EVERYONE: - Complete Legendary Trainers: The Boy and his Caterpie

[Harry Blue5]

NOTE: I am a beginner writer, so my story will be a bit bad. Feel free to criticize, I don't mind. As long as it's helping me become a better writer, no something like 'OMGZ! THIS IS DA WORST STORIE EVA!'.

NOTE 2: This story will be more focused on what my Primary School teacher used to say: "I'd rather have half a page full of good work rather than 3 pages of bad work without any quality". So therefore, the chapters will be short.

Prologue: What this story is about
This is a story about a boy and his Pokémon, a story of the bonds a child can have with his Pokémon, a story of how even weak a Pokémon can seem, how it can grow to be powerful, a story about... THE BOY AND HIS CATERPIE!

Chapter 1: Harry's PokéLicense
The story starts with a boy, an ordinary boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes, a courageous boy who would one day challenge the Pokémon League with a Pokémon nobody would suspect... but I'm getting ahead of myself, let us start with the beginning, and begin where the story starts.

"All right! Time to get my first Pokémon! I hope I can get a Pikachu!" said Harry, a 10 year-old boy. He was hoping for a Pikachu, as they seemed to be the best way to go, with their powerful Thunder Shock right from the beginning, and sometimes even paralyzing their enemies. Indeed, Pikachu, the Electric Mouse type Pokémon sounded too good to be true to get as a starter. He had just gotten his Pokémon License and was already running to Professor Oak's lab to get a Pokémon.

"Hi, Professor Oak!" called Harry.

"Ah, Harry, you got here just in time, I only have one Pokémon left." said Professor Oak.

"But I came five minutes early!" replied Harry, in a very shocked tone.

"Everyone else came even earlier," said Professor Oak, "I've never seen so many new trainers. But I still have one Pokémon left,"

"What is it?" asked Harry, desperate to get a Pokémon

"It's a Caterpie," Oak told Harry. His heart sank, Caterpie was one of the worst Pokémon in the Kanto region. But then Harry's heart suddenly rose back, he remembered that even the weakest Pokémon could become the ultimate fighter with a little bit of training. With his heart back up, Harry then said:

"Thanks Professor Oak!", and so he released the Caterpie from it's ball, and set off to start his Pokémon journey.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Where's chapter 2? And why are the chapters so short? And you know it's short when it's coming from *me*.

And this:

His heart sank, Caterpie was one of the worst Pokémon in the Kanto region, but then Harry's heart suddenly rose back, he remembered that even the weakest Pokémon could become the ultimate fighter with a little bit of training.

All one sentence? Why?

Also, the last thing spoken was "It's a Caterpie," leading us to believe that after Oak says that, Harry has his little moment, takes Caterpie, and runs off, all without saying a word.

 

[Harry Blue5]

Thanks. But I did say the chapter would be short. But, I'll make some edits to the story.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Why is this two chapters anyway? A chapter is a segment of action, and it seems to me that this could be one chapter quite easily since there's nothing to divide the scenes.

 

[Green Cherrim]

By Gods, 'tis the absolute worst fanfiction that has ever been gazed upon by human eyes!

Lqtm, sorry, couldn't resist.

Now, to the point, this needs length. When I started writing, my chapters were at least twice as long as that, and that's still short, but it's of a more acceptable length. Besides that, it seems okay, but far too fast-paced.

 

[firepokemon]

If Caterpie evolves into Butterfree I will be one happy man and will scream in delight. Caterpie is nice and all but I want Butterfree. Though it sounds like this Catepie won't be evolving

Anyway you actually write quite well, yes the chapters are short but long chapters with a lot of crap can be well horrid. In time it would be great to have a proper prologue as that isn't a prologue at all. But I think you are doing the right thing, just posting small and then editing and adding things to it. My advice that I would give to you is to keep posting chapter after chapter as fast as you can. Listen to any advice/criticism you get from other posters. Then once you have done its time to go word by word sentence by sentence, adding things and then repost the story chapter by chapter with the improvements etc. Some people are suited to doing one chapter a time then edit it to bits, others like yourself are best to do the story first time round short and then revisiting once the story is completed.

Anyway good luck.

 

[The Outrage]

You know, there's a difference between "doing justice to you work" by that I mean writing it as long as it needs to be and filling it up with pointlessness jsut to meet a certain criteria of length.

"All right! Time to get my first Pokémon! I hope I can get a Pikachu!" said Harry, a 10 year-old boy, soon to get his first Pokémon.

There's no need to mention that last part when it has already been stated in the begining of the sentence.

 

[Harry Blue5]

If Caterpie evolves into Butterfree I will be one happy man and will scream in delight. Caterpie is nice and all but I want Butterfree. Though it sounds like this Catepie won't be evolving

Anyway you actually write quite well, yes the chapters are short but long chapters with a lot of crap can be well horrid. In time it would be great to have a proper prologue as that isn't a prologue at all. But I think you are doing the right thing, just posting small and then editing and adding things to it. My advice that I would give to you is to keep posting chapter after chapter as fast as you can. Listen to any advice/criticism you get from other posters. Then once you have done its time to go word by word sentence by sentence, adding things and then repost the story chapter by chapter with the improvements etc. Some people are suited to doing one chapter a time then edit it to bits, others like yourself are best to do the story first time round short and then revisiting once the story is completed.

Anyway good luck.

I'll make Caterpie evolve in a sequel...

Also, I'm thinking of changing it from Prolouge, in to 'Introduction' or something like that (Introduction: What this story is about).

So any ideas? And nothing about how long the chapters are!