EVERYONE: - Complete Joey's Violet Gym Challenge

[Greninjaman]

Content warning: None aside from Fantasy violence

Hello! I have written a short story about Joey. Not the first time I have done this. As you see from the title, this is about Joey batteling Falkner. I would like a review.
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Joey stands at the doors to the Violet City Gym.
"Ok, Rattata. Let's try this again. I know we can do it this time. We'll show them," he says.
Rattata, a small purple ratlike Pokémon perched on Joey's shoulder, squeaks in agreement.

With a deep breath, Joey steps through the door. Inside, Joey is greeted by Greg, one of the referees of the Gym.
"Well. Back again are we?" Greg asks with a smile.
"Yeah, I’ve been training with Rattata since yesterday," Joey says, rubbing his partner’s chin
"I see. He's up at the top," Greg said. He leads Joey to the elevator, "I will warn you. Falkner has also been training," he adds.
"I figured that," Joey said.
"By the way, I heard about how you were able to retrieve the Sprout Figurine after it was stolen from Sprout Tower," Greg said.
"It's where I met Rattata and my uncle was one of the sages," Joey replied, "the thief was a bit of a challenge with his Beedrill, but I did it with some help from my pal, Mikey."
"I see. Well, good job. Good to know that that guy has finally been arrested," Greg said.

At the top of the Gym's tower, where the battlefield is located, Joey and Greg step out of the elevator.
"Falkner, Joey's here for a rematch," Greg said as the two approached the blue-haired man.
"Really?" Falkner asks.

"Yeah. I was cocky last time. I even had a win streak going after defeating my friends in battle. Thought it would be easy because of that, and I know that lots of people challenge you for that badge. I mean, you are the first Gym Leader after all," Joey replies.

"I've seen many cocky trainers hopeful to get all the badges, so it's not really a surprise that some thought it would be easy," Falkner said.
The two then took their spots at opposite sides of the battle arena. "Pidgey, take flight!" Falkner shouts. The small brown birdlike Pokémon appears.

"Using Pidgey again? I know you have other Pokémon," Joey says.

"Pidgeotto is for those opponents that I feel Pidgey would not be able to handle easily," Falkner said in response.
"Let's go, Rattata," Joey said with a smile. Rattata jumps from his shoulder onto the field.
"Like last time, this battle will be a 1v1 battle. Now let the battle begin!" Greg shouts.

"Pidgey, Wing Attack!" Falkner shouts. Pidgey flaps its wings to gain some height before flying towards Rattata.
"Hold your ground, pal," Joey said, his eyes on the approaching Pidgey. Rattata readies itself, its gaze also not leaving the Pidgey.
"What is he doing?" Falkner asks.
As Pidgey neared, Joey grins. "Tail Whip!" he shouts.

Rattata swings its tail around, and smacks the Pidgey aside. It crashes and rolls, dust billowing around it.

"Well, you might have gotten the first hit, but it won't happen again! Quick Attack!" Falkner shouts. Pidgey jumps up and slams into Rattata at high speeds.
"Rattata, are you ok?" Joey asks. Rattata gives a grunt as he staggers to his feet. "Man, that looked like it hurt more than it did last time,"
"As you can see, we have also been training. Use Wing Attack!" Falkner shouts.

"Double Team!" Joey shouts. Rattata creates multiple clones of itself and surrounds the confused Pidgey.
"Use Tackle followed by Tail Whip!" Joey shouts. Rattata leaps into Pidgey from behind, the clones all vanishing at the same time. While the Tiny Bird Pokémon is down, Rattata jumps and slams its tail down upon the bird, sending it rolling across the field again.

"Learned new moves, huh? Won't matter. Wing Attack!" Falkner shouts.
"Tackle!" Joey shouts.

The two Pokémon charge towards each other, determined to win the battle for the respective trainer. The two collide, kicking up a cloud of dust. The dust settles, as the two Pokémon struggle to get up.

"Come on Rattata! You can do it!" Joey shouts.

While Rattata manages to stagger to its feet, Joey can see that he is running out of steam due to how much he's panting. Pidgey, using its wings, manages to get to its feet. After a moment, he collapses once more.

"Pidgey is unable to battle, Rattata wins!" Greg shouts.

"Yeah!" Joey shouts as he jumps and thrusts a fist into the air. Then he runs over to Rattata and picks him up. "We did it," he said as he embraced his partner, "All that training paid off."
Rattata lets out a happy squeak as he nuzzles Joey's cheek.

