Love and Friendship- Pearlshipping

[Pidgeot]

Chapter One
Never Say No



Welcome to the land of Kanto! This is the place where many pokemon trainers started their journey. Kanto was the first fully developed region- 151 known pokemon species lived there.

10 year old Ash Ketchum lived in the town of Pallet, north of Cinnaber Island, home of a rather mysterious pokemon. Another 10 year old, a girl named Dawn, was moving to Pallet Town with her mother today.

Dawn closed the door behind her, saying goodbye to her mother. She stroked her birthday present, a Piplup, and then put him on her shoulder. "Next up- Professor Oak's lab! You happy, Piplup?" Piplup smiled. "Okay, let's get my starter pokemon!" Dawn got on her bike, and started cycling down a hill. She had no idea what was up for her,

Meanwhile, Ash Ketchum was strolling at the bottom of the hill. He, unlike Dawn, did not have a pokemon yet, and would get his pokemon at the lab. "I hope I'm late." Ash thought nervously. "If I am late, I won't be able to get my pokemon." Ash continued past the hill, just a bike crashed into him. "Hey! Do you mind?"

"Oh my gosh! I am so, so sorry!" Dawn ran over to Ash, kneeling down with Ash. "Did you break anything?"

"No- there's nothing serious. You don't have to be sorry- I forgive you." Ash stood up confidentally. "So, what's your name? Mine's Ash Ketchum."

"I'm Dawn, and this is my Piplup. I'm going over to Professor Oak's lab."

"I'm going there as well. You want to come with me?"

"Okay." Dawn followed Ash down the path. "So what are you going to do there?"

"I'm going to get my starter pokemon." An open-roof car drove past, with loads of cheerleaders in it. A boy came out of it. "Look- that's Gary."

Gary opened the door and got out of the car. "Oh, look who it is- Ash Ketchum, international loser. If you're gonna get a pokemon, I've already got one. There won't be any there when you get there."

"What pokemon did you get?" Dawn asked.

"Humph. Why should I tell you? See ya, losers!" Gary got in the car, and it drove off.

"That guy's always gave me the creeps." Ash said to Dawn. "Okay, let's head to the lab! Let's go!"

Five minutes later...

Ash opened the door, with Dawn following him. They walked straight into a room with shelves of pokeballs, and tables with books scattered all over them. Ash noticed the pokeballs. He walked over to a triangular table, with a pokeball in the middle. "Here's a pokemon. I think there's a Pikachu in it."

"Pikachu? I didn't know you could choose that." Dawn heard a door open. "Gah! Someones here!"

An old man with white hair walked in."What the hell do you think you're doing? This is my lab! So you're the poketheif!"

"What? We're not! We're not!" Dawn shouted.

"Hmm... I guess I'd better believe you. What do you two want, anyway?"

"I really want a pokemon... I 'm going to be a trainer, but I need a pokemon first." Ash replied.

"Well, take this pokemon." Professor Oak handed Ash a pokeball. "It's not an actual starter- it's Pikachu. But you can still keep it!"

"Thanks! We'll be going then. C'mon, Dawn!" Ash and Dawn opened the door, and then walked out.

Professor Oak checked the shelves. He noticed something. "Gah! Kangaskhan... it's escaped!"


Next time... Chapter Two: The Search for Kangaskhan

 

[White Len]

While I don't see many grammatical/spelling mistakes, I will nitpick about how Professor Oak "believed" them about not being thieves. I mean, who would think that two kids holding your Poké Balls (wow, that sounds gross) weren't thieves? Especially since there was only one explanation from Dawn, which was, uh...

"What? We're not! We're not!" Dawn shouted.

Right, so why do you have my Pokémon in your hands?

*continues nitpicking* From what I know, Professor Oak isn't the least bit gullible. I don't think anyone in their right mind would respond with

Hmm... I guess I'd better believe you. What do you two want, anyway?

And besides, it was a great chance to create some form of plot in the first chapter, rather than just introducing the characters. If you want me to nitpick somemore...well...

Nitpicking hidden due to length

Spoiler

Gary opened the door and got out of the car. "Oh, look who it is- Ash Ketchum, international loser. If you're gonna get a pokemon, I've already got one. There won't be any there when you get there."

"What pokemon did you get?" Dawn asked.

"Humph. Why should I tell you? See ya, losers!" Gary got in the car, and it drove off.

Gary was there for like a second. What was the point? You might as well cut him out and place him later, it won't make any difference. It would be better to leave Gary in the car, open the window, let him spout out an insult, then close the window and drive off. It would make more sense because it would convey the message that Gary was "too busy/popular/gay to talk to Ash", which suits his character.

Only one more thing to say. If Dawn already has a Piplup, why does she need to pop down to Oak's lab to get a starter?

Oh, you never know when I might come across a cute boy in a cap who wants a Pikachu at the lab.

/sarcasm.

Nitpicking ends here

So yeah, mostly plotholes. Otherwise, it's quite okay for a first chapter, but you could have more plot so as to hook the reader in.

 

[Legacy]

not a bad start...perhaps try to make the chapters a little longer, but i like the beginning

 

[C7CACorncas12]

Uh, wow. It looks like Ash and Dawn are getting along well already, and this is just the beginning of their journey through Kanto. Ash now has a new Pikachu, while Dawn's Piplup sits in its Poké Ball, ready to help its trainer if there's trouble anywhere. I wonder how Ash and Dawn will handle that escaped Kangaskhan once they encounter it...

 

[Pidgeot]

Umm....I have sort of decided to abandon this. if anyone wants to continue this, you are free to. I am now thinking of a new fancfiction which will be miles better, and I will post the synopsis in my blog.