EVERYONE: - Complete Maid! (EVERYONE)

[Midorikawa]

So this is a super short story I wrote back in December 2009 while bored in Spanish class. So...review please if you read.

It started when she ran away from home. Her family was rich, she the first born. She hated it. When she was in trouble we helped her, so she begged to be allowed to pay us back. Now she is our maid. She is beautiful, sweet, gentle, and perfect like an angel. I thought that I could not stand it. The day started with one word yelled by me.

"Maid!"

"Yes, my lord," her perfect voice responded to me as she came to attend my needs. I thought I hated it.

"My room is dirty, clean it."

" Yes, my lord."

I watched as she cleaned. I leaning against my doorway. Her outfit was too short, it disgusted me. All I could think about was how she should not be exposed like that.

When she was done, "Maid!"

"Yes, my lord," her answer for everything. I was neutral about it.

"Make us lunch."

"Yes, my lord."

I watched her cook and make us plates.

"Eat," I ordered, so she did. I thought I hated how she did everything I told her.

"Maid, do these dishes," I told her when we were done.

"Yes, my lord."

When she finished washing, I gave her yet another order. "Maid! Watch a movie with me," and so she did.

After the movie we both rose off of the couch.

"Maid," I said. "Do you love me?" I asked. I do not know what came over me or why I asked, I just did. She turned and looked at me in the eyes, and I the same.

"Yes, my lord," the words she always said.

"Maid. You will marry me."

"Yes my lord," and then a smile that I have only seen when we accepted her begging, a beautiful perfect smile, spread across her lips. I then pressed mine against hers, and in that moment I knew that all I thought was wrong, in fact it was the opposite of my true feelings. I wanted her, and only her. I loved her and always will, and still do.

 

[Flaze]

Well, when you said short you were being really honest. Now I understand that this was something you wrote a long time ago from your introduction, regardless I'll still review it as it is.

The idea itself is pretty interesting, as a full story I can see this as some kind of love story between a master and his maid. Of course it being so short it all moves kind of fast, and the conclusion itself comes a bit too quickly. However, as a short story it accomplishes what it has to do, it isn't supposed to be something long or dragged out and you were able to introduce your character's train of thought and feelings very well and I was honestly interested. A little bit more description would help here and there though.

Overall it was good, and I hope I can see some of your more recent work soon.