• Hello!

    Please be aware that our content warnings system has recently been updated! Please refer to this thread for more information, or if you're unsure, feel free to contact a Workshop staff member!

    Thank you all for helping us ensure our community is a safe and healthy one, and for your continued patronage in our Library and Workshop.
  • Forum staff applications are now open! If you're interested in seeing what sections are currently recruiting, click here for more information!

TEEN: - Complete Kiruka's Random Ficlets

Kiruka

Bluntasaur's Pet Trap
Joined
Apr 20, 2007
Messages
8
Reaction score
0
No, that is not the name of my story. Most of what I write, Pokemon-wise, is fairly short, and I don't want to be cluttering up the fanfiction section. Most of what I've written has been short stories, describing the lives of some of the characters I contributed to Pokemon Academy. I only have one right now that I'd call "complete"; it features Neroli, an Auel Neider look-a-like and a classic example of loss of innocence. It currently has no title, and I doubt it will ever get one.

Note: there are NO Pokemon Academy spoilers, unless you consider something that happened before Pokemon Academy to be a spoiler.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The warm sunlight shined all over Neroli's body as he stepped out the front door of his elementary school. Cerulean City usually had nice weather, but today was even better than usual. As much as he wanted to head over to Cerulean Cape for a swim, he didn't want to keep his mother waiting. She needed his help a lot, ever since his father left on a Pokemon journey, never to be heard from again. His father had originally had a great career as a police officer, but he yearned to see the world and left on his own, promising that he would be back in a year. It had been four years since then. Since his father was the main source of income for the household, things had gotten a bit more difficult since then. Neroli's mother worked as a designer for a girls' clothing company, but the pay wasn't really good enough to afford much more than the necessities since there were two people and only one paycheck. That was fine by both of them, though; Neroli's mother was happy with her work and also spent much of her free time working on designs, and Neroli kept himself busy by going to the local library and reading up on Pokemon, as well as staying in shape by swimming at Cerulean Cape. Neroli then stopped and looked to the side.

"Those cakes sure look good...." Neroli could see several cakes on display at a bakery window, and also his own reflection. Neroli's build was dainty, although he was definately in shape. His greyish blue hair, which almost perfectly matched his eye color, looked a little above shoulder-length, due to the fact that it curled upward at the ends naturally. His school didn't have a uniform policy, so he was dressed in a pair of snug light blue jeans and a white t-shirt. People looking at him could easily think of him as either gender due to his androgenous appearance, but Neroli didn't care. He always saw little importance to gender-based biases, as that was how his mother raised him. Above all, he believed that everyone should just get along, and as such always tried to befriend all whom he met, even those who picked on him for his feminine characteristics. "...I should stop teasing myself. I don't have money for any of those." He then continued on walking. He found himself thinking about school, and how little sense it made. Despite his overall friendliness, there were more kids who picked on him than who wanted to be his friend, and the majority of his friends were girls. The girls he hung out with mostly liked him because they thought he was cute, although they would never tell him that. The few boys he was friendly with were outcasts themselves, seeing genuine kindness in Neroli.

"Welcome home!" Neroli's mother, Saki, greeted as Neroli walked in the door. Saki was still quite young for a mother, she was 31 but looked 5 years younger. Her hair was long, straight and blonde.

"Hi, mom!" Neroli greeted with a smile. "On the way home, I saw some really yummy looking cakes..."

"Oh, you know we can't afford that. Besides, it's much cheaper and more fun to bake your own," Saki replied. Neroli's eyes lit up. "I could help you, of course. But first, I need a favor. I just put together my newest design and I need to borrow my model for a short while." Saki had always used Neroli as a model for her designs, as the girls that the clothes were meant for were around the pre-teen age; there were few noticable differences. Neroli himself didn't mind; he didn't want to become a girl, but he felt comfortable in almost anything and was always happy to do a favor for his mother.

"Alright, sure! I don't have any homework today...that is, I DID have homework, but I finished that while most of the rest of the class was doing the in-class work." Neroli agreed. "I just wish I could do more to help out. I mean, you work and cook and clean...."

"Neroli, I'm an adult, and you're nine years old. You don't need to take on a bunch of extra responsibilities other than school and keeping your own room clean at your age," Saki assured.

"Well, okay. I guess I'm just running out of things to do..." Neroli commented. "And tomorrow's Saturday. I guess I'll just take a trip downtown and look at things."

