TEEN: - Ongoing It's the Quenchiest (Avatar fanfic)

[Dorothy LaRouge]

It’s The Quenchiest


This is an Avatar: The Last Airbender fic. It takes place in Ba Sing Se during the Fire Nation occupation, so it’s kind of a "Book 2.5," or it would be if it were canon.

*****

Chapter 1: Run

"Run, Deiro!"

The young black-haired boy glanced behind him. His friend Bushi ran slower than he, so the Fire Nation soldiers were gaining on him quicker. His sword clapped his back as he ran.

"You just had to attack them, didn’t you?" called Bushi.

"They were about to beat a defenseless girl for no reason whatsoever!" protested Deiro. "You would’ve done the same!"

Bushi shook his head. "Whatever," he sighed. "Let’s just get out of here."

Deiro nodded. Using Earthbending, he rocketed himself up and onto the roof of a building, tearing two of its shingles off and using them as skates, which increased his speed.

"Hey, genius!" yelled Bushi. "Have you forgotten that I can’t do those kinds of tricks?"

Deiro grinned sheepishly. "Right," he said, and pulled some more shingles from a roof, which Bushi used as stepping stones to get to Deiro. Deiro created another pair of shingle skates for Bushi. The Fire Nation soldiers continued to follow them, blasting fire at them at any opportunity.

Finally, Deiro and Bushi reached Deiro’s house in the Middle Ring of Ba Sing Se. They jumped off the shingle skates, which Deiro flung at the soldiers using Earthbending. The shingles hit the soldiers, knocking them unconscious.

Deiro and Bushi snuck into the house, silently closing the door behind them. "We’re in luck," said Deiro. "It doesn’t look like anyone’s home."

"Oh, really?" came a voice. They turned to see Takara, Deiro’s girlfriend, leaning on one of the house’s walls.

"H-hey, Taki," said Deiro nervously. "Um, we were just—"

"A word to the wise, Deiro," Takara said, "next time you knock out some Fire Nation soldiers, make sure you move them afterwards."

She pointed to a window. Deiro looked outside at the Fire Nation soldiers’ motionless bodies on the ground. He chuckled in the way one chuckles when one is embarrassed. He quickly used Earthbending to move their bodies into an alleyway.

Later, Deiro’s friend Kuri came to Deiro’s house for a visit. She was slurping a green drink from a bottle of some sort. "Hi, Deiro!" she said cheerfully.

"Hi, Kuri," he responded. Noticing her drink, he asked her, "What’s that you’re guzzling?"

"This?" she said, "It’s Cactus Juice, a new drink that they asked me to test. It’s really good. Their slogans are also cute. ‘It’ll quench ya!’ ‘It’s the Quenchiest!’"

"The ‘Quenchiest?’ That isn’t even a word!" said Takara.

"Who made it, anyway?" asked Bushi.

"’Trruap Beverages’ is what the bottle says," Kuri explained. "It’s a Fire Nation company."

"Fire Nation?!" exclaimed Bushi. He swatted the bottle out of Kuri’s hands, spilling the Cactus Juice on the floor.

"Hey!" cried Kuri. "What was that for?"

"S-sorry," said Bushi. "It’s just- you know what the Fire Nation did to my mother: they took her from my home two weeks ago, and I haven’t seen her since. You understand why I wouldn’t want you supporting the Fire Nation by testing products whose sales would help fund their war efforts."

Kuri sighed. "I guess," she said. "I forgive you. I’ll just have to go back down to the factory tonight to get a new bottle."

Bushi’s eyes flashed at this. "Well," he said, "it’s getting a bit late. I’d better head home or my dad will start to worry about me." Deiro nodded.

"’Bye, Bushi," he said as Bushi got up and left.

"I’d better leave, too," said Kuri. "I just remembered that my mom asked me to pick up some tomato-carrots from the Agrarian zone."

"What about you, Taki?" asked Deiro after Kuri had left. "Can you stay for dinner?"

Takara nodded. "I don’t have any plans for tonight. I’ll just send a messenger pigeon to my parents telling them I’ll be here for dinner." She got up to do just that. Deiro picked up the bottle that had held Kuri’s Cactus Juice and stared at it for a long while.

****

Later that night, Deiro was watching Takara and his sister Usagi practice their martial arts in the room Deiro shared with Usagi. Usagi favored hopping and jumping strikes, which was why she was nicknamed Hopper. Takara preferred close-combat maneuvers. A knock came upon the door. It was Barent, Deiro’s mother.