Falkner sends Pidgey back into its Poke Ball. "Good work. We did our best," he said. Then he joins Joey at the middle of the field, "I'm impressed. You have improved since yesterday,"

Back down in the main building, Falkner hands Joey a badge. "Here you go. Proof that you defeated me. The Zephyr Badge," he said with a smile.
"Thanks. I trained hard with the people at Sprout Tower," Joey said as he gazes at the badge.
"I train there myself from time to time," Falkner said.
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The next day at the Trainer School, Joey is showing off his newly earned badge to his friends and classmates.
"Honestly, I was sure that you wouldn't be able to do it. Sorry dude," Mikey said.
"Eh. It's fine. You were right, though. There are people better than me out there. I apologize for my attitude," Joey said. The two boys shake hands.
"By the way, are you going to do the rest of the Gyms?" Mikey asks.

Joey thinks for a moment before shaking his head. "Honestly, I really only wanted to battle Falkner because I thought Rattata was that strong. Now that I have, I'm satisfied. Besides, I know now that the later Gym Leaders would be stronger,"

"Yeah. I've heard the Gym Leader over in Goldenrod is infamous for how strong her Miltank is. There's no way you would beat her with just Rattata," Mikey said.
"Well then, I should go and prove it," Joey said.
"Wait, what?!" Mikey asks in shock.
"Just kidding," Joey said with a smile.
Joey smiles as he pockets the badge. “We’ve come a long way, buddy,” he says softly. "Let’s see where the road takes us next,"

The End​

 

[RichestAirPirate]

Content warning: None aside from Fantasy violence

Hello! I have written a short story about Joey. Not the first time I have done this. As you see from the title, this is about Joey batteling Falkner. I would like a review.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joey stands at the doors to the Violet City Gym.
"Ok, Rattata. Let's try this again," he says.
Rattata, who is perched on Joey's shoulder, squeaks in agreement.
With a deep breath, Joey steps through the door. Inside, Joey is greeted by Greg, one of the referees of the Gym.
"Well. Back again are we?" Greg asks with a smile.
"Yeah. I came for a rematch. I did quite a lot of training with Rattata since our battle yesterday," Joey says as he rubs Rattata's chin.
"I see. He's up at the top," Greg said. He leads Joey to the elevator, "I will warn you. Falkner has also been training," he adds.
"I figured that," Joey said.

At the top of the Gym's tower, where the battlefield is located, Joey and Greg step out of the elevator.
"Falkner, Joey's here for a rematch," Greg said as the two approached the blue-haired man.
"Really?" Falkner asks.
"Yeah. I was cocky last time. I even had a win streak going after defeating my friends in battle. Thought it would be easy because of that and I know that lots of people challenge you for that badge. I mean, you are the first Gym Leader, after all," Joey replies.
"I've seen many cocky trainers hopeful to get all the badges, so it's not really a surprise that some thought it would be easy," Falkner said.
The two then took their spots at opposite sides of the battle arena. "Pidgey, take flight!" Falkner shouts. The small brown birdlike Pokémon appears.
"Let's go, Rattata," Joey said with a smile. Rattata jumps from his shoulder onto the field.
"Like last time, this battle will be a 1v1 battle. Now let the battle begin!" Greg shouts.

"Pidgey, Wing Attack!" Falkner shouts. Pidgey flaps its wings to gain some height before flying towards Rattata.
"Hold your ground, pal," Joey said, his eyes on the approaching Pidgey. Rattata readies itself, its gaze also not leaving the Pidgey.
"What is he doing?" Falkner asks.
As Pidgey neared, Joey grins. "Tail Whip!" he shouts.
Rattata swings its tail around, and smacks the Pidgey aside. It crashes into the ground and rolls a bit, kicking up some dust.
"Well, you might have gotten the first hit, but it won't happen again! Quick Attack!" Falkner shouts. Pidgey jumps up and slams into Rattata at high speeds.
"Rattata, are you ok?" Joey asks. Rattata gives a grunt as he staggers to his feet.

