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i wannna be a coooadinater!

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ss501girl

cute cooadinater
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ok i was just watching the anime where may comes to sinnoh and though of what it would be like traviling as a cooadinater in jhoto so i decided to make a story up about it but with my own charcters kimiko,eyubyol and reno.kimiko wannts to be a cooadinater eyubyol wants to be a bredder and onuw wants to be a pokemon trainer

chapter 1

kiniko woke up as the sunshined in her room.finally im going to start my journy she said as she got dressed.She wore a light pink top and a white mini skirt.Kimiko placed her hairband on top of her head grabbed her gold neckless and ran down stairs.
what took you so long, her mother head peered round the kichen to see why she was late."you will have to hurry if you want to get a pokemon."yeah sure mom".kimiko darted out the door with her new side bag and headed to get her first pokemon then she remembered eyubyol her best friend was getting a pokemon to so headed for her house."hello mrs hara is eyubyol here"kimiko asked as politfully as she could."shes in her room packing her stuff.kimiko ran to eyubyol room to find her packing and tyaping somehting into a devise. hey eyubyol what have you got there.eyubyol turned to see kimiko then turned back to the device.its a pokeseva it has aceses to the internet and is a mp3 player".thats cool where did you get it from kimiko asked.proffeser elm gave it me and then he sent me to fetch you so we can get are pokemon.well then lets go!they steeped out to find it raining.run kimiko we neeed to hurry.once they made it to the proffeser elms lab they rushed inside still ready to start there journy."Hello i guess you brought her then he said as he handed kimiko a pokeseva.proffeser elm then opened a old looking suitecase and throw out 3 pokeballs.just then proffeser oak came in with a boy about there age."this is onuw i found him outside the lab.proffeser oak then handed 3 pokeballs to proffeser elm. "choose 2 pokemon out of these 6 he said to them.kimiko stared at the diffrent pokemon chikorita,todile,cyndaquil,charmander,squritle and bulbasaur.she bent down and picked up chikorita and squirlte eyubyol chosse
cyndaquil and bulbasaur leaving onuw with charmander and todile.They were then each handed a card."whats this for?onuw asked.proffeser elm shook his head "dont you know its a trainer card. then they all walk out...............
 
I'm all for coordinator stories but this has absolutely no capitalization, spaces between sentences and is ridden with grammar errors. Sorry but it's almost impossible to read. Fix it up, kay?
 
Yes, please fix this. I wanna read it, cuz i love coordinators but its hard to read this.
 
You misspell two words in the title alone and don't capitalize "I" even though it's both the first word in it AND a proper noun.

And that's just the TITLE.

How can you write about coordinators if you can't even spell what it is they do?
 
It's kinda hard to read. you didn't space out sentences, nothing is capitalized and there are more grammical errors. i agree with everyone here, can you fix it please?
 
Aww, Jabberwocky. Don't hate on the kid.
The chapter does need lots of cleaning up, though. Can you fix it for us, sweetie?
 
Ah... No offense, but the grammar needs work. And try to make it easier to read, blocks of text like that are a bit of an eyesore.

And Jabberwocky, the're only the new Turbo if they bitch about people giving them suggestions for improvement.
 
Ouch. I just had to cringe. This is the real thing that inspired me to write that blog, not Prince.
 
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