"Takara, you’ll need to start heading home in twenty minutes," said Barent. "You don’t want to break curfew." Takara nodded.

"Man, curfew sucks," said Usagi. "I wish the Avatar would come and save us from the Fire Nation."

"Sorry, Hopper, but that’s not gonna happen," said Deiro sadly. "I heard the Avatar was killed."

"Deiro!" snapped Takara.

"What?" said Deiro. "She’s fourteen, just two years younger than us. She has a right to know these things."

Just then, Bushi climbed into the room through the window.

"Bushi?" said Usagi. "What are you doing here?"

"I followed Kuri to the Cactus Juice plant," explained Bushi. "I broke into the office of the drink’s developer, and I found this." He held up a small booklet. "There were three copies, so I took one. It’s a journal by Cactus Juice’s creator, Shiiro Kashida. Listen to this." Bushi cleared his throat.

"’Having experienced the hallucinogenic properties of the cactus juice firsthand, I experimented with it. Imagine my surprise when I found that a mixture of the juice and several other chemicals created a tasty, habit-forming substance that could rot away one’s desire to make their own choices, effectively making it a mind-control device.’" Bushi looked up.

"Don’t you see? Cactus Juice is a front for a Fire Nation mind-control device. We have to shut that plant down, before the drink is released among the general populace. I don’t know when that’ll be, so tonight may be our only chance. We need to get going now!"

"But," said Usagi, "curfew-"

"I think that destroying a factory that makes mid-control juice supersedes obeying curfew on the priority list," said Bushi. "Do you want to become a fire zombie?"

"No, please," squeaked Usagi.

"Bushi’s right," said Deiro. "We have to stop Cactus Juice, and we’ve got to do it tonight."

________________________________________________________________

Next Time: Assault on the Cactus Juice plant! Plus, enter a young Firebender named Natsu!

 

[The Booty Warrior]

It looks like a promising fic, with an interesting idea. I especially like Bushi's slightly fanatical hate for the Fire Nation.

Though, it'd help if you could describe your characters a bit. You could mention things about them in comparison to a typical Earth Kingdom citizen.

I'm guessing this'll be internal rebellion?

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

It looks like a promising fic, with an interesting idea. I especially like Bushi's slightly fanatical hate for the Fire Nation.

My sister's idea.

Though, it'd help if you could describe your characters a bit. You could mention things about them in comparison to a typical Earth Kingdom citizen.

I'll do that. Maybe I'll edit later, or I'll describe the characters in better details over the course of the story.

I'm guessing this'll be internal rebellion?

Yup.

 

[Pseudonymiss]

Oh dear. I must have looked like a grinning idiot upon spotting the title of your fic. xD The episode relating to your story did wonders to my sanity, or the lack thereof by any chance. But anyhow, to be cutting my tidings short – I was immensely enticed to hover over towards your thread, and I’m glad that I did.

As PokeFamily has kindly mentioned, this piece of work shows considerable promise. It would have been great if more thought was put into descriptions, thoughts and emotions. Personally, all the gist that I was getting was the typical Earth Kingdom based fic, and some fairly two dimensional characters who have been affected by the war. However, this was merely the first chapter, so I’m expecting that things such as these will grow and develop as it should throughout the story’s continuation.

Overall, it’s an enjoyable read, but a tad more consideration put into descriptions could have easily set the story rolling further into fruition. It’s an interesting plot so far, and I’ll be eagerly waiting to see what your characters will do in terms of putting a stop to the Cactus Juice. Although in realism the effect of it is quite a serious thing, to my delusional and irrational mind it’s a rather amusing and hilarious thought of a form of threat; but which in turn wills for my quench of thirst – pun possibly intended – for future instalments to come.

Keep writing, and if I have said anything possibly harmful or offensive, I truly did not intend to come off as so. Thus, I will apologise in advance, and be loyally reading the chapters that you produce in imminence.

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

Thank you for those kind words. I will make every effort to act upon your advice.

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

Chapter 2: The Plant

The four friends snuck through the streets of Ba Sing Se. This was no easy task, as Fire Nation soldiers were everywhere, looking for curfew-breakers to punish. The plant was in the Agrarian Zone, so they had a considerable way to go: it took them an hour and a half to reach it. It was nearly midnight, as they had had to leave after Deiro’s parents had fallen asleep. Takara had managed to convince Deiro’s parents and her own to let her stay overnight, and Bushi had just hidden.