"As you can see, we have also been training. Use Wing Attack!" Falkner shouts.
"Double Team!" Joey shouts. Rattata creates multiple clones of itself and surrounds the confused Pidgey.
"Use Tackle followed by Tail Whip!" Joey shouts. Rattata leaps into Pidgey from behind, the clones all vanishing at the same time. Rattata flows this up by slapping Pidgey with its tail.
"Learned new moves, huh? Won't matter. Wing Attack!" Falkner shouts.
"Tackle!" Joey shouts.
The two Pokémon charge towards each other, determined to win the battle for the respective trainer. The two collide, kicking up a cloud of dust. The dust settle, as the two Pokémon struggle to get up.
"Come on Rattata! You can do it!" Joey shouts.
While Rattata manages to stagger to its feet, Joey can see that he is running out of steam due to how much he's panting. Pidgey, using its wings, manages to get to its feet. After a moment, he collapses once more.

"Pidgey is unable to battle, Rattata wins!" Greg shouts.
"Yeah!" Joey shouts, relieved that his training had paid off.
He runs over to Rattata and picks him up. "We did it," he said as he embraced his partner.
Falkner sends Pidgey back into its Poke Ball. "Good work. We did our best," he said. Then he joins Joey at the middle of the field, "I'm impressed. You have improved since yesterday,"

Back down in the main building, Falkner hands Joey a badge. "Here you. Proof that you defeated me. The Zephyr Badge," he said with a smile.
"Thanks. I trained hard with the people at Sprout Tower," Joey said as he gazes at the badge.
"I train there myself from time to time," Falkner said.
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The next day, Joey is showing off his newly earned badge to his friends.
"Honestly, I was sure that you wouldn't be able to do it. Sorry dude," Mikey said.
"Eh. It's fine. You were right, though. There are people better than me out there. I apologize for my attitude," Joey said. The two boys shake hands.

"By the way, are you going to do the rest of the Gyms?" Mikey asks.
Joey thinks for a moment before shaking his head. "Honestly, I really only wanted to battle Falkner just to see if Rattata, and I could do it. Now that I have, I'm satisfied. Besides, I know that the later Gym Leaders would be stronger,"
"Yeah. I've heard the Gym Leader over in Goldenrod is infamous for how strong her Miltank is. There's no way you would beat her with just Rattata," Mikey said.
"Well then, I should go and prove it," Joey said.
"Wait, what?!" Mikey asks in shock.
"Just kidding," Joey said with a smile.

The End

Comment on Joey's Violet Gym Challenge

Ah. Youngster Joey. One of, if not, THE most memorable NPC trainer that doesn't hold a major title. His dedication to Rattata is admirable.

I like that you specify that Joey's taking on Falkner for the 2nd time. With a lone Rattata, he was unlikely to win on Round 1. But with round 2, the chance for a changed up strategy to lead to a different outcome arises.

I especially like that you capitalize on the fact that Joey's been training. He waits until Pidgey gets close before using Tail Whip. Although, I'm not sure why that move specifically would knock Pidgey aside, especially when Tail Whip is meant to be a cutesy wag of the tail and not an actual attacking move. Is it because of that training they did?

Nevertheless, I can definitely tell that Double Team is a new addition and a result of the training! That's a move you don't see any normal Rattata use, unlike Tackle and Tail Whip, which are the two moves Joey's Rattata knew in his initial battle against him. Following up the Tackle with the Tail Whip is a little peculiar though. Did Rattata chase after the tackled Pidgey before landing Tail Whip? If so, that's a neat combo attack. If it instead leapt at Pidgey as if it were to use Tackle and instead used Tail Whip, which is what I'm assuming actually happened, that would also make sense. However, I kinda feel like it's a missed opportunity for Rattata to work alongside its Double Team clones by tackling Pidgey into one, who then Tail Whips the bird away.

Falkner is claimed to have been training, but I feel like that isn't shown well here at all. All he uses is Wing Attack and Quick Attack, fairly standard moves for a Pidgey to have. I feel like using Mud Slap would make it better, especially since Mud Slap is the TM Falkner gives out in the Gen 2 titles. Or maybe using Sand Attack to kick up dust and obscure the battle field a bit? I dunno. I just wish Falkner and Pidgey had more tricks up their sleeves. If they did, it would help.

But whatever the case, Joey wins and gets himself a Zephyr badge. And hey, he reveals that he trained at the Sprout Tower, just like most beginning Johto trainers. And just like Falkner! Ain't that nice?

