave my professor the longest thesis he had ever seen and got to walk across the stage a few weeks later. i now have a bachelor's degree in english and writing, and i'm very happy with it. i graduated from college with a 3.97 GPA, and i think that's something to be proud of. the job search following my graduation has been considerably less pleasant, but i can at least say that i'm doing my best. hopefully, something will stick soon.

until then, i'm working on my hopeful career as a novelist again. back in 2023, i started working on a different project, but when it fell apart in 2024, i was planning on taking a break from writing. in the end, i repurposed as much as i could from the previous project and turned it into something new with other friends on my side. and the new series has been going fantastically. i finished the edited version of the first book, and in a few days, i will have published each of its chapters (they're coming out on a monthly basis throughout the year). i am also just a few days away from having the first draft of the second book finished, and all together, the series is more than 440,000 words long so far. i worked on it as part of a directed study during my last semester of college, and my professor said it was one of the best student fantasy novels he had read and that he had nothing more to teach me. that was another huge moment for me, and encouragement like that has really kept me going when i'm struggling with insecurities. i'm so unbelievably proud of this series, and i'm looking forward to continuing my journey as a writer. hopefully, that'll one day be my only career, but only time will be able to tell if that works out.

another cool thing i did this year was continue with a very casual hobby of mine: drag! i don't get to perform very often because i don't lip sync or dance as a drag monarch (my gender neutral term for it, haha), but since my college hosted its annual drag show in april, i was able to take to the stage. i do slam readings of my original poetry when i'm in drag, and it went super well. there wasn't a dry eye in the crowd, and that always feels good for me as a performer. i was invited to a few other local readings too, and those were also incredibly fun to participate in. even after graduating, i've been involved with my school's queer organization (i was on executive council before graduation), and i went back into town to help with a major event in late november. it's nice to see queer joy can still exist even in america as it currently stands, and it's even better to know that it can thrive in a red city in a deep red state. there's still hope out there for all of us, you know?

the biggest thing with this year though is getting with my girlfriend. @terashards if you're reading this, hi. we met near the end of 2024 and started getting really close in november, and this year, we continued to bond more and more before getting together officially in may. it's been amazing being with her, and i love her and my other partner so, so much. i feel like i've grown substantially as a person thanks to them both, and even though i know i'm not always the easiest person to work with, i'm so overwhelmingly glad to have them in my life. i was able to visit both of them in their home states across the country, so i flew on my own for the first time and then did it again this year. i saw my girlfriend in july and then my partner in october. i love them both to pieces, and i don't know what i would do without them. i love us, and i love our matching build a bears too.

this year has been a little bit of a mixed bag for me mental health wise even with all of this good stuff though. getting as much attention as i have on various social media platforms has been tougher than i expected it to be. i've met a lot of amazing people, but i've also had to put up with a lot of considerably less fun stuff, such as getting fakeclaimed in multiple languages i do not speak. that was an interesting experience. the biggest hit though was moving back home after college. because of the economy's current lackluster state, i haven't been able to get a job or move out, and my parents are unfortunately not the kindest to me. moving back in with them has led to a lot of regression in terms of my mental state because i just don't have the space or freedom i did when i was going to school halfway across the state. i'm doing my best to work through it though. i'm choosing to hope things will get better one day, and it'll lead to me being able to live with my girlfriend and partner full time. i'm going to find a remote job (the only type i can really work because of my POTS and fatigue issues), and i'm going to be able to settle down with the two people i love most. hope is out there even when it feels challenging. that's what i'm choosing to believe.

so... i guess 2025 was a net positive? it was really challenging in a lot of ways, and i don't know how long it's going to take before it starts to get easier, but this year was a considerable step up from 2023 and 2024 which involved a lot of depression and internal crashes. my mental health still isn't great, but i think i'm taking important steps toward something better. it's all about taking it one day at a time, i suppose. i don't know if i can rate this year on a scale from one to ten, but it gets a ribbon and a pat on the head for being better than 2024. thank goodness. i don't know if i would have been able to take another 2024.
 
Roller coaster of a year, really. Still dealing with the fallout of hurricane from 2024 for the first half of it but finally managed to move back in to my home back in July. Had lots of excitement gaming wise with the Switch 2 when I got it, and rebuying stuff for my room was fun. Our home is better than it was pre-hurricane.

Bad news is, I found that I really never properly addressed how stressed out I've been since that day. And work continued to be stressful as hell all year until I snapped.

Ended up having a complete meltdown a month ago from stress that ended in me taking a kitchen knife to my arm...with my parents not far. It wasn't an attempt or anything, just an attempt to release the stress. Of course, that ended up with a hospital visit and getting stuck in a mental health place for a couple days... Good news is that it got me help I seriously needed, mostly in meds to help with the depression and especially anxiety. My mood has stabilized a lot since then and while things are still stressful it's been easier to deal with. Still iffy on the push for therapy but we'll see.

It also served as a revelation to my parents I think that their daughter is not the perfectly fine, well-put together masterpiece they thought I was.

Looking forward to 2026 just for video games alone but also hoping that things will finally start stabilizing for my family a bit... I know I shouldn't get my hopes up too high though. But I'm hoping-HOPING- that I'm entering a much needed period of healing.

Thinking of looking for a new job when the job market starts to improve if that ever happens because I can tell I'm no longer really happy where I am but we'll see. I still am sometimes, I do like the company and folks I work with, but...yeah.
 
Back
Top Bottom