EVERYONE: Johto, begin! (first fanfic)

[Snivy Nation]

I wake up to the same ceiling with all the prints of Unova pokemon. I look at the same map of the Unova region and sigh, because it is the last time I will see the poster for a while. Today is the day that I go to the Johto region.I had to convince my mom, Prof. Juniper, to take me when she said that she was going to see Prof. Elm.

I got up and did all the things that a person should do before they go to a different part of the world. I must have gotten up too early because my mom wasn't up yet. When she did wake up and did her morning duties. She called Prof. Elm and told him that she needed to stop by the lab and check the pokemon. While she did that I turned on the news and checked out what was happening in Unova and around the world.

The moment we stepped on the plane in Castelia City, I was psyched to see new pokemon there. This trip was particularly uneventful and boring if not for the Minccino that mom brought. When we finally got so we could see land, instantly I was shocked at how different the pokemon were. Just then, a dark figure flashed by my window and I swear it winked at me.

"I just saw something flash by my window!" I told mom in stunned surprise.

"Don't be silly! It was probably just a Pidgey." she told me with a relaxed tone.

I relaxed in my seat a little more and looked out the window and saw the strangest pokemon I've ever seen.

Soon after we landed and I asked mom about the pokemon named Pidgey. She told me that they were bird-like pokemon, like Pidove and Tranquill, and that they are very common in the Johto region. I then relized that none of these pokemon live in the Unova region. I relaxed, took a breath and said,"Johto."

Here is Part 2: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f244/meeting-prof-elm-part-2-johto-begin-110248/#post3209722

 

[brickwork]

This is good, so far, but I can spot a few errors.

Firstly, Pokemon and Mom should be capitalised.

Secondly, it was a bit short. I suggest reading a few fanfics, such as Rival's Story by Gastly's Mama or Stainless Steel by Lugion and seeing the length of their chapters. Try to make yours a similar length.

And thirdly, you had a few punctuation and tense errors, like this;

I relaxed in my seat a little more and looked out the window and saw the strangest pokemon I've ever seen.

Should be:

I relaxed in my seat a little more, looked out the window and saw the strangest Pokemon I had ever seen.

And you should probably use a spelling checker before posting, too.

Apart from that, this is a great fic so far, especially for a first time. I can't wait for Chapter 2!

 

[Snivy Nation]

Thanks for the tips. I'll remember these writing Chapter 2

 

[Snivy Nation]

Meeting Prof. Elm (part 2 of,"Johto, begin!")

This is a continuation of the short fic,"Johto, begin!"
Here is the link: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/johto-begin-first-fanfic-109713/


"So, Mom When are we going to see Professor Elm?" I asked. We had just arrived in New Bark Town and got a hotel room. The view from our room was amazing. Several tall and short buildings against the skyline, and beyond that, there was an endless forest full of the unknown.

"We will go to his lab tomorrow," Mom said.

"AAAAWWWW!" I moaned in despair. I was set on getting my first Johto Pokemon today. I was going to get a Cyndaquil.

"Don't worry! Tomorrow you will get to see Professor Oak," she said in a brighter tone.

Until then, I had forgotten that I still had my Servine. I brought the Pokemon because Mom had told me to. I have no idea why. That's when I decided to go to bed. "Good night Mom," I said in a weary tone. When I laid down, I slowly started to drift away in to dream land.

"Serr, servine!" Servine(who some how let out itself) said. It must not have worked because then he used vine whip. Boy! Did that wake me up.

Me and Mom did our morning duties like we always do. About an hour later, we were on our way to the lab. "I want you to remember that strange Pokemon live here. Pokemon like Totodile, Chicorita, and Cyndaquil. These are the 3 Pokemon you get to choose from for your first Pokemon," Mom said on the way over.

When we got over there, we were instantly greeted by Professor Elm. "Professor Juniper! Welcome to the Johto region," He said enthusiastically,"and this must be Jacob! How are you?"

"Great!" Mom said. Right after she said that, three strange Pokemon came running to greet us. These, I figured were Totodile, Chicorita and Cyndaquil...