“There’s the plant,” said Bushi. Light from the factory filtered down and illuminated his brownish-gold hair. Bushi had a square jaw and violet eyes. These, combined with his hair (a color so rare it did not have an official name), made him quite an unusual sight in the Middle Ring. Bushi himself lived with his father in a small apartment in the Lower Ring of the city.

“How are we going to shut it down?” asked Usagi. Bushi turned to her.

“I studied a map when I was here earlier,” he explained.
“There’s a large generator that powers the facility. If we can do enough damage to it, it’ll short-circuit and explode.”

“And how, pray tell, are we going to cause that much damage?” asked Takara, brushing her brown hair from her eyes.

Bushi smiled. “Easy,” he said. “Deiro just has to do some Earthbending, pummel it with some rocks, and boom! No more Cactus Juice.”

“One problem, Bushi,” said Deiro. “That’s a metal factory. I can’t bend metal.”

“I’ve figured that out, too,” replied Bushi. “Near the generator room is the juicing room, where they extract the pure liquid from cactuses. They use rocks to squeeze the juice out. You can just get some of those and smash up the generator with them.”

"And what about security, Bushi?” said Takara. “This is a major Fire Nation operation. Security’s going to be tight.”

“That’s why I stole these from a store room,” said Bushi, taking four security uniforms from his bag. “Let’s get going.”

***

The Cactus Juice plant was dark and damp. Echoes of things not seen rang through the hallways. The entire place was metal; black metal that was as beautiful as it was terrifying. Deiro and his friends made their way to the back of the factory, towards the juicing room.

“Hey, you four!” came a voice. They turned to see a guard come walking toward them.

“Who are you?” the guard asked. “I don’t remember you people.”

“We’re… interns,” said Takara. “Yeah, real new, just got here today. We’re, uh, familiarizing ourselves with the factory.”

"Yeah,” said Deiro. He sniffed one of the walls. “Mmmmm! Still got that new factory smell!” Takara slapped her face.
The guard raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “Very well,” he said. “As you were.” And with that, he strode off.

The group soon found the juicing room. Rocks pounded pieces of cactus, squeezing the juice from it. Using his Earthbending, Deiro took several of these rocks and levitated them behind the group.

“The generator room isn’t very far from here,” said Bushi. “If we hurry, we can destroy the plant and be back home by dawn.”

“Wait,” said Usagi. “I just thought of something. How are we going to escape once Deiro wrecks the generator? I don’t want to die in a firey explosion. At least, not at fourteen.”

“That’s easy,” explained Bushi. “The generator will take about two minutes to blow completely. In that time, Deiro can break the wall open with the rocks, and we can ride a wave of earth to safety.”

Usagi sighed. “Fine, I guess,” she said.

The group finally found the generator room. Deiro was preparing to strike the generator with one of the rocks when someone cried out: “Halt, or I’ll burn you where you stand!”
Standing in the doorway was a black-haired young man with grey eyes and tanned skin. He wore a schoolboy’s uniform.

“I am Natsu, Kashida, son of Shiiro Kashida, creator of Cactus Juice!” the boy said. “You are Earth Kingdom revolutionaries here to vandalize this factory senselessly! Explain yourselves immediately or suffer the consequences!”

Deiro and Bushi glanced at each other. “Natsu,” said Bushi, pulling the journal of Shiiro Kashida from his bag, “I’m afraid that there’s more to Cactus Juice than meets the eye…”
__________________________________________________________

Next Time: Natsu learns the truth about Cactus Juice and joins the group, but they are discovered and forced to flee. The gang is on the run, and things get even worse as more Cactus Juice factories start showing up, and the date of the drink;s public release grows nearer…

 

[Pseudonymiss]

Hmm, again yet another interesting chapter.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the fire nation guard on duty. He’s almost as bad as a Team Rocket grunt, so that in itself is saying something. Also, Diero’s sense of humour’s so much like Sokka’s that it’s scary. ”

I’m intrigued as to how Natsu will react to the Cactus Juice’s truth, though again I’m still not too content on the descriptions. It’s enough to know what’s vaguely going on, but there’s still not enough depth. One thing that particularly confused me was this:

“There’s the plant,” said Bushi. Light from the factory filtered down and illuminated his brownish-gold hair. Bushi had a square jaw and violet eyes. These, combined with his hair (a color so rare it did not have an official name), made him quite an unusual sight in the Middle Ring.