"Alright. I have to head to the office tomorrow, so I may not be home when you get up," Saki informed. "Anyway, let me show you what I made..." Neroli was always impressed by Saki's designs. He took off his jeans and t-shirt and raised his arms, as Saki held the dress overtop of him and lowered it down slowly, giving Neroli time to get his arms into the shoulderless sleeves. It was white and pink, and aside from the belly up to the upper chest, the design was very loose-fitting and would easily be manipulated by the wind. It also had a bow right at the top of the chest area.

"This is really comfortable," Neroli commented. "And cute, too. I hope your boss likes it."

"Oh, I know she will," Saki pointed out. "She always likes my designs...the reason I haven't been promoted is that I spend so much time fretting about whether or not something's good enough, that I don't get as many done as some of the other designers."

"Theirs would probably fall apart or be uncomfortable," Neroli replied. Saki then gave Neroli a hug.

"By the way, would you like to get started on that cake now? I'll have to get you to take that dress off though; there's no duplicates yet so I can't have that one getting dirty," Saki asked.

"Okay!" Neroli answered. He was extra careful in taking off the dress; after taking it off, he folded it neatly and handed it to Saki, then put his jeans and t-shirt back on.


The cake had been one of the best things Neroli had ever eaten. Saki tried to help as little as possible, as Neroli would never learn to do it on his own if she was doing everything. The two of them managed to eat half of the cake by themselves, and put the rest in the fridge for the next day. As it neared 9:00, Neroli took his jeans off and got into bed in his t-shirt and boxers, reading a book he had borrowed from the library about the Kanto starters and other various information about starting as a Pokemon trainer at age 10. "I can't believe this is a whole year away..."


The next day, Neroli woke up fairly early, although Saki was already gone. Neroli put on a black t-shirt and a pair of tight white jeans, then loaded up his light blue backpack with a few snacks, the book from the library, the small amount of loose change that he had, along with a map of the city in case he get lost. He then grabbed his set of keys and locked the door before leaving. Neroli took off at a run; not because he was on a schedule, but rather so he could get lots of practice in before becoming a trainer. The first place he stopped at was the library, at which he finally tired out and decided to walk. After returning the book, he wandered around the city, mostly looking for people who might have their Pokemon with him. After a few minutes of searching without any luck, Neroli decided to head over to the Cerulean City Pokemon Center. The Nurse Joy who ran it knew him well; he frequently came in to help cheer up the sick and injured Pokemon.

"Good morning, Nurse Joy," Neroli greeted.

"Oh, if it isn't Neroli! Came to visit the Pokemon again?" Nurse Joy asked.

"Yep!..." Neroli then found himself thinking about his mother again, then looked a bit upset.

"....Is something the matter?" Nurse Joy asked.

"....Yes. Well, not really. I'm probably just dwelling on it too much. It's just that my mom works so hard....she has a job, she cooks, she cleans, and she takes care of me and makes sure I'm doing well at school...I just want to be able to return the favor somehow. I know a lot of kids my age don't show any appreciation for that kind of stuff, and think of it as their right to have it, but it makes me feel guilty."

"Ever thought about doing some work for a bit of extra money?" Nurse Joy suggested.

"You mean, get a job?" Neroli asked.

"Well, not a job job. Unfortunately, there are these things called child labor laws that keep kids at your age from being employed. However," Nurse Joy continued, "We could always use an extra set of hands here in the center..."

"...Is that for real?" Neroli inquired.

"Of course it is! Those child labor laws say nothing about "under the table" work. That is, you come in whenever you like, ask me what you can do to help out, you help out, and then I'll give you some money depending on how much you get done. Since my boss wouldn't want to pay someone your age, I'll have you help out with my work and then pay you with my own money. Think of it as a job, except no schedule, so you can be late and leave early; put in as little or as much time as you like. But I don't want to see you showing up during school hours, understand? You can't be neglecting your education," Nurse Joy explained.

"I understand!" Neroli agreed. "Can I start now? My mom's at work right now and will be for quite a while, so I have nowhere else to be."

"Alright! From this day forward, you'll be my apprentice nurse! Now come with me..." Nurse Joy then led Neroli into one of the back rooms, leaving a Chansey to watch the front desk. "Now, since you're a nurse, you have to look the part, otherwise people will think that you're just some kid causing trouble and stealing things." Nurse Joy then handed Neroli a box containing the same outfit she was wearing, but closer to Neroli's size.

