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EVERYONE: - Ongoing Kanto Adventures of Brendan

Mudkip 48

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Here a story I came up with. Written in Charizard 36's style. Hope you like it!

It was a beautiful Kanto day. The sun was shining beautifully as Beautiflys and Butterfrees were flying in the wind. In Pallet Town there was a young boy named Brendan. He had brown hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a red baseball cap, an AC/DC shirt, and baggy blue jeans. He was walking down to Prof. Oak's lab to pick up his first Pokemon. He found the lab and entered it. There was Pokeballs set on a table and the lights were on. There was files of all the different Pokemon in the world. He saw an old man with grey hair walk down.

Brendan,"Are you Prof. Oak?"

Prof. Oak,"Yes I am. You must have come to get your first Pokemon, yes?"

Brendan,"Yeah!" Prof. Oak pointed out the table.

Prof. Oak,"Those are the Starter Pokemon. Charmander, Bulbasaur, Squirtle. Pick one."
Brendan looked at all of them. He liked the Squirtle. He chosed it for his Starter.

Prof. Oak,"Good pick. Here are 5 Pokeballs to catch Pokemon and a Pokedex to record different Pokemon."

Brendan,"Thanks!" He toke his items and left. He was already on Route 1. He was walking under a tree when a Pidgey suddenly attacked him.

Brendan,"Ouch! Pain in the...Hey! A Pidgey!" He sent out Squirtle. Squirtle attacked with Bubble. Pidgey wasn't hurt badly and fought back with Wing Attack. Squirtle was hurt badly. Brendan ended the battle with Squirtle using Skull Bash. Pidgey was weaken. Brendan chucked a Pokeballand caught it.

Brendan,"Sweet!"

Pokedex: Squirtle is Level 6!

Brendan,"Double Sweet!"
He latered arrived at Viridian City. He had his Pokemon healed and he was on the way to Pewter City to get a badge. He went to Viridian Forest to get there. At the end of the Forest he saw a Weedle.

Brendan,"A Weedle!" He sent out Pidgey. Pidgey easily defeated it with Peck. Brendan chucked a Pokeball and caught it.

Pokedex: Pidey is Level 5!
Brendan left the forest and entered Pewter City. It was time to get a Badge...
To be contiuned.
 
(Because everybody loves the Charizard36 style. Sigh...)
It was a good idea, but it really needs more description. "Wow a weedle. Pidgey beat it with peck. Brendan caught it." is really not descriptive. Original Trainer fics are hard to write, so I give you props for trying. Also, the script style is ok, but use : instead of , in between character names and text, and put a space between the symbol and the dialouge. It just makes it easier to read.
 
I agree with betagold. You really need to put more description into your writing to make it better. Also, the whole use of levels isn't very important when writing a fanfic.Other than that, I think you did a good job.
 
Brendan saw Brook he challaged him. Brendan send in Squirtle. Brook send in Geodude. "Squirtle used watergun."
"Geodude used rollout."

"Squirtle used bubble''. Geodude fainted. Brook send in Onix."Onix used slam."
Onix used slam. Squirtle almost fainted, "Squirtle used watergun.""Squirtle used watergun again." Onix fainted. Brendan won!
Brendan went to Mount Moon. Trainer appeared! Trainer send in Zubat. Brendan send in Pidgey. "Zubat used bite". Pidgey dodged then used peck. Zubat fainted.
Hi my name is Eric.
My name is Brendan.
Eric wanted to be pokemon master to. And he had a badge. They both went to Cereleun City.
To be continued...
 
Eric think he needs pokemon . A mankey appeared. Eric send out Zubat. "Mankey used foucaspunch.''

"Zubat used bite." "Then Zubat used wingattack." Eric chucked a pokeball. It rooled three times. Eric was happy.

I got a Mankey, said Eric.

God for you, said Brendan.

Eric and Brendan went to the gym. Eric challged Misty frist. Misty send in Staryu. Eric send in Mankey. "Mankey used megapunch."

Staryu was hurt badly. "Mankey used foucaspunch." Staryu fainted. Misty send in Starmi. "Starmi used swift."

Mankey fainted. Eric send in Zubat. "Zubat used bite twice." Starmi fainted.

Eric won. Brendan was next. It was one on one. Misty send in Stayu. Brendan send in Pidgey. "Pidgey uused gust."

"Staryu used watergun." "Pidgey used peck." Staryu fainted. Brendan won. Brendan and Eric both got a cascade badge.

To be countiued...
 
I can't count how many spelling errors there were in that. You really need tons more description, and an actual plot.
 
First off, that's really not good description. You should describe what is happening, so that the reader can picture it. Second, when does a Pidgey beat a Staryu? That will never, ever happen, especially when that Pidgey is at the level where the attack it uses is Peck. Third, who is Brook, and why is he able to give out Boulder Badges?
 
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Is this a sick joke? This is why I hate the world of Pokemon fanfiction; for every good original trainer fic out there, you have to sift through 20 horrible ones.
 
I don't know when I'll post new stories. And bro you are doing better at the story.
 
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