You’ve already explained that his hair’s brownish-gold, but afterwards you say it’s “a colour so rare that it did not have an official name”. Why? I mean, brownish-gold hair colour is quite easy to picture, and isn’t that rare to not be familiar with it. The only explanation I can come up with is that nobody else in the Earth Kingdom (or maybe the entire Avatar world) would have commonly had that hair colour before. I dunno; I was sort of confused with that certain section. If it’s an intentional thing, then I hope it’s explained in a future chapter.

Otherwise, I’m pretty content with this chapter, and as I’ve said, I’m quite interested in Natsu’s reaction. If anything I’ve said in my review is insulting or in any way offensive, I truly did not mean to come off as so. In advance I apologise, and in any case, I’ll be eagerly awaiting your chapters to come! Keep on writing, Jabba!

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

You’ve already explained that his hair’s brownish-gold, but afterwards you say it’s “a colour so rare that it did not have an official name”. Why? I mean, brownish-gold hair colour is quite easy to picture, and isn’t that rare to not be familiar with it. The only explanation I can come up with is that nobody else in the Earth Kingdom (or maybe the entire Avatar world) would have commonly had that hair colour before.

That's right. What I meant was, brownish-gold is a descriptor, not a name. What I mean is, shades and colors all have individual names. In our world, we'd call Bushi's hair color dandelion, in the same way you'd call someone with silverish hair a platinum blonde. Bushi's hair color is so rare in the Avatar world that a formal name couldn't be bothered to be given to it, since it's not very often that color would show up.

That make sense?

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

*bump*

Er-hem, just thought I should say that this fic is NOT DEAD! I will. Be finishing chapter 3 today!

 

[alster08]

I love avatar the last airbender so I love this!

 

[Sith Droideka]

Plants? Well... did the Order of the White Lotus actually destroy any of the plants in the finale? Because I don't remember any, even though they showed Bumi smashing up industry in New Ozai City Omashu.

And can you make this less black-and-white? I think that the most irritating thing about the show was the black-and-white portrayal (which is why I liked Hama and the Order for not being black or white). Of course, I would love to see the political backlash and the power voids that would form if Zuko was so rash as to actually give the oldest of the colonies back. Then again, this fic may end before then...

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

Chapter 3: Truth​

Deiro and the others finished explaining the truth behind Cactus Juice to Natsu. He stood silent and still for a few seconds before scowling at them again. “You’re lying!” he declared.

“Take a look at this,” said Bushi, handing Shiiro’s journal to Natsu. “It’s your father’s, and it’s how we learned the truth.”

Natsu hesitantly took the journal, still eyeing the group suspiciously. He read through it, his jaw dropping slightly more the farther into it he got. Finally, he stumbled back in shock.

“How… how can any of this be true?!” he exclaimed.

“I know it’s hard to believe,” said Takara, “but the evidence is in your hand.”

Natsu looked at the journal again. “This… is my father’s handwriting,” he noted. He glanced at the Earth Kingdom mchildren. “…I believe you,” he finally said.

“Excellent job capturing these horrid Earth Nation rebels, Natsu!” a voice from the doorway suddenly said. Standing in the doorway, flanked by several guards, was a tall man in Fire Nation robes. He looked like Natsu, but was much older, and his hair was graying.

“Shiiro Kashida, I presume,” Bushi growled, drawing his sword.

Shiiro cocked an eyebrow. “Bringing a sword to a Firebending fight? Are you sure that’s wise?” he chuckled. His expression then became serious. “Incidentally,” he said, glancing at Deiro, “we are not expected to receive new workers for another month.”
Natsu’s nostrils flared. “You LIED to me!” he suddenly screamed, blasting fire at Shiiro. Natsu’s father had barely enough time to deflect the blast.

“Natsu, what has gotten into you?” Shiiro asked, aghast.

“You told me this project was to help mend relations between the Fire Nation and Earth Nation!” Natsu shouted. He started waving the journal in Shiiro’s face. “And I believed you! But mind control? That’s not just unethical and a violation of basic human rights, but it also goes against the very morals you established for yourself when you first became a scientist! How could you do this!”

Shiiro’s face became cloudy. “You wouldn’t understand,” he grumbled.

“Try me!” Natsu yelled. He looked at the Earth Kingdom children behind him, standing in front of the generator. “Get out of the way!” he yelled. They did so, and he blasted a massive fireball at the generator, causing it to start overheating.