"I hope no one from school sees me like this....I've worn dresses before, but only so my mom could see her designs on someone," Neroli told.

"Don't think of it as a dress, so much as a work uniform," Nurse Joy assured.

"I'll wear just about anything; it's just that I don't need to be inviting unwanted attention," Neroli told.

"Well, unlike at an elementary school....in a workplace, we have actual decent means of getting rid of those unwanted people. Such as calling the police," Nurse Joy explained. "Now, go change--hey! Don't change in front of me!" Nurse Joy instructed as Neroli was about to take his shirt off.

"...Oh, sorry. I wasn't thinking," Neroli apologized. He then went into the employee washroom and changed in a stall. Neroli then came out, blushing slightly.

Nurse Joy giggled. "That looks so good on you. But enough of that, let me show you who you'll be tending to...." Nurse Joy then led Neroli into another room with several Pokemon. Most were asleep; however, there was a Squirtle who was wide awake, and bandaged in several places. "You see that Squirtle? I found on the way to work one day...I don't know if he has a trainer or not, but he was severely injured from battle and I took him in...however, he doesn't seem to realize that his wounds won't heal if he keeps getting out of bed and trying to push himself. He needs constant attention, but I need to be everywhere and make sure things are running smoothy. Can I count on you to keep Squirtle out of trouble and in bed?"

"Mmm-hmm, definately!" Neroli assured. Nurse Joy then smiled and left.

"If you need my help, use that little buzzer beside the bed," Nurse Joy told as she left.

"Squirtle!" Squirtle greeted, standing up on his bed. Not even a minute had passed since Nurse Joy left and Squirtle was out of bed, rooting through a bunch of drawers. Neroli followed Squirtle, watching him and smiling. Squirtle looked back, wondering why Neroli wasn't trying to pressure him to get back to bed. He then walked over to Neroli, looking inquisitive; however, he collapsed before reaching him.

"Are you okay?" Neroli asked. Squirtle, still on his frontside, looked up and gave a thumbs up. Neroli then picked him up and hugged him gently. "You just want to have some fun, don't you? I wonder how you got this badly hurt." Neroli then took Squirtle back over to his bed and sat down, still holding him. Squirtle was bandaged on both of his legs, his left arm, and his forehead. After a little while, Squirtle fell asleep in Neroli's arms.


Neroli continued to visit the Pokemon center for most of the day on weekends, and after school until around dinner time on weekdays. Aside from a few minor duties, Neroli's job was still to keep Squirtle in bed. Nurse Joy was pleasantly surprised at Neroli's gentle nature; she herself could never keep Squirtle still for that amount of time. While at school, Neroli used his lunch break to go to the school library and research infromation about Squirtle, to understand him better. Saki was pleased to find out that Neroli had found something he enjoyed doing.


Several weeks later, Squirtle's bandages were removed, although he still had to remain for an extra week so Nurse Joy could make sure he was a hundred percent recovered. Nurse Joy went in to check on Squirtle, only to find he was gone. Nurse Joy sighed. "I knew this was likely to happen on a school day."


As Neroli left school, he didn't notice he was being followed by a group of four boys. "Hey, Neroli, where's your dress?" one of them asked. Neroli didn't turn around; he simply took off running, realizing that he HAD been seen dressed as a nurse at the Pokemon Center. As much as Neroli was fast, he wasn't faster than a group of jocks. One of them picked up a large rock and threw it at Neroli; however, it missed, and kept on going until it hit someone else. Neroli heard the sound of a person collapsing and turned around.

"...Mom...?!" Neroli had a look of horror on his face as he saw his mother on the ground, passed out and bleeding from the forehead. He had just then remembered that since Saki had the day off, she was going to come and pick him up. Neroli collapsed, petrified by the sight of the blood and clutching his head in his hands.

"Squirtle!" Neroli then turned to see Squirtle running toward him.

"Shouldn't we get out of here?" one of the kids asked.

"No, we won't get in trouble. We'll just say that that wild Pokemon did it. Besides, I want to pummel that girly boy. He just got lucky that first time!"

