TEEN: - Complete Interview with the Caveman

[beasttrash]

Content Warning: Disassociation, Parasocial Relationships, Discussions of Amputation and Questionable Prescription Drug usage.

Interview with the Caveman
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Jack is used to cameras being shoved in his face. Makeup artists dabbing his face with foundation, stylists fussing around with his clothes and hair and the bright overhead lights of the studio that made it feel as though his corneas were on fire.

It feels significantly less hostile now than it did a decade ago. Jack chalks it up to the alprazolam he took earlier and the coffee he chugged with it.

He leans back in his chair, crossing his legs and tapping his fingers on the armrests. He looks at the new watch his husband bought for their anniversary: a beautiful analog timepiece attached to a gold band with a key stone embedded in the middle of it. He hasn’t had the chance to use it in battle yet, but for its intended purpose it’s useful. It’s currently 9:43 AM, and they're running thirteen minutes late.

Production assistants are scurrying around the set, preparing for his interview. No, it wasn’t to be broadcast live. That was one of his conditions in accepting Alexa’s proposition.

But he was expected to show up in person to this studio, appearing on a fake stage that looked like some CEOs giant office with bookshelf walls and wood paneling. Guess they didn’t want the audience to see him on Skiploom in the co-working space he was currently based out of.

One of the assistants walks up to him and hands him a clipboard and a pen. He is a Super Nerd looking fellow, opaque glasses and stringy hair. Jack couldn’t believe people like him still existed. As a fellow Super Nerd, he’s felt superseded by Collectors and PokéManiacs.

Super Nerd PA clears his throat. “Hi, here’s a list of questions Alexa’s going to ask you. Just choose a couple and we’ll focus on those for the interview.” he explains, pressing the bridge of his glasses and pushing them up on his face.

Jack can’t help but chuckle. He’s feeling slightly nostalgic as he indiscriminately circles some of the safest, blandest interview questions he’s seen in his life: “How has life been since you came down from the mountain?” “Are you married?” “Do you have kids?” “What do you do for a living?” “What is your favorite Pokémon?” He can almost feel his eyes roll into the back of his skull.
“What’s the matter sir?” The Super Nerd asks as he tilts his head to the side and bites the bottom of his lip in concern.

Jack wasn’t particularly concerned with any of these questions, despite how vanilla they were. He was more amused than anything. He shakes his head as he hands the clipboard and pen back to the PA. “You’re not gonna ask about my leg?” He asks in a completely deadpan tone.

The Super Nerd is taken aback by Jack’s question, his jaw dropping slightly as his glasses fall down his nose and askew on his face.

“U-uh no, that seems a bit invasive?” He clumsily babbles out, clutching the clipboard to his chest and readjusting his glasses.

Jack raises an eyebrow and grins. “And asking me if I’m married with kids isn’t?” he contended, albeit sarcastically. “An interview is by definition, invasive. I’m not here to play softball.”

The Super Nerd nods his head, still looking slightly nervous. But he flips the page of questions on the clipboard on its back and clicks the pen open.

“I-is it really a prosthetic?” He inquires with a crack in his voice.

Jack shakes his head. “I never lost my leg to frostbite.” he answers with a grimace as he turns his body to face the Super Nerd.

The Super Nerd slowly nods his head, scribbling down his reply. “And the cave?”

Jack nods. “Yes, that's real, It's a secret base. A friend from Hoenn taught me how to build one from the side of the mountain.” he explains, as he rolls his eyes up to the ceiling before resting his gaze back on the Super Nerd. “Although… I guess it's not a secret anymore. If it ever was one.”

The Super Nerd jots that down as Jack continues to elaborate. He turns his body back around on the chair, and leans down. “There was always the PMC at the base of the mountain if I needed it.” he concedes, gripping the armrests tightly as he takes a deep breath and turns to face the Super Nerd again. “However, I think that’s probably less interesting to you than the story about me becoming a hermit and cutting myself off from the world.”

The Super Nerd stops writing, looking down at Jack as he adjusts his glasses again.“We sure love to sensationalize.” He adds quietly.

Jack sits back up. He wrings his hands and bounces his head back and forth as he tries to come up with a good response to that comment.

While there were several truths to the myths, many parts of his story took on a life of their own over the years.

He doesn’t know when the frostbite bit started. Was it before or after he was added to a list of “Feral Children” on Gurupedia? He can’t really trace that one, other than the fact that there is snow on the peak of Mt. Silver year round.