I like that Joey accepts that he was cocky before when he's bragging his badge to his friends. It shows a little humility. To add to that humility, Joey claims to not want to battle the rest of the Johto gym leaders. He's just satisfied with victory against Violet's gym. Besides, I doubt that Rattata could handle the rest of the Johto gyms alone. It'll really struggle against a Hardening Metapod/Kakuna of Azalea's gym leader and get absolutely squandered by the Goldenrod girl's Miltank.

Overall, I think you did good with this quick little fic. It's neat that Joey gets some time in the spotlight. Giving one of Pokémon's most famous mook trainers his own big chance was sweet. Well done!

 

[Greninjaman]

Comment on Joey's Violet Gym Challenge

Ah. Youngster Joey. One of, if not, THE most memorable NPC trainer that doesn't hold a major title. His dedication to Rattata is admirable.

I like that you specify that Joey's taking on Falkner for the 2nd time. With a lone Rattata, he was unlikely to win on Round 1. But with round 2, the chance for a changed up strategy to lead to a different outcome arises.

I especially like that you capitalize on the fact that Joey's been training. He waits until Pidgey gets close before using Tail Whip. Although, I'm not sure why that move specifically would knock Pidgey aside, especially when Tail Whip is meant to be a cutesy wag of the tail and not an actual attacking move. Is it because of that training they did?

Nevertheless, I can definitely tell that Double Team is a new addition and a result of the training! That's a move you don't see any normal Rattata use, unlike Tackle and Tail Whip, which are the two moves Joey's Rattata knew in his initial battle against him. Following up the Tackle with the Tail Whip is a little peculiar though. Did Rattata chase after the tackled Pidgey before landing Tail Whip? If so, that's a neat combo attack. If it instead leapt at Pidgey as if it were to use Tackle and instead used Tail Whip, which is what I'm assuming actually happened, that would also make sense. However, I kinda feel like it's a missed opportunity for Rattata to work alongside its Double Team clones by tackling Pidgey into one, who then Tail Whips the bird away.

Falkner is claimed to have been training, but I feel like that isn't shown well here at all. All he uses is Wing Attack and Quick Attack, fairly standard moves for a Pidgey to have. I feel like using Mud Slap would make it better, especially since Mud Slap is the TM Falkner gives out in the Gen 2 titles. Or maybe using Sand Attack to kick up dust and obscure the battle field a bit? I dunno. I just wish Falkner and Pidgey had more tricks up their sleeves. If they did, it would help.

But whatever the case, Joey wins and gets himself a Zephyr badge. And hey, he reveals that he trained at the Sprout Tower, just like most beginning Johto trainers. And just like Falkner! Ain't that nice?

I like that Joey accepts that he was cocky before when he's bragging his badge to his friends. It shows a little humility. To add to that humility, Joey claims to not want to battle the rest of the Johto gym leaders. He's just satisfied with victory against Violet's gym. Besides, I doubt that Rattata could handle the rest of the Johto gyms alone. It'll really struggle against a Hardening Metapod/Kakuna of Azalea's gym leader and get absolutely squandered by the Goldenrod girl's Miltank.

Overall, I think you did good with this quick little fic. It's neat that Joey gets some time in the spotlight. Giving one of Pokémon's most famous mook trainers his own big chance was sweet. Well done!

Thanks! Yeah, I know the battle can be better, I just didn't want to go overboard with it. It isn't really easy to show Pidgey being stronger than last time, aside from Joey bring up that its Quick Attack hit harder than last time. I almost considered having it be a Pidgeotto, but I felt that would be a bit much (even if Falkner does have one).

Edit: Made changes to fix some of the issues you pointed out.

 

[Apopheniac]

Joey thinks for a moment before shaking his head. "Honestly, I really only wanted to battle Falkner just to see Rattata, and I could do it. Now that I have, I'm satisfied. Besides, I know that the later Gym Leaders would be stronger,"

I'm not sure what this part of the ending means. What did Joey want to see from Rattata? I feel like it's integral to the interpretation.

"Eh. It's fine. You were right, though. There are people better than me out there. I apologize for my attitude," Joey said. The two boys shake hands.

I like the idea that Joey gets overconfident as the strongest Trainer in his clique, the biggest fish in a very small pond, who then gets a taste of what more serious Trainers deal with, but instead of striving to practice and improve further, he refuses the challenge and maintains his hyperlocal standing. Is it cowardice, or an understanding of his own limitations?