Squirtle then attacked the group of boys with Water Gun, sending one of them flying into a wall. Two others helped in up and then took off, but the one who threw the rock stayed. "What kind of Pokemon attacks a human?! I'll pummel you as well!" He then picked up another rock and threw it at Squirtle; Squirtle tried to dodge, but was still tired from the long trip to the school on top of his previous injuries. Squirtle got knocked over, but got back up. Neroli then got up and glared at the boy. "You'd better be prepared to take what you dished out. Squirtle, Water Gun! Aim for his knees!"

"Squirtle!" Squirtle jumped up and fired a blast of water, hitting the boy's knees before he could move and knocking him over. Neroli pinned him and began punching him repeatedly before he could get back up. Squirtle then looked at Saki, then at Neroli. He ran over to Neroli who had beaten the boy to the point of crying. Neroli got up and left the boy on the ground.

"You want a shot, too?" Neroli asked Squirtle. Squirtle nodded and then kicked the boy in the face once, then followed Neroli as he ran over to his mother. Several people had watched the fight; one had called an ambulance. A couple of paramedics brought a strecher for Saki; however, before Neroli could catch up, he was stopped by Officer Jenny.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Officer Jenny asked. "I have some questions for you."


Neroli had been brought to the police station, alone. Saki had been taken to the hospital to be treated for a minor concussion, and Squirtle had been brought back to the Pokemon Center.

"Neroli, are you aware that telling a Pokemon to attack another human is a crime, an even worse crime than attacking another human with your own hands?" Officer Jenny asked.

"That wasn't a human, it was a scumbag!" Neroli spat. "How dare something hurt my mom!"

"Now, now, calm down. I want to start by saying that you aren't going to jail," Officer Jenny told.

"...Huh?"

"You're too young. Plus, I have several eye witnesses who confirmed that you only did that to protect your mother and yourself, as well as your friend Squirtle. They mean a lot to you, don't they?" Officer Jenny asked.

Neroli nodded.

"Since you're still an elementary student, you'll be punished by their rules. The principal has expelled the boy who attacked you, which is effective as of the day he gets out of the hospital. You've been suspended from school for a week. And since your mother is your only legal guardian and you have no other family in the area, I've asked that Nurse Joy keep you at the Pokemon Center until your mother recovers. She put in a good word for you," Officer Jenny told. "As for Squirtle, I don't ever want to see you use him for assault again, understood?"

"...Yes, loud and clear," Neroli sighed.

"Alright. Now, come with me. I'll drive you to the Pokemon Center. Remember, Nurse Joy is your legal guardian until your mother is out of the hospital, so do whatever she says, alright?" Officer Jenny instructed.


A year had passed; Neroli had kept a close eye on Squirtle, who had moved in with him and Saki after he was fully recovered. Squirtle had been kept by Saki until Neroli was 10; at which time he become Neroli's first Pokemon. He still went to the same school, and Squirtle had evolved into Wartortle over time.


Another year had passed; Neroli had grown sick of studying subjects he knew wouldn't benefit him; he had become a lot meaner over time, as had Wartortle, especially when it evolved into Blastoise. Although the other students gave him a bit more respect ever since he put that one boy in the hospital, there were still a few who continued to antagonize him. Neroli ended up being suspended for fighting, again, for breaking a boy's nose who had called him a sissy, this time for two weeks. Neroli spent that time at the Pokemon Center, continuing to do more work as a nurse; this was the only time at which Neroli was truly compassionate like he once was; the only people he trusted were Saki and Nurse Joy. Outside of his nursing work, he had become a lot more of a jerk. Although he still cared for his mother very much, she couldn't help but notice that he had changed. In addition to Blastoise, Neroli also had a Gengar and a Kangaskhan on hand.


Neroli was on the way to the Pokemon Center for another day of work. There were a lot of people in front of the Pokemon Center, which was starting to anger him. He pushed through the crowd. "...Is your head just for decoration? MOVE!" Neroli shouted at one large man who was too big for him to push aside. The man complied without hesitation, somehow being intimidated by this small boy. Neroli went into the Pokemon Center and got changed. "Nurse Joy, what's the crowd outside all about?"

"Oh, there's a recruiter for Pokemon Academy out there," Nurse Joy explained.

"Good for them, that doesn't make them any less annoying for getting in my way," Neroli muttered.

"You should apply. You've been complaining about how you don't like your current school--" Nurse Joy started.