Personally, he didn’t accept this interview to dispel any playground rumors or urban legends. If anything, the story was a good cover. It allowed him to dissociate himself from the pseudonym as a teenager and achieve some peace away from the spotlight.

Also it was kind of funny. The tales people spun about him. He was a complete and total stranger to them. He was a child.

After taking a brief moment to muse, he takes a deep breath and replies: “I suppose that might just be your job then, to tell a real good story” He chides the PA with a slight smile on his face.

The Super Nerd raises an eyebrow and grumbles slightly. Jack assumes something he said must have struck a chord, as he looked bothered by his response. “I’d say my job is to find the truth,” he asserts

Jack grits his teeth, his body suddenly feels heavier as he slumps into the seat.

Maybe taking potshots at a news assistant’s journalistic integrity was a bad call. If he could, he'd shut up forever. Unfortunately, he’s pretty much committed to speaking for approximately fifteen to twenty minutes about his life post-Championship right now.

“Then I hope you and Alexa can figure out what that is.” he mumbles under his breath, pulling his hat over his eyes.

The Super Nerd clicks the pen closed and walks off the set. Out of the corner of his eye, Jack swears that he can see the assistant is smiling back at him.

A few minutes pass and another PA starts to mic Jack. She engages in small talk that he could really only nod and smile at. It was really hard to keep a conversation going without knowing when it was time to reply back. He’s been able to push through his natural awkwardness in recent years, but sometimes the Meowth still catches his tongue. Especially right after that embarrassing conversation with the Super Nerd.

The assistant is almost done testing his mic as Alexa walks into the studio, clacking her heels loudly as she approaches him on the set. “Hiya Jack, apologies for being late.” she says, holding out her hand for him to shake.

He nods and shakes her hand. She takes her seat, and the PA moves over to mic her. Alexa crosses her legs and smiles at him. “Thank you for taking the time to speak to us today. I’m sure everyone’s been curious as to what’s been going on with you.” she acknowledges, her eyes becoming bright and shiny under the searing studio lights.

Jack nods again.

Alexa hums in response as the PA finishes setting up her mic and hightails it off the set. “I understand this is your first television interview in nearly 15 years… are you ready?” She asks, with furrowed brows and a determined look on her face.

He takes a deep breath, his shoulders tense up and he gazes up at the ceiling before looking back down at Alexa. “As I’m ever going to be,” he admits with a long sigh.

Alexa subconsciously reaches out and places her hand on his knee for a split second. She smiles softly at him and nods. “Don’t worry, you’ll do fine.” She assures him as both of them sit upright in their seats and look into the camera.

He takes one last deep breath as the director signals to the camera crew to begin filming.

“Bonsoir, and welcome to Lights on Lumiose!” Alexa announces proudly with a big grin on her face. “I’m your host Alexa, and on this episode we have a special, world exclusive interview with the former Indigo League Champion and Living Legend himself, Red!”

Jack smiles and nods at the camera he knows is trained directly on him.

“Say Red, was it tough getting down that mountain?” Alexa asks with a sly giggle as she looks directly at him.

He blinks, bemused for a second before he laughs. “Nah, it's a bit trickier getting up the mountain without Rock Climb though.” he retorted, trying to see where she was going with this.

“Just pulling your leg.” Alexa teased, leaning in closer to him and winking.

“Not the real one though, please.” Jack quips.

“Hah, but I know both of them are real though.” she adds, sitting back up with an all knowing yet comforting smile on her face. “That’s one rumor we can put to rest tonight.”

Jack nods, and feels the weight drop from his shoulders.

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Endnote:
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Ok I might have mentioned to a few folks that I'm working on a multi-chapter fic right now (Whaaa?) Buuuut I saw this wonderful piece by Shao on bsky and remembered I had a draft of this fic stored away in my phone from last year. I'm sure our headcanons are pretty different though lol.

I've always wondered what Red's relationship was to the spotlight following his ascent to the Champion role. That the way he left that spotlight might have caused people to create their own stories and rumors about him. How these parasocial relationships towards Red (the trainer) grew and how he (the person) lost control of his own narrative. How he's weighed both the benefits and drawbacks of losing the thread and he might need to reconcile with that down the line.

After all, what is a "Living Legend" without the legend?

idk man i don't really have the answers to all that!! But, rethinking the Red's lost time on Mt. Silver has been a fun experience. I know this is a wildly different take on events but I hope you all enjoy it regardless! Consider this a prelude to the fic I mentioned above. Thanks for reading y'all!!