Sorry if this topic already exists...
This isn't accusing anyone here of anything, merely for telling stories about stupid things that people have done (like dumb criminals and Darwin Award winners). Please don't disclose them by name.
For example...
-A truck driver, wanting to thaw his frozen gas pipe, died when he lit a fire under his truck
-A convenience store clerk who claimed he was robbed described a perfect composite of the robber: himself
-Guys that wear bad masks, like The Beer Box Bandit. Enough said.
-This classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv2QlFi4qVY
-A woman sued the San Francisco Giants for giving Fathers' Day gifts to men only
-The guy who broke into a police surveillance van
And my favorite, taken from "The World's Dumbest Criminals" by Daniel Butler and Alan Ray:
MISSION IMPROBABLE
(British Columbia, Canada)
"Justice Spyros D. Loukidelis of Sudbury recounts a tale of two buffoons from British Columbia who pulled into a strip mall to rob a small branch bank. They were as well-rehearsed and well-choreographed as a movie cast, but the end effect was more Marx Brothers than Mission Impossible.
It began smoothly enough. The black sedan slid silently along the curb and eased to a stop. Two darkly-clad figures slithered out, crouched behind the car, and snapped out two black ski masks. Simultaneously, they slid the masks over their heads and stood.
That's when they realized that they had both put their masks on backward.
Blindly, they knelt and spun their masks around, then each drew a pistol with a silencer. Darting single-file behind the car, they leaped up onto the sidewalk, flattening themselves against the wall as they scanned the area with their guns. The leader whipped open the door, and they were inside.
They squeezed off a round into the ceiling to maximize the element of surprise, but no one even turned to look at them. They looked puzzled for a split second, then both mouthed the word silencers. So the leader screamed, "Freeze! This is a bank robbery!"
An elderly woman behind the counter felt obliged to respond, "No, it's not."
The two men spun to face her. "What?"
"This would be a Singer Sewing Center robbery," she explained. "If you were two doors down, now that would be a bank robbery."
Cursing, the two men darted out the door and made their way commando-style down the sidewalk and into the bank. Breathing hard, they demanded, "We want all the money! NOW!"
The single teller on duty immediately started to empty the money from her drawer.
"Put it in the bag!" the leader demanded.
The teller looked perplexed. "What bag?"
"Do you have the bag?" the lead gunman asked his partner.
The guy had to set his gun down to check all his pockets. "It must've fallen out when I pulled out my mask."
His partner sighed. "Do you have a bag, ma'am?"
The teller looked through several cabinets to find a bag. Then she made a great show of stuffing in fistfuls of money, mainly smaller bills. Quite tense by now, the less-than-dynamic duo grabbed the borrowed bag, bolted from the bank, and sprinted to their car. Now it was the lead gunman's turn to look through his pockets.
"Wait," he said. "I'll be right back." His partner just stared as he jumped out and raced back into the bank. He never noticed that the teller was on the phone with the police. He was too intent on grabbing the car keys off the counter and hurrying back to the car where his partner waited. Finally, they got the car started and pulled away - just in time to be cut off on all sides by squad cars.
Needless to say, those two geniuses get me every time.
Anyone else have some favorite funny stories about stupid people?
This isn't accusing anyone here of anything, merely for telling stories about stupid things that people have done (like dumb criminals and Darwin Award winners). Please don't disclose them by name.
For example...
-A truck driver, wanting to thaw his frozen gas pipe, died when he lit a fire under his truck
-A convenience store clerk who claimed he was robbed described a perfect composite of the robber: himself
-Guys that wear bad masks, like The Beer Box Bandit. Enough said.
-This classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv2QlFi4qVY
-A woman sued the San Francisco Giants for giving Fathers' Day gifts to men only
-The guy who broke into a police surveillance van
And my favorite, taken from "The World's Dumbest Criminals" by Daniel Butler and Alan Ray:
MISSION IMPROBABLE
(British Columbia, Canada)
"Justice Spyros D. Loukidelis of Sudbury recounts a tale of two buffoons from British Columbia who pulled into a strip mall to rob a small branch bank. They were as well-rehearsed and well-choreographed as a movie cast, but the end effect was more Marx Brothers than Mission Impossible.
It began smoothly enough. The black sedan slid silently along the curb and eased to a stop. Two darkly-clad figures slithered out, crouched behind the car, and snapped out two black ski masks. Simultaneously, they slid the masks over their heads and stood.
That's when they realized that they had both put their masks on backward.
Blindly, they knelt and spun their masks around, then each drew a pistol with a silencer. Darting single-file behind the car, they leaped up onto the sidewalk, flattening themselves against the wall as they scanned the area with their guns. The leader whipped open the door, and they were inside.
They squeezed off a round into the ceiling to maximize the element of surprise, but no one even turned to look at them. They looked puzzled for a split second, then both mouthed the word silencers. So the leader screamed, "Freeze! This is a bank robbery!"
An elderly woman behind the counter felt obliged to respond, "No, it's not."
The two men spun to face her. "What?"
"This would be a Singer Sewing Center robbery," she explained. "If you were two doors down, now that would be a bank robbery."
Cursing, the two men darted out the door and made their way commando-style down the sidewalk and into the bank. Breathing hard, they demanded, "We want all the money! NOW!"
The single teller on duty immediately started to empty the money from her drawer.
"Put it in the bag!" the leader demanded.
The teller looked perplexed. "What bag?"
"Do you have the bag?" the lead gunman asked his partner.
The guy had to set his gun down to check all his pockets. "It must've fallen out when I pulled out my mask."
His partner sighed. "Do you have a bag, ma'am?"
The teller looked through several cabinets to find a bag. Then she made a great show of stuffing in fistfuls of money, mainly smaller bills. Quite tense by now, the less-than-dynamic duo grabbed the borrowed bag, bolted from the bank, and sprinted to their car. Now it was the lead gunman's turn to look through his pockets.
"Wait," he said. "I'll be right back." His partner just stared as he jumped out and raced back into the bank. He never noticed that the teller was on the phone with the police. He was too intent on grabbing the car keys off the counter and hurrying back to the car where his partner waited. Finally, they got the car started and pulled away - just in time to be cut off on all sides by squad cars.
Needless to say, those two geniuses get me every time.
Anyone else have some favorite funny stories about stupid people?
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