Last Post Wins Version 21: Casino Royale

[Maniacal Engineer]

Spoiler

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Greetings, card sharks, and welcome to another exciting edition of everybody’s favorite game of chance: Last Post Wins!

Before we begin the next round, let us all put our hands together for the winner of the previous round, @Max1996, who shuffled in to steal the jackpot and then sneaked baccarat out again.

Spoiler

This being version 21, I figured I’d cash in on the opportunity, and make this version casino themed.
Please note that, this game is a crap-shoot, since nobody knows who will eventually emerge in the winner’s slot.
As always, there are some fundamental roulettes that must be obeyed at all times. Deal with it.

• All the standard F&G rules apply.
• You must have a statement about winning in your post (Otherwise this is just another Random Messages).
• You win if you have the last post in the thread when it's closed.
• Absolutely no deck stacking or card counting will be tolerated.
• Last but not least, keep personal drama out of the thread.

Alright, folks, step right up and place your bets, it’s time to get this game rolling! Just remember, if things get dicey, always know when to hold ‘em, and when to fold ‘em, and always, always, keep an ace in the hole. Just in case.

 

[Max1996]

Having won, I'll take a bit of a back seat for this one, but for now, I'll play. I win if nobody can beat my 2-Ace 3-King Full House.

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

I win because I'm walking straight out the door before you all hit me for too many casino puns.

 

[Zexy]

I win because I can't win because I'm not yet 21 so I can't enter Casino so I can't win LPW 21.
... so I win for paradoxes.

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

I win because SECURITY!!!!!!

 

[Max1996]

Roulette time! I bet on the Black numbers!
*Lands on a red number*
...I win for bad luck, I guess?

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

I win because let's have some music in here to set the atmosphere!

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View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN3iWtvA3eM

 

[Max1996]

Don't you know? Slot machines play music as well.
*Lands on 777*
I win the jackpot!

 

[Pikochu]

I win because this is still the first page!

 

[Max1996]

I don't see how that matters.
*Looks at his Poker hand*
Straight Flush! I win!

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

*looks at hand*
Five fingers. I win!

 

[Max1996]

I win because I know how Poker works.

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

I win because so do I.
*flushes the face cards down the toilet*
A royal flush!

 

[Max1996]

*Calls a plumber*
*Wins*

 

[Wispy Willow]

I win because counting cards isn't illegal.

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

I win because it is here. Unless of course you are @Count von Count.

 

[Max1996]

I don't need a sockpuppet to win.

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

Sockpuppets? Sockpuppets are illegal, young man. I'm afraid I know nothing about any sockpuppeting going on around here.
A Sockpuppet cannot win.

 

[Max1996]

I am well aware of that. That's why I win.

 

[Kharixi]

I win because I don't get these casino jokes.