It's curious that Falkner goes with Pidgey instead of Pidgeotto in this story. It seems like me like Falkner is sandbagging intentionally to try to build Joey's confidence, like how some video games and casinos will give first-time players a free win to entice them, which is then undermined when Joey resists the call of the greater Badge quest and settles for the still hard-earned Zephyr. There's something almost romantic about Joey's denial of the Pokémon League challenge reinforcing his bona fides as a hometown hero, at least to himself and his friends.

 

[Greninjaman]

I'm not sure what this part of the ending means. What did Joey want to see from Rattata? I feel like it's integral to the interpretation.

I like the idea that Joey gets overconfident as the strongest Trainer in his clique, the biggest fish in a very small pond, who then gets a taste of what more serious Trainers deal with, but instead of striving to practice and improve further, he refuses the challenge and maintains his hyperlocal standing. Is it cowardice, or an understanding of his own limitations?

Yeah, I honestly was not really sure how to end it at the time. Then an idea came to me that I honestly don't know why I didn't think to to it then: Joey only battled him because he thought Rattata was that strong.

It's curious that Falkner goes with Pidgey instead of Pidgeotto in this story. It seems like me like Falkner is sandbagging intentionally to try to build Joey's confidence, like how some video games and casinos will give first-time players a free win to entice them, which is then undermined when Joey resists the call of the greater Badge quest and settles for the still hard-earned Zephyr. There's something almost romantic about Joey's denial of the Pokémon League challenge reinforcing his bona fides as a hometown hero, at least to himself and his friends.

I did consider having it be Pidgeotto, but I felt it would be a bit much. The way I like to see it is this: Falkner uses Pidgey if the opponent is clearly not that strong, while Pidgeotto would be for stronger opponents (like, say, a Starter). Plus, I didn't really want to go overboard with this.

 

[Greninjaman]

@LightningTopaz
Forgot to mention in the first post, but I am choosing to have this be my Badge Quest fanfic story. I’ve tried planning a full badge quest many times, even with all battles as 1v1, but I always end up scrapping it. It’s the battles, encounters, evolutions, and catches among other things. I’d likely get bored after a while, as I have in the past. Keeping the story going through all eight gyms and the League is also a challenge.

That’s why I wrote this short story: it lets me experience a Gym battle without worrying about the rest of the gyms or the League. I considered a story where the character continues after earning the first badge, but I didn’t want to give the impression of a full badge quest. Ending it with Joey not continuing removes that pressure.

 

[LightningTopaz]

@Greninjaman

My only suggestion would be to space everything out. It's hard to read when it's scrunched together like this.

If you ever go back and revisit this, you could also add a little more detail, like describing the setting, or what the characters at least basically look like (pretend your audience is not familiar with Pokemon--how would you basically describe the characters?)

 

[Greninjaman]

@Greninjaman

My only suggestion would be to space everything out. It's hard to read when it's scrunched together like this.

If you ever go back and revisit this, you could also add a little more detail, like describing the setting, or what the characters at least basically look like (pretend your audience is not familiar with Pokemon--how would you basically describe the characters?)

I did spread it out a bit after looking at it on my phone. Yeah, it was hard to read. I also added a bit more to this.

 

[Greninjaman]

I know I said I don’t plan on doing a full Badge Quest, but who knows. I might change my mind someday. Will it happen? When? Honestly, I’m not sure. For now, I’m happy with this story as it is, but I’m leaving the possibility open.

 

[Greninjaman]

Here is some "Behind the scenes" stuff for this: At first, this was going to be a chapter story that followed Joey as he aimed to defeat Falkner, but then I decided to just have it be a short story since I was unsure of how to move the story along. By having this be a short story, I give myself some experience in writing battles. Here is what I was planning on before switching to a short story:

The story would start with Joey battling and defeating Mikey and being all "Yeah! I'm awesome because I have a win streak. I bet I can defeat Falkner". He goes to battle him only to lose. He is encouraged to go train at Sprout Tower. While there, Rattata, starts learning Double Team. Later on, a robbery happens there and something important is stolen. Joey goes after the thief and battles them, Rattata mastering Double Team in the process. Joey wins and retrieves the item. Feeling a bit more confident, he rematches Falkner and wins this time, earning him the badge.

 

[Greninjaman]

Made changes (mostly cleaning up some bits and such) and added a bit to the start of the story.