“You fool!” Shiiro exclaimed, aghast. “The entire factory will blow up in just ten minutes!”

“Then you’d better hurry out,” Natsu said grimly, blasting a hole in the wall.

Shiiro scowled. He turned to the guards. “Alert all personnel,” he told them. “Order them to salvage everything they can before the factory blows. As for you rebels…” he glared at the group, “you’ll pay for this. I know your faces. Your families will be the first to suffer the wrath of the Fire Nation!” He then sprinted away.

Deiro grimaced. “W-we’d better get going,” he said, trying to retain his composure. He Earthbended a hovering platform for he and his friends to ride on out of the ground around the factory.

“Hold on,” said Natsu. “I am an exile now, for disrespecting my father like that. I wish to join you in your homegrown rebellion.”

Deirio eyed him suspiciously. “I don’t trust you,” he said, “but I guess we owe you for helping us out back there. Fine. You can come. But put one toe out of line, and you’ll wish you’d killed us in the first place.”

“And I can make sure of that,” said Bushi, placing his hand on his scabbard menacingly.

“We don’t have much time,” said Usagi in a panicked voice. “We should hurry!”

They all leapt onto the platform, which Deiro made speed away just in time to avoid the factory’s being torn apart in a brilliant explosion.

“Where do we go now?” asked Takara, watching the remains of the Cactus Juice plant go up in flames. “We can’t go back home. The Fire Nation knows who we are; they’ll be taking our families any minute now.”

“I know a place we can go,” offered Natsu. “It’s an abandoned tea shop in the Upper Ring. Nobody ever visits it anymore, but I’ve been in a few times and it’d be ideal for a hideout.”

“Then it’s settled,” said Deiro. “I hope you all like tea.”

//////////////////////////////////////////////

Next Time: The team moves into their new hideout, and make a new ally! Plus, more Cactus Juice factories begin to appear!​

 

[Nagini]

I think I may have fangirled a bit when I saw that you had an Avatar fic.

Anyway, I like it. Keep it up

 

[Pseudonymiss]

Once again, I found this an enjoyable read. Also, thank you for clearing that up earlier, about the "brownish-gold" descriptor. There were just a few things I stumbled across, though, which may require some amendment.

Natsu hesitantly took the journal, still eyeing the group suspiciously. He read through it, his jaw dropping slightly more the farther into it he got.

It should be further as it describes an advancement to a greater degree (like time), whereas farther describes a physical advancement (like distance).

He glanced at the Earth Kingdom mchildren.

Just a typo, I'm assuming. ^^;

Shiiro asked, aghast.

Shiiro exclaimed, aghast.

Now, here, you've placed the same word twice with quite a short period between the two phrases. Personally, aghast sounds much better coupled with exclaimed; so perhaps for asked ... stunned or astonished would be more preferable than aghast? I dunno; it's probably just an individual choice, really. ^^;

Deirio eyed him suspiciously. “I don’t trust you,” he said, “but I guess we owe you for helping us out back there. Fine. You can come. But put one toe out of line, and you’ll wish you’d killed us in the first place.”

Hahaha, well this seems oddly reminiscent. Katara and Zuko, anyone?
Aforementioned aside, as a whole, I commend you for yet another great chapter. Keep it up.

 

[Dorothy LaRouge]

Now, here, you've placed the same word twice with quite a short period between the two phrases. Personally, aghast sounds much better coupled with exclaimed; so perhaps for asked ... stunned or astonished would be more preferable than aghast? I dunno; it's probably just an individual choice, really. ^^;

I forgot that I'd used that word earlier. I'll edit one of them out later.

Hahaha, well this seems oddly reminiscent. Katara and Zuko, anyone?

Yeah, that's the effect I was going for.

 

[Falconwing]

Mind Control Cactus Juice? That is so much win I can't even comprehend it.

Also, using Iroh's tea shop as a hideout is pretty cool. I'm interested to see where this takes us.

 

[Sith Droideka]

So congratulations, rebels! You just got an angsty, extremely liberal, definitely pacifistic Fire Nation member that joined in less than 5 minutes! And he wants peace! Zuko's HFT was better executed, if you ask me.

You know what, I think I'll root for the FN this time around. I don't care if Ba Sing Se is mind-controlled (seeing as that's not too much different from the Dai Li and their reign of terror), but in a few months this won't even matter, cause Ozai will be dead energybended and Zuko will reign in peace and political instability that will probably result in civil war and refusal to evacuate the Fire Nation colonies!