"Because it's full of idiotic kids and staff whose rules consist of their own ignorance," Neroli pointed out.

"...Yes. But Pokemon Academy is for trainers only. I have a feeling you'd like it better there," Nurse Joy finished.

"Maybe. So where's this chump who's doing the recruiting?" Neroli asked.

"Right here. And I must say, you're awfully mouthy for a cute nurse," the recruiter said as he looked down at Neroli.

"Who asked you?" Neroli demanded.

"Nurse Joy has told me all about how great you are with Pokemon, not only at battling but at taking care of them. If you'd like to join Pokemon Academy, I may be able to arrange something..." the recruiter told.

"If you want. It's not like I'm asking you for a favor," Neroli replied.

"Don't worry about Neroli. He acts like a jerk to hide his innocent self," Nurse Joy explained.

"Oh, I know. All crossdressers are sweet deep down," the recruiter told.

"I'M NOT A CROSSDRESSER! This is for work!" Neroli protested. "I dress like a guy otherwise! You want a butt whoopin'?!"

"Okay, okay, calm down..." the recruiter replied. "In any case, we'll notify you when we're holding the entrance exams."

Neroli then let Blastoise out, and gave him a handful of Pokemon food. "That's nice."

"Blaaaaah...." Blastoise yawned, before eating the food. Neroli then gave Blastoise a hug.

"How cute..." the recruiter commented.

"Move on, punk!" Neroli hissed.


A few weeks later, Neroli had gone to Vermillion City where the hovercraft for Pokemon Academy was waiting, after saying goodbye to Saki and Nurse Joy. Neroli looked around as he got onboard. "What is this garbage? Are you telling me I have to share the space with other kids?" Neroli sat in a corner by himself. He had a backpack with him, full of snacks, Pokemon food, some books, and his nurse outfit, which he brought along so he wouldn't forget about when he first met his first Pokemon. "...What the hell are you all looking at? You guys wanna swim?!" Neroli spat. The other kids turned away. He then got out a Pokemon book which he had been reading and kept his mind occupied for the duration of the trip.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

There you go. Compliments and justified critisisms are more than welcome. I wouldn't be surprised if there's some typos or grammar mistakes; I wrote the whole ficlet in one night.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Your biggest problem was the pacing. At the beginning and a few parts in the middle, there's a lot of extortion there for no real reason, and lots of it, example here:

His father had originally had a great career as a police officer, but he yearned to see the world and left on his own, promising that he would be back in a year. It had been four years since then.

and here:

Despite his overall friendliness, there were more kids who picked on him than who wanted to be his friend, and the majority of his friends were girls. The girls he hung out with mostly liked him because they thought he was cute, although they would never tell him that. The few boys he was friendly with were outcasts themselves, seeing genuine kindness in Neroli.

didn't seem relevant, and never became relevant either. You could probably just cut those out with no consequences. We'll be seeing him again, so it's not like there'll never be more time to develop him. And it wasn't particularly interesting to read, either.

The cake had been one of the best things Neroli had ever eaten. Saki tried to help as little as possible, as Neroli would never learn to do it on his own if she was doing everything. The two of them managed to eat half of the cake by themselves, and put the rest in the fridge for the next day.

That felt like they made and ate a cake in like three seconds, like you were just writing it to get out of the way.

As it neared 9:00, Neroli took his jeans off and got into bed in his t-shirt and boxers, reading a book he had borrowed from the library about the Kanto starters

Small factual error here, they may be the Kanto starters to us but to him they're the Pokémon Professor Oak gives to new trainers when they start a journey from Pallet Town.

The other problem was the dialogue. Lots of it just didn't sound like something a nine year old would say. Like here:

"....Yes. Well, not really. I'm probably just dwelling on it too much. It's just that my mom works so hard....she has a job, she cooks, she cleans, and she takes care of me and makes sure I'm doing well at school...I just want to be able to return the favor somehow. I know a lot of kids my age don't show any appreciation for that kind of stuff, and think of it as their right to have it, but it makes me feel guilty."

Words like dwelling, guilty, and the like aren't things a nine year old should know... when I was nine everybody thought I was a prodigy or something and I wouldn't be able to do it.

Later on at the end, you DID develop him the right way though, he's an interesting character now. You write his dialogue much better as a rude preteen than you do a polite child, for sure.
 
Please note: The thread is from 19 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom